Non-judgemental SUPPORT thread for anyone screwing up in any aspect of their lives

[loopdesoup]

So fed up of stumbling across threads on MN where people are seeking genuine help with a mistake they've made or a particular damaging behaviour they can't seem to control and posters waiting to jab, criticise and put them down at every opportunity. This thread is for posters offering SUPPORT ONLY for anyone screwing up in any aspect of their life. Like a confessions thread where nobody is going to sit being their phone or computer screen typing away mindlessly and judgementally. Speaking out is a big step; this thread is for those who can SUPPORT.

I miss being in school. My parents didn't really care about anything except my grades. The teachers told me what to do to get good grades, and my grades didn't depend on whether I got along with anyone else. If I spent all my time doing academic stuff and no time on social stuff or on how I looked, that didn't matter to my grades (and therefore to my parents). I'm not good at the social stuff. It would suit me just fine if the only thing I ever had to do about my appearance was shower daily and choose which T-shirt to wear. I'm not particularly good at seeing what needs to be done, I do better when I'm being assigned stuff to do. I wish I could find a job like that. It would be even better to not have to interview for it, since making a good first impression is another thing I'm not good at.

I don't even really want to be good at those things. I'm not good at them and I don't like doing them. I just want to be good enough that I don't have to bother much with them and don't have them holding me back.

Hugs to everyone on this thread

Hidingtonothing but I'm terrified it will creep up again and I will be back to square one with the last 3 years having all been for nothing.

Are you fucking kidding me? Getting clean from any addiction is bloody, bloody difficult and you're telling me you not only achieved that, but maintained it for 3 years? You are fucking amazing. You are the dogs bollox. It takes huge strength to achieve what you have. Massive amounts of self-control. Its a huge, gigantic mental battle to win. Don't verbally undermine 3 years of such hard work. Its a great achievement. Of course it's not 'for nothing'.

Stop putting yourself down. Stop it right now! Plenty of people end up dead from their addictions, but you're still here. Still trying. As the saying goes, it doesn't matter how many times you fall, you're only a failure when you stop trying.

Get yourself help now, whilst you're not fully down, and never stop trying. Everyone has something to give. Everyone is important. Find your calling, and please stop beating yourself up, leave the past where it belongs. The past. By that I mean emotionally leave it behind. Be analytical about it, and move forward by getting help. Perhaps start with just talking to someone, phoning samaritans or an addiction helpline, gp? Don't isolate yourself.

And please bear in mind that people often relapse and it is not a reflection on you in any way or 'proof' that you're a failure. It may take many years before you reach a place where the addiction has no more hold on you. Relapses will happen on the journey, but you are still moving forward.

I want you to succeed, don't throw your life away. I don't know who you are, but I know your life means something, that it's as important and valid as my own or anyone else's.

So next time you relapse, get up and try again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again.............you get the picture and ((hugs))

I have been having an emotional affair for about 9 months. It’s now a whisker away from physical… Can’t see me stopping it either.

After few years of unhappiness I tried to split with OH last year. He changed a lot, mostly for the good… but I am clearly a coward and can’t make myself be truthful. I know he would be devastated & I can’t face up to being responsible … total & utter coward I know. Wish I could turn off the feelings for OM.

So that's me among the most hated on mumsnet ...

Not cowardly.

Amazing thread. OP thank you for starting this thread! This thread has made me feel human - more human than I have felt for a long time reading similar circumstances. None of this is shameful. Life is fucking complex! I won't share my bag of shit but I am in a similar position to many of you ...

Hugs to you all

I'm very happily married, 21 years, grown up kids, finally financially comfortable, in a job I love and my husband is a genuinely good man who has never given me anything to fret about. I consider him my best friend. All sounds fab doesn't it?

Trouble is, I don't fancy him. I've never cheated on him. In fact for the first 18 years I never ever considered it, never had musings about other men. Until 3 years ago when I developed a massive crush on a co worker. Now my every thought is about him. I'm miserable if I don't see or speak to him and ecstatic if I do.

What a bitch.

Can I join please? I'll elaborate after Corrie.

I was the (single) OW for years. He actually left, and now it's not going that great because me sleeping with someone else when I was still the OW has come to light and I'm quite sure I've messed it up. I've tried really hard. We are at the silence stage now, I don't know what to do.

I had to borrow a large, large sum of money from my parents today to pay off debt and to stop the bailiff coming and to clothe my children. I work, and study, but clearly I'm still lacking. My parents were fabulous despite my age (I'm over 30).

Pretty sure I'm liking diazepam too much lately, been prescribed for a physical ailment short term.

My youngest child is exasperating although the love of my life.

This is the tip of the iceberg really.

I'm almost happy we can talk about affairs here. Thank you, OP.

Purple - my thing I mentioned above, the other man was a co worker of mine. It's all consuming, isn't it. He still lights my face up now.

I've paid over £800 for a higher GCSE Maths evening course.

I hate Maths. I am sabotaging myself. I have missed lessons because I was too tired (night shifts), changed my job and still missed lessons, using any excuse for not going.

The first exam (of 3) is in May. We had a mock exam, I completely flunked it.

I need to get my arse into gear and study intensively.

Over the weekend, I did the gardening, patched a pair of jeans, went for a walk and did the laundry. Anything but Maths.

Well done for committing to study, it's a lot isn't it. I find that setting a timer for a study period is helpful, so I know there's an end. And buy some cake.

Thank you loopdesoup for starting this thread, so refreshing to have a place where we can be honest about our less than perfect life without all the usual judgment and criticism. Feel like I'm amongst friends here.

I screwed up my life 20 years ago when I left university for my controlling and abusive ex. I left him, but screwed up again by having an affair with a married man and another relationship with another abusive partner. I've not been in control of my spending and have loads of debt.

Despite all that, I do feel more in control of my life now, apart from the debt, that's my biggest screw up.

to you all

I've paid the money, but clearly haven't committed to anything.

I am pissing myself off.

WhathaveIjustdone I can relate to your situation

Affairs are accepted here! If not all mistakes!
Maths is shit. How about rewarding yourself with a treat for every lesson you go to Ginger? Sounds draining with a job to go to in addition though xx

I took a part time day job which became a nearly full time job.

I feel like packing it all in to concentrate, but I know I would end up just finding any excuse not to do it.

I'm a mum who doesn't particularly enjoy spending time with other mums. I love my DC to pieces, butbI don't want to spend my time with other people's children, talking about milestones and fancy dress outfits. On days off with DC, we often go out alone for cake, we go to the park, to the shops, to the farm, but I hate going along with other mums. I avoid at all costs.
Worried I'm setting DC up for a life of learned isolation. I've even tried reading the mum books which are about not always enjoying being a mum, but I find the same problem. We're all just talking about parenting and nothing else. I enjoy it, I love DC but I don't want to bloody talk about it all the time. I don't particularly enjoy other people's children bit love my own.. . am I the only one?

Gingernaut sounds like the 800 was worth paying to sort out garden, house, wardrobe, and who knows what else you will get done between here and May

I'm in please.
Recently found out that 'D'H had an online affair with some woman. It ended, he begged forgiveness blah blah blah. Only he's started to act in the same way he did before so I think it may have started again. No actual proof as his phone & computer are now locked up tighter than a bats arse and I can't see anything. Which may well be proof on its own..
Odd thing is I'm a bit numb about it, if he wants to shag about I wish he'd be honest with me so I know where I am.
I'm getting my ducks in a row just in case but being self imployed with school age kids and long periods of time not working in an actual company means that I don't have many ducks to organise.
I'm looking at taking a course to improve my computer skills at a local college which might help a bit with getting up to speed and improve my cv.
to everyone, plus wine, beer and whatever else we need!

Coldcanary - I've been there, I understand how it feels.

Thanks, I just feel like I should be feeling something other than 'meh' about the whole thing. It's a bit of a statement about our relationship really!
I'm more pissed off that he's treating me like an idiot than the fact that he could be meeting up with someone else.

Thanks, I just feel like I should be feeling something other than 'meh' about the whole thing. It's a bit of a statement about our relationship really!
I'm more pissed off that he's treating me like an idiot than the fact that he could be meeting up with someone else.

Hi all haven't posted for over a week. Just caught up and so nice to see that people are posting here and feeling like they can. Thought I'd take a little advice and try to minimise contact with OM and try with DH. I had no contact with OM for 1 day!!! One bloody day!! I made myself initiate sex with DH it went OK and yes he can still turn me on and actually we had good sex. Then literally 5 hours later I was chatting to OM! What the fuck!! Me and DH have had a good week and had sex again on the weekend. When I think about it it's just so wrong I'm kind of faking being happy with him but I'm not really unhappy as long as I've got OM. We haven't met up for 3 weeks which is quite long for us but we are still messaging and sexting everyday all day!
The worst thing is I don't actually feel that bad. I've had a good week with DH because I've chosen to disregard all the things I'm not happpy with. Going no contact is just impossible because I don't want to! We are just addicted to each other it's like a drug.

Upto - I understand totally. When me and mine went NC we were miserable. It's nice that you and DH had nice sex. It's so easy to compartmentalise isn't it.

Oh Purple I am in almost exactly the same situation as you. Married to a lovely man who adores me, grown up daughter at uni doing a Masters, great job ect BUT I have a huge and all consuming crush on a work colleague. It has knocked me sideways and is so wrong on every level as he 16 years younger than me and I am his manager. I think about him all of the time and feel just like a teenage when he's around. He literally make my stomach jump when he looks at me which is ridiculous for a 50 year old woman.

I'm not sure what he feels - he sometimes gives me very meaningful looks and when we have to be next to each looking at a computer screen he gets very close. He also told me that there was a rumour going round that we were having an affair! I'm not sure what to make of that.

I haven't told anyone in RL about this and I know that if anything did happen it could be ruinous for me both professionally and personally but the stupid thing is that if I got the chance I would have an affair with him in a flash.