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Infertility insensitive comments. Anyone got a winner?

(226 Posts)
Hopelessat30 Tue 13-Jun-17 20:00:34

Sorry if this has been done before. But I just wanted a thread to talk about the absolutely awful and insensitive comments people suffering with infertility endure on a regular basis.

Anyone experienced this too?

Scottishgirl85 Tue 13-Jun-17 20:08:18

Yup, my family saying I could adopt my sister's youngest child (child no. 4!) to ease her stress. It was meant as a joke, I didn't laugh...

Scottishgirl85 Tue 13-Jun-17 20:09:28

Another one - 'oh ivf, how exciting, you'll probably get twins, I'm so jealous!'

physicskate Tue 13-Jun-17 20:09:39

You can't be a good teacher if you aren't a mother.

I'm a teacher. This was said to me by another teacher.

She also said, 'you can't understand. You aren't a mother.'

Hopelessat30 Tue 13-Jun-17 20:10:30

Ah jeez! What are people like!

If you didnt laugh you would cry.

Scottishgirl85 Tue 13-Jun-17 20:15:37

Another one - 'ivf must be so much easier than trying naturally as you don't have to time your fertile window and it always works!'

Honestly I could write a book on this topic...

theredjellybean Tue 13-Jun-17 20:23:37

i know this is not quite exactly infertility ...but I had an emergency hysterectomy during delivery of my second baby ( who was ivf baby) the midwife who came in to do checks etc the fist day i was out of ITU said
' oh of course if you go for baby number 3 you will probably fall straight away, ivf often kick starts your own body you know'
she followed that up with ' oh and you can always try for a vaginal birth even after a c-section'

i actually laughed ....i was so shocked

cailyaclara Tue 13-Jun-17 20:36:25

I've had the 'you wouldn't understand as you're not a mother' line said to me too.

Right in the middle of a parent's evening consultation.

Two days after I'd had yet another miscarriage.

It took all my willpower to not stand up and walk out.

TammySwanson Tue 13-Jun-17 20:56:51

I often get 'You're so lucky you don't have kids!' from people who admittedly don't know me that well but obviously it never crosses their mind that being childless may not be a choice. (it's not going to be a winner but it still pisses me off!)

TammySwanson Tue 13-Jun-17 20:57:31

Obviously it takes all my strength not to shout at them 'Actually I'm very unlucky not to have kids, you idiot!'

PurpleDaisies Tue 13-Jun-17 21:06:51

Someone asked me if I thought my husband would leave me for someone who could give him children.

EveningShadows Tue 13-Jun-17 21:09:04

On hearing the news that I'd miscarried my IVF twins, one friend asked me (while I was crying) if I "thought of them as real babies".

hmm

JoJoSM2 Tue 13-Jun-17 21:36:14

shock Purple and Evening shock

Hopelessat30 Tue 13-Jun-17 21:48:14

Well thdone sr are brilliant! Not in a good way but in an awful way.

Glad I'm not the only one!

79Karen Tue 13-Jun-17 21:52:28

I was told from a work colleague "don't worry i'lll have a baby for you, in fact I could probably have two in that time" you have to laugh!!

Fishface199 Tue 13-Jun-17 21:52:56

My brother in law in after my miscarriage:

"And why do you even want kids, you're pretty crap with them"

Calyrical Tue 13-Jun-17 21:53:26

Years ago I was rejected from a job because "we prefer to employ Mums."

sad

79Karen Tue 13-Jun-17 21:55:24

Oh and also there is this stupid pillow at work called the pregnancy pillow and whoever sits on it is suppose to become pregnant next. It was being passed around one time and the lady goes to pass it to me, grimaces and passes it on to the next person!!

ScarlettFreestone Tue 13-Jun-17 21:56:26

"Just relax and you'll fall pregnant."

"I don't understand, what do you mean the IVF didn't work"

FearMe Tue 13-Jun-17 22:01:47

Probably heard all the classics.
- It's just as well, there was probably something wrong with the baby. (After miscarriages 1,2,3)
- You probably messed up your hormones being on the pill, I never took the pill that's why I can conceive easily.
- you should relax, take a holiday, stop stressing, get a hobby.. Then it will happen
- Are you having ivf so you can select the gender?
- Isn't ivf a sin?
- I'm so fertile, I wish I could have one for you

I'm sure I've got a dozen more..

broodynmoody Tue 13-Jun-17 22:03:52

Some really horrible things. It shouldn't shock me but does. Purple i think I'd have punched them in the face.
I just get all the time "do you not want kids" "you don't want to leave it too late"

Treaclespongeandcustard Tue 13-Jun-17 22:04:17

"Have you ever thought that perhaps you're not meant to have them? Maybe people who can't have kids would be bad parents" from my best friend. I replied "maybe people people with cancer are just 'good' at dealing with cancer then". She apologised and actually, she's still one of my best friends. I was very annoyed at the time

bluebird3 Tue 13-Jun-17 22:45:25

"I wouldn't know what it's like as I'm a fertile myrtle!"

"I'll probably have my 2nd before you even have one!" Accompanied with a big laugh. (She got pregnant with #2 the same week my ivf failed).

"Your husband is an only child so do you think bad sperm runs in his family?"

farfallarocks Tue 13-Jun-17 22:49:37

At least you can get pregnant (after my third miscarriage in a row)
Just relax and it will happen
Have you tried (insert really obvious thing like folic acid, lots of sex, ovulation sticks)

OfNoFixedAbode Tue 13-Jun-17 22:53:31

I haven't actually TTC yet but once after chat in the office a colleague (with a child hmm) looked at me in horror and said 'you want children? I can't imagine you having children!' Still not sure why..and wondering how on earth I come across to others!

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