Non-judgemental SUPPORT thread for anyone screwing up in any aspect of their lives

[loopdesoup]

So fed up of stumbling across threads on MN where people are seeking genuine help with a mistake they've made or a particular damaging behaviour they can't seem to control and posters waiting to jab, criticise and put them down at every opportunity. This thread is for posters offering SUPPORT ONLY for anyone screwing up in any aspect of their life. Like a confessions thread where nobody is going to sit being their phone or computer screen typing away mindlessly and judgementally. Speaking out is a big step; this thread is for those who can SUPPORT.

[Lucysdiamonds]

*cope ... not coperson

[uptonogood]

Antique you are correct I don't really love other man. I think it's just the idea of it all and I keep thinking I must love him if he turns me on so much and I'm willing to risk 22 years of marriage. I told OM I only wanted a fuck buddy arrangement so I don't get hurt. If things get too emotionaI i just laugh and say just sex nothing more but deep down I don't want that. I want him to declare his undying love for me but I know he won't! The sex is addictive and mind blowing and the adrenaline rush is great it makes me feel so alive! Also I think before me he hadn't really done much dirty stuff just bog standard sex and I really ramp up the filth partly because then there's no emotion and I'm totally in control and sticking to my only sex arrangement. I don't know if DH and I can rekindle as far as he is concerned we are 100% fine it's all in my head and I'm over exaggerating!

[uptonogood]

Recently I've started looking into therapy and mindfulness and dh just laughs at me and says ooh midlife crisis ha ha ha. If he only New exactly how much of a midlife crisis I'm actually having! Middle class nearly 40 housewife meets tattooed muscled motorbike riding tradesman meets for dirty sex! And yes Antique I am lonely. Kids are 12 and 14.

[ELR]

purple thanks for asking I'm fine i just asked to be deleted as I posted a little bit too much information! Got carried away, like it was a confession booth 😂.
I've reposted on the thread but name changed and kept it to a brief outline.
The thread really is great so nice to realise you are not alone.

[Gingernaut]

Yesterday dh pulled me to the floor by my hair knelt on me and told me he wanted to kill me, I did call women's aid, but I know I am still not able to leave as after so long this has become my normal.

@ user1472402339. You do know he will kill you one day soon, don't you?

[BurningBridges]

I'm the misery loving this company. Will name change and come on with my fuck ups but I can already see people with similar issues. Brilliant idea for a thread.

[AntiqueSinger]

upto The kids still have a way to go. Do you think you could see yourself moving on when they have both done A-levels/gcse's? Could you start stockpiling savings etc? Perhaps when the children are older things may improve? I would gradually start trying to be more independent if possible, this may stop you feeling trapped and that you have to stay partly for the comfortable lifestyle.

[ShameChanged]

I am struggling. I want to contact OM so badly, even though he was the one to end the relationship. WTF is wrong with me? Why can't I pull myself out of this? Someone please assure me that this will pass and that it will feel better. How do I begin to move forward?

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Yep, I've ballsed y life up too. Left DH almost 3 years ago which was a good decision but made so many bad choices too. Started an affair with a married man 2 years ago, such a clique, he started out as a friend, someone to listen to me and then we slowly slowly drifted past that line ti a full blown affair. I love him massively and I know he loves me, but i also know he won't leave. We have been caught out by his DW 4 times now and still he doesn't leave and she doesn't throw him out. We have both tried so hard to end things but it just drifts back. I am determined this time though to stick to it as it's seriously bad for my mental health. I know OW get a bad press on MN and I can understand it but it's no fun for us either, not when you don't look at it as a casual fling or just hot sex. It's mentally damaging and draining and I just want a normal life.

[tigerpaws1]

thank you so much for this thread, I've lurked for so long but haven't had the courage to post ever. My DH is EA and although I am getting stronger still has so much of a hold over me and my life. He has previously been violent but I can't bring myself to leave him as when he asks for forgiveness he seems so genuine and completely has me believing things will change. I know everyone would say to leave, but life isn't that simple is it. I have parents who don't support me and believe it to me fault and what I brought upon myself

[Shamefulsecrets]

I get what you mean tiger, it's easy to say leave, but in reality it's much harder to follow through.

Shame, try to stay strong. I think it's hard to stay away, especially if you're not getting the affection, etc, that you need at home, but keep trying and it'll get easier. It's hard being lonely when you're living with someone.

[whatisroundthecorner]

Name changer here. Great thread - thank you OP.

I can't breathe, most of the time. My throat closes up and then I panic and then I can't breathe again, but worse than before... I am completely lost.

I left my husband because he spent our whole marriage (17 years) getting drunk and sticking cocaine up his nose. I'd tried everything to get him to change, he didn't... So I made him leave. My H is so subtlety manipulative.. so now he is back at home. He's clean, owns his addiction and has it firmly in the past. What about me? I don't, I am lost because of it.

He scares me, he's bruised me badly in the past, smashed in doors, broken stuff... We have two DC who remember more than they should. I caught him doing it so many times in our house and I'm sure I have some sort of trauma attached to it. I knew it was going on - I just made sure, once he'd passed out, that I'd clean up. My poor children. Why did I put up with it.

And now I love someone who doesn't love me back and I can't let it go. I've deleted his number, but not blocked it. He will call because we are friends, when he calls it will go back to recovery day 1... I can't sleep or eat when I've spoken to him and then I can't breathe for days afterwards. Fucking hell I am pitiful. He was my strength when I was strong.

I need to concentrate on myself and the DC, but I can't. The strength I had last year has gone.

[Lucysdiamonds]

So sorry to hear about all the terrible problems you are dealing with

I'm so stressed, I don't think I'd still be here if I didn't know it would hurt my children of I died.

I'm 52 and tired of mothering. I love my dc dearly but now can't wait for ydd to leave home and to be able to look after myself and do the things I want to do. I want to leave the area but can't as long as dd wants to stay here at school .. altho she's barely going to school. I want to tell her to work fgs as her gcses are this year, she's only going in for one lesson at most and barely working at home. But I can't ris upsetting her and causing her to overdose again. I want to tell my dp to grow up and help me, give dd and me some space instead of wanting to spend every minute with me. But I can't .. I can't hurt people ...

I'm so tired of trying ... I want to check in somewhere ... section myself and be locked away for a few weeks. I can't bear the responsibility anymore.

[SewMeARiver]

Lucy is there anyone you can talk to? Can you doctors and set up some counselling for yourself, or dd? Your dd sounds like she needs help. Why did she overdose before? What are the school doing for her in terms of support? Does the school have access to the services of an educational psychologist? I really feel getting one on board would help tremendously and take off some of the weight you're carrying.

I really feel for you. Please get yourself some help or ring the samaritans. I have numerous times and they've been great at times when I've just wante to scream!

[BurningBridges]

Still not worked out how to name change so I am not confessing anything at the moment but just wanted to say to Lucy I rang Young Minds yesterday about my DD, I have some things going on similar to you, and they have suggested I speak to one of their psychologists which I initially was not very open to. I am so glad I called them though so why not give them a try - www.youngminds.org.uk - they don't just listen sympathetically they give straight advice.

[Lucysdiamonds]

Thanks Sew. I've just finished 12 sessions of counselling but nothing is going to make these problems go away. Dd is having counselling at school but isn't too impressed

She doesn't know why she overdosed before. . She said. The school are being great. . Very supportive. They're not forcing her to go in much. She's just going for one lesson a day at the moment.

Today I lost it ... very ashamed Dd invited friends round. She told me but not when .. I was still in bed when they arrived. Then she said they were staying overnight. .. that hadn't been discussed. I shouted because I was stressed

Thanks Burning I did email Youngminds but haven't heard back yet.

[Lucysdiamonds]

Sorry .. posted too soon.

I have been speaking to the Samaritans. It's been a life saver.

It just all feels like too much. .. and dp feels like another child at the moment. So worried about upsetting him all the time.

[Tryingfailingagain]

I feel pretty fucked everyday. I love a man who doesn't love me back. He's unhappily married but can't leave. I left my abusive dp, but I am struggling on my own and failing. I want to be with said om. He says he wants to be with me but struggles to leave. Everyone seems to smell the BS apart from me. Which makes me even sadder that I can't even care enough about myself to even move away. Feel like I have truly fucked my life. And I can't see a way out. Trust me I have tried

[Tryingfailingagain]

And I just don't know how to stop fucking my life up

[Whathaveijustdone]

I am married to a man I thought I loved, and we have a DS, but I'm still in love with my ex and he still loves me too. Royaly no idea what to do and also, fucked.

[DerFlabberghast]

I am realising how little I like myself as I am now, I'm seven months clean and sober and finally understand the adage 'if you take the drugs off an addict, they get worse' - everything I could not deal with sober is still here waiting for me now I'm clean. I junked my old life while I was In rehab and left my ex fiancé - over the phone because...well I was in rehab - and then I went straight into halfway housing and we have not spoken since and I feel wretched about it. All that poor man did was try and support me and I break off our engagement over the phone from rehab, my god.

Now I have no idea what to do with my life, I feel like Frankenstein's monster adrift on an ice raft.

[geekymommy]

DH is a workaholic. He's a professor, and I thought it might get better when he had tenure. Nope. I think the last time he went a full day without doing anything for work was in 2013. I won't leave, though, because I have social anxiety and low self esteem, and pretty much anything shy of actual abuse sounds better to me than having to date again. I think I can count the total number of guys I've dated in my life on the fingers of one hand.

I've come to terms with the impact of my lack of social skills on my career, too. I know I'm unlikely to ever get a job promotion.

I've gotten (I am an American) an exercise bike that fits under my computer desk. This is probably the form of exercise that I've disliked the least of anything I've tried. It means I don't have to go to a gym and have to drive there and deal with people there. It means I can read stuff online or play computer games and not be bored while exercising. Highly recommended if you hate exercising but like reading stuff online or playing computer games.

[Hidingtonothing]

I beat my addiction 3 years ago but relapsed at new year and can't seem to get it back under control. I'm not using anywhere near as much as I did in the past but I'm terrified it will creep up again and I will be back to square one with the last 3 years having all been for nothing.

I'm so disappointed and angry with myself and that's making me feel very negative which then completes the vicious circle and makes it even harder to see how I'm going to get clean again. The addiction isn't having a massive impact on my life as yet but my feelings about having failed are, it's like a big black cloud hanging over me and I don't seem to have any fight in me. It just feels like I've accepted the inevitable, that I will end up back where I started having achieved precisely nothing and that thought is unutterably depressing.

[geekymommy]

For anyone who is dealing with people asking why you're depressed: those people have told you that they are clueless, at least about mental health issues. They don't know what they are talking about. You can and probably should ignore anything they have to say about mental health.

[SecretWitch]

My heart is going out to everyone on this thread My life is so screwed up right now. I have been vile and there is no excuse. I believe I have mental illness and I don't know how to address it. I can't sleep at night and wake up heartsick every day.