Infertility insensitive comments. Anyone got a winner?

[Hopelessat30]

Sorry if this has been done before. But I just wanted a thread to talk about the absolutely awful and insensitive comments people suffering with infertility endure on a regular basis.


Anyone experienced this too?

[snowy1982]

Although the things people have had said to them are so insensitive and in a lot of cases just nasty, surprisingly this thread is making me feel better - maybe its a case of 'if you don't laugh you'll just cry'

[Isthismummy]

Well apparently there's no respite from the 'helpful' suguestrooms even on this board. Someone on another thread has just suggested concentrating on the positives of the things you can do when childless to help you get pregnant I'm sure that will do my POF the world of good.

Is there nowhere we can go to escape the bullshit? I've been on these boards 8 months and can really see the drift into baby dust and staying positive. It's fucking me off quite frankly

[Isthismummy]

Suggestions obviously...

[findingmyfeet12]

"Its your own fault you keep miscarrying, its because you took the contraceptive pill so years".

[JoJoSM2]

Isthismummy, that was probably me. However, the point of focusing on positives is making yourself feel better, less anxious and depressed. Definitely wouldn't suggest that will make you pregnant lol

[Mrslewski]

Why would you want to adopt? That's just looking after someone else's child.

I now have a DS but I've never forgot that comment.

[ohbigdaddio]

oh my god, these comments!

A friend has just told me again today to "remember you can only bring joy into this world if you're feeling joy yourself" (the same one I mentioned earlier in this thread).

Feel so annoyed! Try feeling f*ing joy when you've been trying for a long time and have no guarantees it will ever happen!! Obvious that she has never struggled to get pregnant.

[Pawsbutton]

These examples are utterly dreadful.

Please forgive me for being insensitive myself, but it continues after you've had a child after years of IF.

• When are you going to have the next one?

• Only children become selfish and lonely.

• Well, you've had one baby, surely you can have another?

• You must "give him" a sibling

• I know you were very ill during the pregnancy and that you and your baby nearly died during the birth, but I'm sure that IN TEN YEARS TIME you won't regret going through it again to "have a sibling".

It's so horrible and isolating.

No one understands until it has happened again.

[PeaOp]

Why don't you just adopt / use a surrogate.

Just. No.

[PeaOp]

Sorry, to clarify it's the use of the word 'just' for both instances as if it were something you could pop to the shops for and didn't involve any thought/soul searching etc...

[Hornbeamer]

Mother in law bought me sexy underwear implying that maybe I wasn't getting pregnant as not alluring enough in the sack. OH was horrified!

[tigerdog]

Well this is all too familiar! Never ceases to amaze me just how insensitive people can be.

Peaop my response to "why don't you just adopt" is usually "why didn't YOU just adopt?". It also drives me mad, especially on threads about IVF funding and the like, when stupid fuckers with their own kids bang on about their being too many children in the world and that others should just adopt. Why is it just infertile people who must think of adoption and not all would-be parents?! Grrrr!

My parents have both been shite. Ddad, quick to distance himself from my issues by insisting it was nothing to do with his side of the family as they all have loads of kids. No words of comfort or empathy. Cheers Dad, and for the record, it turns out that I have a hereditary blood disorder passed on from both parents, so fuck you very much for that one.

My mother complained that I hadn't told her I was pregnant but had told my sister, because she wanted some excitement. This was AFTER I'd miscarried at 11 weeks ffs! I did tell her about the subsequent pregnancy, which I also miscarried, but she hasn't once asked me how I am or expressed any sympathy.

[ScottishJaggyNettle]

Hornbeamer You won the WTF contest! Mine said to try standing on my head to keep the "stuff in" . I thought that was bad but you win!

Treaclespongeandcustard I have no idea they must have thought he was shagging me in the ear hole! Not knocking one out or something. Idiots really.

[chewbaccathehooky]

My usually lovely mum, just a couple of weeks after my IVF failed and my SIL announced her pregnancy: "Thank GOD I can now start buying baby clothes for someone."
That has never left me

[Chattycat78]

sorry everyone. These all suck. People are terrible.

I told a work colleague who I thought was a friend about how I was having to do ivf. She was pregnant. About a day later I got a meeting request to attend a meeting to announce the sex of her baby after the 20 week scan. I was also made to vote as to what I thought the sex of the baby would be.

That really stung after I had cried to her about my needing ivf.

[ShinyGirl]

Hornblower wins.

[CrowOnTheBroom]

Said to me by a midwife after hearing I'd had 3 miscarriages:

"Well of course in my day many women wouldn't have even known they were pregnant until they'd missed two periods, and probably wouldn't have noticed an early miscarriage."

1. It may have been early, but there's no way my early miscarriages were like a period.
   
2. So back in her day these poor women may not have got any help or support for months or even years?
   
3. Was that actually meant to make me feel better?
   ffs. Feel pissed off again just typing that.
   to all you lovely ladies x

[DaisyLouB]

Reminds me of when I was 29 years old and after having suffered 3 mc I decided to look into alternative therapies and booked an accupuncture session. The therapist asked me during one of the sessions if I had any sisters and that 'maybe one of them can be a surrogate or donate eggs to me?' I felt quite offended that she had In a way written off my own fertility. This was in my first (and last) accupuncture session with this clinic. Pissed me right off.

[Areyourevising]

My exSIL came to my house a week after my second MC with some photocopies from a book explaining why you MC. She was very keen to point out that I was probably allergic to my OH sperm and therefore wouldn't be able to sustain a pregnancy.

[BlahBlahBlahEtc]

When my friend was talking about her not being able to have children to a small group of 'close' friends, one of them said, "well at least you can still go on your holidays! " another one piped in with "and always have enough sleep" and chuckled away to themselves like my friend wasn't even there anymore.
She came round to mine and cried her heart out

[closephine85]

I particularly like "oh well, you can have fun trying!" Just shows how little comprehension others can have of the situation if they that 3.5 years of religiously timed sex is fun.

IVF being referred to as 'exciting' really grates on me too.

[sparechange]

I've just remembered another one...
I lost a baby at 24 weeks and then had a failed round of IVF a few months after that.
A friend knew all of this

She texted me early one morning to say she was worried she was pregnant with her FWB and could I come over for her to do a test and did I know how she could get an abortion because 'eurgh I really really don't want a baby right now'

And SIL at Christmas, after asking about our ttc plans and being told about 2 miscarriages and 5 failed IVF rounds
'I always think you're just going to turn up here one day with a huge bump and say "surprise"'

[bumblebee61]

Not that i have ever said any of these things but its good to be aware of how careful everyone should be when talking to childless couples to avoid saying something tactless. My heart goes out to you all .

[Hornbeamer]

Closephine85 friend told me ivf would be an adventure!

[RudeDog]

When DH told MIL about our IVF ' can you not, I don't want anymore GC'

You know, because it's all about you isn't it...