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Non-judgemental SUPPORT thread for anyone screwing up in any aspect of their lives

(176 Posts)
loopdesoup Sun 26-Feb-17 09:24:13

So fed up of stumbling across threads on MN where people are seeking genuine help with a mistake they've made or a particular damaging behaviour they can't seem to control and posters waiting to jab, criticise and put them down at every opportunity. This thread is for posters offering SUPPORT ONLY for anyone screwing up in any aspect of their life. Like a confessions thread where nobody is going to sit being their phone or computer screen typing away mindlessly and judgementally. Speaking out is a big step; this thread is for those who can SUPPORT.

Serowe72 Sun 26-Feb-17 09:25:39

I like your vibe loop smile

BantyCustards Sun 26-Feb-17 10:21:46

I'm in

ParisGellar Sun 26-Feb-17 10:23:09

Great idea!

Greaterexpectations Sun 26-Feb-17 10:42:17

I'll support!

angieneri Sun 26-Feb-17 10:51:16

I am in!

I started a thread last week looking for support regarding a certain situation and I have been accused of being a troll and inventing the whole story. So I had to leave my own
thread confused

Ihopeyouhadthetimeofyourlife Sun 26-Feb-17 10:59:39

I'm in too. I am making some very dubious choices in most areas of my life atm

user1472402339 Sun 26-Feb-17 11:09:43

At last the thread I had been looking for I spend hours reading the threads but never post as I know I am in a ltb relationship but i have been for 20 years and I am still not actually able or ready to ltb that remains a fantasy for me.
I need some hand holding not being told to ltb and I am aware that I am messing up my life, his life and the kids lives by keeping this going therefore I think I belong on this thread I am a mess of my own doing.
He has been violent to me more times than I can count and in return I am ea to him, I have tried suicide and had an affair that he would actually kill me if he found out about it and still I persist in my trainwrek of a life

Gingernaut Sun 26-Feb-17 11:13:01

Hello. I'm Gingernaut. I am overeating.

I have lost over 3 stone over the past year or so and gone down from a 22 to a 14. Yay me.

However, I've had problems with procrastination, physical problems with my feet and ankles and problems with my job.

I gave up going to the gym in October, but the problems with my feet and ankles have been alleviated (will never be cured but they are at the best they'll ever be) and I've started to eat more.

I gave up my permanent night shift job which was causing issues with a GCSE Maths course and found a temporary part time job in the same organisation. It was initially 25 hours but within weeks it was up to 30 hours.

I need to manage my time better.

I need to get off the weightloss plateau as I'm so short, I still qualify as almost obese.

I need to get my time management under control as I'm falling behind in the Maths and finding it hard to stir myself to do anything much.

Why did I take 30 hours (nearly full time) when I wanted more time to myself?

Why, when I have more free time (weekends and evenings) am I not doing anything with it?

It's like I'm paralysed with choice.

Gingernaut Sun 26-Feb-17 11:17:08


Women's Aid clicky linky

This organisation may be able to help you.

What do you think is preventing you from taking positive steps.

Fear of the unknown? Fear of him? Fear of being alone?

user1472402339 Sun 26-Feb-17 11:38:59

Thanks gingernaut, I have spoken to women's aid once, they really confirmed everything I already thought.

I guess I am scared of everything being alone, being judged as a failure, fear of actually leaving but mostly I just don't have the strength to go and really mean it, when I get to that point I feel so awful and the only person who can make it better is him, if you see what I mean, he hugs me and its all made better, I figure that isn't the case but I can't seem to stand up on my own feet for long before I crumble.
I have this stupid belief if I just persevere it will all be ok one day, but I keep repeating the same mistakes, I guess like you I need to untangle my thinking but I don't know where to start smile

user1472402339 Sun 26-Feb-17 11:52:22

Gingernaut I know nothing about weight loss but sounds like you have done great, I imagine you are not doing more with your time when you do have it as you are tired we all need down time but I think we try to cram more into our time than we can keep up with, on a good day we manage and then we believe we can do it everyday, some times we have to accept we are just trying to do too much and realise we need some space for being lazy in-between to recharge.
Don't be hard on yourself you are doing ok, not every day or week can run at full capacity smile can you drop some of your hours back to what you initally planned for ?

Gingernaut Sun 26-Feb-17 12:21:17

The Women's Aid charity do a course called The Freedom Programme. I understand that it's extremely useful for those women who have engaged with it.

You are beaten down and defeated, which is where he wants you to be. It sounds like you're depressed and that will enhance any hopeless feelings you have.

A visit to the GP, explaining your problems and asking for help with the depression and anxiety will go a long way to help.

He won't end things. Not while he's got his very own verbal and physical punchbag at home.

I can't go back to 25 hours now. I have told them that this is a temporary 'gig' and I happy to do this until they find someone permanent.

I have more time. I have more regular hours. I can plan stuff. I just need to spend less time dithering about on Mumsnet. blush

ParisGellar Sun 26-Feb-17 13:51:01

I screwed by giving up my job just before obtaining professional registration, just after having DS and now I can't get back into it.

abbsisspartacus Sun 26-Feb-17 14:04:02

I've screwed up my personal life I'm on antidepressants and still spend my day crying I need to get a job but I'm paralysed stuck in a dark pit and terrified I'm dragging my kids with me

Offred Sun 26-Feb-17 14:10:04

I've recently left yet another abusive man who I yet again last bed in fear of for a number of years...

Things have all hit me this week about how wrong the whole relationship was and how I yet again gave everything of myself to try and satisfy an abuser who was never going to be satisfied (even if he drove me to suicide, which he has heart done a few times, I think he would simply have been angry about the effect it had on him).

Offred Sun 26-Feb-17 14:10:48

*lived in fear of

Offred Sun 26-Feb-17 14:11:16

*he has nearly done

pudding21 Sun 26-Feb-17 14:50:32

ParisGellar: is it nursing?

I know I haven't screwed up logically because ex OH is EA but I still feel like the most terrible mother in the world for leaving him 2 weeks ago. Boys are with him for a few days, its heartbreaking not having them near sad

Notreadytomakenice Sun 26-Feb-17 15:39:53

Shit just posted in the wrong thread so will be flamed understandably!!

I've created a huge mess, If someone wrote it as a script for EastEnders it would be turned away as too implausible.
The ultimate cliche, I met someone at the Christmas party 2015 whilst on a contract job. I'd only married in the spring but that was after 12 years and I think it was a last ditch attempt to make something work when in reality it had been over a long time. The OM was also married and initially told me he would never leave his wife but, far from make me run it made it feel safer as I never thought I'd leave my family. Over the first 6 months it was so exciting, I discovered a whole new side to myself and realised how lacking in love and affection my marriage was. Then the inevitable, we got caught.
I told my husband I loved the other man, I had no idea at that time whether OM would be so brave. He had to fess up for fear of his wife being told and after staying in the house for a few weeks we looked at places and planned to move in together. Then it all went pear shaped, I was scared about going straight from one family home in to another and, when scared or hurt (any reason really) I drink too much and I think he saw that and ran... Understandable.
He rented somewhere alone and my poor husband has had to live with me in the house whilst in love and still seeing OM, there was no way for me to leave the family home.
Time passed and things between me and OM got better and we started to plan life ahead again, then his wife got sick, really sick, she needed him and though I know we all think people that cheat are devils he isn't and did the only thing he could, be there for her. It was so hard, I got that he wanted to support her but felt like it signalled the end of him and I, and though I know its immensely selfish I couldn't deal with it. I made life hard, drank too much and basically ruined the good part of the relationship anyway.
Then as she got closer to the op I started having pain, I bled and went to the hospital- I'd had a miscarriage (in my hour I hadn't even known I was pregnant) and again on a path of self destruction I told him at the worst time, when his wife needed him way more than I did. He did offer to be with me but I couldn't take him way from her in her time of need, and I thought I'd be OK. Resentment and bitterness grew, I drank, I cried, I got angry, I said some awful things to him because I couldn't tell anyone else.
And now he doesn't want me anymore.
I know it is karma, I know I hurt his wife and my husband immeasurably, I know I deserve it and for that reason I can't talk to anyone in RL, but I feel broken. Partly the miscarriage (though the baby clearly had a lucky escape from me), a lot what I've done to everyone's lives and selfishly I just miss and want him so much and knowing he doesn't want me is devastating.

abbsisspartacus Sun 26-Feb-17 16:06:50


PurpleNurple69 Sun 26-Feb-17 16:49:02

God notready what a mess. That's a lot of stuff to work through and if it were me I wouldn't know where to begin. But my advice to anyone in that situ would be to not do anything, I.e. Time out. Get yourself away from the situ, rent someplace small and cheap and get some headspace. Don't try and fix anything, address anything etc.

PurpleNurple69 Sun 26-Feb-17 16:50:40

Btw great thread loop - let's hope it doesn't get bloody hi jacked angry

angieneri Sun 26-Feb-17 16:55:24

I am currently screwing up by having a secret sexual relationship with someone really really senior at my company where I am just a en entry-level employee. He is around 20 years older than me.

If this information became public my reputation at work would forever be tainted, although I don't think there would be ground of dismissal at least.

I think I should end it but if feels so damn good I am afraid I won't stop anytime soon blush

cheekyleek Sun 26-Feb-17 17:46:01

brewflowers for everyone joining the thread, what a lovely idea OP. General lurker here, I very rarely post on MN through fear of being lynched on AIBU boards.
Here's my story:
- Long term mental health issues, and a suspected ED. I know admitting it is the first step, I'm not unaware that my habits are damaging I just don't know what to do about them. No family members are aware of my MH issues or dysfunctional thoughts around food.
- In uni completing an undergraduate degree, and I absolutely hate it. However I feel like I can't drop out because of the crazy amount of student loan debt with nothing to show for it. Speaking to student advisory tomorrow to see if they can help out any, struggling with my anxiety recently, missing lectures and failing exams. It has become so debilitating.
- DP and I have moved back in with our retrospective parents to save for a deposit on a mortgage. I'm saving a lot faster than what he is, putting all my money away. I see him one evening a week because his main hobby renders him unavailable Monday-Thursday evenings, as well as some Friday nights. I work weekends and I get the odd Friday night off but it's not enough. Have discussed with him that I don't see him enough multiple times over the last four years but it never sinks in. He is my best friend, yet the effort I put in surpasses his by a long shot. Sex is non existent, and has been for the last year. We are both young on paper but I feel very, very old.
- No real friends, strained relationship with DM/DF, and their partners. Have a wonderful sister who gets me through the hardest of times. Extremely isolated, broke (in many ways) and trying to make things work.

I hope everyone on this thread gets all the love and support that they need.

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