Break up support thread

[TinselAndKnickers]

Anyone else going through a breakup?

I'm a week into it. It was nearly 4 years together and it's ended because we lost communication and we just can't do it anymore, it's not the right time. He's said never say never and we've done the stuff swap over so I know I have to accept it and move on. But we love each other and have a lot of respect, so the goodbye was very hard to do. We might reconnect in future but for now we're NC.

Anyone else want a pity party/support thread?

[herbsmokedchicken]

I just hate to think that he is probably feeling fine now. I don’t think he is missing me or missing hearing from me. That’s not to say he wouldn’t be happy to hear from me or see me, but he no longer wants to spend all his time with me like he did. I bet he’s barely thought of me at all.

[Jonsnowsghost]

I know that feeling. He hasn't had a chance to miss me at all because he has someone new to take his mind off it. He has to text all day, to talk to and see at the weekends. Zero thought to me whatsoever. He wouldn't even be happy to hear from me or speak to me at all as he has a new distraction and it's all so exciting

[TinselAndKnickers]

Mine's bloody uploading pictures and following as many girls as he can by the looks of things. Desperate bastard.

[herbsmokedchicken]

I know my ex doesn’t have someone new, but I just don’t think he’s fussed at all about not having me. Whereas I just still can’t accept that what we had is over. I’ll be ok but right now it still hurts so much.

[Jonsnowsghost]

I've muted mine on instagram so I dont see his posts/stories and also unfollowed on facebook. Can't quite delete yet but at least I'd have to go looking at his profiles which I am absolutely not doing!

[TinselAndKnickers]

I'm obsessed with stalking shouldn't but oh well. Just hoping he regrets all this and comes crawling back, by which point I can tell him to fuck off. Completely changed in a week.

[herbsmokedchicken]

@TinselAndKnickers yes I’ve just gone back and read your first few posts, quite a dramatic change! I’m feeling truly shit this evening now. I was just so fucking happy and I know this is such a common scenario lol, getting dumped happens to almost everyone, but it’s just so hard to understand how we can go from being so happy to him not wanting to be with me anymore. It’s just so unfair. I was lonely for so long but when I found him we connected so well, the years alone seemed worth it to find him and now he’s gone.

[TinselAndKnickers]

I feel the same. But now he's acting different. Cba!!!!

[herbsmokedchicken]

Crying is done and back to just generally feeling low. I hate this because I know it’ll pass and I’m only a week and a bit in but I just want to fucking be over it already.

[TinselAndKnickers]

I feel the same.


PISSING ME OFFFFF how time is a healer but I can't fast forward

[herbsmokedchicken]

Yes it’s so frustrating! Like I KNOW I will get over him and look back on what a lovely relationship we had and what it’s taught me for my next relationship. Logically I know that. But all I can think of right now is how much I miss him and how I can’t imagine being with anyone else.

[ChickenTikkaTellMeWhatsWrong]

Can I join please. My break-up has been just over a year now, we were together 15 year and 2DC's. He kept me on a string for months after we split, so it doesn't feel like a year at all. He used to call me horrible names and criticized me alot, even though I did absolutely everything (mug).
He has a girlfriend now of about 6-7 months, I haven't handled things well, I was so upset at the thought of him loving someone else. They're going on holiday in October with her DCs and ours too, and it was hard to stomach as we never went abroad in the 15 years we were together.
The family part of it was the worst, thinking of them all spending the day together. Family and friends said I should relax and enjoy the time alone, but that made it worse and I was dreading them going away as I know i would be overthinking alot.
However, there is a slight light at the end of the tunnel, I was due to start university to become a children's nurse in January, but the uni emailed and asked if I want to start in September, I said yes and think it might be a blessing, as I'll be busy in uni while they are away. I also introduced myself to my ex's girlfriend, and I'm slowly getting over the hurdle. It's still hard thinking about events coming up, such as christmas and family events, but I know I'm happy, I'm just not right there yet.
I find focusing on the worst parts of your relationship really helps, I made a list and looked at it everytime I felt sad.

[TinselAndKnickers]

That's so heartbreaking. Well done you for throwing yourself into something! In a year's time you will look back and be so proud of yourself

Some men are absolute bastards.

[herbsmokedchicken]

Trying to focus on the worst parts of our relationship but it wasn’t very long so really only had irritating things...he doesn’t exfoliate his nose, it was all rough and had dry skin, really annoyed me. We would watch an episode of something or a film and then he would almost never ask me if I actually wanted to watch something else, he would just turn the TV off. If he didn’t want to do something, we didn’t do it - those last two make him sound controlling, he wasn’t, but I never told him I didn’t like it so I don’t think he knew. But it annoyed me. Erm...that’s all I can think of. I’m sure once we had actually started living together more things would have come to light.

[herbsmokedchicken]

After my crying fit earlier I’ve gone back to feeling mostly OK with underlying sadness. Times like this I can appreciate that it was probably always destined to be a short, intense relationship. It taught us both a lot about how to be with someone. I’ll crash tomorrow probably and be devastated again.
He will struggle to find someone else I think. I’m not saying that in a boastful way or a smug way at all, but he’s even more introverted than me and had had even worse luck on dating sites than I had. I think he will probably end up wishing he wasn’t too honest to carry on a relationship when his heart wasn’t in it - i think quite a lot of men in his situation would have stuck with it. We still get on incredibly well, he admitted he was still attracted to me, and as I said, he’ll struggle to find someone else. But it was the right thing to do. Just wish he hadn’t had to do it.
I do like these calm, thoughtful interludes in between all the crying and talking to myself.

[TinselAndKnickers]

I can relate to the sudden calmness. Today I'm a bit sad again but also angry. I can't see us being friends for a while

[herbsmokedchicken]

Yeah today I am sad. I can’t quite remember it but think I had a dream we were together.
I genuinely hope we will be friends again one day as we were friends before but I’m not ready for that yet.
No anger for me yet! I may not even get angry to be fair but I know it can be a stage of grief. Just want to get to acceptance.

[Jonsnowsghost]

Just feeling a bit down today knowing that he will never want to see me again and that he is happy with someone else :( I really do miss him a lot.

[TinselAndKnickers]

Feeling a bit crushed today actually. I just want him to message me begging. But he won't

My birthday's about a month away and I think that will be the first time we have contact. Seems a long way away.

[Sadkitten]

Crushed is how I'm feeling too. I feel like I'm getting worse not better. I'm so unbelievably sad, depressed and anxious. Have barely eaten in 11 days and can't sleep. I feel like I'm actually going mad. And I miss him terribly and have so many regrets about things I cold have changed/done better (I'm told all this is normal but it's unbearable).

[herbsmokedchicken]

Yeah I want my ex to message me but I know he won’t and I know even if he did it probably wouldn’t work anyway now. I am friends with a couple who split cos they weren’t emotionally ready to be settle down and then a year later got back together and have been happy ever since. If I absolutely can’t stop myself imagining us getting back together, I imagine a scenario like that as if I imagine anything immediate, it’ll hurt more when it inevitably doesn’t happen.
It’s his birthday on Sunday, I was so looking forward to it. I’d planned some amazing presents (luckily hadn’t bought them) and was looking forward to spoiling him.

[herbsmokedchicken]

@Sadkitten it’s frustrating isn’t it? You know this is what is going to happen, you know it’s normal, you know you’ll get through it...but that doesn’t help us RIGHT NOW when we are sat here feeling like shit. Even when I feel ok, there’s just a constant feeling of sadness and that something is missing.

[Jonsnowsghost]

Herbsmoked yes exactly, it's not helpful now! And I know what you mean about the hope that it could work out eventually, its heartbreaking isn't it

[herbsmokedchicken]

Yeah it’s just hard to understand how we could be so happy and then suddenly it’s over. There’s no external factor, there’s only whatever has gone on in his subconscious to make his feelings change. And it just hurts so much.

[TinselAndKnickers]

We're in the same position such a switch up and I don't know what's changed.

I'm the same with imagining stuff that I could have changed, should have done etc.. I know in the future I'll be fine but it's fucking shit now love him so much and he couldn't give less of a fuck.