Dating Thread 144: Jingle Bells, Dating Tales, Single All The Way

[DaffoDeffo]

Dating thread rules:

1. The first rule about the dating thread is you don't talk about it with people you're dating.
2. Develop a thick skin.
3. Do not invest emotionally too soon.
4. It's all BS until it actually happens.
5. Trust your gut instinct.
6. People vanishing, lying & being generally weird is not your fault.
7. You are the prize - they should be trying to impress you.
8. If it's not fun, stop.
9. Loo update is mandatory.

10. No dating the thread.
11. Do unto others as you would have them do to you.

And a reminder - you don't know them until you know them!

[Sidge]

Checking in!

I had a lovely date last night, date 2. One thing that bugs me though is that he communicates with me via email. Very reluctant to give me his number - definitely not married or in a relationship, just very private. Makes my spidey senses tingle.

@scotgal2017 please sack him off - he sounds like a right loser and is just messing you about.

@shitwithsugaron tell us more! Great night?!

[scotgal2017]

@stubbornstains I thought i had done quite a lot of healing in the last 18 months but looks like i need to do more, it sucks that these men can latch on to our insecurities and bleed us dry emotionally, the only word for them is arseholes.

@coolcahuna @pushreset hope you feel better this morning

@shit @koko12 waiting for date updates!

@vixen yes i think the need to bin him is strong, I haven't heard from him at all and this is day 3 so i think i've probably been ghosted anyway. Just feeling like I'm never going to find someone!! I will read those books thanks and @rolleyes, 2019 will be the year that I set out my stall and my high standards! i was tempted to restart OLD last night but i'm going to wait til next year as I think rejoining now will just be a shitshow.

[Koko12]

Well don’t want to say too much but date finally ended mid morning today, was a random first date as we were doing quite couply things and I ended up coincidentally meeting his mum!second date booked for tonight - meeting out so no opportunity for dtd but may have been naughty and ended up being intimate last night but couldn’t help ourselves as lots of chemistry/connection felt and we were definitely compatible in that department.trying not to get ahead of myself and he knows I need to take any relationship slowly (in terms of keeping separate to the dc etc).

For thise who’s irons are being flakey is say do yourselves a favour and bin them off.we all deserve the ‘hell yeh’ moment and for someone to feel that way about us back in return x

[midcenturylegs]

Just skimming through all of this, looks like some of you are having a hard time. 

@Pushreset your comment about being able to give you kid head space resonates - I've been there..

Can I suggest blocking him on Facebook, WhatsApp - everything. Write out the pros and cons of doing this, you might find that this helps you to see that this will be the best thing for you. Distract yourself, do something nice for yourself and for somebody else. If you're feeling sad, play some happy music :-) When you find yourself thinking about him yell out "No!" Very loudly. Sorry if this seems weird but it has worked for me in the past..

[coolcahuna]

scotgal yes sounds like he's doing a disappear on you. Whenever this has happened to me I've called time myself just to get a bit of closure and take back control. Then delete their details and their messages.

pushreset how are you feeling today? The radio silence is horrible. Have you decided to message him or just let it it go? I really feel for you and it is hurtful after you've been so supportive and kind to him, giving him space etc.

Thankyou. I'm feeling alot better today. Think I was very tired yesterday. Mr Ex called this morning to explain yesterday and without going into it all, alot of family drama that went on and we've made plans for next weekend now.

Interested to see how everyone's dates went last night?

[RollsEyes]

Proud if you, @scotgal2017

[Koko12]

shir great update - sounds like you had a great first date like me yesterday! Ditto to WILL.NOT.OVERINVEST!

[1stdatejiggyness]

@sidge can't imagine, in this day and age, not having a dates phone number. Just saying, 'im private', wouldn't be ok with me at all.
My Friday night date / blast from the past, was ok. He was about 5" shorter than expected but still attractive. I sensed he was nervous. He was over-using London slang and mumbled in short sentences.... Luckily he's great conversation on the phone and messages well and often enough for me.

He's just VERY forward.. I dunno if I should embrace it or run. For example, he said his mum would love me and he wouldn't stop complimenting me.
Has anyone had a decent relationship develop from an overly flirty guy? Can you really ever trust a flirtatious man?? I keep thinking, 'hmmm. Bet that is what you say to all the women....one step at a time'. I think I even said it too him too! However, secretly, it makes me feel good inside.
I don't even reply to his flirty messages. I dunno if I'm being over cautious because I'm just finding the attention a bit too much too soon.

On top of that, he told me he has a 7 year old DD who he doesn't get to see. He tried not to elaborate but I wasn't happy with the way he briefly mentioned her. I was almost offended, since I have a DD same age. I began to challenge it then I realised it was a first date and I needed to lighten up. So now he has 2 DCs but only sees one. I don't know the full story but I can't help but judge a man by what kind of father he has been.

[Sidge]

@1stdatejiggyness I know right?! Weird. I’ve emailed him 🙄 this morning saying thank you for a really lovely evening and a jokey p.s. I still want your number. If I don’t get it I don’t think I’ll want a third date, as it then just seems like a control thing. Strange because he’s been very open when chatting and answered some quite personal and direct questions from me! There was lots of chemistry and in all respects it was a fab date, conversation flowed easily and we had a lovely snog.

Re your guy maybe try a second date and see how he explains it?

[Pushreset]

@coolcahuna I still feel awful. I just don't know what to do. He's had his kids all weekend so I'm going to msg later one more time after they would have gone. Am I using his state of mind as an excuse?? Is he truly suffering.... Can he not even make the effort for one msg in 3 days? 😔

[1stdatejiggyness]

@Pushreset alot of us have been there, don't worry. You need to try to accept he's ghosting you and let it go... Like PP said, Happy music... Intense thriller movie.... Going to the shops (maybe just to window shop or the xmas cues will drive you mad)..
Then, stop yourself checking he's online by deleting the chat between you on messenger/WhatsApp or whatever dating app. Or if you only open it for stalking purposes, delete the whole app for a few days. If anyone needs you, they'll call.
That really helped me forget they ever existed. It's hard when you log in and can't help but scroll to the last message you sent them. He's not thinking of you so don't think about him!

[MyOldBrainStoppedWorking]

Pushreset I mean this in the nicest way but you need to try and forget about him. midcentury has some good ways to do this.
I like to write it down. All my thoughts and what I could do and what I should do.
I've also used the website FutureMe, where you can send an email to yourself sometime in the future. In 6 months or a year's time you get the email and realise how far you've come and what you've learnt.

Be kind to yourself.

[Pushreset]

Thank you everyone. Going to give myself a good shaking and try and get out of this rut. Thought I was tougher than this after dealing with worse previously!

[coolcahuna]

pushreset I think do whatever will help you at this stage. Delete his number and chats (make a note of his number or give it to someone). Or if texting him to see how he is will help you, then do that. You've nothing to lose really and his response might tell you what you need to know. Something might be going on that you don't know about, although I agree 3 days no contact is really tough especially at this time of year.

Loving all the date updates :-)

[WarIsPeace]

I currently have two first dates set up The first sounds like a nice normal bloke. The second sounds very interesting and highly unsuitable. I think I'll probably cancel the second if the first goes well

It's very bizarre on the apps with everyone travelling away from home for Christmas

[Leatherandsilk]

CAn someone make me sit on my texting hands please?? Been speaking to the guy who works away for about a month now, while he was in the country we set a date, he cancelled, set another as a possibility but couldn’t do it. Asked me to see him last night when he knew I couldn’t or post Xmas also on dates I said I was busy. Hasn’t replied now since last night and I am NOT messaging first. Totally confusing, acceptable number of messages every day, photo updates, loads about life in general but he’s dicking about right? He came off apps to focus on me but can’t make the time to see me when he’s going to be away again for weeks.

I need to let this one go? Help!

[scotgal2017]

@rolleyes thanks

@vixen, i have ordered both books and they are arriving tomorrow so i can read them when i go away to the cabin for 3 days - let's get me ready for going back on OLD in 2019 and finding someone who isn't an arsehole lol

@warls, good luck for the dates, keep us posted!!

@leatherandsilk sounds a bit dodgy to me, I would let it go if it was me

[thelaststraw123]

Date number SIX with MrMechanic tonight!

Going for Mexican food and cocktails which is going to be awesome!!

Fancy the pants off him, sexual chemistry is amazing and he's awesome in bed

Think I could actually fall for him. Also told him this last night (but drunk) and he says the feeling is mutual

Xx

[Azzizam]

straw hope your New Mechanic isn't my Mr Mechanic!

Just a comment on ghosting. I saw someone again for the third time who ghosted me. When I was reading about ghosting most were of the opinion there was someone else on the scene.

It turns out there was indeed another woman and all my angst and analysis of what I may or may not have done was a complete waste of time and energy!

It is over for good now but I have certainly toughened up from the experience and now realize it really is about "them".

[Azzizam]

Your **Mr Mechanic

[stubbornstains]

Well.....the bloke I've been chatting with suggested talking on the phone again today. We had a great chat for an hour, he seems really insightful about many things....BUT said a couple of things that made me uncomfortable. A couple of things made me wonder whether he can relate to kids at all, which could cause problems down the line, seeing as I have DC.

And also...even bearing in mind that we were having quite a jokey, sweary chat, and that he is blind, so this was obviously meant as a joke, he said "Well, send us a photo of your tits!". I guess I don't like that kind of joke.

I've just texted him to say that made me feel uncomfortable, as I think his response would be very telling, but given that I have previous issues with boundaries, maybe I should just bin him off altogether.

He's sent me a Facebook friend request, and his timeline is much the same- insightful, thoughtful posts interwoven with occasional crassness. Hmmm....

[coolcahuna]

stubborn are these chats pre meeting ? I think I definitely need to start doing these, I think you can find out quite alot as you are now with him! Yeah not sure about his jokey comment and the sweary bit would turn me off a bit too. When are you supposed to meeting him ?

[stubbornstains]

Oh, I don't mind sweary, coolcahuna, I'm sweary too. But I did not like that comment. And I have previous form for just sucking up stuff that makes me feel uncomfortable, and not speaking out. So, I'm proud that I did speak out this time.

I had stopped having pre date chats, everybody's going off speaking on the phone, aren't they? But obviously, made an exception for somebody who's blind, and it has been really enjoyable on the whole.....just with a few niggling bits.

He suggested meeting up today, but I didn't have time, so we're talking about after Christmas, but now I'm wondering about meeting him at all.