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With no parents as a child to help me to learn cleaning/ organisational/ budgeting skills, my home has become horrific and I am hoping someone has tips please? Possible TW in my background

314 replies

LadyInParis · 27/02/2021 15:02

So as above, I never had effective parents (so called father ditched when I was 2, mum then married stepfather when I was 4, and all I saw from then until she committed suicide when I was 13, was an alternate cycle between when she left him and became a happy and sober single wonderful mother who taught me how to be the kind genuine and considerate person I am today, and she was lots of fun, and the other half of the cycle where she got back with him, and exposed me to viewing extreme physical abuse from him to her, and then her subsequent drinking and not being present as a parent. I saw her being wheeled out by paramedics throwing up pills and so on, it was horrific, then she committed suicide when I was 13.)

So as a bit of background I was basically living in fear all of the time, and desperate need for validation and love, as well as the need to protect her and my little brother, it was all just pure emotional and physical trauma. Always basically in survival mode. Although she was a wonderful person and a wonderful mother when she was well (I understand this may be hard to understand- as on the face of it you could easily say she was the worst mother ever but.. I was there- and I can’t take away from her the wonderful things she taught me)

Anyway I digress! The point is from age 2 up until age 13, my life was one big mess of emotional chaos and trauma. From there, I was passed around from family member to family member, often in extremely toxic environments. I recall being around age 15/16 and running away. To avoid the streets I (unbelievably) went to stay with my stepdad (I know Hmm ) but I really didn’t want to live on the streets. After a while he sat me down and told me I had to leave. I was heartbroken thinking I had done something wrong. On the contrary- in his words (remember I was 15/16) I “reminded him too much of my mum and he ‘wanted’ me.” (This turned out later to be the tip of that vile iceberg). Then I went into the hands of social services who deemed me “too old” for proper housing with say foster care but too young yet for a real home of my own. In other words we can’t help you... so they put me in a bed and breakfast alone and gave me 5 pounds a day to live on. My life did improve to some extent and I ended up in college then university and then later got my own flat. By then I had run up huge debts. Was behind in many bills, and generally struggled to maintain or create any kind of proper home life schedule in terms of budgeting, shopping, paying bills and all of that stuff. I was often in the dark and freezing cold with no food because of my lack of skills meaning I had no money for those things. I struggled to maintain jobs, I just struggled. I was there for 7 years before I went to Paris, and met my now fiancé who I live with, in Paris, and he provides an excellent source of emotional support and has a very good job meaning that although I don’t work (I don’t speak the language despite living here for 3 years and I struggle to even go out) we don’t struggle for money. I am still clearly struggling to “be an adult”.

So when we first moved into this apartment (our second one) I was so happy. I had a cleaning cupboard, I kept it so lovely and clean and it was amazing. Then I suffered a really bad bout of long depression. And my fiancé and me let the place get out of control. Which made my depression and anxiety worse, and therefore my coping skills and house keeping skills worse. Like a cycle.

I have now gotten out of this cycle of depression and I want my home back!!! I want to learn to budget. I want to do shopping that doesn’t leave loads of out of date wasted food. I want to cook daily and clean daily (normal top up cleaning) and plan my budget and shopping around the weekly meals. He works so so hard to give us a wonderful life. I think the least I can do, instead of staying in bed depressed all day, is keep a nice home and cook dinner for us both, and do the food shopping (because when I got into my depression he was working hard, doing the shopping, getting my medicine, washing clothes, etc) and this really isn’t on. He’s been great about it, but that isn’t the point. I want to take all this stuff off his hands- he has recently become extremely stressed and quite unwell due to exhaustion and this was a big factor in me having my eyes forced open and waking me up to real life - pulling myself out of my depression. The shame of it!!

There are so many repairs I need to do. Painting too which is half finished. I need to also essentially clear out whole rooms to clean inside cupboards then re fill them after a sort out. I need to have a good sort through and get rid of clutter. I need to clean the sofa. I need to clean every single surface and continue the painting and do the repairs. All whilst implementing the new budget and cooking and shopping regime. I need to wash soooo many cushion covers and throws and clothes. I need to make space. There is so so so much that needs doing that I am just completely overwhelmed by it all. The whole place needs a complete overhaul, scrub, sort out and throw, clean, organise, and repairs as well as decorating finished. All whilst maintaining said food and shopping stuff as above.

I don’t know where to start, it’s all so overwhelming that I feel massively stressed at the idea of it all. It makes it so hard to just even start! I don’t know where to start! I have a list of all that needs doing, and I have made charts for budgets and things like that.

But practically speaking I don’t know where to start. All I see is the whole thing. I struggle to break it down in my mind. I’m lost.

Does anyone have any kind of advice or ideas on how I can start the process and see things I can do one at a time rather than seeing the whole thing and being overwhelmed? Has anyone been in similar, and gotten through it? And how? Anything would be helpful right now. I am so ashamed and I really really miss the beginning when we first moved in and I had my cleaning cupboard and everything was done to the T- I even used to dry the kitchen sink I was that “on top” of things. I miss that so terribly!

I never had a role model ever, to see how a house should be run. Although I know how, it was never ingrained in me and my mental health and trauma means that even though I technically “know” how to be a proper adult, it’s very hard for me to actually put it into place. Especially when I get depressed. Once our home is back to normal I know it’s so much easier to keep on top of. But how do I get back there? It’s so very overwhelming. I’m scared.

Please help?

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LadyInParis · 27/02/2021 15:23

I know that I should just do room by room and that’s that. But because it’s not so simple as “clean the room” (as I said repairs, painting, etc) it is hard because my anxiety alone exhausts me when I think ok I’ll have paint tins and repair things everywhere in other rooms until the lot is done, and the idea of a lovely kitchen (say I start there) then going back to my gross lounge then bedroom makes me want to just move house and start again. It’s terribly mentally exhausting trying to navigate not only the the stuff that needs doing, but the rooms that are left in a mess whilst I have perfect rooms that I have done. It sounds so silly but in my mind it’s so so much to navigate between all I have to do and my anxiety. I know I just need to kick myself up the arse and do it, but it creates so many issues because of my mental health. I’m lucky that my fiancé is off work for two weeks, so I have some help to get it done easier. I just don’t know where to start. I could clean a room but then I have to finish painting and do repairs then go back to the horrible undone rooms after. I guess I am feeling really overwhelmed and the idea of it all just makes me feel tired.

Is it really a case of just go room by room and get it done and deal with the anxiety as I go? I suppose it is really. I guess posting to see how others handled things in this situation and came up with ideas to make the mental and physical difficulty easier. Or just support. I don’t know! There isn’t any magical “fix” so perhaps I just need to start “somewhere” don’t I..

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liverpool1981 · 27/02/2021 15:25

Hi
This all sounds rather exciting to me you have been through the worst and you are going to have a fresh start. On and up!!
1 get a box for charity and put all your old clothes, old ornaments all the dust collectors and put in bin
2 write down a list of all your favourite foods and start making and freezing eg chilli's soups Bolognese make 20 potions of each for days when you couldn't be bothered
3 start at top of room eg wash lamp shades wash all doors all skirting etc then start prep for painting by sanding all down or maybe not bother cleaning
4 go to garden centre and buy some seeds and plants for your garden
5 cleaning rota needs drawn up and stick to it . General clean everyday and 10 mins max each day in each room
6 spend 1 day now on kitchen cupboards and all food in an orderly fashion
7 wash all curtains
I hope this helps a bit
Good luck

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liverpool1981 · 27/02/2021 15:26

Also play your fav music as you go

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mamakoukla · 27/02/2021 15:34

There are some threads were people in similar situations, either sorting out or helping somebody out, so a search might help. Probably start with small items which are highly visible and small effort gives a big return. In a home, perhaps kitchen, bathroom, living area. I would start from the kitchen - dishes washed. Surfaces cleaned. Then begin cupboards and drawers. Prepare a food you love, simple dishes are good. Pour love into what you do and it will reflect back to you. Realize that this is going to be a long process and understand what this means. Some days are fantastic, others a bit meh but just keep putting one step in front of the other and take pride in every win, no matter how small.

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JackieweaverhasALLtheauthority · 27/02/2021 15:35

I would forget about painting until everywhere is clean and tidy.
Kitchen first. Then bathroom. Then living room. Finally bedroom.

Bin as much as possible.

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LadyInParis · 27/02/2021 15:50

This all sounds rather exciting to me you have been through the worst and you are going to have a fresh start. On and up!!

What a wonderful way to view all this mess of mine- thank you! You’re very right about that and it has helped me see it from a view that I didn’t before.

1 get a box for charity and put all your old clothes, old ornaments all the dust collectors and put in bin

Great idea! I didn’t think of this, thank you!

2 write down a list of all your favourite foods and start making and freezing eg chilli's soups Bolognese make 20 potions of each for days when you couldn't be bothered

Annoying small Paris kitchen- so I have only one of those tiny freezer sections- however if I clear out the half frozen into the ice stuff we never eat this is a great idea. Weirdly, I have started cooking every night and actually enjoy this (we sort of clear a little space in the kitchen so I can cook) and I do like to have leftovers (he eats a lot haha! So I could use the very small bit of the freezer for some things, and the fridge for others- as it never lasts long!) so a great idea here as I sometimes can’t be bothered so I could use the tiny bit of freezer space for those days.

3 start at top of room eg wash lamp shades wash all doors all skirting etc then start prep for painting by sanding all down or maybe not bother cleaning

This is great idea I didn’t consider. I just see the entire mess! So starting from the top gives me some kind of structure that separates it from “the whole thing”

4 go to garden centre and buy some seeds and plants for your garden

Again annoying french apartment no garden but we do have one of those balcony hangers for plants so this is a great idea to brighten up the place whilst being easier to maintain than a garden.

5 cleaning rota needs drawn up and stick to it . General clean everyday and 10 mins max each day in each room

I actually really enjoy cleaning when the place isn’t a disgusting hovel as it is now! So keeping on top isn’t hard at all. Although this is a great idea to have anyway for the days I might feel a bit depressed isn’t it? Because then not only will I have a set simple ten mins daily rota, it’ll also ensure my home keeps clean during those times, and also I’m sure that having this will prevent my depression from going to extremes and the apartment being neglected to the point that it gets like it is now which makes my depression worse- it would stop that cycle wouldn’t it!

6 spend 1 day now on kitchen cupboards and all food in an orderly fashion

This is a good idea. Instead of overwhelming myself with the whole room inc repairs, I could just do kitchen cupboards one day, repairs another, or whatever, until eventually the room is done. Then on to the next. And I think that once I start one room even just the cupboards - I will end up actually finishing the room because I won’t feel overwhelmed. Brava! Wonderful idea.

7 wash all curtains

So helpful just breaking down certain things instead of seeing the lot and being overwhelmed.

I hope this helps a bit
Good luck

It helped a lot actually. I feel more positive now- thank you so so much! It might seem like small things to you, but for me (especially your first comment about being happy to be where I am now) have helped me see it in a different way. I need to stop being so negative and hard on myself and take each thing as I can handle them, and be proud. And it’ll get done even if I do small chunks at a time. I think I’m too hard on myself when I’m not depressed, and expect myself to be able to get the lot done in a day or two and that is what is making me scared to even start. I need to be realistic and a bit kinder to myself.

I miss my cleaning cupboard!! (Size of a wardrobe compete with brooms and mops and hoover and rags and all kinds!) I used to love it- so easy to keep on top of an already clean house and I was so proud of myself back then. It was amazing! I can’t wait to get that all back (poor fiancé just crammed it with shite but he was exhausted doing the work of two people at the time so who can blame him)

I appreciate your support Flowers

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LadyInParis · 27/02/2021 15:53

In a home, perhaps kitchen, bathroom, living area. I would start from the kitchen - dishes washed. Surfaces cleaned. Then begin cupboards and drawers. Prepare a food you love, simple dishes are good. Pour love into what you do and it will reflect back to you. Realize that this is going to be a long process and understand what this means. Some days are fantastic, others a bit meh but just keep putting one step in front of the other and take pride in every win, no matter how small.

This is a really good point. To take the small victories. I think I’m too hard on myself and expect to be able to do it all in a couple of days and when this very difficult goal seems so unattainable I beat myself up over it and end up feeling so crap I don’t bother at all. Small victories are still wins aren’t they. Thank you!

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LadyInParis · 27/02/2021 15:57

I would forget about painting until everywhere is clean and tidy.
Kitchen first. Then bathroom. Then living room. Finally bedroom.


Good point re the painting and repairs. Get it clean first.

Bin as much as possible.

I plan to- the clutter is awful! But I think I need to be more strict about this

Thank you so much - I’m starting to feel my energy come back and ready to get stuck in! Perhaps I just needed a few ideas and some support. Thank you, and everyone else.

@mamakoukla

There are some threads were people in similar situations, either sorting out or helping somebody out, so a search might help.

Thank you I will have a search

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ItsLoisSangersFault · 27/02/2021 15:58

Flowers I'm so sorry your childhood was so awful.

I'm not down slightly domesticated, but what really helps me is reminding something a clean and tidy person once said to me: its amazing what you can get done in ten minures

Good luck.

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HarveySchlumpfenburger · 27/02/2021 16:01

Another option might be unfuck your habitat. Rather than doing 1 room and then having the rest undone, you do a bit at a time. It sounds like that might work better for you.

www.unfuckyourhabitat.com/emergency-cleaning/

This is the emergency clean, which you might not need. Or at least not need all of it. They’ve also got daily/weekly/monthly checklists in there which might be helpful. I’d you get the app, you can check them off as you go.

I’d focus on the stuff you can see first and leave sorting the cupboards until last.

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Justforphoto · 27/02/2021 16:03

Do not do too much at once, What ever you do do not empty out all the kitchen cupboards in one go. Never do more than 1 at a time, same with sorting out any drawers. Try to plan 15-20 minute jobs then take a break. If the kitchen is overrun then break that down into smaller jobs. 1 the washing up, 2 clean the cooker and work tops 3 clean out the fridge. Take breaks and remember to look at how much you have achieved in a short time.

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lazylinguist · 27/02/2021 16:05

Goodness - I'm sorry to hear all that you went through. Frankly, plenty of people find 'adulting' a challenge, including people who have a lot less reason than you do. It's great that you have a nice apartment and a fiancé now!

The first thing to remember is 'Rome wasn't built in a day.' Your apartment will take time to sort out, and that's ok. It would take anyone a long time to sort out, clean and make repairs in a whole apartment. It's a marathon, not a sprint. No, not a marathon, a long vigorous walk ending at a lovely location!

Try to find ways of approaching it as an enjoyable project instead of a problem to be remedied. Do everything you can to make it a pleasant way to spend your time - nice music while you work, take photos of bits you've sorted and made look nice. Get a nice notebook, make a list of jobs and tick them off as you do them. You can also have pages for ideas - about colours of paint, or where to put things etc.

I love lists - go into a room with your notebook and look around. Jot down anything that needs doing - 1) declutter and chuck stuff out/put in bags for charity shop 2) Clean soft furnishings, walls and floors etc.

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LadyInParis · 27/02/2021 16:05

@ItsLoisSangersFault

Thank you for this! Maybe I needed to hear from others that it’s ok to take it ten minutes at a time. I think the self disgust I feel at letting it get to this stage has made me too hard on myself- and thus set really unattainable and unrealistic goals. That’s probably why it seems too overwhelming. Because I have set in my mind an overwhelming amount of things to do in an overwhelmingly short amount of time. I need to set small achievable goals and stick to them- that way it will actually get done even if it takes longer. Better it takes longer than I sit here frozen in terror and doing nothing, or try doing too much at once and giving up. Thank you

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Woodlandbelle · 27/02/2021 16:11

I want to write a proper post but just have to pop out but really want to say you are amazing to have coped with all that you have been through and university too and now a lovely man to share your life with. Have you got netflix to watch Marie Kondo (really good inspiration on you tube too)

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HarveySchlumpfenburger · 27/02/2021 16:14

Doing everything at once is how habits die before they get ingrained.

I’d focus on getting into a routine where you do a bit of the cleaning/tidying everyday possibly at the same time. And then if you want to take a quick break and spend some time decluttering/sorting/repairing or spend some time at a different time of day doing that you can.

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MutteringDarkly · 27/02/2021 16:18

There's something too I think about a need to be kind to your future self: there are going to be days when you're unwell / exhausted and if you can use your energy now to plan a few things that will make life easier then, that would be good. This could be:

  • a bucket in the bathroom with spray, cleaning wipes, bleach, so you could do a 1 minute wipe round sitting on the edge of the bath
  • a spare roll of bin liners in the bottom of the bin, so when you empty it, it's easy to just lift up the next bag liner if that makes sense
  • a few tins of soup / jar of pesto / packs of noodles, so you could make a five minute meal
  • a good supply of cleaning stuff, so the task doesn't seem even bigger by having to go out and buy spray because you've run out etc


I think it might be important to say that in families without disruption and trauma, cleaning and tidying is still inconsistent sometimes and that's ok - you are not aiming for perfect here Smile

But overall, get rid of as much as you can, because it means cleaning is so much faster and you'll have more space to breathe. Try and keep only what you actually love, or genuinely need.
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LadyInParis · 27/02/2021 16:21

@RafaIsTheKingOfClay

Thank you so much I will have a look at that- I tried to find some apps to help but they seemed more aimed at general “keeping on top” tidying as opposed to “disgusting house needing overhaul!” Also your idea of doing what you can see first is a wonderful idea I hadn’t even considered at all! And makes the whole idea much MUCH less of a minefield that I can’t even begin to contemplate!

@Justforphoto

Thank you for your suggestions- again another idea I hadn’t even thought of. I thought well if I do one room I have to do it all- repairs and all. Clearly that’s counter productive and not helping me. Thank you!

@lazylinguist

Thank you so much for that post, all of it was very helpful to me. Some great ideas and very positive too. Thank you for your kindness about my last. I love lists too and the ideas about photos. I loved this in particular “No, not a marathon, a long vigorous walk ending at a lovely location!” This is very true! I want my lovely home back and that is my destination! My lovely destination at the end. And the adulting too- it is so very hard! When I have the blank slate of a clean house I actually enjoy the adulting part- keeping it clean and cooking etc. Shopping and all of that (well I do now, in my current very happy home situation). I just struggle when I get depressed and then any idea of adulting goes out of the window. I would like to stop this cycle. Lists and ten minute spot cleans when all this is done will be very helpful to stop this issue in future, as well as other suggestions on here will.

I appreciate you all very much- I feel invigorated!

I think a lot of the shame comes from keeping it secret and not telling anyone. I have found that posting it and getting non judgmental and helpful replies back, have really reduced that shame. The shame keeps me in the mind frame of sadness and helplessness and that isn’t helpful, so this has been helpful and liberating in that way. That I’m now far more excited to get it done.

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Purplerayhan · 27/02/2021 16:22

Just to add, please don't feel shame. YOU are doing things that are positive, shame is for when you are trying to process what others want you to feel. PLEASE be PROUD of yourself - you've recognised an issue, you've sought support to help you, you've got a plan....the key thing there is YOU. And YOU are at the centre of all the positive changes. So WELL DONE!
would doing before, DURING AND after photos help you see how far you've come? Chipping away sometimes can feel so satisfying. I'm doing a room at a time and it's taken months to do one room, but when I did the last thing and ironed the curtains I'd washed and put them back up, I felt so proud. For me, having little rewards helped....a bath after wiping down the skirting boards and doors, a bit of puppy after hoovering inside the wardrobe (yes, it was THAT bad - just the inside filled the Hoover bagSad) after finishing it today, I've bought a small Asda bunch of flowers and am delighting in them and the room. Small victories lead to won wars! Sending you love Flowers

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InTheKitchenAtParties · 27/02/2021 16:23

@LadyInParis give yourself some credit for all you've overcome and achieve! Your resilience and strength is remarkable.
You've been given some great advice here on moving forward. You're more than capable. Please be kind to yourself

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snowdropsandcrocuses · 27/02/2021 16:27

Hi op. There's a Facebook group called TOMM (The Organised Mum Method). Essentially you clean a room a day with weekends off. This is obviously for when you have the place how you want it. However there are a few posters on there that literally tackled their homes on 30 minutes sections. So, one day you tackle work surfaces in the kitchen. Then work round the room. Bin area, walls, work surfaces, floor etc. With the first round, get everything visibly clear (even if your cupboards are bursting). Work through each room, binning the obvious stuff and storing things you don't have the energy for but it is essential you don't burn out. Set a timer and work for your allotted time (say 30 minutes a day minimum).

Once your spaces are clearer you can start to focus on specific tasks. Use TOMM Or other method to keep up with the general cleaning and then focus on the grittier jobs. Clear out cupboards one at a time. Make that repair. Paint that wall. Keep a list and reward yourself for ticking off each job.

Basic rules
Always have an exit plan - where are you taking the stuff you are getting rid of?
Keep manageable goals
One room or space at a time

If I were you I would probably focus on bedroom and kitchen. Bedroom means you get to wake up in a calm place and puts you in mind to carry on achieving. Kitchen because you are already feeling rewarded by being in there and cooking.

As for meals, write out a month of dates. Plan meals for the whole month (include things that will last a couple of days and allow days off (takeaway night or simple sandwiches?). Shop once a week only for items on the list. Sorted. This will take you 30 minutes and should be included as one of your daily achievements because it's a pain writing it out. You will thank yourself every day for the next 29 though!

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snowdropsandcrocuses · 27/02/2021 16:29

Also, who doesn't love a progress story? Post daily on your achievements and let us applaud your awesomeness as you work your way through. (Pics are even better!)

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LadyInParis · 27/02/2021 16:34

@Woodlandbelle

I want to write a proper post but just have to pop out but really want to say you are amazing to have coped with all that you have been through and university too and now a lovely man to share your life with. Have you got netflix to watch Marie Kondo (really good inspiration on you tube too)

Thank you so much for your kind words! I will have a look at Marie Kondo. I have tried to watch her before but perhaps wasn’t in the right frame of mind- I just saw Wonder Woman and compared her to useless me! I need to watch her with a different mind frame as she is good!

@RafaIsTheKingOfClay

Doing everything at once is how habits die before they get ingrained.

I’d focus on getting into a routine where you do a bit of the cleaning/tidying everyday possibly at the same time. And then if you want to take a quick break and spend some time decluttering/sorting/repairing or spend some time at a different time of day doing that you can.

Yes this is really well put. I need to see it as smaller things at a time instead of seeing the whole entire home and feeling overwhelmed. When it’s much more helpful to do bits and pieces here and there- at least that way it does ultimately all get done doesn’t it. Thank you

@MutteringDarkly

There's something too I think about a need to be kind to your future self: there are going to be days when you're unwell / exhausted and if you can use your energy now to plan a few things that will make life easier then, that would be good. This could be:

- a bucket in the bathroom with spray, cleaning wipes, bleach, so you could do a 1 minute wipe round sitting on the edge of the bath

This is a fantastic idea!!!

- a spare roll of bin liners in the bottom of the bin, so when you empty it, it's easy to just lift up the next bag liner if that makes sense

Again - another amazing idea I wouldn’t have thought of in a million years!!

- a few tins of soup / jar of pesto / packs of noodles, so you could make a five minute meal

I love this idea- sometimes (as much as I love cooking) I really don’t want to go all out from scratch every day (as I generally do)

- a good supply of cleaning stuff, so the task doesn't seem even bigger by having to go out and buy spray because you've run out etc

Love this idea- I did have this in my beloved (now junk filled) cleaning cupboard- lots of extras and many supplies and I loved it!!!

I think it might be important to say that in families without disruption and trauma, cleaning and tidying is still inconsistent sometimes and that's ok - you are not aiming for perfect here smile

This is true!

But overall, get rid of as much as you can, because it means cleaning is so much faster and you'll have more space to breathe. Try and keep only what you actually love, or genuinely need.

Thank you this is my aim also- we have so much clutter as “ornaments” and it just doesn’t help!! We even have bags of ornaments on top of one cupboard we haven’t even used!! (My fault- I love the flea markets pre Covid in Paris!)

This advice is fantastic- I’m feeling a lot more energy to just do something- even something small when earlier (as I posted my thread) I just felt.. defeated. Thank you all. What wonderful ideas!!

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Dugee · 27/02/2021 16:35

This all sounds rather exciting to me you have been through the worst and you are going to have a fresh start. On and up!!

This is a great way to view it. OP you sound lovely and I hope everything works out for you.

I agree with putting some music on while you are cleaning, my running and cleaning playlists are the same.

I'd also agree with making a big list and then breaking it down to do-able chunks and just getting started. Even if you only manage to clear out a drawer today, it's a start.

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fallenover · 27/02/2021 16:39

Look for Team Tomm on Facebook or Fly Lady - both have great systems which work. Good Luck.

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HarveySchlumpfenburger · 27/02/2021 16:42

Adulting is very difficult with depression and anxiety. Been here a lot before.
Best thing to do is break things up into really small, manageable tasks that you can achieve and don’t set a goal of doing too many just yet. If you pick a bunch of stuff from your list and set yourself a goal of doing it over the next week but don’t manage it, you are going to feel much worse than if you’d maybe just picked 3 things but ended up doing all of them and more.

The photo idea is a really good one.

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