Hey Hormonal, I would like to express that I do not think there can only be one right way. We're all different and we all chose our own ways of how to go about these things. I can of course only speak for myself and trust me I had my own share of heartache.
Looking back, then I should have trusted my own gut feeling 100 percent, which I haven't and always, really always without fail all the rational talk and all the finding reasons and excuses for his behaviour made me miserable and it turned out to be wrong anyway.
The agony is there for a reason. That's my experience. The agony and the insecurity and the pondering around already is some sort of intuition or gut feeling.
So, I rather started using that as a tool and go with it, instead of perceiving it to be some very difficult thing to deal with.
For me the main issue is not, should I contact or not. Can women do this nowadays or not etc.
It has more to do with how it makes me feel afterwards.
Will I really feel better???? Really feel better after I know, when my bad feeling, agony, insecurity, wondering around, name it what you want, already told me???
For me, the answer is NO.
It rather helped making me more confused, more insecure, more open from noise other women make, as in opened me up for taking on their own bad experiences with men, generally with dating, and their own unsuccessful approaches.
It also gave more way for men being able to bull-shit around and trying to take advantage. And I simply don't want that for myself.