Apparently my husband has absolutely no idea how the female body works!

(158 Posts)
BigThunderMountainRailroad Sun 13-Sep-20 15:13:12

This happened last night and it honestly had me rolling about the place laughing.

My husband and I are expecting our first baby. I’m 21 weeks today. Our sex life since I’ve become pregnant has honestly been as good as ever. Passionate and loving a few times a week. Last night in bed I roll over and start “trying it on” as such and he gives me the cold shoulder. This has NEVER happened before so naturally I was worried, did he not find my pregnant body attractive any more? I press him on it and he doesn’t say a lot, all I get was “I’m just not in the mood”. I refuse to accept this so I press him more until he FINALLY admits he’s been reading the baby’s development week by week and he read that the baby learns to grab this week, they will start grabbing their ears, nose and umbilical cord..

Turns out he’s TERRIFIED the baby is going to grab his dick during sex!!! 😭😂 i could hardly breathe through the laughing to explain this isn’t possible!

My husband is honestly the most intelligent person I know, very well educated.. but I think he needs to go back and sit some secondary school biology lessons!!

OP’s posts: |
Thisismytimetoshine Sun 13-Sep-20 15:15:18

He's the most intelligent person you know? You must know some right clowns

Bobbiepin Sun 13-Sep-20 15:17:50

Maybe you want to guide his reading! I hope for baby's sake you're having a boy.

killerofmen Sun 13-Sep-20 15:20:22

Education goes out the window to serve the ego of the penis.

Aroundtheworldin80moves Sun 13-Sep-20 15:21:35

That's funny and terrifying at the same time.

I ghink a biology book is in order.

nicknamehelp Sun 13-Sep-20 15:22:19

This has so made me laugh.

dollypartonscoat Sun 13-Sep-20 15:23:29

😂😂😂😂

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vinoelle Sun 13-Sep-20 15:23:33

Honestly I don’t find men like this funny at all. 🤷‍♀️

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sun 13-Sep-20 15:23:47

Well, he certainly thinks highly of himself.

Redlocks28 Sun 13-Sep-20 15:24:04

My husband is honestly the most intelligent person I know

If the most intelligent person you know seriously thinks this, that is frightening!

TinySleepThief Sun 13-Sep-20 15:29:01

My husband is honestly the most intelligent person I know

Im sure this was posted as a light-hearted story but christ it worrying that you conclude this is the most intelligent person you know. The bar has been set incredibly low!!!

It's honestly mind-boggling, I'm not sure I could be with someone who thought this was an even remotely possible situation.

Aposterhasnoname Sun 13-Sep-20 15:30:31

That’s hilarious. Not quite as good, but my sisters husband booked the due date off work so he could attend the birth. When DS said it might not be that date, he told her the drs can’t just keep changing it like that, as he needed to know the exact date it would be, three months in advance. He was also horrified to learn that it could be at night, could be several weeks early, or indeed a couple of weeks late.

Dyinginsideatthecringe Sun 13-Sep-20 15:31:49

Jeez, this is just a light hearted story. Although I am a bit concerned to how big he thinks his memeber is or how long the babies arms are grin

I had something similar with my DH - I told him on my scan the baby's head was in my pelvic bone and she couldn't scan any lower or it would have been an internal and he thought he would "poke" the baby's head grin I said the baby would probably feel movements but not to worry about poking his son in the head with his penis as he's very cushioned! Haha

AnneLovesGilbert Sun 13-Sep-20 15:33:42

If someone says they’re not in the mood it’s best to respect that and leave them to it.

Sunnydaysstillhere Sun 13-Sep-20 15:33:51

My exh hadn't seen a women's genitals until I was in labour..
He was 43 with a degree.

SerenityNowwwww Sun 13-Sep-20 15:34:23

Buy the baby would only have teeny weeny hands... 🤣🤣🤣

Crystal87 Sun 13-Sep-20 15:35:37

Wow. I remember a lad I used to date years ago thought that a tampon was used as a plug to stop a woman from bleeding out and that by using a sanitary towel instead, she would suffer severe blood loss. He didn't get that the blood was meant to come out, he thought sanitary products were meant to stop it.

DrinkFeckArseGirls Sun 13-Sep-20 15:36:54

I think you should have enabled voting in this hmm

I don’t know whether to laugh or cry tbh.

Babdoc Sun 13-Sep-20 15:38:07

Sunnydays, I’m intrigued- did he wear a blindfold for the conception, or do you always keep the lights off?! grin

BeingATwatItsABingThing Sun 13-Sep-20 15:38:13

Aposterhasnoname

That’s hilarious. Not quite as good, but my sisters husband booked the due date off work so he could attend the birth. When DS said it might not be that date, he told her the drs can’t just keep changing it like that, as he needed to know the exact date it would be, three months in advance. He was also horrified to learn that it could be at night, could be several weeks early, or indeed a couple of weeks late.

I understand his frustration here. 39 weeks pregnant and could really do with knowing the exact date DD plans to make her grand entrance.

Excitedforxmas Sun 13-Sep-20 15:39:02

That’s brilliant

jellybeanz1212 Sun 13-Sep-20 15:47:26

Wow. Was he really being serious?
And yeah, if someone isn't in the mood, don't press them.

Soubriquet Sun 13-Sep-20 15:47:39

Some men are very scary when it comes to anatomy

I still remember the lad protesting about the fact that women were trying to get the tampon tax abolished

Apparently, if we wasn’t so lazy and just held it until we got to the toilet, we wouldn’t have to worry about the tax

No amount of explaining it to him got through and he refused to believe it was a constant leak. hmm

Sunnydaysstillhere Sun 13-Sep-20 15:48:56

Lights off and no real interest. No oral. Not even on our wedding night...
Doomed I say.
It was doomed.

MikeUniformMike Sun 13-Sep-20 15:50:35

Years ago, I was seeing someone who was about 28, and when a sanitary towel advert came on the telly he asked why didn't women hold it in until they went to the loo.

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