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Original poster

Should I text him first?

169 replies

CoralQueen · 06/08/2013 17:05

I've been online dating for the past couple of months and have had my fair share of bad dates. My last one though was the nicest of the bunch and I had a really nice time.

When my date got home after driving quite a way, he messaged me to say he had got home and that he hoped I had a good night. I responded by thanking him for taking me out and saying that I had a nice time.

That was two days ago and I haven't heard from him since, but he has been the dating website.

I'm not really sure what his thoughts of the date were and I'm not sure where I stand either. As I've only met him once I don't want to appear overly keen, so was wondering whether anyone has some advice as to what my next move should be?

OP posts:
glastocat · 07/08/2013 11:51

I feel like I've stumbled back in time here, is it still 1950? The night I met my husband, I got absolutely shit faced drunk and he had to more or less carry me home. This was in the days before mobile phones, but we had swapped addresses for some reason. When he didn't ring the next day I wrote him a letter saying Id love to see him again. Grin

We're still happily married, 22 years later yadda yadda...

So yes, the rules do work to an extent to attract a certain type of bloke. but I see no harm in one more text, but after that you have done your bit! Wait and see if he reciprocates or not, if he doesn't answer then you have your answer.

Bant · 07/08/2013 12:09

I'm not saying that the Rules are morally correct, or are the best way to find someone, I'm saying that people often act in certain ways. I think it's ridiculous that a 60 year old man should want to be with a 30 year old woman and should use biological determinism to justify it. But the fact is, some men do want to be with women who are young and attractive. And some women want to be with older men who have comparatively lots of money.

Saying something is farcical and cliched doesn't make it untrue.

I personally think its best if you meet someone where there is no game playing, no bullshit, no hidden agenda. That, however, is rare. In the OPs situation it seems like the guy isn't interested. Some people are advising her to text him, sod the rules. My perspective is that if he was really interested he would have texted her (quicker than writing a letter) so if she texts him, he'll see her as a potential shag, not as a life partner.

It's her call, of course. There are always exceptions to the rules. But generally they're true.

Walkacrossthesand · 07/08/2013 12:47

I call it text/email 'ping pong' - always wait for a response to your last message before messaging again. Helps to keep things in balance ... So I'm in the 'don't text him' camp - he has an un-replied-to text from you in his phone, it's up to him.

LemonPeculiarJones · 07/08/2013 12:57

OP he's obviously not bothered. More fool him! Leave it.

So, tell us about this other guy.... Grin

Jan45 · 07/08/2013 13:30

If you haven't done it yet, don't text! You've answered his initial text, it's up to him to answer you with a possible request of a 2nd date, if you text him again, it will look really desperate.

Re the comment above saying you are giving the man all the power, on the contrary, you are not and if you don't hear from him then your pride is in tact, contacting him again only to be rejected is pointless, all for the sake of waiting a few days to see if he gets in touch - not really worth it I would say.

scrazy · 07/08/2013 13:43

It pays to think in these circumstances that you are the prize and he should make contact if he wants to see you. If not, I agree more fool him and his loss.

nkf · 07/08/2013 13:52

I don't think The Rules work in the sense that they guarantee you a lovely husband. Or that breaking The Rules means you will end up alone. What I do think is that they save you from hassle. Here you are. One date. And a quick polite exchange about how much you both enjoyed the evening. And it's all angst angst angst. Just get on with your life. Go out with another man. And a second man if you feel like it. If this one wants to see you, he will call. I'm sure of that.

brunette123 · 07/08/2013 14:00

I agree nkf.

Bant · 07/08/2013 14:07

me too

ArmyOfPenguins · 07/08/2013 15:33

"so if she texts him, he'll see her as a potential shag, not as a life partner."

Only if he's sexist and a bastard. Best avoided anyway.

watchforthesnail · 07/08/2013 17:27

Agreed Penguins :) Any man who thinks that is sexist and an arse and best avoided.

text him or dont, it really doesnt make much difference. If he liked you and wants to see you again, it will be fine and if he doesnt then its not going to change the outcome, and at least you will know sooner.

When you meet the right person it wont matter a jot if you text first or do this, or dont do that. If somone is put off by you being 'you' then they arent a good match for you, tis as simple as that.

:)

DrHolmes · 07/08/2013 18:13

Just call him! Stop fannying around with texting and just call. If it goes to answer phone leave a nice message and leave it to him to respond.
Good luck!

Lackedpunchesforever · 07/08/2013 18:31

Jeez ignore the advocates of game playing and rules. You liked him, text him. It's 2013, not 1953.

StraightJacket · 07/08/2013 18:49

Just call/text him already! Why does it have to be down to the man? Sounds pretty childish and pathetic to me. If you can't bring yourself to send a simple text to find out where you stand, then maybe you aren't ready for dating. Rules my ass!

Bant · 07/08/2013 19:26

Jacket - the OP doesn't 'stand' anywhere. She met the guy once, he texted to say 'nice to have met you' and then didn't get in touch. This isn't a relationship, this was an evening with a couple of drinks.

3 days later, he's not going to call you. Feel free to call, he will be a bit weirded out by it and feel somewhat stalked. If he's been sat home waiting by the phone for it to ring then he's got no spine. He's probably arranged other dates already, possibly already been on one or more.

Move on.

StraightJacket · 07/08/2013 19:36

Bant, you don't have to be in a relationship to know where you stand with someone. You could be friends or colleagues correct me if I am wrong!

And not only that, but I was using the OPs wording in her OP that she used herself. Her not being sure where either stood.

HaroldLloyd · 07/08/2013 19:42

I agree with straight jacket.

There's not playing games and there is coming over as desperate and wether its a man or woman people do find this off putting. It was a dinner not a betrothal.

He text she text. He should text next.

I was single for ten years and never once had a good result from getting in touch with someone when deep down I knew I should have not bothered.

Lackedpunchesforever · 07/08/2013 19:44

'I was single for ten years'

And you're giving dating advice.......

TeddyPickleStick · 07/08/2013 19:49

Agree with Bant 100%

HaroldLloyd · 07/08/2013 19:50

Ooooooo you got me there.

Just sharing one of my many mistakes. Which was too much bloody texting.

HaroldLloyd · 07/08/2013 19:50

Shit I meant I agreed with bant.

No texting!

HaroldLloyd · 07/08/2013 19:52

During that ten years I obviously had dates & stuff. Why I was beating men off with a shitty stick I tell you.

Lackedpunchesforever · 07/08/2013 19:53

Lol was teasing Harold. It is a bloody minefield and I do absolutely agree that texting backwards and forwards for too long is a sure fire recipe for disaster. But the OP has met this guy, likes him so I reckon she should go for it!

HaroldLloyd · 07/08/2013 19:56

I finally got together with a colleague, fucker could not get away! Grin

HaroldLloyd · 07/08/2013 19:57

Not that he's a fucker, that sounded rather unkind.