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Relationships

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Original poster

Should I text him first?

169 replies

CoralQueen · 06/08/2013 17:05

I've been online dating for the past couple of months and have had my fair share of bad dates. My last one though was the nicest of the bunch and I had a really nice time.

When my date got home after driving quite a way, he messaged me to say he had got home and that he hoped I had a good night. I responded by thanking him for taking me out and saying that I had a nice time.

That was two days ago and I haven't heard from him since, but he has been the dating website.

I'm not really sure what his thoughts of the date were and I'm not sure where I stand either. As I've only met him once I don't want to appear overly keen, so was wondering whether anyone has some advice as to what my next move should be?

OP posts:

ALittleStranger · 07/08/2013 20:09

I think the rules are bollocks, but it is just true that if a man is interested and you're already in some kind of dating context, he'll let you know. Silence is therefore your answer and the only benefit to getting in touch is if you are the type that needs to be able to draw a firm line under things. I am sometimes.

OD has also taught me that no matter how shy or wet the guy is, they always seem able to ask for a second date if they want.

Djangounhinged · 07/08/2013 20:14

So OP, have you texted him yet?

FWIW, I don't think you should... And I agree with many of the others that you could distract yourself by chatting to some new potentials....

Original poster

CoralQueen · 07/08/2013 20:19

I did text him asking how his week was going with the intent to arrange another date if he replied.

I have had a response:

Hi, you ok? Yes it's going well, I had football after work yesterday and that has killed me off for the week lol! How is your week going?

Verdict?

OP posts:

patienceisvirtuous · 07/08/2013 20:23

'Week is going well thanks, flying by as usual. Do you fancy doing something on Friday night - or next week?'

patienceisvirtuous · 07/08/2013 20:25

Just bite the bullet. Then you'll know.

I feel for you OP. In the past I have spent many a torturous hour debating with myself on whether to text or not text etc.

ALittleStranger · 07/08/2013 20:27

Verdict? He's a LOLer - LTB.

mamamidwife · 07/08/2013 20:27

I think it's a rather non-committal response, if he was keen for another date I think he would go for it tired from football or not.
However, it's not a no, so maybe he is dating others off the website but not closing the door on you in case he doesn't like the alternatives? I might be being a bit cynical there though!
I think carry on looking online!
Good luck

patienceisvirtuous · 07/08/2013 20:35

If he wasn't interested he could have just ignored your text - or not asked any questions though.

patienceisvirtuous · 07/08/2013 20:36

Plus it would be a little premature in the conversation for him to reply 'week is going well thanks - do you fancy going out again?'

MissStrawberry · 07/08/2013 20:39

I think he doesn't want to go out this week. Probably not ever but hasn't the decency to say so, or is hedging his bets in case someone else shows up.

ALittleStranger · 07/08/2013 20:41

That's crap Patience, lots of people find it too rude to just ignore so will reply out of politeness. I do it, plenty of others will. Attempting to read meaning in to the use of a question mark is the way that madness and boring your friends lies. And it wouldn't have been at all premature to suggest a date, he knows the OP doesn't really care how his week went.

something2say · 07/08/2013 20:41

I think he sounds lukewarm. Polite but hasn't asked you any qs in return.... I'd leave it and see what happens. If nothing, then you have sved yourself chasing a man who wasn't that bothered and you may have had to chivvy him along in a relationship.....

What about the other guy?

StraightJacket · 07/08/2013 20:47

Bloody hell, the guy doesn't stand a chance! Maybe he just doesn't want to appear too eager, in case it scares the OP off. Or maybe he is incredibly shy and scared of being knocked back. Or maybe he has been told by his friends that because he text first on the night, to wait for the OP to text first next.

All a bunch of games, possibly, isn't it? Amongst adults. You want to know something, then just man up and find out like the OP did!

OP, IMO, I think if he wasn't interested then he wouldn't a) text you on the night and b) replied asking about your week. He would of kept it short and sweet if not interested. Just be friendly and see where it goes and suggest a coffee.

ALittleStranger · 07/08/2013 20:51

Or maybe he has been told by his friends that because he text first on the night, to wait for the OP to text first next.

Yeah because men sit around with their mates talking about stuff like this?

StraightJacket I'm assuming you've never done OD.

something2say · 07/08/2013 20:56

It doesn't chime with the behaviour of a man who is interested.
I can see what you're saying tho, does it chime with the actions of a woman who is interested, and if not why can't she be the one to do the chasing?
It's just that societal norms run deep. Not that I agree with them. I just do with this one. Let the man chase. That's how I have learnt the hard way to play it anyway.
I will watch wit interest and of course hope that a lovely romance blossoms. But I hope he is into her too that's all.

StraightJacket · 07/08/2013 20:57

Oh ffs, talking for all men there are we? Actually, I knowsome men that do talk about stuff like this. What an ignorant comment!

And assume all you like, doesn't mean you are right.

NandH · 07/08/2013 21:01

I don't see the problem with texting first tbh, although I've never done online dating,

Well done for texting try and arrange a second date!

guilty of now sitting back and watching how all this pans out

ALittleStranger · 07/08/2013 21:01

Not about random women they've been ODing with. The men I know (and I speak for all, apart from Steve M in Gloucester; I do not understand him at all) avoid the analysis until they're really into someone, and then, err, they do something about it if the inroad is already there.

Your advice is just lacks awareness (I mean, how could that text message have been any shorter or sweeter?) and I do not understand why women feel the need to tell each other optimistic crap in the idea that it somehow makes things better.

nowwearefour · 07/08/2013 21:08

I really think just texting him is the way forward. My dh is so shy in that way we would never be together now if i had observed the rules

nowwearefour · 07/08/2013 21:11

Sorry just caught up. He asked you a q which I don't think he would have done if not interested. Say busy and going quickly! Fancy meeting up again?

StraightJacket · 07/08/2013 21:14

You certainly don't speak for all, especially the few I know who are always going on about the latest women they are in contact with online or elsewhere and asking for advice etc. Not every male, or female, is the same!

Short and sweet as in, "Great thanks", and thanks it. No asking her how her week is going, no going into more detail about his week, just keeping it very short and sweet.

And my advice is based on the start of my very own relationship thank you very much, which has lasted 10 yearsand we have 2 kids but hey, maybe I got it wrong and he really wasn't that into me and didn't want to marry me after all...

arsenaltilidie · 07/08/2013 21:19

Madasa You are right arsenaltilidie I didn't have to question whether he liked me or not

A guy will let you know he likes you or not.

HaroldLloyd · 07/08/2013 21:23

I would probably text back based on that one, but I would not suggest a date.

I would say "my week is going fine thanks arsehole, and you have no idea what trouble you are causing on Mumsnet and we all argue about texting you, so are you going to show me your willy or NOT as I dont have time to muck about OK?"

ALittleStranger · 07/08/2013 21:24

Well clearly he did, as you are together, actions being what the OP is being advised to judge someone on...

I think I must know some particuarly verbose and confident men hiding behind cripplingly shy exteriors as to me that text is short, non-commital and ducks the elephant of a second date. As another poster so succinctly put it, he wasn't shy about asking for a first date, so why would he be a second?

ALittleStranger · 07/08/2013 21:26

so are you going to show me your willy or NOT

Harold are you deliberately trying to start a fight about cock pics now?

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