twatty things I don't miss about my ex...

[confusedNC]

Some of us need reminding what we're not missing and also need cheering up. So I'll start...

1. Making his feckin packed lunch every day, even when I'd been up all night with ds because it was 'the least I could do' apparently. Oh and having to think of inventive healthy options cos you were overweight but then you did have a car full of choc wrappers and crisp packets.

Insert your own here.....

walking on eggshells, waiting to see what mood he'd be in when he got home, waiting to see what I had done "wrong" today.

Sulking every time I did something that reminded him I had my own life and some independence.
Oh the bloody sulking!

His entitlement and materialism.

Being a lazy bastard. The worst thing, for me (I'm outdoorsy). Going on holidays in the country and then insisting we drove everywhere, not wanting me to do anything before midday because he was sleeping and refusing to even go for a short walk to see the actual place we bloody were.

Obviously now he isn't lazy (typical). Bit of a kick in the teeth. I'm sure the rest hasn't changed though. Good riddance.

The staggering thing about my ex is that three people have married him. I didn't, happily

He did ask. He said "if I wasn't already married, would you marry me?". How did I manage to resist that wonderful proposal? He was separated when I met him, I wasn't OW, to be clear.

This is a great thread... love the scampi menu ordering!!

Mine....

Constantly having to have the TV on - even if there was nobody actually watching it

being asked what I wanted to watch from his list of sky-plus programmes as he brandished the remote control

his farting in bed

underpants pulled up worse than Simon Cowell's

greasy hair product I could never get out of the pillow

his laminated "joke" prompt card - I would cringe whenever it came out & he told the same ones over & over (another one who always had to be the centre of attention)

Always having to go on bloody golf holidays

commenting on other women's new eyeshadow, haircuts etc

his porn habit

his cheating/flirting

the fact that he lied so much he barely knew what the truth was

his flash cars, watches & clothes

yuk!!

Oh we split up years ago but things stick don't they?

We were long distance for a while and it was his insistence I went to stay for a week, even though he left his house share at 6 and got in at 7 so I barely saw him. The weekend I could see him we had to go to his friend's house to pick up an amplifier for his music. Twat.
How he wouldn't text me because he felt we texted too much. But it took him three days to tell me during which I thought something had happened to him.
How he would want to see me but refuse to go any further north than... London. Oh and I usually had to pay most of the hotel.
How he told me his priorities went friends, uni work then me.
How I went to see him one time in London having travelled for hours after work I met up with a pissed up boy eating fried chicken.
How he finally came closer to meet me, but arrived at half 2 in the afternoon which gave us less than a day together. He was hungover. When his best mate couldn't come over (hence why he finally came up as his mate lived near where we were meeting) he fell asleep at 10pm. Total waste of my time.
How he bled me dry yet always had more than me.
How he only ever wore blue jeans, white t shirts and v necked jumpers. Always.
How he ridiculed anything new I tried to do.

Blimey that felt good. And I could go on lol.

Getting the kids ready for school every morning while he lay in bed, knowing the minute we walked out of the door he'd get up.

Only being able to eat garlic containing products if he also ate them because of the smelly breath.

Definitely don't miss Game of Thrones, True Blood or any other thinly disguised fantasy porn

Only ever seeing Man Films at the cinema. All girly films had to wait for DVD release.

His hatred of all female members of my family, didn't even like his own mother.

The constant strops during the school holidays that I was sat at home while he had to work ( I work term time, get over it!)

Holidays, the packing, preparation, travelling & arriving at the hotel was so stressful because I knew if anything went wrong he'd blame me.

I could go on & on!

Oh and I forgot, the 4 hour long baths, where he'd lock the bathroom door and expect me & my dcs to wait to use the only loo in the house until he was done. Asshole.

Not really a DP or a DH, but a guy I had a brief (not quite two months) relationship with:

Farting loudly whenever he felt like it - even when out with friends, because it was 'unhealthy to keep it in'.

While invited to dinner with his friends, who had a tiny flat, going for a massive, stinky poo in their toilet, leaving the door wide open afterwards, and making the flat reek - he hadn't bothered to flush the loo!

Sweating like a pig and stinking, because he 'didn't believe' in 'unnatural things like deodorants, anti-perspirants

Telling me eventually that he had genital herpes!

Why did I stick it out for nearly two months? Because he wailed and whined that he couldn't promise he wouldn't do something 'stupid' if I rejected him. I took the risk and dumped him nonetheless. He's still alive and kicking (and sweating and stinking and farting ... )

Ooh I like this, newly single this year after 15 years of marriage so...

1. Financially supporting him for 4 years to do a degree and then left me as soon as he finished it.
2. Spitting in the toilet??
3. Gym equipment taking over the bedroom.
4. Staying up all night to play video games and then not getting up with dcs in the morning.
5. Getting annoyed when I get drunk as he couldn't drink so through I shouldn't either.
6. Leaving dirty underwear on the bedroom floor.
7. Snorting through his nose in the shower and then finding contexts of his nose on bathroom tiles.

I could go on and on (how the hell did I stay with him for 15 years).

LittleMiss - Number 7! That will be my, yuck that makes me feel sick emoticon - clearly not envy! :)

WhatTheFork - He's comedy gold! :D

Love this thread not ex yet but..
Emmerdale on loudly come rain shine or birthdays no talking when its on
Huge porn stash spilling out when i moved the bed
Telling me its my fault he is fat as i could cook for him,i work and used to until he filled up on sweets any crisps anyway
Willy waggling thinking it was an invite for sex
Him driving so fast it made me feel ill
Missing so many days out for the grandprix or footy
Bad snoring that gave me 11yrs sleeping on the floor downstairs
Eye rolling or shutting to avoid any important conversations

Him repeating the same phrase several times in quick succession because it was funny the first time.

Him having a sex switch - showed little interest until there was an opportunity then I morphed from inanimate object to sex siren within seconds.

Thinking he was sporty because he watched and talked about football endlessly and did a Quasimodo style of running himself.

Didn't seem to care if he was late, or to be fair, if I was late.

These are the more endearing things I don't miss........

Oh yes the middle of the day naps, every bloody weekend
Coming home from work at 5pm at weekends to find bored dirty children and a lazy arse in his rotten dressing gown
Eat shattering snoring
Noisy eating
Not being allowed to have moods or emotions for fear of upsetting him

Oh yes the endless naps and complaints of tiredness but doing nothing about it (like go to bed before midnight) expect moan moan moan - oh and blame me!

Gosh where to begin! Asked what type of house had only one frying pan when he had fucked up the cooking ..I had previously had to leave my marital home and possessions to start again re buying everything! Fuming when my dd in my home I payed for spoke on her phone at night ! Football on in bedroom in morning. His insesant sulking and pouting ! His sheet arrogance and "superiority" over "woman"! Well I could go on forever but he was shown the door in a spectacular fashion ! Oh and told me the snooze button not allowed I should "get up and start my day" ps all this in a ldr in my own home !! Best thing I did getting rid of that headfuck of a weasel !

Your rubbish way of kissing

The way you'd forget I existed when with your family

The way you'd always bring the name of the company you worked for into any conversation, no matter what the situation (funeral, house viewing, whatever). "Such a sad loss but I know Albert had a lot of enjoyement from the products we produce at Tosser and Co" "What a lovely house, I work just round the corner at Tosser and Co".

The way when ever I made a suggestion you'd say, "Don't you worry"

This thread has really made me giggle. But why did we pick these repulsive men?

I love this thread:) I don't miss - sitting watching tv while he sat in the same room tapping away at the computer and shouting at it while he played his stupid online gambling games,dreading him coming home each evening,having the tv on permanently,him staying up most of the night on the computer or watching tv leaving me to get up every morning for dcs,feeling guilty and hiding stuff I bought for myself, doing everything on my own and being responsible for dcs while he just behaved like a child and did as he pleased - life is good without him,difficult but much,much better:)

That little cat-bum look on his face as he licked his finger to peel off the single note with which I (then unemployed because of his job relocation) was meant to buy groceries and generally survive the day after two fucking years of putting him through business school

Nicki I really don't know but god was he repulsive! The things I said before were the amusing things in comparison to the sinister the day I went to hospital for a breast lump! Before we went he said he wanted to marry me but god when I told him it was a cyst his face fell like he was dissapointed! Then went on to rant saying "why have you caused all this worry" !! Yuk I feel so lucky to have got away

It's ages ago and I'm remarried but:

His serial unfaithfulness, lying, gaslighting, 10 years of no sex whatsoever, his constantly trivialising me, his habit of saying I did such and such a thing in the house or with the children 'for you', like he needed a bloody medal for loading the dishwasher or something. I had to talk to him yesterday, he's still a massive twat!

His farting ! Anywhere anytime in front of anyone even my mum and aunties with his leg high in the air! Yet I was told to "be a lady" even in private what a fuckface he was

...being told that every the programme I am watching is only enjoyed by idiots as it is crap and mind numbingly dull

The slurping noise he made as he chewed his food with his mouth open

Having to prop up the menu between us if he ordered steak so I couldn't see the blood running out as he'd ordered it "blue"

Having to listening to the deafening snoring interspersed with minute long silences as he stopped breathing and ignoring my requests for him to see a doctor because I was lying and being melodramatic (except I wasn't)

Having to step over the pile of clean laundry (his) that I had left on the bed for him to put away, after he had moved it to the floor next to the ensuite door and dropped dirty clothes ontop of it

Being nagged about how untidy the house was despite the fact I work and had 2 DCs to look after alone as he worked away a lot and the fact that the messiest room in the entire house was his office with mountains of paper and coffee cups stacked on the desk, floor, windowsill, shelves etc

Being told how socially inept I am

Having to put up with his "public face" despite the fact he had been rude and insulting to me before we arrived at the event, and how he pretended everything was normal

Having to buy value food/ go further into the overdraft / put food shopping on the credit card because he had spent hundreds on food shopping for one event to entertain our friends/families

Telling me that his friends all hate me because I look down my nose at them (absolutely not true)

Him assuming that I will always drive and therefore not drink (because it was a waste him not drinking if I was only going to have one or two)

Being angry with me if I turned down a second glass of wine because getting me drunk increased his chances of talking me into having sex

Not providing me with funny anecdotes a al fork (I snorted at several of those - thanks!!)

1. Toenail clippings & waxy cotton buds on the bedside table.
2. Crisp packets behind the bed head.
3. Always expecting me to look after the DC while he was being Mr. Sociable - on the one and only occasion in our 17 year marriage that he was the one who took the DC to bed while I stayed out for another half an hour with friends he ended up shouting and swearing at me - stark naked - in the street as I couldn't handle him and locked myself in the car.
4. Saying he couldn't get up to deal with the DC as babies as he might get tired and have an accident at work.
5. Not waking up when the DC were babies and screaming their heads off, I had mastitis and was crying for him to wake up and he was only a couple of feet away.
6. Always telling the same bloody boring stories over and over and over again.
7. Referring to any males he spoke to as "chap".
8. Telling me that he wanted me to be happy and smiling (and his food ready) when he got home from work even if I felt awful as it made him depressed - I had severe PND.
9. Expecting me to keep the DC quiet and out of the way when he was watching TV (particularly F1) and never letting me choose to watch anything.
10. Watching him at parents evenings pretending to be Mr Wonderful to the teachers when in fact he always told me at home that anything to do with the DC was my job.

God, I could go on for hours!! He's still a twat now who thinks the sun shines out of his arsehole and that the world revolves around him. I genuinely feel a bit like I need to go and have a bloody good wash if I have to talk to him for too long.