twatty things I don't miss about my ex...

[confusedNC]

Some of us need reminding what we're not missing and also need cheering up. So I'll start...

1. Making his feckin packed lunch every day, even when I'd been up all night with ds because it was 'the least I could do' apparently. Oh and having to think of inventive healthy options cos you were overweight but then you did have a car full of choc wrappers and crisp packets.

Insert your own here.....

There are hundreds but the one I'm sure you will all sympathise with is his term for women.."split-arses"

Oh....him always saying "boooooooobiiiiiies" if I got dressed/undressed in the same room. Wanker.

...but most of all, I don't miss being caught completely off guard when his mood switched from Mr Geniality to drunken, swearing, shouting, aggressive bully when the front door clicked shut after a lovely night out....

Refusing to pick up his dog's shit from my garden.
Playing boxing on the x-box for hours
His insistence on flushing condoms down the toilet, where they wouldn't flush, and I would then have to fish them out and put them in the bin.
Him waking me up in the middle of the night before my final exams by sticking his erect cock in my mouth and telling me that he was "horny as fuck"

Prima that's how my ex referred to women too, including me, as in "I'll have to ask split arse if we are free that day" when invited somewhere.

Gah, I've started remembering now, and can't stop. The way he informed me I was spoilt because he drove me to and from work, he worked in the same building. The way he'd say, every single time we entered the supermarket "we don't need much, I'm happy with just tea and jam and bread" you might be mate, but my daughter is not living on that! Course, when his son came round it was only the best food for him. The way he dismissed every suggestion I made as "bloody stupid" then come up with the same idea twenty minutes later and deny I'd mentioned it. The way he completely believed housework was womens work, and said I was "taking the piss" when asked to wash up as I had both arms in plaster casts. The way he completely refused to apologise to anyone ever, for anything, so knocking someone's drink over, splashing them accidentally, standing on their toe, whatever, he'd just laugh and walk away. God I could go on all day..

Yup he called us all split arses too oh and when a taxi I had booked got stuck in traffic in an accident and was late he sneered and said " you just can't get anything right can you" . He used to create arguments then sulk then say "you've been a bad girl" it's so scary how they manage to do what they do but he taught me some lessons that will never happen again I would rather be on my own ugggg I cringe at the thought of him

The creepy thing he did with his eyes
His bum fluff moustache
The stench of alcohol and cigarette smoke
His football addiction
Him stealing money from me

Oh, and the way he managed to sneer toothpaste all over the bathroom when he brushed his teeth. I'll never know how he managed that!

Watching him pause very briefly before he spoke and knowing it meant he was going to tell me an outright lie. It could be something trivial or serious but his default position was to lie.

When he was so drunk one night, he shat in the bath

The groping,I hated it no one wants hands jammed down their pants when they are cooking.The agony of being almost bent double so my feet were by my ears during sex.Ive got a rubbish back but it never stopped him insisting.nagging and whining about sex I ended up pregnant 4months after delivering twins.Then having had 3 babies in 13 months nagging that I needed to do something about that pointing at my midsection. Being exhausted from looking after 3babies and still working nights and doing all house work plus sex.Following me around the house telling me everything he bought at the supermarket and how much it costed the one time he went.I went alone with three babies the rest of the time and did nt expect a reward.Constantly needing to know what we were doing that day,eating that day.Fucking off for days for his expensive hobby but doing the cats bum when I went out in the evening to slimming world.God he was boring, had no social skills with any of my friends yet could be so charming to other people.He was an abusive arse but no one would believe it.I struggle to talk about it in real life.I suspect I need heavy duty councilling to get over the sexual abuse.Lets not even get started on the porn.Yuck.

NickiFury asked...But why did we pick these repulsive men?

I'm wondering too...but worse why the fuck did we/are we crying about them when we split up...(if indeed you have).

This thread is a revelation...when you read someone else's and go

"Oh yes, that TOO". "And THAT", "Ohhh, yes I remember THAT"

Thanks ConfusedNC, this has been a great read!

Telling me I was an alcoholic for drinking 2 bottles of wine a week..

Never took me out 'never'

His online gaming addiction ALL day long while I worked

Telling me I kept him a prisoner

Twat lol

Couple more, then I'll stop, promise. Pissing in the kitchen sink (totally sober, not that being drunk makes it ok). Beeping his horn at passing attractive women, with me and kids in car. Calling me halfwit in public. Telling me, in front of ex wife, that not only was I second best to his son (fair enough) but also to her.

Saying we could only get married on condition that it was nothing fancy, then going nuclear when my mother bought us a cake as a wedding present.

Coming out with hideous anecdotes that he thought hilarious, such as having bets with his friends about making women were bags on their head during sex, or trapping a womens feet in the windows during sex in the car, then driving down the road with her like that. No idea if these were true, but that fact he found, them funny is vile enough.

God, I was with this vile creature for eleven years, I actually feel sick at the thought.

The way his lungs kept filling with air. Drove me mad.

We could all go on all night I keep remembering all sorts now ! No wonder I have that old dreaded cortisol overload even remembering the shit just spare a thought for their new partners ...lol!

Oh, where to start

• wank socks by the computer and the way he would 'let' me catch him wanking to porn
• constant groping
• foul comments about other women, loud enough for me (and them) to hear
• telling me that I was 'putting it on' and 'wanted to be ill' when I was suicidal with severe postnatal depression
• the way he would sit and slag off his friends behind their backs
• intimidating me by screaming in my face then mocking me when I cried

This is, unfortunately, just a fraction of what I put up with.

The constant suspicion, underlying everything about our daily lives. In his teeny mind (and his family's), I was the white whore, or would be if he gave me two seconds to myself.

Feeling like I was the OW because he kept lying to both me and his family about each other. The look on his mum's face as she said to me "even though you're going to convert*...", catching the look on ExH's face and realising he'd told yet another whopper.

*... people will still look down on you because you're white" was the rest of that sentence. For the record.

Oh betrayed that's sick about the women's feet in car windows mine too boasted how he had spit roast "some fat bird" and how she was so grateful !

This thread is somewhat amusing but from a male perspective quite shocking too.

How can these men behave like this, I'm not saying I'm perfect but a lot what is on here I would never do. They seem to fill the stereotypical view of men - crap at or not wanting to do child care, expecting women to do all the child care, cooking, cleaning etc, expecting sex on tap, lazy, sleeping in every weekend, going out with friends etc but going ape when you want to or do.

The couple of people who have said he would sound the horn at attractive women with you and kids in the car is just shock and sleazy I mean WTF is that all about.

These men sound like right bell ends. But I have to ask what made you all attracted to them? What made you marry them or be with them? What made you have children with them? Surely you must have loved them at one point and surely they must not have been this way at some point?

Nick, glad to hear you're among the non-bastards.

For the record, I didn't have a child with him. Almost the second I left him, I got broody, but something sane in me subsumed that when I was with him.

For my "excuse", I had a crappy childhood where controlling behaviour was normalised. And I didn't have Mumsnet. Also, he didn't start off like that. He was attentive (too much so, looking back on it) and made me feel protected. And there were plenty of red flags, had I but known what they looked like (and did I mention I didn't have Mumsnet in those days?).

I'll start from the charitable assumption that you aren't being goady/indulging in some victim blaming, and use a simple analogy to explain it.

Here goes - if you put a frog into boiling hot water, it will jump out straight away. If you put it in cold water then heat the pan up it will stay in the pan until it dies.

Of course they don't start out like that. Mine was lovely, couldn't do enough for me to start with. The abuse escalated gradually, incrementally over a period of years.

Also, it's widely known that abuse often escalates during pregnancy because the the woman is more vulnerable and the abuser more secure in his position.