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2017 - following on from my bolt out the blue

(747 Posts)
aleC4 Sun 01-Jan-17 21:19:02

So here is my new thread as promised. I have found it so therapeutic writing on here and have received some great advice and support.
Here's to grabbing 2017 by the horns and making it my year.
(With maybe a few wobbles along the way!)
I can't work out how to link to my old thread on my phone!

aleC4 Sun 01-Jan-17 21:28:56

This is the link to my old thread

musingsofawannabemumpreneur Sun 01-Jan-17 21:32:44

Found it! <waves>

I was a lurker on your old thread but wanted to drop in and say hello and wish you and your DCs all the best for 2017. flowers

Birthdaypartyangstiness Sun 01-Jan-17 21:39:16

Delurking to say all the best for 2017. You've handled things so well. I think you and your ex will reverse your fortunes this year. He is going to have to deal with his remorse and self destructive actions while you can build your new life.

toldmywraath Sun 01-Jan-17 23:31:55

Delurking to wish you a peaceful 2017 Alec. I admire the way you have comported your self and been there as a rock for your children.

I hope the practicalities of your situation are sorted out in good time and I wish you all the best.

AmIbeingTreasonable Mon 02-Jan-17 00:11:23

Hi, another mostly lurker here. You might want to put a link to this thread on your old one so your supporters can easily find you.

Charleymouse Mon 02-Jan-17 08:03:16

Good luck for the coming year AleC.
Make it your year!

Shayelle Mon 02-Jan-17 08:15:01

Best of luck aleC you deserve it flowers

PacificOcean Mon 02-Jan-17 08:43:01

Happy new year Alec smile

aleC4 Mon 02-Jan-17 10:12:04

Thanks all, happy new year to you all too.
New year, new me.
Ds and I are starting slimming world tomorrow but we started the healthy eating yesterday. He is overweight fur his age (12) and I see a lot of it as my fault.
In the early days after his dad left he was struggling so much emotionally. We had a little thing where when dd was at her gymnastics training on a Saturday afternoon we would go to a cafe and have cake and hot chocolate. We talked. He seemed to find it easier to open up away from home.
Also I gave comfort eaten terribly and I've allowed him to do the same and copy my bad habits. I feel terrible guilt for this.
It has now got to the stage where he is overweight and unhappy about it. He wears bigger clothes than his age and they are all too tight.
I said I was going to go back to SW and he asked if he could come. I know some people won't agree but SW is good for young people. They have a special programme aimed at 11-15 year olds which focuses more on healthy eating and making the right choices than losing weight. He is keen so I have to support him and let him do it.
I worry about what his dad feeds him too as they always seem to have ready meals or go to McDonald's or KFC. I have told him ds is serious about this so hopefully he will be on board.
So that is to be my first change of 2017 - slimmer and fitter.

Forme2016 Mon 02-Jan-17 13:13:50

Delurking to wish you a very Happy New Year AleC - you truly have been amazing throughout the crap situation you have found yourself in and, as someone in a very similar position, I have drawn strength and comfort from you. I hope you feel the same in return from this brilliant thread.

Please don't feel guilty about your DS, you have done your absolute best and if you and he have found comfort in cafe visits together then it has done more good than harm, I think. I have not fed my children in the way I would ideally have done either since my STBXH left, BUT we have fed them, we have loved them and we have been there for them. You and he (DS) will work it out over the coming months I am sure.

I'm with you on the slimmer and fitter challenge - it can only help us in lots of ways. Just written out my meal plans and am off to the supermarket with a long list.

You will make this your year, you really will flowers

wideboy26 Mon 02-Jan-17 23:53:24

Crikey - I have spent all day reading your previous thread and now your new one. Everything you have been through echoes my worst fears as my family were growing up and thankfully we have come through it as our sons are grown up and are either married or in serious relationships. I admire you for the way you have coped, but am not surprised as one thing I have learnt from my wife is a mother's instinctive determination to protect her children at all costs. Fathers don't seem to feel it in quite the same way (terrible generalisation, I know) and I am grateful that in my case it has never been put to the test.

This Christmas for the first time in 41 years of marriage we had a few minor fallings-out, due probably to living in close confines for two whole weeks with various family members coming and going. Having read your story I feel thoroughly ashamed at the triviality of the issues over which we bickered and I have resolved to make it up to my wife over the coming days. She is in the same profession as you and starts back at school tomorrow, but I can spoil her when she comes home.

I wish you continued success in your new life. With the support of the wonderful people who contribute to this forum, you will shine ultimately and your children will love you all the more for it. Very best wishes for 2017.

dodiebantock Mon 02-Jan-17 23:53:30

AleC I have been thinking about you and wondering how you were getting on over the festivities. I am very pleased to see you are still coping so very well and optimistically looking forward to a better - and slimmer! - 2017. Please do not "beat yourself up" over your son's weight. You have all been through a very disturbing and unsettling time and if you have reached for a bit of comfort food - well it was well deserved! Slimming together with your son will be a lot easier than doing it on your own. Make a little light hearted competition out of loosing the pounds and arrange some non edible treats for the "winner" each week. This will have a positive effect on you all I'm sure. Perhaps a cinema ticket treat or a home movie - doesn't matter what really - just something to make the effort you will both make a bit of fun. This is also a positive step forward for you (,and I bet you hadn't noticed or realised it) but a couple of months ago losing weight was not even in your top 50 list of things to be concerned about. Baby steps to a better brighter future for you all. I sincerely hope 2017 is the start of new horizons and peace for you and the children.Seeing a slimmer happier positive you will just make exh realise what a complete and utter stupid fool he has become.

Splishing Tue 03-Jan-17 00:18:36

Happy New Year alec
Glad to see your new thread. You are sounding more positive. Haven't regularly commented on your previous thread but have always looked out for updates. You have come so far in such a short space of time.

aleC4 Tue 03-Jan-17 07:00:16

Thanks everyone for the lovely comments.
We have managed to get up and get ready this morning without too much problem, 6am was a bit of a shock though!
Tonight ds and I will go to our first slimming world class together. It has made us realise all the more this morning how much weight he has put on - his school trousers are really tight. I really hope for his sake he can lose just a few pounds really quickly so he sees and feels a difference. That will keep him motivated. The kids go to my in laws for tea on a Tuesday so I have had a quiet word with my mil and she will make sure what she feeds them is as healthy as possible without it feeling like she's putting him on a diet!
Dd does not go back to school until tomorrow and neither does her dad so I asked him if he could have her. It turns out he is taking her to a big splash pool thing with ow and some of her kids. Nice. I hope for her sake she has a nice day. They are sleeping there tonight which is usual for a Tuesday but I wish it was another night. With dd starting back to school tomorrow up wold have liked her to have been at home the night before. Never mind.
I feel ready to get back to some sort of routine now, I always work better with routine. The staff room will be full of all those leftover biscuits and chocolates from before Christmas so that will be a challenge to avoid them!
Hope everyone has a good day.

nigelforgotthepassword Tue 03-Jan-17 07:14:13

Ah here you are...licked myself out of my account somehow and the couldn't get back in!
Have a happy first day back op-and best of luck to you and DS at slimming world...

UptheAnty Tue 03-Jan-17 07:59:31

Good luck ale, wrap up warm and take your dc on lots of walks if possible- great for weight loss.
Remember, beach bodies are made in winter by this summer he could be strutting around topless and confident!! --maybe you could join him--wink

Startoftheyear2017 Tue 03-Jan-17 08:30:56

Happy New Year AleC4, hope your first day back goes ok. I am de-lurking and this is my first ever Mumsnet posting. I have followed your journey from one of your first posts. Your story really resonated with me. I think you are incredible. Thank you for your honesty. You and your dc deserve a break and I hope 2017 works out well for you all. BTW I have kids and one became quite chubby around 12/13 years old, but it quickly burned off as he grew older. Not sure if I'll post again, but wanted to thank you for sharing your experiences. You have helped me a lot. Also want to thank the other posters on this thread and your earlier one - lots of wise words and kind thoughts which have given me plenty of food for thought over the past few months.

JellyBean31 Tue 03-Jan-17 11:09:28

Just marking my place on your new thread. you have done amazingly well. I know what you mean about intruding on other people, but the thing is they wouldn't invite you unless they wanted you there.

At the start of 2016, I decided I would say "yes" to every invitation I received whether or not it was something I really wanted to go to or not. It is surprising how people who you considered as merely work colleagues or passing acquaintances have become really close friends and we have all increased our mutual support network. I've also has some lovely days out, trips to the theatre and concerts that I would never have done before (even with exH).

Healthy eating also has a profound impact on the mental health of young people, so as well as losing weight, changing eating habits can only be positive for you and your DS. You have come so far, you can only get stronger and stronger flowers

aleC4 Tue 03-Jan-17 23:09:33

Thanks for more lovely comments, I love the support nature of this part of Mumsnet.
I have made it through my first day back and finished early as it was an inset.
As soon as I got home I went out for a short, brisk walk. I want to try and get 10,000 steps every day but I also find it a great way to unwind.
Ds and I braved slimming world and it was ok! I have set myself quite an ambitious target but I also paid up front for 12 weeks to motivate me to stick to it!
Then my nail lady came tonight and I chose a lovely lilac colour - ooh it's all about me and I love it!

nigelforgotthepassword Wed 04-Jan-17 11:25:36

Good stuff OP...Need to take care of yourself so you can take care of everyone else..
I am also the biggest I have been in years. Made some soup yesterday to have for dinner every night in an attempt to stop eating total rubbish....and stop feeling totally rubbish!

nigelforgotthepassword Wed 04-Jan-17 11:26:01

Clearly it is magical soup hmm

aleC4 Wed 04-Jan-17 18:00:53

Magic soup sounds good to me Nigel! I could do with some of that.
Back to reality today for me with all the children in. It's a bloody hard job sometimes but it is certainly a distraction. And it was so lovely to have several of them saying they had missed me so much over Christmas.
Today I have instructed and paid for the third bloody valuation on this house! It's happening Monday so hopefully that will get things moving along with the mortgage. Not getting my hopes up though, I got this far before.

IwillrunIwillfly Thu 05-Jan-17 21:06:46

Crossing my fingers form you that things get moving with the house soon and you can have a lovely fresh start for 2017!

nigelforgotthepassword Fri 06-Jan-17 07:41:01

Well the magic soup hasn't worked yet.Humph.I should be a size 8 by now!
I'm going to bounce tomorrow to give it a kickstart.very sure i will fall off the trampoline!
Friday today Op! First week back: done! Hope you have nice weekend plans smile

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