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God in your relationship

147 replies

CaveDivingbelle · 04/12/2018 07:22

We are both active Christians, but OH much more so and has regular actual back and forth conversations with God he says. I'm ending up living on tenterhooks as he will inform me that he needs to talk about what God has told him in relation to us quite regularly...I guess im waiting for the axe to fall! Its an odd feeling, does anyone relate or have advice? For example today,he's said we need to talk seriously tonight..because God has been speaking..and that's it! So I'm left all today worrying..

OP posts:
Jason118 · 08/12/2018 23:44

Some religious communities don't have a great track record with some troubled souls, just get medical help for both of you, including community support in general.

leafbud · 08/12/2018 23:57

Jason Don't let your own prejudices affect your view on what a person might be most comfortable doing. If she finds it easiest to talk to church members she should do that. To compare, we tell children to talk to any trusted adult if they are worried about something. It can take a lot to make the first step.

It is extremely alienating to people of any faith to deny them the support of their faith (community) in moments of crisis.

FissionChips · 09/12/2018 00:07

It really depends on what type of church community the op is part of. Some can be very damaging to those experiencing MH issues, telling the person they are possessed etc.

Jason118 · 09/12/2018 00:11

#leafbud
It is extremely alienating to people of any faith to deny them the support of their faith (community) in moments of crisis.
What if they believe more in him than her? Too risky, just get independent help and support

speakout · 09/12/2018 08:45

Many church communities have a poor track record in support.

Attitudes towards LGBT for instance. Or the idea of exorcism.

Church "support" can be dangerous.

leafbud · 09/12/2018 10:20

speakout, jason Just as people's "support" in any community, circle of friends or family can be dysfunctional - religious or not. However, if someone finds a certain community supportive and many people find support and comfort through the church it is cruel to deny them that.

Anyway, I would urge the OP to speak to someone, anyone she trusts and feels comfortable with for support. The speaking to someone is a priority. And I believe the vast majority of churches in the uk will be able to help support the op and her OH in seeking the appropriate medical help through the NHS as well as providing the more practical and spiritual support (which the NHS does not do).

speakout · 09/12/2018 10:53

leafbud

But even in crisis we still have faculties of discernment.

We may approach a friend or family member for advice- knowing that they ( like us all) have a certain degree of dysfunctionality, and we will be able to consider whether that advice may be useful, fully aware that it may biased or unhelpful.

If someone takes professional advice there is trust- that discernment flies out of the window, those in need may over ride their basic instincts and act in a way that is at odds with what they feel.

And that is dangerous.
They will take advice from a friend with a healthy dose of scepticism, but coming from clergy they won't.

It is cruel to suggest that the church has all the right healthy answers- because they don't.
Religion is a biased, power hungry bigoted beast.

leafbud · 09/12/2018 11:03

It is cruel to suggest that the church has all the right healthy answers- because they don't.
Religion is a biased, power hungry bigoted beast.

Sounds like scepticism at work right there! What makes you think people who are Christian can't exercise discernment regarding every other human being? I certainly do. Clergy or not.

Regardless the op needs to seek help. You don't know, her closest friends might also be members of the church.

leafbud · 09/12/2018 11:07

takes professional advice there is trust- that discernment flies out of the window

No. A person still needs discernment and to use their judgement with professionals. Whether that be clergy, health professionals, educational professionals....etc etc. All people from all walks of life are fallible. All knowledge needs to be applied correctly in the correct manner. Whenever and wherever a professional needs to exercise judgement their judgement could be wrong also.

speakout · 09/12/2018 11:22

eafbud

No.

All individuals exercise less discernment when dealing with professionals.

We defer to their expertise, their knowledge, their experience.

We consult a doctor for an ailment, the solution may not be the one we expect but we follow it anyway, because we trust in them.

The same is true for people looking to clergy- the answers may not make any sense, but they set their discernment to one side because they act in trust.

Advice from a family member or friend is very different, because we know it may be wrong, so if a family member suggests action which we don't agree with then we are unlikely to follow it.

This is why the church is dangerous- because people expect that they have good answers- and they really do not.

FissionChips · 09/12/2018 11:26

I don’t think it’s a good thing to turn this thread into an argument about churches.

The ops partner has a mental health problem, he/she should seek guidance from MH professionals.

speakout · 09/12/2018 11:29

This thread is very much about religion though.

I agree this man needs real help- which is not going to be found in the church.

FissionChips · 09/12/2018 11:36

I don’t read the thread a being very much about religion (and it shouldn’t), I read it as a thread about a man in a severe mental health crisis.

Talith · 09/12/2018 11:39

He sounds panicky and out of control, and increasingly unpredictable which is clearly making you feel very scared. When people are psychotic and paranoid you really can't do anything right. My ill relative even polices my facial expressions when in the grip of an episode. I can say absolutely nothing keep my face still and expressing no emotion but he'll still say Im sneering at him.

Reading his behaviour really made me think of this relative of mind. You really can't win with them and everything is your fault. Please keep yourself safe you deserve better.

leafbud · 09/12/2018 11:43

I agree this man needs real help- which is not going to be found in the church.

Yes but the OP also needs support in order to be able to deal with her OH and to help her through her OH's very likely mental health crisis. This support could come from the church. The C of E certainly work closely with mental health services in cases like this. There will be people at church who know about the process and who can help her through it, practically and spiritually. Also the way this man's mental health problems have manifested are being framed through religious paranoia. A person with background religious knowledge could certainly point out why these paranoid fears are misguided in a spiritual sense and be able to be sensitive to any triggers.

itsnowthewaitinggame · 09/12/2018 11:47

As a Christian all my life I can say God has never talked to me.
If you take away the word God and enter, eg, a robot, he may well be considered psychotic
I do hope he doesn’t start getting so called messages from ‘ God’ to hurt or punish you in any way
I think it may be helpful to speak to someone in mental health or to his GP. If you ever feel really scared you can always call the crisis team in your area

leafbud · 09/12/2018 11:47

don’t read the thread a being very much about religion (and it shouldn’t), I read it as a thread about a man in a severe mental health crisis.

Yes, but one which has manifested against a background of religious belief and one in which fears are framed in a religious context. So having a background knowledge of the details of that faith (as well as media leads help) will certainly help treat this man (and the OP) in a sensitive and dignified manner.

leafbud · 09/12/2018 11:48

Medical help not media leads, that should say.

FissionChips · 09/12/2018 11:50

You cannot reason with madness, if a clergy member points out to him that the things he is saying

FissionChips · 09/12/2018 11:53

^ posted to soon.

.. he is likely to take no notice.

The ops first port of call should be a doctor and then her church. We have no idea if op is part of an established church or one of those evangelical fringe affairs where they believe mental issues are spiritual issues.

leafbud · 09/12/2018 11:58

Fission, Depends how far gone he is and whether there are moments of clarity. But that is by the by.

I'm also for op speaking to someone. I actually think anyone she is comfortable speaking to is better than no one. (Which could be what we are talking about here. OP does not sound that confident) The church community probably would be very easily available and be able to give pretty much immediate support was all I was thinking.

AnnieOH1 · 09/12/2018 12:01

@CaveDivingbelle - firstly my thoughts and prayers are with you. It would be helpful if you could clarify what church you attend as different churches have differing positions on doctrine and how to handle things like this.

For my own, we believe that a husband may receive guidance for his family but also that he may not exercise unrighteous dominion either. At it's most basic your other half is manipulating you and that isn't right at all. Additionally, in my faith, our leaders may receive inspiration for us but not some random Joe Bloggs friend.

Forgive me for saying this, I might be looking through my own lens of experience, but it sounds like there is something in your relationship that isn't "right" in terms of what your OH believes God requires of him. This might be the obvious sex outside marriage thing or something else but I'll use unmarried sex as an example. I know you've indicated he is a long time believer, so if he has been raised in a faith and has internalised a message that sex is only to be done in marriage or at the more Orthodox side of the spectrum perhaps only done for purposes of procreation, and now your relationship and sex life is outside those restrictions, he is going to be massively conflicted inside. Perhaps even feeling that he is condemning himself to hell fire, the condemnation and damnation of God and all that. Unfortunately it may not be something in your control, a gambling addiction for example may meet great condemnation from your church but it isn't something you can help him with.

So what can be done to help? Well I would firstly strongly suggest that you both study together the atonement of Jesus Christ and His mercy. Very few throughout history are so grievous to be beyond it. If there is something you can do to set him right then great. That might be marriage, it might be confession, it might be refraining from a destructive practice.

I would strongly recommend that you do some further research about your particular faith. Most churches these days have a world of resources online that will enable you to be in a better position to protect yourself and prove to him how things aren't right.

I would also perhaps look at humility. His phone breaking might be divine intervention in his life, the entire O2 network unless he believes he's the second coming of the Messiah - far too big to be about him. If he does believe something like that then he absolutely has some major mental health issues. As far as believing he has a personal relationship with God though that's absolutely okay, it is everything else that isn't.

If you want to PM me any time feel free, I'm perfectly willing to listen and can assist you with any scripture references etc that you might find helpful.

Again my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Loopytiles · 09/12/2018 12:07

OP has posted this in mental health, her H has a history of mental health issues and

Your top priority should be your own safety and wellbeing. It seems likely that some time away from him would be best for you.

After ensuring that YOUR situation is safe and Ok for you, you could suggest that your H seeks help from MH services, and notify his GP and any MH services he already uses of your concerns about his MH and the behaviours that have given rise to those concerns.

NotDavidTennant · 09/12/2018 12:12

The above post by AnnieOH1 is a great example of why seeking help from your church might not be a great idea. I'm sure the advice is well intentioned, but no amount of reading scripture will help someone who is experiencing a psychotic episode. This man needs medical help.

FissionChips · 09/12/2018 12:19

I'm also for op speaking to someone. I actually think anyone she is comfortable speaking to is better than no one

Read Annie’s post.