twatty things I don't miss about my ex...

[confusedNC]

Some of us need reminding what we're not missing and also need cheering up. So I'll start...

1. Making his feckin packed lunch every day, even when I'd been up all night with ds because it was 'the least I could do' apparently. Oh and having to think of inventive healthy options cos you were overweight but then you did have a car full of choc wrappers and crisp packets.
   

Insert your own here.....

[ChickOnaMission]

Oooh this is fun!

Him being proud of being a 'vocal cameleon' and if he wanted to make a good impression putting on his fake 'awfully awfully posh voice' then talking to his mates with his also fake 'awright geeezer' voice.... really he was just a fake wanker.

[coffeewithchips]

1. The way he was a total misery when alone with me but became life and soul of the party in the company of others.
   

1. The constant road rage and aggressive swearing about minor things. The failure to see the funny side of any bad situation.
   

1. The bizarre obsession with Hitler and the Nazi party. The insistence that they 'had some good ideas'. The subsequent belief in those ideas and all his friends treating it as a joke while I found it uncomfortable.
   

1. Going to see a musical and then complaining because there was too much singing.
   

1. The constant bitching because I wasn't a confident driver due to having a serious crash and writing off my car.
   

1. The secret flirting with girls from his work and the hidden messaging apps so he could talk to them on his phone.
   

1. The stupid sayings. He would refer to monkeys as 'monkle bunkles' and burgers as 'bungens' etc in everyday conversation like a toddler.

[WhatTheFork]

It wasn't just scampi, folks! Any description below the main event was sung out with a flourish. Sometimes I had to go along to work events where partners were invited. My face is burning thinking about it.

When I finished with him he had to go away for work early the next morning. A day or so later a bouquet of flowers arrived with a faxed letter stapled to the card, no envelope. The letter was all about how he was going to change if only I'd reconsider. One of the points he laboured was how he couldn't get it up due to his porn addiction, and he would sort that out if I stayed with him. The flowers and letter were delivered to a neighbour because I was out.

I'll have to name change now

[maybesadie]

Oh, how could I forget the casual racism and sexism, always either defended or written off as a joke, and I was just starting fights and had no sense of humor...

The very alarming tendency he had to speak of young girls (12-13) as 'future whores' or 'whores in training', usually based on their outfits, and often on nothing at all.

I want to vomit when I think of that. I was terrified of the thought of children, daughters, with him from those comments.

[maybesadie]

I'm afraid that isn't funny at all.

[WhatTheFork]

That reminds me, my ex couldn't spell. When I told him he should learn he'd say "oh no, I have a secretary for that". He wasn't the boss, she wasn't his secretary, she just happened to work in his department (and probably had more intelligence in her pinky fingernail than he had altogether).

[ravenmum]

• always leaving the house late for appointments
  
• trying not to flinch when he drove close to other cars or changed lanes at over 100mph, as apparently I was faking it to annoy him
  
• me telling him a fact and him answering "Maybe", i.e. maybe what I was saying was true
  
• him later telling someone else (or even me) that same fact as if delivering a lecture

[NickiFury]

Being able to wear my glasses and a dressing gown without being told that I was turning into my Mum. I am laughing about that now but every time I put my glasses on I think of that.

Sky Sports on constantly. I cancelled it the day after he moved out.

The anxiety of wondering if he would come back whenever he left the house, he regularly went on weekend and even week long benders.

Not coming back to my home after a weekend away to find that the TV, play station etc had been pawned. That happened about six times.

Being expected to shop for fresh bread and meat daily as previously frozen wasn't the same and it wasn't a proper meal without meat.

[NickiFury]

whatthefork yours really made me laugh.

[myown2feetaregreat]

Thanks for starting Confused

YY to the 24/7 porn
Dandruff- like a snowstorm
Bleeding gums- fresh pillowcase each day
Veggie squits- he never cleaned loo bowl
ED- prob due to all the porn he watched
Piles- hate the smell of germoline now
Athletes foot- wet and manky eugh!

In fact saving a fortune re lotions/potions, now he's gone, house bright and shiny, thanks OW, I think you can take it from here. :)

[parisinspring]

This is hard but probably therapeutic...

1. Waking up also really early to make his lunch (which he didn't ask me to do)
   
2. Not being able to go to parties or events or trips because of his ex wife and he demands
   
3. Ironing his work shirts

[BeCool]

constant bitching about "white people" - to me - I am white (and of course his DC are half white), and "asian people" and "women" and "polish people" etc etc.

sulking/moodiness for days.

being unable to have a meaning conversation. His idea of communicating involved sulking for days, "thinking" and giving me a lecture several days later on where I am going wrong. Whereas he was simply a "work in progress" everyone else was fucked.

No financial honesty - hiding debt and drug spending.

Waiting for him - I would get myself and the DC ready, and often pack a picnic, then we would still have to wait for him to get himself, and just himself, ready to leave the house. One time he took THREE FUCKING HOURS to bath, moisturise and dress himself. Eventually I would just get the DC ready and go without him - he could call/txt when he was ready to find out where we were and join us if he could be bothered - by then I wasn't bothered.

Deadweight always sleeping on the sofa in the day time, in a living space used by 4 people.

Formula 1 on the telly - never again.

Going to IL's every fucking Sunday to be locked indoors in a sealed box whatever the season, and watch Sky News on repeat. While he suck out with BIL to by/take coke etc. Waste of time.

His idea of tidying was to put everything, unedited, into a box, and put it with a load of other boxes. After he left I opened all these boxes and threw everything away.

Waiting for the nastiness to come out - it was never far away.

Tying every plastic bag with tight knots.

Telling DD she had to get on with and be friends with her bully I put him right on this, but his first instinct was to tell DD (aged 4) she had to suck up to this kid who was making her life hell - fucking idiot.

Expecting me to pay for everything, despite having a perfectly good wage himself.

Never buying me a drink in a pub - cheap fuck - but waiting and expecting me to pay for the "family"!

Cooking one thing at a time in the oven - as in a roast dinner he would cook chicken, take it out and then put vege in etc. Resulting in a roast dinner being overcooked, undercooked and cold at all the same time and the oven on for hours and hours.

Adding Bisto to everything - including when I would make a fab tasty spag bol, simmered and reduced for hours, he would stroll along and without even asking add Bisto to it. Fucker.

Buying Bisto (as I stopped buying it due to ^^ BistoFuckery)

Regularly running a bath full to the top with 100% hot water, letting it get cold and then running it again. Of course the gas bill was in my name. Now he lives on his own he doesn't even put the heating on in the winter as gas is "too expensive".

[HellonHeels]

Disturbed sleep because he stayed up until 3 or 4am gaming or watching music videos on YouTube or posting music on facebook or playing loud music

Never doing anything together on days off because he wouldn't get up until 2pm

Not being able to enjoy an odd glass of wine with dinner because he only ever drank alcohol to get drunk

Repellent ultra-cheap ready meals

His usually just annoying but occasionally very scary and abusive behaviour when drunk

His full ownership of TV remote and all music playing devices; the takeover of my ipad.

[HellonHeels]

I forgot some...

Always, without fail, adding large quantities of lemon juice or chilli sauce or salt or an MSG-based flavouring powder to ANYTHING I had cooked from scratch, before even tasting it.

Grabbing at my breasts and enquiring when we were going to indulge his nuptial rights (said jokingly but...); never enquiring as to why I was not interested in having any sex with him (I think the above explains it)

[oldgrandmama]

What do I miss ... apart from him screwing my best friend? Hmmm - demanding that I let him read all my mail.

Acting the big 'I am' when out, always picking up the tab in restaurants, bars, but keeping me embarrassingly short when it came to housekeeping.

Me being on tenterhooks on how he'd be when he came in - if he was whistling, I was for it.

Never wanting to do anything with our kids - spending all his spare time either playing golf or screwing around (including best friend!)

Gaslighting me, especially about his diet: he'd say he had to lose weight and just wanted something like a couple of boiled eggs for supper. But if I gave him that, he'd turn on me, saying 'What's THIS? Is THIS a meal to give a working man ...?

Seeing an attractive woman while driving, he'd leer through the window at her and sound the car's horn - with the kids and me in the car.

When I was lying sunbathing in the garden, creeping up to me and setting off a loud 'banger' firework by my head (knowing I loathe bangs). Also, at some dinner/dance, asking one of his friends to gather up loads of balloons and come and pop them in my face.

Inviting his friends around to watch porno videos lent to him by a mate - and having the nerve to tell me to work out how to copy them onto his own blank video tapes, then getting into a strop when I said 'no'.

I could go on and on and on ... been divorced nearly thirty years, thank God.

[oldgrandmama]

HellonWheels just reminded me ... the grabbing breasts thing - yes! Also, he'd suddenly come up to me and left my shirt to my waist, saying he wanted to 'admire' my legs! He'd do this in front of my kids, his friends, anyone ... It was utterly humiliating and when I remonstrated, he said it 'was a compliment' ... but I did once retaliate. I was taking a roasting pan full of roasting potatoes from the oven when he crept up behind me and lifted my skirt ... I spun round and dropped pan, complete with sizzling fat, on his feet! Unfortunately, he was wearing heavy shoes, but he got some minor burns, ha ha. Didn't stop him doing it, though. Nasty git.

[oldgrandmama]

skirt, not shirt.

[PlantsAndFlowers]

That moment when my stomach did a flip when i heard the door and flick flacked my head around to see what in the immediate vicinity might cause him displeasure.

[abigamarone]

I like being able to have white bed linen. That stays white, and the pillow cases don''t get a manky grey colour on the other side (and I'm no clean freak).
Finding little piles of toothfloss down his side of the bed.

Otherwise he wasn't that bad actually, just had the tendency to go on about things over and over. We get on well, but spending any amount of time with him reminds me just how it was.

[maybesadie]

Oh god, yes. Groping me in public, in front of friends, children, anywhere.

Smacking me on the bum in public, in shops, in front of my family. I managed to get him to stop that one - he'd still do it at home if I said something he didn't like. Or if I happened to let my guard down and reach down for something.

Humiliating and horrible.

[pictish]

Seeing an attractive woman while driving, he'd leer through the window at her and sound the car's horn - with the kids and me in the car.

That's incredible. What an absolute and utter arse.

[niceupthedance]

Whatthefork

My ex had a drink problem which meant he used to wet the bed on a regular basis, including once at a b&b. I went down for breakfast expecting him to strip the bed, instead found that he had ironed the sheet dry and put it back on the bed. VILE

[Gaige]

Playing Xbox all day everyday

Quitting his job as his ex started seeing someone he worked with

Pulling my hair thinking it turned me on

Leaving piles of rubbish and cups all over the bedroom and expecting me to clean it up

Asking me to wear skinny jeans and low cut tops and to dye my hair blond. I refused as blond doesn't suit me and I didn't want to look like a clone of his ex

Texting his ex asking if they could be fuck buddies

[Voodoobooboo]

Making excuses to anyone and everyone for erratic, irrational and unreasonable behaviour. Being embarrassed by his behaviour to my loved ones. Having to explain every call to by brothers. The fact that we were just having a chat about nothing was impossible, he was always convinced it was a code about him.

NOT EVERYTHING BEING ABOUT HIM!

God that felt good!

[WellWhoKnew]

oH, YES Maybesadie I got

"the 'you have no sense of humour' if you pointed out something was offensive or upsetting" too.

and yet an inability to laugh at himself about trivial things. He'd easily take the piss at other's minor misfortunes though.

Being interrupted - I'd start telling an anecdote about something....he'd feel the need to take over it...

If I complained, he'd tell me it was because I was boring.

But he had no issue telling me the same stories over and over again.

On the up - I am brilliant at suppressing yawns in life now! I consider this a life skill.

Anyway, exciting developments in the divorce...so I'm off to bore you all, interrupt myself in doing so, fail to find any sense of humour and start an anecdote and you can jump in to re-tell it!

Great thread by the way - cathartic!