Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think if a guest brings baked treats to your house, you share them with said guest?

344 replies

NonShallot · 01/07/2021 16:23

So this has happened twice to me recently with two different friends. I was visiting them at home for a casual 'catch up' and cup of tea, but as I hadn't seen them for a while, I brought round some sweet treats to have with the tea. On both occasions it was a packet of muffins, or cookies, the bags of freshly baked kind from a local bakery. The kind you have to eat on the day type thing.

I had several cups of tea with friend number one, but the muffins remained unopened and unoffered.

Friend number two took the cookies with enthusiasm but again didn't offer to open them. As I was leaving with my DD, I heard friend say to her children, 'Shallot has brought cookies, do you want one?' literally as I was walking out the door.

I wasn't bringing a fancy box of chocolates or biscuits as a gift for the host to personally enjoy later, it was more of a 'oh well you're providing the tea, I'll provide the snacks' type thing. If someone came to mine and brought fresh muffins/cookies I would automatically open them and offer them with a cup of tea.

What's the etiquette here? Am I in the wrong for thinking the baked goods should be shared?

OP posts:
Retrievemysanity · 01/07/2021 16:26

I always say ‘I’ve bought us some cakes’ as I hand them over, stressing the ‘us’. And if the hint isn’t taken ‘shall I slice the cake/open the biscuits/get the plates for the snacks’ Grin

GiantWingedWaspMoth · 01/07/2021 16:26

I take it you gave it to them, so they basically assumed it was a gift?

Next time wait till the tea is made and then bring them out, saying 'ooh I brought some muffins/cookies for us', and open them and offer them around, taking one for yourself.

MildredPuppy · 01/07/2021 16:26

I would assume they were to share!

mrstnov13 · 01/07/2021 16:26

I would share. I often take biscuits/cake to a friends house and they always open and share too.

Comedycook · 01/07/2021 16:27

Yes I think they should definitely be shared

VettiyaIruken · 01/07/2021 16:27

In future don't hand them over. Ask for plates.

adviceseekingnamechanger · 01/07/2021 16:28

So weird. I would always share.

SleepingStandingUp · 01/07/2021 16:28

I would share but like above, either stress us and then suggest opening them or keep in bag and bring out when kettle is on. I'd always make sure there's enough for the kids or an alternative

northernlightsea · 01/07/2021 16:29

Do they normally eat biscuits/cakes? I don’t at the moment (trying to lose weight) so I would feel a bit odd opening them but then refusing to have one.

Teakind · 01/07/2021 16:29

I would also share them. Strange behaviour from your friends.

DwangelaForever · 01/07/2021 16:30

That is so rude 🙈 I'm sorry but you don't buy a gift going to a mates house randomly lol. If my friend hadn't offered I would have been like wheres the muffins/cookies I brought for the tea haha. If she didn't offer I'd be asking for them to bring home!

northernlightsea · 01/07/2021 16:30

But on the other hand I’d always have something to offer guests myself- just seems less rude to not eat my own biscuits than something someone else has brought…

motogogo · 01/07/2021 16:31

Depends on whether a different treat was offered eg if I've baked a cake and someone brings biscuits I might put them aside and serve the cake

SirenSays · 01/07/2021 16:31

I would share but it's amazing how many people don't. My sister always disappears into the kitchen with them and they never come out again. If she's given baked goods from someone she doesn't know very well she'll bin them rather than politely decline, it drives me mad.

AdoraBell · 01/07/2021 16:31

Did you say they were to share with the tea? If not then in future say ‘I’ll open these’ when your friend is making the tea.

It seems rude to me.

annacondom · 01/07/2021 16:35

I would assume they were a gift for me to scoff later, as a treat. But then, I'm an only child and don't always think about sharing. Plus, I would provide biscuits/cake/scones anyway if I were providing tea/coffee so wouldn't expect the guests to bring something to share now.

EmeraldShamrock · 01/07/2021 16:37

I agree unless there is something sweet already laid out. If they had cakes there I wouldn't expect them to open the 2nd lot.

MsChatterbox · 01/07/2021 16:38

Yes I would assume for sharing. If I took there's no way I would sit there quietly allowing them to be unopened though!!

MrsR87 · 01/07/2021 16:42

I would assume they were for us to have with the tea but I also think you need to be a bit more assertive here.

Beautiful3 · 01/07/2021 16:43

Think I'd say, I made these for us to share. Put the kettle on!

Backhills · 01/07/2021 16:46

I don't want your cookies or cake, it's better for me if the pack stays closed, but if you want one say so!

I'd also try to get family members to eat them ASAP so I don't!

stealthninjamum · 01/07/2021 16:46

Op this is an interesting thread, the same has happened to me and I’ve often wondered the etiquette.

Likewise, if you take wine to someone’s house of an evening are you supposed to drink it or drink theirs?

GreyhoundG1rl · 01/07/2021 16:48

Very odd behaviour. Even worse that she openly dispensed them to her kids in front of you!

Don't bother next time.

itsgettingwierd · 01/07/2021 16:48

It wouldn't even cross my mind not to open and share - I would assume that's exactly why you brought them!

Very odd Confused

GreyhoundG1rl · 01/07/2021 16:50

@Backhills

I don't want your cookies or cake, it's better for me if the pack stays closed, but if you want one say so!

I'd also try to get family members to eat them ASAP so I don't!

So don't eat them Confused. Offer them to the guest and allow them the same choice! Imagine thinking they should have to bloody well ask??
Swipe left for the next trending thread