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Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

(1000 Posts)
DaffoDeffo Sat 22-Dec-18 04:22:46

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.
10. No dating the thread.
11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

Eesha Sat 22-Dec-18 05:51:33


Koko12 Sat 22-Dec-18 06:08:56

Great thread title daffo!

WarIsPeace Sat 22-Dec-18 06:14:48

Checking in fsmile

MyOldBrainStoppedWorking Sat 22-Dec-18 06:58:57

Thanks for the new thread.
Date 2 with Mr Intense last night was er..... interesting. We went out for a meal and although the conversation flowed quite well, he spent quite a bit of time looking at me like he was mentally undressing me blush.
Every so often he would whisper something in my ear, which I think was something naughty but as he chose my slightly deaf ear, I couldn't really understand him. Probably as good thing or I might've choked on my dinner!

Unsurprisingly, he wants to see me again. I'm not sure now. I did find him quite attractive but all the sexual innuendo has put me off a bit.

scotgal2017 Sat 22-Dec-18 07:35:12

Placemarking ! Thanks @deffo. Will be on later as need to put done stuff down on paper!

unique1986 Sat 22-Dec-18 08:30:28

Sounds really weirdsmile

coolcahuna Sat 22-Dec-18 08:32:23

daffo thankyou for the new thread and great name. tooold , sounds a bit odd and intense, the sweet nothings whispering would have had me laughing to be honest. I find men hilarious when they try to be intense, seems like trying to drive home a connection?

shitwithsugaron Sat 22-Dec-18 09:03:17

MyOldBrain I would have burst out laughing! The try hard stuff wouldn't impress me at all...

SortingItOut Sat 22-Dec-18 09:30:24


You posted at the end of the last thread.

So pleased the date went well, sounds like a good time was had by all!!!

Is it tonight you have another date?
Good luck with it

SortingItOut Sat 22-Dec-18 09:34:49


I have some FB's (rather than FwB) and we don't really discuss other people who we may be seeing.

All my FB's know I see other FB's for sex and although occasionally it might be mentioned when we are chatting generally no mention is made.

Some of my FB's are not on dating sites any longer and by the sound of it I'm the only one they are having sex with.

Some are on dating sites and actively looking for a relationship, sometimes our arrangement has ended when they start seeing someone properly rather than as FB and then they come back when things don't work out.

Its sounds odd but it works for me.

Pushreset Sat 22-Dec-18 09:36:33


JeSuisPrest Sat 22-Dec-18 09:45:28

Placemarking. smile

Officially have both arse cheeks on the smitten bench with MrAbs - 5 weeks now and still think he's amazing. Fortunately the feeling is mutal blush. We'll be spending a few hours together on Christmas day morning, which I am so looking forward to. My last 5 Christmases with exh, then alone last year a week after I found out about his affair, have been a trauma to be endured, rather than a day to be enjoyed.

Unfortunately MrAbs dad passed a way a couple of days ago after a long illness, so he'll be flying out to visit his family over NY.

Good luck to all who have dates this weekend. I know it's early days for my relationship, but I would advise not chatting for weeks before meeting. It's so disappointing when you have a spark online, but feel nothing when you actually meet (or worse utter repulsion).

DanielCraigsUnderpants Sat 22-Dec-18 10:13:21

Amazing thread title

Leatherandsilk Sat 22-Dec-18 11:05:40

AH that’s lovely jesuis, hope it’s a great Christmas smile

I’m getting a few red flags with MrSA now, think there may be a little ex wife bitterness lurking. Not going back hunting until late Jan though I think.

TooOldForThis67 Sat 22-Dec-18 11:24:12

Nice catchy title Daffo

*A question* - what is everyone doing about giving (or not) of xmas present to someone they haven't been seeing long but will be seeing them xmas eve or xmas day? Seems a bit rude not to, even if it's a little something. Which leads me to the next question, what? Lol

midcenturylegs Sat 22-Dec-18 11:24:15

Place-marking and yes, great thread name @DaffoDeffo!

gettingstherehopefully Sat 22-Dec-18 12:07:46

I LOVE the thread title DaffoDeffo!

darkriver198868 Sat 22-Dec-18 12:26:12

Hello I am joining! I have been single for three years.

I am considering online dating and wondering where to begin?

richdeniro Sat 22-Dec-18 12:51:37

So happy for you @JeSuisPrest

Sad to hear about his dad though, is really good that he has you alongside him through it though.

shitwithsugaron Sat 22-Dec-18 13:04:59

@darkriver198868 hi, you'll find we're all on a variety of sites all with their individual pros and cons. Tinder, Bumble, POF and I think maybe Match are the ones I see mentioned the most. I like Bumble and Tinder the most, POF is a bit shitty and I have no experience of Match. Read the rules from Daffo's OP and read them again! And lastly, keep posting here I've had loads of great advice and sometimes its ideal to have a sounding board if you can't chat to anyone IRL about online dating. Good luck!

Jogrighton Sat 22-Dec-18 13:10:44

Can I join please?

Been single 7yrs apart from some flaky tinder twat.

Racked my brains but cannot for the life of me think what an IRON is...please help!

Wish I'd come on here ages ago, learning loads 🤣

Koko12 Sat 22-Dec-18 13:32:34

Hi all jelly and jesuis great updates! I have a date today with someone I’m really interested in so will update you all later.good luck to all with dates over the weekend!

likeridingabike Sat 22-Dec-18 15:10:29

Just checking in and catching up, had a mad few weeks at work so no dating and still just one iron who's effectively a pen pal.

scotgal2017 Sat 22-Dec-18 15:18:28

@darkriver I think many factors come into play when choosing which sites to join i.e. what you're looking for, what area you live in, how many unsolicited dick pics you'd like to receive on a weekly basis. For example, i am in NE Scotland and whilst other people on this thread have found Match to be busy, it's like tuimbleweed for me......

@jogrighton, I believe it refers to "irons in the fire" lol.

great news @jesuis!

As posted this morning my mind is preoccupied with Mr Italy. I think I am being seriously lovebombed and future faked .......certain things he says, does (or doesn't do) and that I have seen lead me to the conclusion that although the second sentence out of his mouth when we first started talking was "I am looking for a relationship", we are most definitely in a FWB situation with IMO no chance of moving to a relationship. I'm fine with that, if only he would acknowledge that that is what we actually have instead of spouting a heap of BS and allowing me the chance to put my emotional barriers up to where they need to be so i don;t get emotionally invested. Below are pros and cons and I'm sure I know what the wise daters of MN are going to tell me (I believe it will contain the word hills lol).

PROS - complimentary, can hold a conversation for hours, likes cuddles, doesn't comment negatively on my wobbly bits, is generous in bed, has a nice smile, remembers some little points of conversation in a current conversation.

1) 2nd date at his flat he opened his laptop to show me some photos and he had left the porn site open (whoopsie, let this slide as he is a single man and not my position to tell him what to do about porn).

2) Every "date" from the 2nd to the 7th has been at his flat and from the 3rd has always ended in sex. Although stated above he is a generous lover, he is always in a rush, finds it hard to keep an erection and does not finish piv... (he says his partner of 15 years couldn't take contraceptive tablets and didn;t want children so they used the pull out method).

3) Although not specifically said he is not talking to anyone else/we are exclusive he comes across very strongly (saying he likes me a lot, talking about living together in the future etc), he seemed jealous of the thought of me speaking/dating other men. I last saw him 2 days ago, after DTD he wanted to show me something on Youtube, so again opened his laptop and oops! He'd left the badoo live stream page open....awkward... when I was leaving he said he had arranged to meet someone for coffee but didn't as he likes me a lot.....

4) he seems to swing between being happy not having a kid and wanting one. He is 43, I am 39 but I told him from the start I don't want more an if he does want he'll have to find someone else.

5) His WApping is so sporadic and sparse. There is little to no content. we had arranged to meet earlier in the week last week and I messaged him to cancel as I had a throat infection and was on antibiotics......not even a okay, hope you feel better soon message. Zilch til i messaged him 2 days after to say i was feeling better and could meet.

6) When we met 2 days ago I mentioned in a jokey way that he is obviously embarrassed to be seen in public with me as we always meet at his flat. He said he was going into town shopping the next day (i.e. yesterday) to do Xmas shopping and we could meet as i could maybe help him choose something for his neice, then grab a coffee. he said he would text me when he got up the next morning.......i haven't had a single message from him at all about anything. On a "date" previous to that i asked him to confirm whether he stioll wanted me to come round after work, I didn;t hear from him so drove to his flat to see what was happening - oops I forgot to message you, I fell asleep after work (although he was busy grouting when I arrived confused )

7) He smokes weed and has done for the best part of his life he tells me. I don;t have an issue with it but it seems to me that this could be more to do with his erectile problems/can't orgasm PIV than what was happening with his partner.

to put this in context he keeps saying he wants to cook for me, he wanted to come away with me to the cabin i've booked next week, he wantsme to go to a hippie concert with hijm in Spain next year..... mate you can't even arrange to go for a coffee FFS. he also says he won;t see me much over the Xmas holidays as he has a friend from italy coming over on the 1st for about a week...... so because we are obviously FWB I'm not even worthy of an introduction to his best friend.

I know, i know, you are all shouting at me through the screen! I think what i am going to do if.when i next see him and he brings up doing something with me in the future i'll say "No, i don;t think so, it's obvious i'm only here for the conversation and sex" and take it from there?? If you made it this far thanks for reading lol. I know what really should be done but I don;t mind a FWB as long as I know where I stand, and TBH I can't face going back on OLD yet and I think I'm destined to be an old spinster with 10 dogs, a pot plant named Charles and pea green cardigans....

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