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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Break up support thread

999 replies

TinselAndKnickers · 28/07/2019 22:11

Anyone else going through a breakup?

I'm a week into it. It was nearly 4 years together and it's ended because we lost communication and we just can't do it anymore, it's not the right time. He's said never say never and we've done the stuff swap over so I know I have to accept it and move on. But we love each other and have a lot of respect, so the goodbye was very hard to do. We might reconnect in future but for now we're NC.

Anyone else want a pity party/support thread?

OP posts:

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ashleighsmilie88 · 30/07/2019 00:29

Room for one more 😢

This break up is probably for the best, it's quite recent, we have a 3 year old and I'm having our second baby on Saturday at only 37 weeks ☹️

Never felt so stressed before and worrying constantly, he's also said he can't wait for me to go and would happily have me leave right now but said I can't take LO if I do.

Yes, he is a twat!

MummyMcCracken · 30/07/2019 00:36

I’m trying to work out the legalities of maintenance. I haven’t had any contact with him since he left so not sure how to go about that. I’m just so angry now, angry that he’s messed my whole life up and DS’s. I’m angry at myself that I’ve done this too, I just don’t know how I didn’t see it coming.

TinselAndKnickers · 30/07/2019 01:01

So sorry Ashleigh. When your baby comes you will have so much more love in your life you will wonder why you ever needed that twat!

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user1497863568 · 30/07/2019 03:08

Yes, it will have been 20 years of marriage this October. He told me he doesn't want to be with me anymore after I confronted him about a 27 year old at work that he's been seeing a lot of (on the pretext she has specific knowledge for an app he has been building). I am 43 in September. Said our entire twenty year marriage was a sham. It's pretty tough.

user1497863568 · 30/07/2019 03:12

We've been together since I was 19.

Jonsnowsghost · 30/07/2019 06:00

Every morning I wake up and remember that he's gone :( still so tempted to make contact but need to be strong.

Daisydoo8 · 30/07/2019 07:32

Jonsnowsghost, I'm here feeling the same.Get through one day at a time is apparently the way ahead. Cant even think what to do though.

Sadkitten · 30/07/2019 07:39

Also joining in. 9 days in after 9 years together. He’s already got together with his pretty work colleague. I’m so broken. He only moved out yesterday so waking up alone just now feels shocking. I know I was partly to blame and am full of regrets. Hate this.

Daisydoo8 · 30/07/2019 07:41

Depressed with him and depressed without him, shit really. I know I will get better without him but no chance with.

Jonsnowsghost · 30/07/2019 07:58

Oh sadkitten, 9 days in and already with someone else? What a twat. I know how you're feeling. I will never understand how people can treat other people this way.

GMB2000 · 30/07/2019 10:15

I was feeling a bit blergh last night, then reminded myself that for the first 3 months of DS’s life my EXP slept in a different room so that DS didn’t wake him up....... not sad anymore. Just keep reminding yourself of their crap ladies!

herbsmokedchicken · 30/07/2019 10:24

I woke up feeling very sad but it’s 10.25 yet and I haven’t cried yet so...progress?

Jonsnowsghost · 30/07/2019 10:44

Definitely progress :) I have ups and downs, and I definitely don't cry as much as I did but for example on saturday night I was feeling so lonely and sad about it all I cried for about two hours. It comes and goes.

herbsmokedchicken · 30/07/2019 10:51

It’s weird, I can’t imagine being with anyone else, but part of me wants to get back on the dating apps even tho I know I’m nowhere near ready. I think it’s because I just want to feel wanted again. I’m not going to actually do it though.

TinselAndKnickers · 30/07/2019 12:08

I agree it comes and goes but it's good to remember bad things too. It's so weird how men process it differently.

One thing I read from reading successful stories of people being happy again, is to cut hope. So stop thinking "magically we will end up together" even if you want that, you have to just accept that it's OVER. I think I'm nearly there and I'm now at the angry stage of the break up! God it goes so fast.

OP posts:

herbsmokedchicken · 30/07/2019 12:10

I’m definitely trying to cut hope! It’s hard though! But when I catch myself daydreaming about it, I make myself stop and think about something else.

MummyMcCracken · 30/07/2019 13:08

I’m waking up every morning with this horrible sinking feeling. I love DS but I’m so angry that I’ve been left to deal with everything on my own and he’s off with someone else completely care free

TinselAndKnickers · 30/07/2019 15:03

Hope you're all doing okay

OP posts:

Jonsnowsghost · 30/07/2019 17:34

I've decided to give a friend my holiday (not even going to ask if he wants it back, I refuse to have him and his new girlfriend go on a holiday I organised) and I'm going to go off and do something I've always wanted to do instead - trail horse riding in Canada! Going to cost a fortune but I'm so excited (plus he loves Canada so any opportunity to make him super jealous!)

herbsmokedchicken · 30/07/2019 17:42

Oh how exciting! Good plan!

herbsmokedchicken · 30/07/2019 17:57

Haven’t cried yet today! My eyes welled up at one point but that’s about it. Still have a general underlying feeling of sadness though. And my appetite is definitely back - I’m going to have to really watch myself to make sure I don’t start binge eating.

TinselAndKnickers · 30/07/2019 18:19

That's incredible! Well done you. My ex told me to go on our holiday (we booked it 2 weeks ago.... for a weeks time!) but I made him give me the money I'd lose out on. Not being mugged off then down in cash too.

I'm past the crying and begging it to be over stage now. I'm full on fuming at the way he's acted! Definitely got grass is greener syndrome. Ducking wanker.

OP posts:

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Jonsnowsghost · 30/07/2019 18:50

I've written off the cash, which is annoying, but we booked it in March so I've kind of forgotten about it! Looking forward to my trip though :)
Planning it has taken my mind of him so that's helped, plus two big rants today about him. I still miss him but I'm getting angry now.

Jonsnowsghost · 30/07/2019 18:51

And yes to grass is greener syndrome!!! Although sitting there watching my Instagram stories within a couple of hours (even when he was at a festival with her!) Makes me think that he can't quite let go yet...

herbsmokedchicken · 30/07/2019 18:55

No anger for me yet! Just started crying. Just hits me anew that the lovely life we were building together is over.

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