With no parents as a child to help me to learn cleaning/ organisational/ budgeting skills, my home has become horrific and I am hoping someone has tips please? Possible TW in my background

[LadyInParis]

So as above, I never had effective parents (so called father ditched when I was 2, mum then married stepfather when I was 4, and all I saw from then until she committed suicide when I was 13, was an alternate cycle between when she left him and became a happy and sober single wonderful mother who taught me how to be the kind genuine and considerate person I am today, and she was lots of fun, and the other half of the cycle where she got back with him, and exposed me to viewing extreme physical abuse from him to her, and then her subsequent drinking and not being present as a parent. I saw her being wheeled out by paramedics throwing up pills and so on, it was horrific, then she committed suicide when I was 13.)

So as a bit of background I was basically living in fear all of the time, and desperate need for validation and love, as well as the need to protect her and my little brother, it was all just pure emotional and physical trauma. Always basically in survival mode. Although she was a wonderful person and a wonderful mother when she was well (I understand this may be hard to understand- as on the face of it you could easily say she was the worst mother ever but.. I was there- and I can’t take away from her the wonderful things she taught me)

Anyway I digress! The point is from age 2 up until age 13, my life was one big mess of emotional chaos and trauma. From there, I was passed around from family member to family member, often in extremely toxic environments. I recall being around age 15/16 and running away. To avoid the streets I (unbelievably) went to stay with my stepdad (I know ) but I really didn’t want to live on the streets. After a while he sat me down and told me I had to leave. I was heartbroken thinking I had done something wrong. On the contrary- in his words (remember I was 15/16) I “reminded him too much of my mum and he ‘wanted’ me.” (This turned out later to be the tip of that vile iceberg). Then I went into the hands of social services who deemed me “too old” for proper housing with say foster care but too young yet for a real home of my own. In other words we can’t help you... so they put me in a bed and breakfast alone and gave me 5 pounds a day to live on. My life did improve to some extent and I ended up in college then university and then later got my own flat. By then I had run up huge debts. Was behind in many bills, and generally struggled to maintain or create any kind of proper home life schedule in terms of budgeting, shopping, paying bills and all of that stuff. I was often in the dark and freezing cold with no food because of my lack of skills meaning I had no money for those things. I struggled to maintain jobs, I just struggled. I was there for 7 years before I went to Paris, and met my now fiancé who I live with, in Paris, and he provides an excellent source of emotional support and has a very good job meaning that although I don’t work (I don’t speak the language despite living here for 3 years and I struggle to even go out) we don’t struggle for money. I am still clearly struggling to “be an adult”.

So when we first moved into this apartment (our second one) I was so happy. I had a cleaning cupboard, I kept it so lovely and clean and it was amazing. Then I suffered a really bad bout of long depression. And my fiancé and me let the place get out of control. Which made my depression and anxiety worse, and therefore my coping skills and house keeping skills worse. Like a cycle.

I have now gotten out of this cycle of depression and I want my home back!!! I want to learn to budget. I want to do shopping that doesn’t leave loads of out of date wasted food. I want to cook daily and clean daily (normal top up cleaning) and plan my budget and shopping around the weekly meals. He works so so hard to give us a wonderful life. I think the least I can do, instead of staying in bed depressed all day, is keep a nice home and cook dinner for us both, and do the food shopping (because when I got into my depression he was working hard, doing the shopping, getting my medicine, washing clothes, etc) and this really isn’t on. He’s been great about it, but that isn’t the point. I want to take all this stuff off his hands- he has recently become extremely stressed and quite unwell due to exhaustion and this was a big factor in me having my eyes forced open and waking me up to real life - pulling myself out of my depression. The shame of it!!

There are so many repairs I need to do. Painting too which is half finished. I need to also essentially clear out whole rooms to clean inside cupboards then re fill them after a sort out. I need to have a good sort through and get rid of clutter. I need to clean the sofa. I need to clean every single surface and continue the painting and do the repairs. All whilst implementing the new budget and cooking and shopping regime. I need to wash soooo many cushion covers and throws and clothes. I need to make space. There is so so so much that needs doing that I am just completely overwhelmed by it all. The whole place needs a complete overhaul, scrub, sort out and throw, clean, organise, and repairs as well as decorating finished. All whilst maintaining said food and shopping stuff as above.

I don’t know where to start, it’s all so overwhelming that I feel massively stressed at the idea of it all. It makes it so hard to just even start! I don’t know where to start! I have a list of all that needs doing, and I have made charts for budgets and things like that.

But practically speaking I don’t know where to start. All I see is the whole thing. I struggle to break it down in my mind. I’m lost.

Does anyone have any kind of advice or ideas on how I can start the process and see things I can do one at a time rather than seeing the whole thing and being overwhelmed? Has anyone been in similar, and gotten through it? And how? Anything would be helpful right now. I am so ashamed and I really really miss the beginning when we first moved in and I had my cleaning cupboard and everything was done to the T- I even used to dry the kitchen sink I was that “on top” of things. I miss that so terribly!

I never had a role model ever, to see how a house should be run. Although I know how, it was never ingrained in me and my mental health and trauma means that even though I technically “know” how to be a proper adult, it’s very hard for me to actually put it into place. Especially when I get depressed. Once our home is back to normal I know it’s so much easier to keep on top of. But how do I get back there? It’s so very overwhelming. I’m scared.

Please help?

@Mn753

Borderline personality disorder is sometimes known as complex ptsd I think? This would make sense in your case.

I had a quick read about complex ptsd.. interesting as it does fit better. I was more replying to the lady who mentioned possibly having adhd, because I haven’t found through all my years searching. Anything that “fits”. So I just kind of stopped looking. And when I did I felt better for it really. All I know for sure is that I need some therapy to deal with the trauma, but that searching for a label really hasn’t been helpful. Though the complex ptsd thing I read was very interesting and a lot more applicable! Thank you for that!!

@Gice

Apologies if I’m repeating anyone but I just wanted to say that your list is great but please don’t feel like you have to tick off everything in one room all at once. ANYTHING you do, no matter how tiny, is still progress. Even if it’s only half a task.

Thank you for this, how lovely and helpful! If I can just take the overwhelming pressure off myself I would probably get far more done than I planned I think!

It’s a lot easier to motivate yourself to do just one small thing than it is a whole list if you’re struggling.

This in spades! Thank you for confirming what I think and what others have said too. I appreciate it!

@minniemoocher

Firstly the key is a routine. I don't think you are working so I suggest you schedule blocks of time each day to do set tasks eg Monday morning after Dp leaves strip bed and do laundry, clean bathroom, cup of tea/coffee break, work out what to cook for the week and go to the shops for supplies. Home lunch break. Put sheets etc into dryer, put on another wash load, prep dinner. Tea break, (I would watch a programme, read, browse internet etc until dryer finished- out sheets back on, second washing load into dryer, cook dinner

Tuesdays and Thursdays I would suggest are diy days, choose one room to get finished and work on it until it's finished, then organise it and get it perfectly- do take breaks, these are essential to maintain good mood etc and stop by 4pm to get some me time before cooking.

Wednesday laundry on, then it's clean kitchen day, if it's like mine it takes 2-3 hours as I first need to clear up, I'm messy! Try to spend time organising one-two cupboards each week as well as generally cleaning. I'm usually going for a top up shop too by Wednesday. (Actually on Mondays I rarely have the will to think for the whole week!)

Friday day off! Recharge your batteries but take stock of the amazing progress you have made in the week

This is great thank you! Yes I need to create and keep a routine. I’m really proud of my recent routine I have set of cooking and all the food stuff. It’s the first time I have ever set a routine and actually stuck to it - now it’s so easy! I’d imagine that if I do the same with cleaning that will become easy too

@Amore2

Well done on the cupboard, op. So much better. Maybe label the bags of animal food as I would forget what was in each but maybe that's just me!!
Your list is great. Now you can break it up and do a bit each day. I think you said you were going to start with the hall.

If you don't mind me saying, I would maybe get functional spaces like kitchen and bathroom sorted first if they need it..This is just my suggestion, of course so up to you. Starting with kitchen sink if it is messy, shine your sink and try to keep it maintained. Then do worktops, fridge etc...You know your situation though.

Yes you are right.. it’s a difficult one isn’t it really .. in terms of easy (therefore spurring me on further) versus useful!! I think I will do like you said and get the kitchen sorted. Then one of the biggest rooms is out the way.. and my cooking routine will improve massively too! Thank you 🙏

I would do kitchen, bathroom, bedroom, living space, hall/entry, miscellaneous room, outside space/window boxes but of course you know your situation more than me.

You've got this, op. flowers

Thank you so so much!

Right, better get on with my morning routine!! (Coffee first, shower, wipe sink and loo, 1 load laundry, wipe kitchen worktops,10 min hoover and then on with the day) that's enough for Sunday.

Sounds like you have it down!! Well done!

@Amore2

Sorry, reading back, not sure if I was clear. The list of rooms isn't all for one day, just a suggested order over a week or two.

Well this is a point I should have made earlier- my fiancé is off for two weeks. He rested the first week; this is the second week and he is now well rested and eager to help me with things before he goes back to work (work from home because of Covid) so I can just do upkeep and cooking while he works. So this has a massive impact time wise, I want it done this week and I think it’s doable. It’s really not that bad now I started .. I think the idea of it was more overwhelming than the reality but.. I suppose you will see for yourself when I post my first “big room” before and after so a week as you said (I wish I could do it all in one day haha!) thanks for your wonderful support !!

@Labobo

Hi OP, you sound like a lovely, wise, caring partner and I admire you as a fellow sufferer of depression whose home can get out of control.

Oh thank you for these lovely words. I don’t know what to say! It’s such a lovely thing to hear after all the self bashing I do telling myself I am a shit partner who mustn’t care that much.. but I really do.. it’s just so hard sometimes. Thank you for such lovely words

The biggest obstacle to over come is the overwhelm. The house didn't get like this in a day and you can't fix it in a day. Set yourself small tasks that you can do. I got mine from Flylady though I think these days there are easier sites to navigate.

Also this! It’s the overwhelm!! More than anything at all it’s the overwhelm! Thank you for putting into words what I couldn’t explain properly!

But quick top tips:

1) 27-thing-fling Get a bin bag, pick a room and chuck out 27 things you don't need. Broken things you'll never mend, old newspapers, dead plants or flowers etc - all that junk that makes your heart sink because you 'should have' watered the plant/mended the plug etc. Forget it. Chuck it. If you do this every day your house starts to unclutter itself.

2.) 5-minute room rescue. This is the best - I still use it all the time. Set a timer with alarm for 5 minutes. Do the big stuff first - hang up clothes, put damp towels in the washing hamper etc. Clear the surfaces, empty bins.

3) After the 5 minute rescue, if you want, do a 10 minute quick clean. This means - vacuum or mop the visible areas not everywhere. Clear the main surfaces and wipe them. Open windows wide. Plump up cushions etc.

That's just 15 mins and the room will look and smell better.

Do this to one room in the house each day. That's not overwhelm, that's just basic top up cleaning. For bathroom you scrub the loo, wipe down the basin, bath and shower, polish taps and mirrors, change the towels, chuck out empty toiletries. It shouldn't be perfect. It's what you can do in 15 minutes, no more.

4.) Pick your best time of day - morning or evening, depending on whether you're lark or owl, and get a routine going: wash load on, dishwasher emptied and reloaded, kitchen surfaces wiped down. A simple 30 minute routine that keeps things running. That's a washload a day (towels, sheets, darks, whites, mixed, delicates or wool, sportswear - one per day)

5.) Make 'altars'. This means small focal points of beauty in the home. When you've done the room rescue, put flowers beside a lit lamp and a photo of your DC, or fold a throw over the sofa, with cushions to make it inviting to sit down. Make small areas of the house look really good so the eye is naturally drawn to them. This is uplifting. One way to do it is to clear a shelf and put one thing on it - bit of art or a plant - just one. Very therapeutic.

I love love love alllll of these! What a wonderful set of tips! Thank you so so much!

@Iceskatingfan

OP regarding the tidying/cleaning/decluttering aspect of things I highly recommend checking out Dana K White AKA “A slob comes clean”. She has a podcast and a book called Decluttering at the speed of life and does have a few YouTube videos and a blog (I think she might also be on Facebook) but her podcast is the main thing she seems to use other than the books. She has some amazing non standard techniques for people who are easily overwhelmed or are not naturally tidy (or actively messy 😂) people and can help with that question of where to start (tip: actual rubbish first, and visible spaces first). She has helped me a lot when I previously just felt I could not get on top of my disorganised cluttered home at all.

This sounds great thank you! I’ll have a 👀 at that as it sounds very helpful for someone like me!!

@Iceskatingfan

Her programme is a lot more realistic and practical and less ambitious than Marie Kondo/Home Edit/Flylady which I love the idea of but needed to get the basics sorted first before I could even think of trying to get things to that level! She has a system which means you will always only ever make progress and don’t get into a situation where you’ve pulled everything out so the mess is even worse than before, and then get distracted/tired/busy/overwhelmed just leaving a bigger mess behind. I really recommend it for someone like yourself!

Thank you for this- I really appreciate it! I will have a look later on for sure

@lazylinguist

Well done on the cupboard, OP! Sounds like you're on a roll!

Thank you so much! I’m so excited!

I hope I didn’t miss anyone. I’m sorry for the long post just wanted to reply to everyone as some information I didn’t include which is very relevant, and I wanted to thank each poster for each bit of advice as you all have been so helpful. I think this post though long does explain a lot more about my situation also- my bad for not explaining too clearly! I wanted to reply to everyone individually anyway because you’ve all been so incredibly helpful in one way or another- it’s the least I can do.

Thank you all so so much! I will do before and after later. I’m definitely a night owl! So it’ll be later on wish me luck and cleaning dust! No not dust.. err bleach sprinkles????

Some bold fails there.. I hope it’s readable if anyone is interested in my essay anyway I am going to do the kitchen cleaning today.. you’re all correct that a utility room would be useful first

@LadyInParis

Some bold fails there.. I hope it’s readable if anyone is interested in my essay anyway I am going to do the kitchen cleaning today.. you’re all correct that a utility room would be useful first

Good luck up!

Up and at it!

Any red bull today or just good old fashioned motivation and raring to go?

Any red bull today or just good old fashioned motivation and raring to go?

😂😂😂😂😂😂😂 hell no.. just good old fashioned get up and go hahahaha! After last night I learned my lesson!

Just went and gave my lovely lovely fiancé a kiss and cuddle to thank him for getting the cleaning supplies today. Was such a nice thing for him to do and I didn’t ask him. He also got a lovely new throw (we will be throwing out many old ones) and a new bath mat (we will be throwing the old one) as well- which made me feel more motivated too! He’s so lovely. He gets on my nerves sometimes he really does but.. on the whole, I couldn’t ask for better! He just went and got it all while I was catching up on some sleep after not sleeping last night! I just told him we’re doing the kitchen later.

So it’s decided! The kitchen it is

Well done OP!

My spare room is starting look almost habitable again too 😃.

Oh I forgot to ask about this I’m so sorry! How have you got on with it? Did you do a few hours at a time or short bursts? I bet it’s looking lovely now!! Have you much more to do in there? Xx

OP you sound so lovely, your fiancé is lucky to have you! Congratulations on your cleaning cupboard! My practical advice from someone who has been in a similar situation is:

• as each room is sorted, what will make that easier to maintain? For example we switched to all white bedding and towels and bins with built in separate compartments for recycling and non
• I have two cleaning trugs with handles for kitchen+study and bathroom+bedroom; it duplicates some cleaning products but means I don’t have to keep going back and forth.

I’ve never lived in Paris but lived in Venice for a while and found going to the food markets a lovely way to get out and about, practice my Italian and have a little bit of social contact. And not have too much in!

I can sympathise. My house growing up was different to yours but ultimately the same outcome. It’s like I missed the memo about how to keep a house, what needs doing and when.
People say it’s common sense. But it’s not. I’ve found the TOMM app really good. It tells you when to clean and what to clean.
I also considered buying an old 1950’s house keeping book for advice. They were given as wedding presents and literally covered everything about running a house and garden.

Good luck op it looks like your off to a great start.

@LadyInParis

I think you’re right to be honest. A lot of things I do always in my mind are lacking in some way. A big thing right now is that I am setting up home with my future husband and I am struggling with a lot of things. Although it is what I want, somehow it doesn’t feel right. As though I am messing it up by trying to have a normal life. I feel like half a person often times. Or more accurately- I feel stuck in the child phase of life and like a phony, trying to “be the grown up”. I’m very lucky that my fiancé is so incredible. I’m very aware of how amazing he is not only because of my past with my mum, then my family, then my own horrific exes. But also because of what I have seen others go through, and the threads on here. Not to mention the fact that I couldn’t cope with me if it was the other way around- and he is aware of this. I have told him many times that I think he is amazing and strong because I couldn’t cope with me. And given that view that I have of myself yes it does make sense that I find things “lacking” even where they aren’t- or at least not as bad as my mind makes out. It’s just difficult. I want my mum. I am however lucky now- because his family is absolutely out of this world amazing!! Especially given the fact that they are not only Muslim (though not strict) but also an extremely different culture and life experience from me. Yet they accept me, welcome me, love me, and support me when he gets on my damn nerves haha. They are never judgemental when I struggle and they never side with him for “family sake”. He has 4 sisters one of which makes a massive effort and we are very close now. She has taught me a lot re being more patient and less intolerant, and I have helped her be more strong and more self assured in her relationship. His mum is awesome. They all are. So I’m lucky there. But still I find myself wondering why they love me? I genuinely don’t get it! Which is sad isn’t it really.

Anyway sorry for the tangent!!

Thank you for the lovely words regarding admiring my get up and go! I wish I was always in the mood to get up and go, but today I thought well there is a great resource there- why not ask for advice. The lovely replies were what helped me feel more inspired. Otherwise I probably would have put off starting for another week! I suppose if you look at the thread in and of its self- I appear to be proactive! More so than I really am. But I am trying, and I am fighting, and I am learning to be nicer to myself, and accept that I am worthy, and to do the things I deserve in life. Even if it’s just having a nice home.

I think a change of scenery would do me the world of good. I haven’t been outside in almost a month. That’s partly the reason I want to go to the supermarket tomorrow and blow loads of money on fancy cleaning stuff! It’ll help me motivate and it’ll get me outside! Thank you for the lovely response- I’m sorry I made it all negative sounding! but like I said I’m trying to be kinder to myself

Congratulations on your work so far x

It sounds as if you have hit the jackpot with your partner and his family, they sound lovely.

Also be kind to yourself x

Also I love that floor outside that cupboard

Would you ever paint it??

I painted my floor blue and I really love it

Well today’s progress has been awful as I have done nothing so- no progress. I was awake until 7am or later because of stupid red bull. Woke up late with a migraine due to stupid red bull (I really don’t react well to energy drinks! Lesson learned). Been struggling to get rid of said migraine all day to no success - to the point of having loads of flashy little floaters in my eyes and feeling incredibly drained. I haven’t cooked for a second day running and I’m gutted about that. Because I need to do a shop. Though fiancé has been amazing about it and ordered takeaway. By the time that comes and we eat it’ll be so late and I would like to get an early night to avoid another day like today and wake early- do a food and cleaning supplies (extra stuff) shop and clean.

On the face of it not the end of the world. But I feel utter crap now. I haven’t cooked and I miss that satisfaction (and frankly the deliciousness of home made food). I am gutted I wasted a day despite being in terrible pain with a headache. I just feel useless today. I keep telling myself tomorrow is another day. It’s still salvageable since I can sleep early, wake early, start the day with a trip out to the shops which will give me energy, and get cleaning from an early time. Getting more done. Inside I am telling myself I’m a useless piece of shit and will run out of “tomorrow’s” one day and on and on it goes. Why!?! 😔 what a wasted day. I feel terrible. Fiancé is fine thank god

Oh I love my floor! I want to give it a good shiny polish and I do love quirky painted floor boards so much but these are old and very expensive I think and I wouldn’t want to paint them - I love the natural wood too! I wish today was a better day

That flooring is throughout the apartment except the kitchen , toilet room and shower room which is all white tiles. It is really beautiful isn’t it! It’s very thick wood slats, very old and needs lot of upkeep because of the kind of wood it is. I want so much to clean and do stuff but my head is killing me and I’m so tired 😴

You are not useless at all you have been feeling ill from red bull. Wipe today off and start again tomorrow, you will not run out of them anytime soon X
Yesterday is history tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift x

When you're fighting a headache like today, you're not going to have additional energy, and that's ok. One lost day won't derail you. The next time you feel better, start with decluttering. And get it out of your apartment! It's actually better for it to go to a landfill than to destroy your mental health by cluttering your space and your mind. Don't get into analysis paralysis--"I can't get rid of this because that, I can't get rid of that because this..." Don't overthink, just do. Cleaning your space will be so much easier once the stuff is gone.

Well some development- I told my fiancé how I’m feeling and he can see how sad it’s making me for not doing anything today and he’s been great. He made me laugh, and he said tonight eat our takeaway, watch Netflix. Have cups of tea. Enjoy our food together and basically make the most of this evening and enjoy ourselves. Then tomorrow we wake at 7am without fail and do the kitchen and I’ll do the shopping. He’s been brilliant. He said do what we want tonight and enjoy it and we start work tomorrow. I still feel crappy but much better now - isn’t he just the best. I think I hit gold when I met him. I love him so much he’s got the most beautiful heart. He really has. So I have to let go of today’s failings and move on. As best I can. Over focussing on today will make me feel worse and tomorrow will be harder then. So I’ll do what he said and I will sleep early too. Pfft. Feeling low. I’ll be glad to see the days end and start refreshed tomorrow

Thank you for your lovely replies. I really need to get out of this self bashing mind frame as that really isn’t helpful to me it just leads to me feeling down and then going into a depression and feeling less than motivated to do stuff the next day. My fiancé and your replies are keeping me sane to be honest, and able to try to be kinder to myself and therefore have a better day tomorrow. Thank you for the support and lovely words. I just wish I was a stronger person without this depression anxiety and all this other stuff that makes me so tired and weak. In my mind I want to clean!!

Tomorrow is another day

Tomorrow will be a great day

Tomorrow I will achieve my goals

Tomorrow I will work hard and erase the stresses of today

Tomorrow I will feel motivation and happiness

Tomorrow I will be kinder to myself

And repeat...

You are making amazing progress! Another vote for The Organised Mum Method from me!
A bit like going to the gym, I struggle to start doing housework. I say to myself I will put 10 things away. That might be 10 items from the draining board! Then, if I'm on a roll, another 10. If I'm not feeling it, I will set a time for 15 minutes and try again. Mad, but it works (mostly!)

Haven't read the whole thread...

I find if I set a giant goal for the day, I underestimate how long everything takes, then things are left in a mess.

Start small.

Where do you spend the most time?

If you anticipate standing at the sink, doing dishes, buy some flowers, tidy the space right in front of you so you have something nice to look at.

Or just tidy your junk drawer

Or just fill one bag of trash, and get it out of the apartment

The whole thing will just be a series a small jobs

Well what a turn around.. I had my takeaway and decided to clean the sofa 😂 so odd! The sofa is honestly gross - a mix of spills and such and rabbit pees and dog drool and all sorts of spillages. So it’s going to take a while to truly get it clean and smelling nice and stain free. A few washes over. So I took the fabric mousse to try to loosen the stains somewhat- sprayed the whole sofa with it and brushed every single inch of it with a hard brush and the mousse. Then sprayed another very thick layer of mousse over the top and just rubbed it into the fabric again the entire sofa. So that by tomorrow it’ll be a little damp still. And ready for a proper clean. Any one know any good ways to bleach or scrub fabrics? The sofa is perfectly fine.. it’s just needing a really good deep clean as we were stupid and instead of cleaning each spot of drool as we went along- we just covered the sofa with throws and now it looks terrible. It’s not actually irretrievable however. So any ideas would be appreciated!

So there we have it! A sofa scrub and overnight soak in fabric mousse. Didn’t take me long to do and I feel so much better for having got started on it! I took before pics for when it’s cleaned up so I can post pictures when it’s done. Only one job but it salvaged my day!!

Thanks all for the support and I’ll read and reply properly in the morning as I’m exhausted now haha! Thanks so so much for the continuing advice and support it’s kept me going!

My “during” photo haha. That’s the first layer of mousse I used and brushed into the sofa. Then I did a second thick layer and rubbed it gently into the sofa to get it to soak in overnight. Tomorrow I’ll tackle it further but I can’t do more at the moment as it needs soaking in the mousse. I also apparently decided to clean half the wall in the process haha! Happy now that I did something today even if it’s something that takes less than half an hour. It needs doing big time as it is awful and will take many going overs to finally get it back to the clean state it was in before. Happily no damage in terms of rips or any such irreparable damage. It’s just needing a good few scrubs and then it’ll be like new again

Firstly, vacuum up any hair and dust and dirt out of couch. Get all the cushions off and onto the floor. Then I would get a bowl of tepid water and some dishwashing detergent (just a few drops, not enough to make it foamy) and a microfiber (or cleaning cloth) and some towels. I would wet the cloth, squeeze out as much of the water as possible so it’s almost dry, and use that to clean the foam out of the sofa from the outside into the middle. (It will push all of the stain into the centre) and blot with the towels as you go. Then when you get to the centre, spend a bit more time on it. Go over it again and again, as that area will be also greasy from your bum and your back, etc... (hence the detergent.) Blot dry as much as possible with the towels. Switch to new dry towels if they get damp. Now if you have some baking soda, it would be great to sprinkle a little under where the cushions go back on the sofa as it helps absorb odors - or some febreeze. Failing that, maybe sprinkle some scented oil? (Also might keep doggies and bunnies off the couch for a bit.) Prop the cushions up in a sunny window to dry if you can before replacing them. (Let the air circulate.)

I miss my beautiful fireplace! This is a Tunisian “canun”- the thing that looks like a bowl that you use to heat a room and to make Tunisian tea on as we did in these photos here! (He’s from Tunisia). Very good for us because we have a fireplace in the lounge and in the bedroom and both aren’t fitted for regular fires but are perfectly suited for the canun- and safe too as the flume thingy to get rid of the smoke works perfectly even though there isn’t a fire set up. So we use the canun one in each room and have smaller fires. Make tea on them and you can also use a Tunisian form of room freshener called pourr (I’m probably not spelling these words right) which varies between a powder texture and a gritty substance that you sprinkle on the hot part of the canun and it fills the room with the most beautiful scent! That lasts for days. I still have lots of it hidden away from Tunisia, as well as some (good but inferior in comparison) pourr we bought in an Arabic shop here in France. So this is all something to look forward to having again!

Also, if you can order a rubber brush like this, it will change your life as far as removing pet hair from the sofas. (I have a very long-haired, triple-coated dog who is shedding at the moment and my house is full of tumbleweeds of dog hair!) You can also buy brooms like this that are brilliant for carpet, etc. You just pick the hair out and then rinse them. They work better than a vacuum cleaner, but then you have to vacuum after to clean up the dirt, obvs.

Btw, I’m in Aus, so don’t pay too much attention to the brand name. You can get other ones the same... they’re all good!