Break up support thread

[TinselAndKnickers]

Anyone else going through a breakup?

I'm a week into it. It was nearly 4 years together and it's ended because we lost communication and we just can't do it anymore, it's not the right time. He's said never say never and we've done the stuff swap over so I know I have to accept it and move on. But we love each other and have a lot of respect, so the goodbye was very hard to do. We might reconnect in future but for now we're NC.

Anyone else want a pity party/support thread?

[MummyMcCracken]

Is anyone else finding it hard being in the house alone?. I can’t sleep at night and I’m constantly on edge. He’s truly messed up my life. Still no messages from him. I’ve even tried to contact his parents and they’ve just said they don’t want to get involved, it’s their grandchild FFS!. I think my son is realising daddy isn’t coming back, he’s slept in my bed with me lately and is really clinging to me. I’ve decided today is the day I stop moping and get everything together, I’ll be contacting ex telling him that he needs to call me back and arrange maintenance, changing his name on everything and making sure everything is in my name and then seeing if I can get some extra help for DS.

[herbsmokedchicken]

jonsnow we were the same, we have both agreed we moved way too fast in hindsight but it was what felt right at the time...

McCracken I live with DM so not the same but I can imagine that must be awful. What an absolute turd he is, you and your poor son hopefully taking action will help you feel better

[Jonsnowsghost]

I know what you mean about it feeling right, yeah it may have been too fast but it didnt feel like it at all. I just hate that he's now doing that with her instead. My friends say it's just convenience and hes just filling the gap but in my head they just have this great romance and they're so totally into each other that they spend all their time together. I know it's just in my head but I can't help feeling it's true.

I live on my own so it is extra hard

[herbsmokedchicken]

It’s just horrible, last night I tried to imagine going on a date and all I could imagine was sitting there the whole time thinking about how they don’t stack up to my ex.

[Jonsnowsghost]

I've been thinking that too but it's way too early days. The last thing he said was i needed to move on and let him go which he was clearly just saying to alleviate his guilt for moving on so quickly. I said how could I possibly quickly move on from something like this?! Its true, it will take a long time to recover as it was such a shock, out of the blue thing when I was all happy and loved up.

[herbsmokedchicken]

Yup this time last month, he was starting to examine his feelings but I had no idea anything was wrong and I thought we were still so happy.

[herbsmokedchicken]

Ugh just can’t help hoping he’ll change his mind even though I know it would probably not work because I’d just be so scared of him changing his mind again

[Jonsnowsghost]

I didnt know anything was wrong and tbh I dont think he did either until he had to think of excuses. I think back to the two days before when he was at mine and he was acting perfectly normally, laughing and joking etc. If he was feeling unhappy he wouldnt have been :( same with not saying anything when he had the opportunity the weekend before. I try not to over analyse but it's so hard

[HollyDollyLolly]

I’m struggling today - he’s been trying to string me along to ‘talk’ next week.
I said don’t drag it out - and he’s said well that’s it then. Heart broken doesn’t cut it.

[herbsmokedchicken]

Yes it’s hard not to overanalyse it all. I just hate it

[herbsmokedchicken]

Even though I know I’m not ready, I keep getting tempted to re-join all the dating sites. I just don’t want to be alone again.

[TinselAndKnickers]

I'm not too arsed about being alone. I was happy enough before! I just miss my bestie. Feeling sad today I wish he'd just come back.

[Jade74]

I agree it's so hard to move on get over it then learn to trust again. Mine is complicated and he s a nice person which makes it worse. When you know they are an arse hole in some ways can be easier but NC is def the best way to go as hard as it is . I'm in my 40 s and feel disheartened in general with relationships giving your all being let down then keep trying I wonder why we bother anyone any suggestions?

[herbsmokedchicken]

I was alone for 16 years and I thought I would be fine being alone if I didn’t find someone, but then I did find someone and the thought of being alone again is horrible but I don’t actually want anyone except him right now. Especially as he’s not a horrible person and hasn’t been horrible, he just fell out of love with me and didn’t want to live a lie.

[herbsmokedchicken]

He just texted me to ask how I’m doing, I said not great, he said he’s sorry to hear that, he’s doing ok but keeping busy and trying not to dwell on it. It was nice of him to check in on me but does confirm that yeah he ain’t gonna change his mind. Which I guess is good for me to see.

[TinselAndKnickers]

Go NC!! Not even to reply. Need to let him miss you.

[herbsmokedchicken]

Yeah I have said to him I think it is better if we don’t speak again for a while. I do hope we can be friends again, but I’m no where near ready for that.

[Jonsnowsghost]

I think NC works, I've also gone quiet posting on my own social media. Hopefully to give him a chance to miss me (obviously when he has a quiet 5 mins not talking or being with her ) I'd like to think deep down he does miss me a bit.

[herbsmokedchicken]

It’s just so bloody horrible. Logically I know I’ll feel better and better and one day I’ll feel ready to find someone new but right now I can’t imagine being with anyone except him (to be fair, I’ve never actually been with anyone except him which probably doesn’t help)

[TinselAndKnickers]

I just want him to come back & it's hitting me that he isn't going to. There isn't going to be a magical reunion, he isn't going to come back and beg for me, he's going to move on. And I don't want that to happen having a weak moment tonight.

[Jenasaurus]

Am I too late to join I finished with my ex after 6 years. He was emotional abusive in the end following love bombing to get me hooked. I’ve ended it before but something has always happened that made us get back I. Touch like our mums dying 2 days apart etc. We turn to each other for comfort then the relationship disinter-grates all over again. I went NC since May and was doing so well then I had a cancer scare and spoke to him and the we met up and he started telling me acout this holiday he’s going on with this woman from work. And so the pIn begins again. When will I ever learn. I am 54 not 14. So today is the start of NC all over again.

[chocolateandcash]

Is it normal for different emotions to come in waves? I am on day 4 no contact with him and yesterday I was feeling pretty good, I kind of thought "I've got this". Today I am in sooooo much pain it is overwhelming and I literally had to really, really restrain myself for a while tonight not to text him declaring how heartbroken I was.

Was only with him for 3 months so it's actually pretty laughable that I feel this awful.

[TinselAndKnickers]

@Jenasaurus well done for finally leaving his shitty cycle, it takes a lot of strength. 

@chocolateandcash I am very much the same - also day 4 NC and it already feels like it's been a month! Wish it would hurry up and skip the part where I'm fine.

[herbsmokedchicken]

You can do it Jenasaurus!

@TinselAndKnickers I’m the same, I want him to come back so much and it’s clear from our brief conversation today that whilst he’s still sad it ended and missing me, he does not think he made a mistake. But it’s coming up to Friday and another weekend of not having our lovely weekend routine. Will try and find myself something to do but i know I’ll still be thinking about it. I miss him but I’m also just going to miss having someone to cuddle up to.