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DH is trying to get me pregnant against my wishes

(1003 Posts)
MrsHenryWinter Fri 13-May-16 08:02:45

I can't actually believe I'm writing this, it feels like a soap storyline.

I think DH is messing with our birth control after we decided not to try for anymore children.

For background, he always wanted children, I was never very bothered either way. He recently decided to go for a vasectomy and I supported his decision. Just before the appointment he decided that he wanted one more child, although I do not want anymore children. The vasectomy was cancelled so that we had more time to talk through our options.

We talked about this endlessly and I remained adamant that I didn't want more children. There were lots of tears and we finally decided to wait a year and see how we felt then.

TMI Alert!

Back to last night: we were having sex and he tried to enter me without a condom. I pushed him off and he said sorry and got a condom. I think he put it on (it was dark) but afterwards I was very wet and asked if he'd come inside me. He got a bit huffy and said no but then got up and took the 'evidence' with him. I'm 99% certain he ejaculated inside me without my permission.

I don't know what to feel about this. Apart from going to get the morning after pill with 2 young children in tow, I'm at a loss as to what to do next.

I just feel numb.

BeStrongAndCourageous Fri 13-May-16 08:08:08

Wow, you poor thing. That's an awful thing to do. How's your relationship otherwise? Because for me that would affect my next steps, but I appreciate for a lot of people this would be an immediate LTB and I get why.

dementedpixie Fri 13-May-16 08:11:11

would the pill or other form of contraception be an option for you so there is no chance of any more 'accidents'. Or just don't have sex with him! Doesn't sound like he can be trusted any more

Cabrinha Fri 13-May-16 08:11:25

That's despicable 😡
What is your own contraceptive situation? Is there a reason you can't use implant or coil?
I don't think you can trust him to have the vasectomy.

FellOutOfBedTwice Fri 13-May-16 08:11:37

There are bigger issues at play here that need sorting but first things first, I would be getting the MAP and then getting a coil fitted.

StuRedman Fri 13-May-16 08:13:28

I agree with the others. MAP and then coil. And then seriously think about the future of your relationship. He has technically sexually assaulted you.

fieldfare Fri 13-May-16 08:16:39

What a terrible thing to do.
Go to your GP, get the MAP and request a coil or other contraceptive that he cannot interfere with.
Then you need to have a very serious conversation with him.

Cabrinha Fri 13-May-16 08:17:28

Btw I'm only suggesting contraception for you because I suppose there's a possibility you'll have sex with him again.
My advice is actually to think very seriously about leaving him.
And don't ever rely on that "vasectomy" without bloody good proof it's taken place.

StillDrSethHazlittMD Fri 13-May-16 08:18:16

I'm sorry you've discovered you're married to a fucking arsehole. Sorry, but he is. That's unforgivable in my book. Morning after pill and then seriously consider kicking his sorry arse out.

I think this is only my second LTB on MN but it warrants it. It's a sexual assault as he did something you didn't consent to. I couldn't be with a partner who felt it was OK to sexually assault me.

hellsbellsmelons Fri 13-May-16 08:19:05

Crikey, that is awful.
Get the MAP.
Then get to the doctors and either get a coil, if it would suit, or the implant or the injection.

Mishaps Fri 13-May-16 08:20:16

Serious conversation indeed. That is wholly unacceptable. TBH I would keep my knees crossed till this dispute is settled. TB even more H I would be thinking twice about whether I wanted to be with someone I cannot trust.

This is an assault on your person - beyond wrong.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow Fri 13-May-16 08:20:31

*What a terrible thing to do.
Go to your GP, get the MAP and request a coil or other contraceptive that he cannot interfere with.
Then you need to have a very serious conversation with him.*


MrsHenryWinter Fri 13-May-16 08:21:23

Unfortunately I can't take hormonal contraception (so I'm extra fucked off about the MAP) and I had a coil but I had it removed as it just never felt right.

Our relationship was going through a very bad patch but we did seem to pull through and things have been much better. DH is quite controlling but he's been working on that.

He knows how excited I am about the children going to school so I can do my own thing again. He knows how unhappy I've been as a sahm sad

PortBlacksand2016Resident Fri 13-May-16 08:21:40

Definitely sexual assault and i would say GBH if he gets you pregnant against your will.

My advice would be - Don't get a coil if you don't need one, don't mess with your body any more because of him. Leave.

wobblywonderwoman Fri 13-May-16 08:24:29

Oh my god op. I don't usually meddle in other people's relationships but it seems he is very controlling.

also a liar .. flowers

I would make preparations just in case you might want to leave

Bringiton2016 Fri 13-May-16 08:24:45

This is a bit TMI but is it definitely semen? -Can you smell it?

AmIbeingTreasonable Fri 13-May-16 08:27:26

Yes sorry op but you have been sexually assaulted. Serious conversation needed and no more sex while you work out what to do.

Alanna1 Fri 13-May-16 08:28:09

I know quite a few women who have "accidentally" got pregnant. I think the biological urge for more children is really strong. You both need to talk more because it sounds to me like this might be something he needs to leave you for. You poor thing though because it is really tough.

BitOutOfPractice Fri 13-May-16 08:30:13

That really is the lowest of the low

Dellarobia Fri 13-May-16 08:30:41

Agree with bringiton - are you sure? You might just be wetter than usual (eg for hormonal reasons)?

Cabrinha Fri 13-May-16 08:31:07

working on that?

No he fucking isn't!

He's trying to keep you pregnant, vulnerable, under his control.

Please please please call Women's Aid flowers

WellErrr Fri 13-May-16 08:32:09

That's awful!

MrsHenryWinter Fri 13-May-16 08:33:11

It's definitely semen.

I've tried to have an open conversation and I did mention that he might want to leave in order to have more children. He said that it's because he loves me so much that he wants to have 'our' children.

I know it's assault but I can't process it.

He was so fucking happy this morning. I was ovulating yesterday and he knew that angry

chelle792 Fri 13-May-16 08:33:33

I'm surprised no one has mentioned rape - he committed a sexual act which you didn't consent to. That's rape

MrsDeVere Fri 13-May-16 08:34:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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