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Break up support thread

(1000 Posts)
TinselAndKnickers Sun 28-Jul-19 22:11:49

Anyone else going through a breakup?

I'm a week into it. It was nearly 4 years together and it's ended because we lost communication and we just can't do it anymore, it's not the right time. He's said never say never and we've done the stuff swap over so I know I have to accept it and move on. But we love each other and have a lot of respect, so the goodbye was very hard to do. We might reconnect in future but for now we're NC.

Anyone else want a pity party/support thread?grin

TinselAndKnickers Mon 29-Jul-19 10:27:44

Pity party for one then blush

Tafelberg Mon 29-Jul-19 10:32:56

I am - just happened this weekend (I initiated it). Very different circumstances to you but still painful and difficult - so I thought I would post just to say I know how shit it is but also that it will get better for both of us. NC is definitely the way forward, it's the only way I've ever found to properly be able to focus on yourself and heal. Good luck and be kind to yourself flowers

TinselAndKnickers Mon 29-Jul-19 11:31:11

Thank you - I hope you are okay. How are you finding it? thanks

Tafelberg Mon 29-Jul-19 11:37:38

Weird is the only word I can use. I'm stuck in a bit of limbo at the moment and don't think the full reality of it all has hit me yet. Even though it was my decision, it's still awful - I'm not sleeping well, keep being hit by waves of guilt and sadness and doubt and my ex (god that's the first time I've said/written that) is having a hard time accepting it which is making it all a thousand times worse. I know it will get better, though, so just trying to take it a day at a time, as cliched as that sounds.

How about you? Have you got plenty of support sources around you?

Jonsnowsghost Mon 29-Jul-19 11:54:54

Can I join the pity party? I'm 5/6 weeks in though. I have a thread somewhere but basically my DP cheated on me, blamed me then left me for her so i am left very confused and upset as i had no idea he would do this sort of thing, I trusted him completely and thought we were happy but he claims he wasnt 'that happy' and felt like I wasnt close (although we did everything together and spoke constantly when we weren't together). But he gave me no indication of these things - I knew something was up after the cheating as his tone changed instantly so I would've known if something was up before then.

I know he's a scumbag but I miss him so much. I find weekends very hard as he would normally be with me and I know he's with her sad
I still want to talk to him all the time but I'm currently on day 17 since the last time we spoke so that is good.

My current frustration with him (which makes me sound like a teenager) is that he's now posting instagram stories of what they get up to, which he has literally never done before and its confusing me, I can't work out whether he's that insecure in the relationship that he's having to prove a point or whether he's just doing it to wind me up (I've stopped watching them too so another win to me). Although if I post one he always watches it really quickly.

Anyway, I have just got out my moans and joining in feeling sorry for myself. I'm doing better but it's tough when it's so sudden and in such a horrible way when you were planning the future!

TinselAndKnickers Mon 29-Jul-19 12:23:49

It is awful isn't it, the waves of emotions are so hard to deal with! I'm letting myself have this next week moping around then getting on with it. Even though it was mutual and the best thing for now it's still rubbish.

Jonsnow that's heartbreaking and I bet it's harder because there's nothing you did wrong it's just him being a dick. It's like you never knew him at all! God my ex is the same with a sudden need to be active on Instagram when he never was before. Be strong and don't talk to him!! You're doing so well.

I agree that it's scary calling them an ex - doesn't feel real.

GMB2000 Mon 29-Jul-19 12:38:14

Can I join. Ended last night, initiated by me. I finally reached my tether with his emotional bullying. We have a 2 yr old and a house together however so no contact isn’t an option. Most the time I’m quite happy it’s over then the doubt creeps in and I wonder if I’m doing the right thing. Just trying to remember all the reasons I ended it to stop going mad!

Jonsnowsghost Mon 29-Jul-19 12:55:13

He wouldn't even come and talk to me, it was all over text which was awful as he was taking so long to reply to me it was like he was sitting there thinking of another excuse as to why it was all my fault. But that's just what it is, excuses, I don't believe he really felt that way he's just had his head turned by someone more "exciting". He has the hollywood version of what relationships should be like - sparks flying all the time etc when in reality the longevity comes from being loved, friendship, being able to be completely comfortable and being loyal. Which he cant see as he doesn't want that, he wants fireworks.
Well their relationship has been built on rocky foundations so they deserve each other (she knew about me).
But it is so hard, I think all the time about what I could've done differently even though I know it's not my fault. The instagram stuff is like hes mocking me (I am going to delete him soon!). Honestly we did so much, he even used to get up at 6am to come to my hobby - outside normally in the cold! - with me which if you really felt as he was saying you just wouldn't do. I cant get my head around it, he's not who I thought he was.

TinselAndKnickers Mon 29-Jul-19 13:25:53

That's exactly what you've got to do GMB but it's so hard when it's fresh.

Jonsnow I can relate to that. The sooner they realise the grass is only greener where you water it, it will hit them!

I love my ex and I would like things to work but atm it's not right. I miss him so much sad

Jonsnowsghost Mon 29-Jul-19 13:50:54

I would want him to come back too sad even though the trust was broken. I'm sure I won't further down the line but at the moment it's still very raw. Hope you're doing ok smile

Humanswarm Mon 29-Jul-19 14:01:36

I'm not yet bit anticipate being pretty soon. 11 years married, I just feel like I can't anymore. Hes not the person I married, and I have mourned tajt already. I think I am numb am I here? In this situation?

TinselAndKnickers Mon 29-Jul-19 14:11:05

Jon you deserve better than that.

Human that's a shame - however if you've come to terms with it already it may be easier. Here if you need us!

Jonsnowsghost Mon 29-Jul-19 14:42:06

It's hard to tell yourself that you deserve better though!
Crazy how you can miss someone who was such an arse. But we had a good relationship up until then and that's what I'm grieving

Daisydoo8 Mon 29-Jul-19 15:08:30

Please let me join the pity party. Dumped mine yesterday, see yesterdays dump or not thread. Feel so sick and sad but he is a complete dickhead and I know he is scum. Just feel very lonely.

Jonsnowsghost Mon 29-Jul-19 15:33:48

Welcome to the party! I felt so sick afterwards that I didnt eat for 2 weeks. I'm still living off around 500 calories a day but I'm starting to feel hungry around meal times again so making improvements all the time.
We can all feel lonely together smile

Daisydoo8 Mon 29-Jul-19 15:38:49

Hi Jonsnowghost, just need to get through day one and so on I suppose. Havent seen anyone all day.... but the house is clean. Hate this feeling, but unfortunately I'm not the only one. So glad this site is here.

TinselAndKnickers Mon 29-Jul-19 16:09:31

I hate this feeling too and can't really eat. Well done for having the courage to dump him. We will get there, still early days thanks

Jonsnowsghost Mon 29-Jul-19 17:09:53

I've just muted his Instagram and unfollowed on Facebook so whilst we're still technically friends on them I dont have to see his posts. A big step! It'll take a lot of willpower not to go for a nosey though.

It is a horrible feeling and for me I want his relationship to massively fail so then he can realise what I'm feeling, but he'll have two relationships to grieve for as there was no gap so it'll be worse for him

herbsmokedchicken Mon 29-Jul-19 17:16:37

Oh hello I’ll join! I have a thread going but would prefer to talk in a group. I’m 8 days in, we had only been together for 10 months but it was a first relationship for both of us (despite being in our late 20s (him) and early 30s (me)) so it got really intense really fast - in hindsight it was the sort of relationship most people have in their late teens but we did it a bit late. We genuinely thought we would be together forever but he fell out of love with me. In hindsight, whilst I do think he loved me, I don’t think he was ever really “in love” with me, I think it was infatuation. I’m absolutely gutted though. I miss him so much. I really thought I’d found the one, we were so good together. I’ve also been off my food, which as an overweight emotional eater is bizarre for me - nothing ever normally puts me off my food! But appetite starting to come back now so want to make sure I don’t go the other way and start binging.

Jonsnowsghost Mon 29-Jul-19 17:26:33

Hello Herb! Welcome to the pity party, we're all miserable here. It's not nice is it sad

herbsmokedchicken Mon 29-Jul-19 17:27:31

Part of me still can’t quite believe it, and part of me was always expecting it. After being single basically all of my life, almost no attention from anyone, basically resigned to being single all my life, I couldn’t believe it when I finally found someone. and my fear was always that he would fall out of love with me. And he did. How am I supposed to find someone else now? And how am I supposed to trust it won’t just happen again? Not that I’m going to attempt any time soon, all I want right now is him.

herbsmokedchicken Mon 29-Jul-19 17:29:01

This time last year I had a massive crush on him and was so desperate for him to be mine. And now I’m somehow in the same fucking situation as I was before. I feel like just been plonked back right where I was.

TinselAndKnickers Mon 29-Jul-19 17:35:41

We were fine before and we'll be fine after! The shit part is that only time can help and there's no way to skip it unfortunately

herbsmokedchicken Mon 29-Jul-19 17:37:10

@TinselAndKnickers I know and it’s so frustrating! I know I’ll be OK, the difference from last Monday to now is proof of that, but I hate this. Allowed myself to wallow last week but trying to keep busy this week!

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