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Original poster

God in your relationship

147 replies

CaveDivingbelle · 04/12/2018 07:22

We are both active Christians, but OH much more so and has regular actual back and forth conversations with God he says. I'm ending up living on tenterhooks as he will inform me that he needs to talk about what God has told him in relation to us quite regularly...I guess im waiting for the axe to fall! Its an odd feeling, does anyone relate or have advice? For example today,he's said we need to talk seriously tonight..because God has been speaking..and that's it! So I'm left all today worrying..

OP posts:
Original poster
CaveDivingbelle · 04/12/2018 14:30

Thank you all. He weaves words around me until I have no idea what I feel or think. I will pray about it for sure. He is passionate about his faith but ..I'm in an uneasy state of mind because some of the experiences he says hes had just are downright odd.

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Sethis · 04/12/2018 14:58

Pray if you need to, but I would also recommend secular help from other human beings in the strongest possible terms. A friend, family, your local church leader, a psychologist. Anyone.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 04/12/2018 16:53

You say you are both Christians. Are you married? I'm sure you and he are both aware that the Bible is very clear about how a husband and wife are to live, the importance God puts on how a husband is to treat his wife.

Obviously you are not talking about the small details of your marriage but anything that God is supposedly telling him that doesn't tie up with that is not from God.

Perhaps you are less experienced as a Christian so you feel concerned about some of the things he has said has happened but without more details it is hard to know.

I will stick my neck out and say that any Bible believing church leader would counsel your husband that God loves you as well as your husband and would support you as well, not allow your husband to run roughshod over your needs on the basis that "God says".

noego · 04/12/2018 18:23

IF God has a voice then the devil must have one too. How does he know which one he is hearing?

speakout · 04/12/2018 21:56

OP I would be concerned for your safety.

You need some time apart and your OH needs help.

Original poster
CaveDivingbelle · 04/12/2018 23:06

oh my.....we've had a long conversation. He's interpreted a missed call from a long time friend as a sign from God that we have committed a sin....it's too long and convoluted to explain but apparently the friend is in tune spiritually and shows him when God needs to talk to him. This friend sees our lives in pictures and so knows what's going on...

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Borris · 04/12/2018 23:14

There is a type of abuse not often mentioned ‘spiritual abuse’. These are (usually) men who are quick to find the women must obey their husband verses and use them out of context. God used to agree with my xh an awful lot....! He loved the God is telling me line.

Talk to other wise Christians in your church. God will speak through them too

Borris · 04/12/2018 23:22

www.restoredrelationships.org/

This is a good website if you want to chat through with an anonymous rl person who is also a Christian.

mostlydrinkstea · 05/12/2018 07:32

As a professional Christian let me say quite categorically that God does not speak in this way.

My Diocese put on an excellent MH and safeguarding training where the take home message for ministers, priests etc was that we are not the experts on MH and we should recognise and refer on. The church can be the supporting community but there are lots of MH issues out there that we should be alert to and encourage people to engage with their GP, psychotherapist, counsellor, MH team.

Please seek whatever help is appropriate in counselling or GP or MH services.

IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 05/12/2018 08:01

If he is concentrating on the verses that say wives must obey and not actively demonstrating the verses that say husband's have to love their wives then he is off balance.

So does he know what sin it is that you are both supposed to have committed? What does the Bible say about it?

exexpat · 05/12/2018 08:17

If he is interpreting random missed phone calls as having significant messages and thinks another person can telepathically see what is happening in your lives, it sounds to me like he has crossed the line from religious beliefs to psychosis. Get help immediately.

Original poster
CaveDivingbelle · 05/12/2018 09:02

Yes this is what he is saying..basically this friend/ guide/ mentor has not responded to his texts for a while...out of character (since he and I committed a sin). The friend doesn't know anything about that but is spiritually connected with my DP. We stopped doing it. The friend got back in touch. This,he says is proof his friend knew,and got God to intervene..

OP posts:
noego · 05/12/2018 09:02

If he is concentrating on the verses that say wives must obey and not actively demonstrating the verses that say husband's have to love their wives then he is off balance

This statement speaks volumes, doesn't it!!

leafbud · 05/12/2018 10:02

has not responded to his texts for a while...out of character (since he and I committed a sin). The friend doesn't know anything about that but is spiritually connected with my DP. We stopped doing it. The friend got back in touch. This,he says is proof his friend knew,and got God to intervene..

Did you agree with stopping doing whatever it was he considered a sin? Do you think whatever it was, was sinful? There may or may not be a special connection between him and this friend. This friend may have been uncomfortable with him because he sensed something was wrong. This is not that unusual. Framing it all as 'God's intervention' can just be a way of understanding how life pans out and how our relationship with God affects our lives (ideas of predestination/predetermination etc). However you need to be comfortable with the relationship between the two of you. It still sounds like he is using this idea of God having a plan for your life and God's intervention to coerce and control your behaviour through fear. There seems to be an uneven emphasis put upon your partner's experiences, (some of which you are not party to) and understanding of them versus how you understand and process things. This aspect of the relationship is not right.

Pebblesandfriends · 05/12/2018 10:11

Does your church offer marriage counseling! Sounds like you need someone to mediate ( not the phone friend).

exexpat · 05/12/2018 11:31

I don't think marriage counselling is appropriate when he clearly has psychiatric problems - the OP has said "he has a history of psychological health issues" and this kind of paranoid thinking is surely well outside the bounds of normal even for deeply religious people?

mostlydrinkstea · 05/12/2018 13:20

From everything the OP has said this is a MH issue. Please get your husband to get the appropriate help and get support for yourself.

Original poster
CaveDivingbelle · 05/12/2018 14:34

Thank you all PP who have taken the time to read my garbled version of events. Today he has said he is under spiritual attack because he is getting close to God, he says it's evident at work and that "things" are happening in the spiritiual realm. I am totally out of my depth here. God does not speak to me at all like this. He does not want to text me as there is interference by the enemy on his phone. He was trying to explain and explain to me but kept telling me he couldn't have this conversation,why was I making him have it etc..but he rang me!! it's just wierd. What the heck do I do??

OP posts:
leafbud · 05/12/2018 14:42

What the heck do I do??

Seek help. Is their anyone he trusts? Pastor, priest, vicar, friend or family member who could persuade him to get medical help and reassure him spiritually?

Original poster
CaveDivingbelle · 05/12/2018 14:46

The only person he trusts really is the friend ...and he would say this is all 100% real.

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IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 05/12/2018 14:52

A lot of what you have said is familiar/everyday for us in our church but the texting/interference grom the enemy etc rings alarm bells for me. It's there someone in the church you can talk to? Your church leader or someone else you trust who can help you to get help?

RangeRider · 05/12/2018 14:53

He does not want to text me as there is interference by the enemy on his phone
This isn't a religious issue, it's a mental health issue. I'd go with PPs who've said you either need to get him help (best option) or get out. God doesn't play games and doesn't hold threats over you. I'd have suggested you replied with 'God told me that if you don't x, y, and z then I should kick you out' but I think it's too serious for that. Get someone else involved.

BruegelTheEIder · 05/12/2018 14:57

OP your OH is mentally ill. I suggest you seek medical help immediately, before he hurts himself or someone else. This is very serious.

Pandamodium · 05/12/2018 15:06

He does not want to text me as there is interference by the enemy on his phone

This is what my DH's schizophrenia manifests out without the religious bit. I'd ring the crisis team in your position. It is not safe for loved ones to try and manage psychosis symptoms alone.

headinhands · 05/12/2018 15:08

Gosh op, his behaviour reads like a text book mental health crisis. Paranoid, believes he has special connections, believes others are sending messages. This is as much about health as if he had a physical illness that was getting worse. I would ask him to have a check up with his gp referring to his past MH, you could even say a Christian friend suggests it too. I'm pretty sure most of the Christians I know would be advising this too.