Putting wine into everything he cooked so he could polish off the other 3/4 of the bottle, then claiming "it all went in the sauce"
Drinking secretly all day and claiming he hadn't touched a drop - I can SMELL it all over you, you twat.
Hiding empty can behind the bed.
Sitting on his arse all day reading Reddit, then recounting it all to me in precise, minute detail when I got home from work.
Claiming to be a feminist (because he visited Greenham Common in his youth) yet calling me a cunt, belittling my achievements and using me as a cash machine.
As I was getting ready to go the theatre, waving his cock in my face, saying "sort that out"... I declined and went alone whilst he stayed at home with his poor rejected hard on. Aw.
The seemingly common repeated anecdotes that got exaggerated and fantastically embellished with every telling.
He was the biggest drama queen ever, especially about illness - a tooth infection was cancer (it wasn't), sore throat was mumps, and so...
Ah, that's better!