Non-judgemental SUPPORT thread for anyone screwing up in any aspect of their lives

[loopdesoup]

So fed up of stumbling across threads on MN where people are seeking genuine help with a mistake they've made or a particular damaging behaviour they can't seem to control and posters waiting to jab, criticise and put them down at every opportunity. This thread is for posters offering SUPPORT ONLY for anyone screwing up in any aspect of their life. Like a confessions thread where nobody is going to sit being their phone or computer screen typing away mindlessly and judgementally. Speaking out is a big step; this thread is for those who can SUPPORT.

Polka yes I think that's it I just compartmentalise it all. It's not sustainable though but I've been with OM 17 months now and I just can't see it coming to an end. It has actually been really good with DH and OM this last week. I think being in a secret affair you are constantly second guessing and feeling insecure but this week I've not felt that and I'm so much more happy. It's still totally fucked up though!

Eric & Purple this is the position I was in and now full blown affair. It's a nightmare but is the complete highlight of my every waking thought!

upto I am worried that if anything happened I would feel like that. However it's not going to happen as he's not going to make a move on a senior manager and I can't see a way of making a move on him that wouldn't look ridiculous. (You can see I have thought about it.)

It started with messages with me I think that way people test the waters and it goes from there!

Love the idea of this thread and to everyone who's posted so far.
I feel like I'm screwing up all of the areas of my life and then each screw up causes even more screw ups.
I'm in what I'm fairly sure is an abusive relationship. He cheats on my and persues other women behind my back, over the years he has worn down my confidence a crazy amount. After finding out about the latest affair I considered killing myself thinking I was unloveable and the world is better off without me. He's stolen from me and maxed out my credit cards without telling me.
I'm falling further and further behind on my masters degree and at work. I should be catching up in the evening but I'm spending time trying to salvage my pathetic relationship.

The screwed up thing is I know I should leave and sort my life out. I know I should ltb but just can't seem to do it

What is stopping you? What barriers do you have?

That sounded shitty

What I mean is, why do you feel you can't leave?

Sorry, wasn't very clear. I just can't make myself want to. That's why I feel like I'm actually screwing up.
I'm still trying to 'save' it even though I know it's crazy!
Logically I know I should/need to leave but I can't make myself stop
Loving him

justbein I totally get the not making yourself want to. Im trying to stop myself telling you you deserve better (and obviously failing!) but no matter what logic says, sometimes it's really difficult to stop yourself feeling something.

My problem is the opposite. I'm struggling with the concept of leaving a really good man because I don't want to hurt him and the DCs. But I am hurting him and he deserves someone who wants to be with him wholeheartedly.

uptonogood There are a hell of a lot of parallels in what you describe.

Thanks Muckyduck, appreciate you not telling me that
What you're feeling is totally valid and I experienced something really similar years ago with an ex. It's almost harder to break up with a 'nice' guy so I have real sympathy.
Your feelings are very valid, but like you say short term pain may lead to longer term happiness all round

God life sucks sometimes! I read about these women who have shitty relationships with violent or emotionally abusive men who feel like they're either trapped because of kids or financial issues or just aren't in a strong enough emotional state to leave and I feel wretched for them. All the time thinking "LTB! You deserve better and you can do it".

And then there are people like me and Eric (and others) who have a perfectly lovely man - the type that we wish every woman had - and we're not happy. Sometimes I hate myself.

Struggling tonight as I'm on my own in a hotel room, I've had a couple of very large glasses of wine and I miss my husband and crush in equal measure. Husband I know I'll get a wee text and a "love you" and I love him back. But what I really want is for the other one to answer my other text and ask how I am. Just to know I'm on his radar

Bloody hell.

DH is in one of his moods again. He had a teleconference where they pushed extra work on him that Has To Be Done Right Now (and no, I don't know why he can't ever say no to this kind of thing). Now he's in that mood, where everything I do is wrong somehow.

I have fallen for a married man at work. I was widowed five years ago and this is the first time I have felt anything since. I am trying hard not to think about him and am trying not to see him too much. We get on really well but I know there is no future in it. Makes me a little sad.

I have a similar crush. It is all I think about even though I know it is wrong. I can't work out if he likes me or not. Some days I am sure he does other days not. He is married so doesn't matter anyway.

I have fucked up by getting involved with a man who has a girlfriend. I know I should end it as I feel terrible about the whole situation but I just can't. What am I doing? I'm such a fool. I'm 41, single mum, but I know I could do better than him.

I'm so angry all of the time mainly as I think my marriage is over but feel like I'm stuck, a sham for 5 years scared to go back to work. Ds asked if I loved Dada today and I stopped before I could think of the right answer! He spends most of his time on the computer most nights in a separate room and yet again tonight it turned into an argument when he didn't hear when I spoke to him, we then started shouting at each other which led to him saying yet again there's something wrong with me I'm a moron! It feels like when he's here I don't want him here but when he's at work I want him home

Why are you scared to go back to work daisy?

I was a teacher it's changed so much and am I still capable.

This is a great post and I think it's encouraging to see each of us have their own problems.
Atm, I feel like I suck at life. Been in an on and off abusive relationship after losing my husband, I am depressed, I have no family in the UK, I left my job and friends to move back to where my stbx lives, I wasn't able to find any work here and I have to move back to London in the next week's.
But I'm optimistic it's just a crappy phase in my life. I'll make it through!
Thank you for allowing a rant 🌺
All the best to everyone x

I'm going to have a big old rant here. I'm hoping I'll find it therapeutic!

I found out last year that my exdp had been sleeping with some slut from his work. I was absolutely devastated. Our relationship had always been so good - God I loved that man. Treated him a king, sex was still frequent and good. It just completely floored me - I had some suspicions, which is why I went snooping but I honestly thought I'd find nothing. I wanted to kill the OW, I would have fantasies about all the ways I could get revenge on her...don't get me wrong I wanted to kill my dp too.

Anyway, in typical cheater style he completely threw OW to the wolves as soon as I found out and just basically carried on being a massive fucking LIAR. He begged and begged me to try to forgive him, and I tried. I just couldn't get the pictures of him and OW out of my head, it was driving me insane. I kicked him out and began to try and put my life back together. It was hard, I fell into a very black place and it started to scare me.

Fast forward and I have met a lovely man. I would still get messages from ex saying he loved me, missed me blah blah blah but I was able to just ignore. I blocked him and his work slut on every possible for me of social media so I wouldn't be tempted to snoop (I had got totally obsessed).

This week I had another pathetic email saying all the usual love you bullshit. I don't know why but I decided to snoop again, after not doing it for months. Well, surprise surprise, after everything he had said about the OW and how no matter what happened between us he would definitely not EVER EVER get into a relationship with her, guess what I found out! It has sent me back into rage mode and I have been wishing I could just run them both over with my car!

My poor current partner is getting the brunt of this. I knew I'd have trust issues because of the amount of lies I had from ex, but its really starting to affect me now. DP was ill the last time I saw him (wed), I was meant to see him Thursday but after not hearing from him until 9pm he told me he was so ill that his mum has picked him up and is looking after him. Yesterday he took all day to reply to a text and I have just come to the conclusion that he's lying to me. I sent him a short, passive aggressive type reply when he finally got in contact, and then ignored his response.

I'm sure he's probably not lying, he's never been anything but lovely. Exdp has just massively got under my skin, I have been having a good old cry about it all. I over analyse everything with new dp, like I'm constantly trying to catch him out. Thankfully I've managed to hide the crazy from him so far, although it's dangerously close to being revealed at the moment.

Is it too much to ask that ex and OW die a fiery death so I can move on!?!? I am joking of course (sort of).

Is anyone still reading this?

I don't think anyone kept with this, but I found writing my original post therapeutic. I thought a place people could tell the truth because, lets face it none of us are perfect, utterly refreshing. I hope you are all well. Karma got me, but I guess that will teach me! Good luck to you all xxx

What a lovely thread. I wanted to tiptoe in and leave tea and biscuits but I see it's gone quiet. I hope you're all doing ok x

Thanks Venus.

Hi alll, this thread was really good shame it went quiet my issue I posted about is now well and truly over. Just dealing with the aftermath np ut get there Day by day. Hope you are all well xx