Break up support thread

[TinselAndKnickers]

Anyone else going through a breakup?

I'm a week into it. It was nearly 4 years together and it's ended because we lost communication and we just can't do it anymore, it's not the right time. He's said never say never and we've done the stuff swap over so I know I have to accept it and move on. But we love each other and have a lot of respect, so the goodbye was very hard to do. We might reconnect in future but for now we're NC.

Anyone else want a pity party/support thread?

[Jonsnowsghost]

Yes his communication is rubbish however then I think, but what if this new relationship is much better than ours and he doesn't have a reason to moan or say anything. My thoughts are my worst enemy.

[herbsmokedchicken]

I’m going for after work drinks today, and the place we are going to is where we went for our second to last meal out and I know that sounds like an arduous connection, especially as this is a small town and there aren’t many places to go so I’m always coming across places we’ve been together, but this one does feel sad - I had been feeling a bit paranoid the couple of days before as I felt like he had been off with me in texts. Knowing what I know now, he probably had been as it’s around when his feelings started to change. But I didn’t know that at the time and I just remember how relieved I felt when it seemed like everything was fine after all. And now I’m so sad coz I was wrong, and we had less than a month left together. Aaaargh. Hitting me all over again.

[Mumcomehere]

@jonsnowsghost

I'm the same, I also imagine all sorts, but he will moan and that wont be your problem anymore.

I wish we could all meet up

[Jonsnowsghost]

He won't moan, he'll just silently think it in his head!! Until, as he said to me, "it all imploded in the worst way" yeah you're not kidding...
Honestly I miss him so much but he was such a tit.

[Jonsnowsghost]

You'd think someone at 34 who'd been in a relationship for a year and a half would be able to talk about any problems 🙄

[herbsmokedchicken]

Ugh sucks doesn’t it! I see why A kept his fading feelings to himself as he didn’t want to cause pain and hoped they would come back but if he had said sooner, could we have fixed it? Could I have reassured him everyone feels that way sometimes (so many people have said that to me) and doesn’t necessarily mean we are over? By the time he broke up with me his mind was made up but maybe it could have been different.

Or maybe it would have been the same. We’ll never know

[MissYeti]

@Jonsnowsghost I was with my ex for 6 years and he still didn't learn how to bring up any issues he had

Guess that's why I had no idea the break up was coming until it happened

[Jonsnowsghost]

Honestly if he had told me there was a problem I would have done my utmost to fix it, because I wanted to be with him! But how could I have changed anything if I didn't know, i was just carrying on happy as Larry. It was a bit of a stressful time (i had a big competition coming up) and i was putting a lot of prep into that so he may have felt like i was pushing him aside but in reality it was nothing compared to any other stressful life situation and this is how he handled it??
Just wish he'd spoken to me, i repeated this so many times to him and he just couldn't say why he didnt. Even just a text would have done (not for breaking up, just to tell me!) Urgh

[herbsmokedchicken]

Yeah that’s so shit, he could have just said. And who knows maybe it still would have ended but at least you’d know you’d tried!

[MissYeti]

I feel exactly the same. If he really didn't want another baby then he could have just said so. Or if there was something missing from our relationship he could have told me. I fought so hard for our relationship and he didn't even bother to tell me there was a problem. I could have tried to fix it. I would have preferred to be a whole family of three than a broken one

[herbsmokedchicken]

Ugh anyone else find stupid little things hit them out of nowhere? Was late going for lunch as work suddenly got a bit mad and my first instinct was to text him to bitch about it

Thing is I’m back in my friend box for him so could text him about it and he’d be happy to chat but that is obvs not going to be good for me in terms of accepting it’s over

[Jonsnowsghost]

That's it, i would have tried and if it didnt get better then fair enough but no, nothing from him so I couldn't fix it. He wouldn't even try and fix it afterwards, he wanted to go off with the new exciting woman. I think if he'd come to me straight away then we could have maybe worked it out but he didn't, he spent two days stewing over it and probably talking to her. He stayed over in London on the sunday night so who knows how long he was up talking to her, and if they only did kiss like he told me. Then obviously they had most of monday together too, although in a group.

It's these intrusive thoughts I get all the time, i just hate it.

[herbsmokedchicken]

Yes the intrusive thoughts suck, especially when they just hit you out of nowhere

[herbsmokedchicken]

Uuuuuhh why did this happen! Really miss him today. Yesterday wasn’t too bad but today I just want him back so much.

[TinselAndKnickers]

I am so close to texting - not gonna do it though so sad. Had a lovely dream about him.

[herbsmokedchicken]

Be strong!

I’ve had a few dreams, mostly good but then they leave me a bit out of sorts the next day as have to remind myself they were just dreams🤥

[herbsmokedchicken]

Not sure where the nose came from!

[Jonsnowsghost]

Don't text him, take it from me, after speaking to him Monday it did not do me any favours. I had been 5 weeks NC and I thought he may have been a bit different but he was still just the same, not responding if I wrote anything with feelings in it aside from a general "take care and look after yourself, you'll be ok" :( I'd be more ok if he was with me!!

[Jonsnowsghost]

What I wanted was a total lamenting because he'd realised what a mistake he'd made 😅😅

[singleedition]

That’s what I want @jonsnowsghost 😂

Like I know it sounds petty but I just want him to message saying he misses us and what a mistake he made so I can be like not going to happen because the trust is gone (even if I do really want it happen)

Is that bad? 🙈

[Jonsnowsghost]

No as clearly I'm exactly the same 😅 I dont think I could trust him but then I think if I fixed the problems he wouldn't cheat again...that's probably incredibly naive of me! I would love a random message saying me made a mistake and missed us :(

[singleedition]

The thing is I don’t even want him to message so I can get back together with him which I suppose is progress in itself. I just want to be able to reject him like he rejected me which makes me feel like a terrible person 🙈

Not even sure why I’m debating this like coz he clearly ain’t bothered 😂😂

To be fair I don’t know why I’m so concerned with being a good person either considering he’ll be laughing about me to his friends behind me back 🙄🙈

Life’s an emotional rollercoaster these days ha

[AdviceforMeplease]

I really want to message him again today too. But I need to get it out of my head that this tome will be like the others when he has got back in touch because he’s missed me or feels lonely or whatever fucking reason he’s back in touch.

I have blocked and deleted him from everything to stop myself being able to, from checking if he’s online or just generally being a bit stalky. Plus I don’t want to know if he’s out or what he’s doing on social media, it’s too heartbreaking when I’m sat here crying and sobbing into my cup of tea. Just miss him so much and feel like nothing is important to me. I have nothing to look forward to because nothing excites me without him. I know so pathetic. I can’t
Imagine anyone meaning as much to me as he does, so what’s the point? So close to text him to tell him how much I’m struggling but it won’t help and won’t make me feel any better. That thing jblue said about not missing the person but missing the endorphins from the feeling you get makes sense to me also and that’s making me stay strong.. although doesn’t feel like I’m being very strong of course as this is the only thing I’m thinking about.

[singleedition]

It’s not pathetic @Adviceformeplease

At the end of the day you invested a lot of time and energy into the relationship. It’s only natural to miss it. I’m the same but we can’t help how we feel.

I wish I’d been brave enough to remove him off Facebook because seeing all the photos is a kick in the teeth every time

[TinselAndKnickers]

I'm a right stalker and can own up to it tonight I'm going to be really petty. I'll be near his house at the pub so I'm gonna put my tinder radius right down so he pops up, like him, then he'll see I'm on it. Then I'll delete my account cos it's full of weirdos I know it's petty but I want him to know it hurts when you see them on there and it may give him the idea that I'm not sat waiting around after all.

Just had a boiling hot shower and a sing along by myself