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Mental health

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Original poster

God in your relationship

147 replies

CaveDivingbelle · 04/12/2018 07:22

We are both active Christians, but OH much more so and has regular actual back and forth conversations with God he says. I'm ending up living on tenterhooks as he will inform me that he needs to talk about what God has told him in relation to us quite regularly...I guess im waiting for the axe to fall! Its an odd feeling, does anyone relate or have advice? For example today,he's said we need to talk seriously tonight..because God has been speaking..and that's it! So I'm left all today worrying..

OP posts:

Original poster

CaveDivingbelle · 08/12/2018 06:47

I will, thank you Noego. It's really tough as the flipside is he has been amazing and supported me. But you're right. Even when I gently made a joke about something we got an analysis beginning with " how do you think this is helpful?" and told me not to drive( we were in the car) until it had been sorted. Asking how I could help him,he twisted the wording and said I was making him responsible but we are both at fault and he can't handle my stubbornness in Not admitting it. Then when I said Ok, maybe, he said I was heading for problems as I hadn't thought about what he was telling me long enough.
Trouble is, I don't really have anyone to turn to..

OP posts:

noego · 08/12/2018 07:36

@Cave

Good morning.

The facts are quite obvious. He isn't ever wrong, he wont listen to your POV. He then emotionally bullies you into submission and when you do submit he still isn't satisfied.
So how about a strategy for you. This isn't going to get any better anytime soon is it? Perhaps you need coping mechanisms in the short term until an escape plan has been hatched. I understand that you have loyalty and in an ideal world he would seek help and you would support him. But from what you have said this doesn't seem probable.

Off the top of my head how about the following...............

1, See a therapist yourself to discuss how you cope with living with this situation
2, As you have faith, see your church pastor
3, Talk to women's aid to see if they can help
4, Talk to Samaritans when you need support and to vent
5, See a solicitor to discuss your options
6, Put a financial plan in place

HTH

leafbud · 08/12/2018 07:37

Trouble is, I don't really have anyone to turn to.

You could ring your GP's for advice as a PP has said.

You say you are both Christians, you could turn to the church community for support. An established church should help you both with practical support as well as spiritual.

It just takes you making a move which can be frightening however I think it is your only option here. At the very, very least your DH sounds extremely frightened which is not a place anyone should be in for a sustained amount of time. You need to do this for his good as well as your own.

Shepherdspieisminging · 08/12/2018 07:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MoseShrute · 08/12/2018 08:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

CaveDivingbelle · 08/12/2018 09:22

Hi all...thanks for checking in. I plan to speak to someone at church if I can. Only trouble is freeing myself up to do that...kids and him. He's gone off on one ( for want of a better phrase) about a video I was watching on you tube..why tell him? Why now? What is the message? where is it from? Why has he never heard of the person? Why has it been on 30 hours? but only a few views etc etc. Is it disguised poison? It was just an inspirational life coach type video!!! I'm thinking in terms of support..my head is just all over

OP posts:

leafbud · 08/12/2018 09:32

I would take the kids out. Pop into the church and speak to someone.

leafbud · 08/12/2018 09:35

Take the kids with you. If you go near the time of a service and speak to someone before or afterwards there should be someone to watch them whilst you have a quiet word with someone nearby. Even if you just speak to one of the congregation they can pass a message on to one of the leaders and just go from there. Just go and see what you can do better than waiting.

NameChanger22 · 08/12/2018 09:38

It's the voices. He doesn't sound at all well.

Firstbornunicorn · 08/12/2018 09:47

I believe that God can speak to us in many and varied ways... He is God, after all!

However, I also believe that, if God is going to tell someone else something that involves you, He will also give you clarity on that. Maybe not through a literal shout from the heavens, but maybe through a revelation as you read and study His word.

One thing I will say. I have only known one person to say they've heard the literal "Voice of God" and this did not have a good outcome. I urged her at the time to pray about it, as we are commanded to "test the spirits". I now believe that this was either a spiritual attack, or symptomatic of an undiagnosed mental health condition.

If you are married, though, it seems weird that he thinks God may tell him to leave you. Jesus did say some quite specific things about divorce.

It does all seem a bit coercive and controlling, and if I were you, I'd pray very hard about this and seek counsel from an older (spiritually older) Christian who you can trust.

noego · 08/12/2018 17:08

This is not the voice of God though is it. It is the voice of the ego. The OP's DH cannot see that and cannot separate from it, as his firm belief and that of his friend is that it is God.
If he was to separate from it, he would be peaceful, calm, loving and unselfish.
If a church elder that he believes fervently (over his mind and that of his friend) was to tell him that it is not God voice and was to prove it to him, then maybe he would separate from the egoic mind. And all would be well.

Jason118 · 08/12/2018 17:20

It's psychosis and needs treatment, nothing else.

TeacupDrama · 08/12/2018 17:30

I am making the following assumptions that you are in a church which believes the bible is the word of God

God does not contradict himself ( this will be a belief of your church)
God doesn't tell people to do things he has said don't do in the Bible
God said a man was not to leave his wife even if she was an unbeliever (I corinthians 7 v 13-15) so saying God might be telling him to leave you is absolutely not Biblical
the Bible says a husband is to love his wife as he loves his own body and as Christ loved the Church putting you in a state of fear and alarm is not loving

5 he is failing as a husband even in a traditional church that believes in the headship of the husband 6 in this type of church you need to find an older in years and experience Christian woman for advice your church/ elders/ husband should be encouraging you to met with others in fellowship isolation is not good

if you are scared ring for help; being a Christian wife ( even if you agree with submission and headship) doesn't mean being a doormat or putting up with abuse

Shepherdspieisminging · 08/12/2018 17:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PatricksRum · 08/12/2018 17:52

Call crisis mental health line or 111/999 immediately.
He's unwell and unfortunately you don't know what he would do next.

exexpat · 08/12/2018 18:26

I was assuming that the OP is not married, as she uses the term 'OH' (other half) rather than DH. It also sounds like her OH has belatedly decided that the physical side of their relationship is sinful, as they are not married. If he is a full, old-testament bible-believing person, I would be a bit worried about what he thinks the consequences should be. However, it does also mean that she is freer to leave him if he does not accept that he has a psychiatric problem rather than a hotline to god.

OP, have you managed to ask anyone for medical advice and help yet? Are the children just yours or is he the father?

noego · 08/12/2018 22:23

@Jason118

All belief in the unreal and then projected outward is psychotic. All of which is derived from the egoic identity human beings create. ergo Insanity.

Jason118 · 08/12/2018 22:39

*@noego *
All belief in the unreal and then projected outward is psychotic. All of which is derived from the egoic identity human beings create. ergo Insanity
Opinion stated as fact, sorry as you know that won't wash with me hope you're keeping well

noego · 08/12/2018 22:43

@Jason118

I'm fine thank you.

And I see you jumped to conclusions without thinking too deeply about what was said.

What is it you don't like about yourself? Who created it? Do you project it? And if you do, Is it not insane to continue?

MoseShrute · 08/12/2018 22:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FissionChips · 08/12/2018 22:57

Why are you not seeking medical advice? Your partner is very ill, this won’t end well if all you do is talk to church members.

Jason118 · 08/12/2018 23:13

@noego
What is it you don't like about yourself? Who created it? Do you project it? And if you do, Is it not insane to continue?
I don't like the fact that I can't bend my toes down very well, especially when kneeling. It was created by my genes (my dad has similar toe joint issues). I don't normally project it unless asked (as in this case), so I don't feel I'm insane. I think perhaps the OP's issues should remain the focus here, not our various struggles with different reality constructs.

noego · 08/12/2018 23:15

I agree.

leafbud · 08/12/2018 23:31

. I have managed patients with religious delusions before...this wont go away just by talking through it with other church goers

No, but it's a very real start. Talking to real people within the community who can practically (and spirituality if need be) support OP to find help. As it is her DH/OH will not voluntarily seek help, himself. Support in real life for the OP in this difficult process is a valuable thing.

leafbud · 08/12/2018 23:36

...and IMO a health professional should recognise the importance of support religious communities can provide for people.

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