twatty things I don't miss about my ex...

[confusedNC]

Some of us need reminding what we're not missing and also need cheering up. So I'll start...

1. Making his feckin packed lunch every day, even when I'd been up all night with ds because it was 'the least I could do' apparently. Oh and having to think of inventive healthy options cos you were overweight but then you did have a car full of choc wrappers and crisp packets.
   

Insert your own here.....

[Bulmea]

Nick I for one don't think that for a minute and I honestly am not a man hater. I didn't marry my ex or have children with him I was divorced by then with a daughter and my ex husband was a piece of work too! I don't know what possessed me to choose those guys I really don't but hey it's all behind me and the older I get the more it makes sense to be alone ! I'm with someone at the moment but I'm in a house I own do any weirdo shit and it's adios lol I'm the boss of me just as we all should be ! Why would anyone want to control anyone? I don't ! I just happy controlling me x

[Nicklt1988]

Bulmea Kudos to you.

We cannot truly love someone until we love ourselves.

Relationships can be the most wonderful and yet the most painful things.

Kudos to all of you for putting up with this shit, I'm sure its all made you stronger people. I won't post again as I don't want to distract from the purpose of this thread.

Thanks.

[Bulmea]

Thanks nick I think I've probably got off better than most and have been lucky to be financially independent thank god but some poor souls don't have that luxury ... Well if you can call spending 10k on a divorce when he got legal aid and I lost my house but hey bright side is I now live in a peaceful house with my rules it's bliss and I still pinch myself every single day

[WellWhoKnew]

for those who read with judgement

As politely and diplomatically as I can, I would ask something of you.

Don't ask the women of this thread to 'Excuse your ignorance'. Instead, can I ask you to go out and educate yourself as to why and how this happens.

There is no single reason.

The reasons are multiple: to try to reason it to one or two simple 'facts' does a disservice to any woman who doesn't conform to the facts.

The reality is it after the fact we are educated: no matter how many qualifications we have; what we weigh; how we look; how much we've come to understand how and why it happened from our histories; what we/they earn.

The reality is at some point, for whatever the excuse, we became emotionally, if not financially, dependent. Children is a common cause. Persuasive powers another. Sheer good-looking sex appeal another. Money yet another. Upbringing yet another.

But let's leave the kids out of the adult issues. The rest is just that - our own reasons.

We've had/are learning to look back and learn. And, it transpires - laugh and thank whatever: it's no longer now.

Please don't ask us for excuses. Please accept our ability to confine the HIM to HIStory. Or, HERstory. Or whatever.

And on another note:

I'm going to bed - and will have 100% of the duvet. If I fart, it's more likely to smell of roses than his ever did!

[IthoughtATMwasacashpoint]

Having him trying to force feed me to make me unattractive to other men. Him going through all my stuff, constantly, looking for clues .

Him telling me to leave a particular job as my co workers were all men. Him throwing a hissy fit because my employers had a staff only dinner every year and trying verything to stop me from going. Being followed if I went out, after a row every time because I wouldn't let him drive me there and collect me.

Dreading birthdays and Christmas because he kept buying me the sort of crimplene dresses from catalogues that his grandmother wouldn't have been seen dead in and being told that I'd wear them if I loved him. I suppose I didn't then.

The day I saw the light and threw him out a carload of crimplene went to the charity shop.

[D0oinMeCleanin]

The phrases "How much is that going to cost?" and "You're not wearing that are you?"

Dd2 actually asked "And how much will that cost?" when dd1 requested to join trampolining club. She was told "Not as much as I could sell your pet rats for" She's never uttered those words since.

[TwoNoisyBoys]

I daren't start posting on this thread! I'd never stop!!

[WellWhoKnew]

TwoNoisyBoys...

We don't mind - this thread is not about limitations.

That's what they imposed...

Feel free to write 100 posts...

but, please, do join in!

[alltoomuchrightnow]

how he never learnt to drive and was oh so righteous and thought himself so 'green'. Yet had no problems with me being his driver , picking up his son, etc etc and never giving me a penny towards petrol

How he didn't work (and spent all my money) but if I bought e.g. a new item of clothing with MY wages, he'd moan about it (probably because he thought it would mean less money for his booze and fags)

How he could never get his head around me being a retail manager and said i didnt respect family life as i would always be working bank hols and weekends, when his son stayed (umm like i had a choice?!)

[lauranorder50]

Splitarse ?

You ain't gonna like it but here's the explanation:

Splitarse = female

A reference to her vagina. Where as men's genitals are sealed save for a little opening at the tip of their willy where there foreskin opens out and you can see their uretha (pee hole).

Group name for splitarses are simply, 'splitter'.

Rember girls: 'MEN ARE BEASTS'

Anyone remember Milly Tant from Viz comic days ?

Back on topic please.

[lauranorder50]

Correction: group name for splitarses are/is splitters

[butterflybuttons]

I remember the way he used to turn away with a look of disgust if I passed him in a doorway or on the stairs. Finding revolting wank socks in bedroom corners. The way if I told him some fact he would go and google it to check as he didn't believe me. The way he repeated everything he said - saying it twice doesn't make it more valid. His hideous porn addiction but incapable of performing in bed. The way he would storm into the kitchen and under his breath call me a bitch, c*nt, effing this that and the other - and yes, me and my child did hear it and used to sit shaking in fear. Not to mention his FA and terrifying rages from which me and my daughter had to protect each other, and of course his foul language. Poor OW - I pity her.

[flippinada]

Just remembered another relatively minor but still annoying thing - leaving the telly on constantly in the background, then complaining when I switched it off if not being watched because he liked the background noise.

Along the same lines, not being able to bear it if I was sat reading a book and interrupting constantly until I got fed up and put the book down.

Another similar one - spending hours on the phone himself, but if I made a call that was longer than five minutes again with the interruptions etc until I spotted.

Deliberately faffing around making us late for appointments/travel arrangements knowing it would make me anxious and upset.

Refusing to come to my gran's funeral because he was too busy at work (he wasn't).

[frames]

I have an very similar to those described. A great porn habit, paying for sex, when I came to MN about 7 years ago, the Posts about porn use and paying for sex were not as frequent. I don't miss the shame I felt regarding his behaviour which he had me convinced were normal behaviour. I can see that this post was started to be a funny way of dealing with this, it has however demonstrated that most of us do not end our relationship s because the old man didn't put the bins out and i am pleases MN has become a place where women who are unhappy in relationships where their partner uses porn, pays for sex, can talk about their situation. I never regret LTB.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Ok, my turn....

1. being able to cook dinner and not worry about it not having enough flavour and not having full plates of said food scraped into the bin instead of being eaten
   
2. not being ignored for days for no apparent reason
   
3. not finding sexual, flirty texts to other women (the ones 2 weeks off dd2 due date were particular corkers)
   
4. not having my phone calls totally ignored when he was out drinking- the time when dd2 was 7 weeks old and my dd1 was just 2 years old was a particular highlight. Dd1 being sick and pooing all over the bed as I tried to breast feed a screesming dd1 at 3am and having my calls ignored was a real old treat.
   
5. having him deliberately (he later admitted this) faff around to make is late for functions and appointments. He hated that I was ultra organised and on time. We missed dd2 20 week scan appointment because he was dragging his heels.
   
6. not having him ruin every special occasion by picking a fight, moaning that he didnt want to be there etc etc
   
7. being alone in bed because he was downstairs on the sofa refusing to come to bed- making me feel like a leper
   
   I might think of more...there are a lot of things that I don't miss about twunt face.

[ravenmum]

OK one more.

He got up earlier than me, at the same time as the kids, but instead of having breakfast with the kids he would sit in the living room with a bowl of cereal, watching TV, without drawing the blinds (it was dark so he had the lights on) or opening the window to let some fresh air in. I'd come down, open the blinds and the windows around him and wave the kids off to school while he still sat watching TV, in his shirt but with no trousers as they would wrinkle, wearing a grubby vest that was so baggy it hung down his thighs, and finishing his cereal by lifting the bowl up to his mouth and slurping the milk out.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Oh yeah...

How, he would sometimes 'help' out by getting up at 6am on a Saturday or Sunday morning. When I got up at 8 or 9, he would go back to bed til past midday...

Also, when he 'helped' me out by getting dd ready, he would attempt to brush her hair and get her dessed whilst she stood by side of the bed and he remained horizontal, doing it all with one hand. Lazy fuck!!!!!!!

Oh no...I'm winding myself up now!!!

[BeCool]

Mamma XP did that too - when it was my turn for a "lie-in" on the weekend I would get up at 9 (DC generally not fed or anything at all) and XP would go straight back to bed and stay there till 2.

[flippinada]

I've just remembered another one. Running up huge phone bills calling phone sex lines. Can't remember what his excuse was.

[mammadiggingdeep]

Becool...

Thing is they would really think they'd done us a favour by doing that! Total wind up! I would be up at 6am every morning with them, 5.30am on work days. He didnt have to be at work til 10 so would casually get up at 8.00 everyday and have a long bath and iron every item of clothing. I'd be chasing my tail and the kids would be immaculate while i went out unironed, no make up and hair scraped back. He never once asked if he could help. Easier on my own!!!

[mammadiggingdeep]

In answer to some of the points raised above, I have spent a lot of time of how I ended up in such a situation. The thing that's important to realise is that, these characters crank up this awful behaviour. There were tiny glimpses of unreasonableness before I had my dd1 but it ramped up massively when I was heavily pregnant. He had honestly never ever called me a name or raised his voice to me before dd1 was 3 months old. I can remember it, he called me an arsehole because I was dithering about whether I'd be in when we had a delivery coming. It was such a shock. He stopped coming to bed when I was heavily pregnant, stopped all affection. The birthday before I was preg he dulled the room with balloons and spoilt me with lovely pressies. The year after, at 7 months preg he 'forgot' my bday. I could go on and on but what I'm getting at is if I'd have known then what I know now I wouldn't have spent 8 years with him. What I can say though is I wouldn't have my two beautiful daughters without him so it's not with total regret. Neither would I be this kick arse strong woman without those bleak experiences. I like the new me so cheers twunt, some good came from your twunt ish behaviour

[mammadiggingdeep]

Awful typos! On phone and ranting = bad typos

[breakingthebank]

Feel so reading these because my dh has done so many of them and I'm still bloody with him! In fact I only realised last year that his behaviour was abusive, more fool me!

The things i won't miss when i get the strength to leave are:

Dreading every social occasion because he gets drunk & acts like a twat, pisses in the bedroom, breaks stuff, etc.

Not being spoken to for days on the rare occasions I ever go out.

On weekly visits to my parents he sits in silence or goes and listens to the radio in the car!

Having him eye rolling every time I say I want to buy anything for the house.

Hugging someone who stands there with his arms by his sides and doesn't hug back.

Putting kids to bed/getting up with them every day while he sits around/lies in bed. The only time he gets up with them is if he plans to go out all day playing golf or he wants something.

Doing all the washing/ironing/putting away. And he complained he'd watched the washing pile build up and he has no clean jumpers 3 wks after I'd given birth.

I made him sandwiches for work while he fed baby one evening and he complained I took too long making it.

Things have been much much worse. He's upped his game because I intended to leave last year and he STILL behaves like this!!

[mrssnodge]

Years ago- but ExHwould wake me up at 6 am on a sunday morning, as he couldnt find his wanky stupid golf jumper and naff dress trousers, which were nearly always hanging in the wardrobe anyway- then worse continuing to wear the offending items all day long and insisiting we go to his mums every sunday- Stuck at MIL, him wearing golf clothes all day after golf - there's loads more, but the bloody golf thing sticks in my mind, more than the boring, shelfish, unloving twat he was - hes just re- married, good luck to her!!

[susiedaisy]

Lying awake on 'pub' night when I never knew if or when he was coming home and what he would 'expect' if he did come home

Worrying about how much money he was spending

Trying to keep the pornography away from the children

Not having to tiptoe around him so he didn't get angry

Worrying that he would ruin Xmas with drink binges and temper tantrums

And on a lighter note.

I don't miss doing his washing
Cleaning up the bathroom after him
Cooking only meals he liked
Not being allowed the remote control for the TV
His poor hygiene.
His obsession with washing the car every weekend.
Going on holiday and all he wanted to do was drink and sleep leaning me to entertain the dc.

I could go on and on