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Should I text him first?

(170 Posts)
CoralQueen Tue 06-Aug-13 17:05:52

I've been online dating for the past couple of months and have had my fair share of bad dates. My last one though was the nicest of the bunch and I had a really nice time.

When my date got home after driving quite a way, he messaged me to say he had got home and that he hoped I had a good night. I responded by thanking him for taking me out and saying that I had a nice time.

That was two days ago and I haven't heard from him since, but he has been the dating website.

I'm not really sure what his thoughts of the date were and I'm not sure where I stand either. As I've only met him once I don't want to appear overly keen, so was wondering whether anyone has some advice as to what my next move should be?

GetStuffezd Tue 06-Aug-13 17:08:58

Well, if you want to see him again, how about a friendly text saying "do you fancy a drink/lunch/coffee this week? Hope you're well, etc"

Lweji Tue 06-Aug-13 17:11:02

Yes, I'd suggest meeting up again.
If he's vague about it, drop it.
If he sets a date, then you're on.

ladybranston Tue 06-Aug-13 17:12:04

i am a big believer in following The Rules. Don't reach out first! After the date is when men process, and decide - texting him will disrupt that process and may turn him off. i am a veteran dater and The Rules have changed my life, for the better. Although I'm ready for the flaming I'll get smile

Jan45 Tue 06-Aug-13 17:14:49

Me too, you thanked him for the date so ball's in his court now.

It's a person choice but I wouldn't be contacting him, if he's interested, he'll call you believe me.

JessicaBeatriceFletcher Tue 06-Aug-13 17:15:40

Sorry, but think The Rules are shit (although obviously, as in LadyB's case, they may work for some).

If you liked him, there is nothing wrong with you texting him to see if he might like a second date with you.

The whole "men like to be the ones doing the chasing" and all that is bollocks. I've never yet met a man who wasn't hugely flattered by a woman making a move on him.

CoralQueen Tue 06-Aug-13 17:22:32

I would happily suggest to meet up with him, I would even be willing to make the effort to travel to him this time but I am scared of breaking "The Rules" with the first normal person I have met off the dating website and it all going wrong.

Jan45 Tue 06-Aug-13 17:25:24

I'm a bit old fashioned that way, I'd like the man to ask me out, not the other way around!

I've asked my b/f and other guys and they've all said, if they were interested in a woman, they'd be asking her out again, it's that simple.

niceupthedance Tue 06-Aug-13 17:31:37

I don't follow The Rules but I wouldn't text first.

If he doesn't want to see you again it will be awkward. If he does want to see you again he will suggest it - that has been my experience anyway.

CoralQueen Tue 06-Aug-13 17:32:06

I just think if he was interested he would have messaged me, but instead he's been on the dating website and NOT messaged me, which makes me think he's looking for someone else to meet up with. Could be reading way too much into it!

niceupthedance Tue 06-Aug-13 17:34:00

It's only been two days.

He might be on there checking messages or whatever - or he might be multiple first-dating...

I'd give it a week before you write him off.

CoralQueen Tue 06-Aug-13 18:02:45

So the general concensus seems to be don't text him, if he's interested he will text me but if he leaves it longer than a week then just forget it?

lemonstartree Tue 06-Aug-13 18:21:29

I'm afraid so, yes

brunette123 Tue 06-Aug-13 18:23:55

hiya I wouldn't contact him - you told him you had a nice time after he texted you so that is encouragement enough for him to contact you again if he wants to. It may just be me but I would expect someone to have contacted me within a couple of days if he wanted to see me again - ok he may not be able to meet me within 2 days (I might not either) but I would expect to be asked if I wanted to arrange a 2nd date by now. Just saying.
Good luck. I always find online dating has tended to knock my self-esteem eg I message a guy, he reads the message and either doesn't bother to read my profile and reply or he does read my profile and still doesn't reply. It is also annoying to see someone you went out with who hasn't been in touch has still had time to go onto the dating site - that never made me feel too good.

Vivacia Tue 06-Aug-13 18:27:35

If both parties followed that rule we'd never get anywhere. If it's distracting you and you want another date, text him. Once.

BenHer Tue 06-Aug-13 18:36:30

Text him....the worst that can happen is you find out he's not that least then you get to move on.

WhoNickedMyName Tue 06-Aug-13 18:41:19

I'd write this one off if I were you, sorry. I think he'd have been in touch by now if he was keen.

scrazy Tue 06-Aug-13 18:47:06

I with the 'he will text if he's interested' camp. You can text him if you want to find out that he isn't interested sooner rather than later.

mcmooncup Tue 06-Aug-13 18:49:26

My experience is 90% write off.
Interested parties usually text either that night ("did you get home ok?") or next day (great to meet you) if you accept that is probably the case then a text to him does no harm.

HaroldLloyd Tue 06-Aug-13 18:52:07

Don't text him first, I wouldn't.

maleview70 Tue 06-Aug-13 18:57:42

If a man is interested in you. He will contact you.

TroublesomeEx Tue 06-Aug-13 19:18:36


I wouldn't contact him either - not today anyway.

I'm OD at the moment and I've been out with 3 men - one of them twice.

I've been back on the website following the dates, even the ones I enjoyed because I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket. I'm not interested in messing anyone around, but at the 'first date' stage, I'm not going to be 'exclusive' either.

He might be busy at work today; not have the time to compose the text he wants; not want to appear over keen; have left his phone at home... I'd text him tomorrow. Once. and then leave it. You know you've put the ball firmly in his court then.

Bant Tue 06-Aug-13 19:59:21

I agree, if a man is interested, he will contact you. It could be that you're intimidating and he's worried about getting rejected but even then a man will risk embarrassment.

While I think the Rules are shit, I have noticed that they work. A man may be flattered that a woman asks him out, but in many cases will want to do the chasing for the sake of their own ego.

Play it cool, he may get in touch or he may simply be a serial dater, unready for anything more than a first date or just eying up the sweet trolley.

worley Tue 06-Aug-13 20:51:00

Read this thread with intetest as have been in CoralQueen's position.. I too would be wondering whats gone on if all seemed fine...
Can someone tell me what all the rules are?

HongkongDreamer Tue 06-Aug-13 20:56:44

Dont text him! If he's intrested he will text, play hard to get and look at other men on the website

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