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Mental health

God in your relationship

147 replies

CaveDivingbelle · 04/12/2018 07:22

We are both active Christians, but OH much more so and has regular actual back and forth conversations with God he says. I'm ending up living on tenterhooks as he will inform me that he needs to talk about what God has told him in relation to us quite regularly...I guess im waiting for the axe to fall! Its an odd feeling, does anyone relate or have advice? For example today,he's said we need to talk seriously tonight..because God has been speaking..and that's it! So I'm left all today worrying..

OP posts:

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noego · 04/12/2018 08:55

He's using these so called conversations to control you. No one should live in fear. It is coercive.

woollyheart · 04/12/2018 09:17

Just tell him God speaks to us all.

CaveDivingbelle · 04/12/2018 09:21

God has spoken to him. That's the truth...if I don't accept it then yes he'll be heartbroken to leave me but God's in control..that's what I'm told. This is pretty much blackmail isn't it?

OP posts:

MerryMarigold · 04/12/2018 09:23

God speaks most clearly through the Bible. Any other 'God spoke to me' could
A. Be genuine
B. Be misguided (your own hopes etc. coming through as God speaking
C. Be a conscious decision to control/ manipulate

I'd have a chat with your dh's leader and see what he says. I'd also tell dh that it makes you feel uncomfortable and like you don't have a voice/ choice if 'God' has told him certain things. How he deals with that will reveal a lot about his true relationship with God.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 04/12/2018 09:47

The phrase "God has been speaking to me about......" is the sort of language that I am familiar/comfortable with. It is something that my husband and I might say to each other or in conversation with anyone from our church. It is not as weird or out there as some people might think.

What sort of thing is he saying that God has said to him? Does it line up with the Bible? It's he(your husband) talking about things that have a huge impact on your family situation? Such as "Gold has told me we need to sell the house and move next week." Or "God has told me to tell you to stop eating chocolate."

I think it is great advice to talk to your church leader, along with your husband.

I may be completely wrong here but sometimes when I have been praying about something and get an understanding from God I get so excited about what God has shown me and I wanted to talk to my husband as a matter of urgency.

MerryMarigold · 04/12/2018 11:04

I think you need to be wary if God speaks to him a lot about how others should change, more than himself changing. Also, I think 'God has been speaking to me about' is ok, it's God putting certain things on his heart. God is patient and big decisions take time. He needs to pray for God toget your heart to the same place too. But if it becomes, "God has told me to leave my job." and it's something you don't feel comfortable about, it gets dodgy.

I'm a bit worried that you feel anxious about this conversation with your dh rather than hopeful. When God speaks to him, is it often negative, or about you?

woollyheart · 04/12/2018 11:14

I'm guessing that as you say that you are waiting for the axe to fall, that these are usually negative things.

Does God usually tell him to threaten to leave you?

MerryMarigold · 04/12/2018 11:18

Woolly, I think if she doesn't accept what God has told him and implement it, that he threatens to leave her. That's just all kinds of the opposite of anything to do with God.

leafbud · 04/12/2018 11:18

Whatever he says, just tell him you'll pray and ask God to speak to you / give you revelation about it, personally. Say you need to have your own personal relationship with God and he needs to allow you to do this. Otherwise you'd just be following 'orders' with no understanding/ spiritual leaning towards them.

woollyheart · 04/12/2018 11:19

I agree @MerryMarigold

leafbud · 04/12/2018 11:20

And why not pray about this predicament you seem to be in, if you believe? If you believe you will receive according to God's will. So you should most definitely get your answer if all you want to do is follow God's will for your life.

woollyheart · 04/12/2018 11:29

You could talk to your church leader about this, but it does sound as if he is just trying to control you so that you behave as he prefers.

Are you also allowed to have guidance from God?

What would happen if you told OH that God told you that you should live together in love and tolerance and not in fear.

CaveDivingbelle · 04/12/2018 11:46

PP MerryMarigold...spot on. Sorry I don't know how to quote..
I'm basically having to follow orders,is how it feels. I do have a relationship with God, but I also accept I'm human,with emotions too. This seems so impersonal. For example he will say " today it's feeling right for us to be together but God may tell me different tomorrow...." So there is always this uncertainty...how do you live like this? Am I missing the point here? For example when God has spoken to him,it's utterly final, he literally says " non negotiable " and that can be in terms of an argument, or a physical side to our relationship which was fine yesterday but is go-to today. I have the choice to walk away he says..

OP posts:

TooExtraImmatureCheddar · 04/12/2018 11:50

For goodness sake, walk away, then! This is not normal behaviour. If he was having conversations with God that didn't impact directly on you, then I wouldn't feel like this, but he is basically using God as an excuse to behave like a dick. Are you married?

woollyheart · 04/12/2018 12:11

Would you be strong enough to leave him?

This doesn't sound like a loving relationship where both people care about the needs of the other.

Conventicle · 04/12/2018 12:15

First I was going to say that if he's having aural hallucinations, he should see his GP, but then I realised he's just using 'God' as an alibi to manipulate you. Tell him to have a nice time with God, and get yourself out of the relationship. This is not a nice man, and his version of God as Divine Wingman who might tell him he could do better is also not nice.

Malaco · 04/12/2018 12:16

Sounds a bit like a threat "Don't do anything to displease me, or God might tell me to leave you tomorrow."

BruegelTheEIder · 04/12/2018 12:17

Either he's not all there, or he's deliberately manipulating you. Either way, it's not a healthy relationship. God doesn't tell people to order their partners around.

Sethis · 04/12/2018 12:24

Controlling and coercive.

His delusions don't trump your right to consent.

CaveDivingbelle · 04/12/2018 12:24

gosh..these responses are full on..and tbh I was wondering ...he has a history of psychological health issues, talks about having physically met god...I'm fairly new to faith ( long story) so no idea really of this is normal...from your responses,I'm guessing not

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leafbud · 04/12/2018 12:24

I'm basically having to follow orders,is how it feels.

But if you feel those things are right it doesn't feel like just following orders blindly. It becomes something you feel you must and therefore want to do. So that suggests to me you are not acting according to your own conscience or spiritual leanings. You can always pray to God that He puts His desires on your heart so that you want what is His will. If you do this and then are still unsure, we'll then perhaps it is not Gods will for you.

I also accept I'm human,with emotions too.

And so is your husband! But ask him this, do you think it is God's will to not allow me to exercise my own conscience, follow my own spiritual leanings and receive spiritual revelations myself?

" today it's feeling right for us to be together but God may tell me different tomorrow...." So there is always this uncertainty...how do you live like this?

Just say 'Fine, you must act according to your own conscience'. That is, call his bluff! He is taunting you. Don't play that game.

For example when God has spoken to him,it's utterly final, he literally says " non negotiable " and that can be in terms of an argument, or a physical side to our relationship which was fine yesterday but is go-to today.

This sounds abusive.

I have the choice to walk away he says..

So does he. So the upper hand there is negligible. If he forces you or threatens you physically, that is quite simply abuse. So leaving him might be the safest solution.

Toddlerteaplease · 04/12/2018 12:26

Sounds bonkers and I say that as a practicing catholic!

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Conventicle · 04/12/2018 12:28

he has a history of psychological health issues, talks about having physically met god

OK, then we're definitely in the realm of mental health issues here. Walk away before God tells him to push you down the stairs or something. Not joking, OP. Stay safe.

Craft1905 · 04/12/2018 13:37

You speak to god - religious
God speaks to you - psychotic.

OP, run for the hills.

mostlydrinkstea · 04/12/2018 13:42

This sounds serious and I would encourage you to get your husband to the GP or put of hours MH team ASAP.

Working out whether something that you notice in prayer is from God, your own wants and needs well camouflaged or something else is called discernment in Christian circles. It is not easy and takes time and a lot of prayer and is not done alone. I would not dream of saying to my congregation 'God has told me that....' without checking it out with my spiritual director or a wise Christian friend first. Even if I thought that what God was nudging me towards is genuinely divinely inspired I would frame it as 'I wonder if...' because 'God has told me that' skews the power in the relationship.

If what is suggested by your husband does not line up with the fruits of the spirit; love, kindness, self control etc then it is very, very unlikely to be anything other than his own stuff. With his history a visit to the GP seems the most appropriate action.

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