To think if a guest brings baked treats to your house, you share them with said guest?

[NonShallot]

So this has happened twice to me recently with two different friends. I was visiting them at home for a casual 'catch up' and cup of tea, but as I hadn't seen them for a while, I brought round some sweet treats to have with the tea. On both occasions it was a packet of muffins, or cookies, the bags of freshly baked kind from a local bakery. The kind you have to eat on the day type thing.

I had several cups of tea with friend number one, but the muffins remained unopened and unoffered.

Friend number two took the cookies with enthusiasm but again didn't offer to open them. As I was leaving with my DD, I heard friend say to her children, 'Shallot has brought cookies, do you want one?' literally as I was walking out the door.

I wasn't bringing a fancy box of chocolates or biscuits as a gift for the host to personally enjoy later, it was more of a 'oh well you're providing the tea, I'll provide the snacks' type thing. If someone came to mine and brought fresh muffins/cookies I would automatically open them and offer them with a cup of tea.

What's the etiquette here? Am I in the wrong for thinking the baked goods should be shared?

I would have said - shall we open them?

"Possibly the hosts had their own reason not to eat the treats with the coffee they served , but were too polite to tell you so. Then it would be really awkward to serve them to you and not take one herself.

The host might be a really health-conscious person who avoids high fat high sugar food.. They might be fasting or just be on a diet. They might just not like shop confectionery. They might be vegans, or only eat kosher ."

All the more reason to open them so the guest who brought them can eat them. OP's host was doing the opposite of not wanting to eat them - keeping them for herself/family for later.

Are they not very close friends? Because I'm assuming that's why you didn't feel you could say something?

Nevertheless yes I think this is very odd. Particularly because you were having tea!

In future I guess you'll have to say "I bought US some cakes to have with our tea". Very peculiar!

If somebody was coming to me for tea, I would assume that I am providing the tea and anything to eat with it.

I would therefore assume you had brought a gift as I would think it pretty rude that you brought food over as if my offerings were somehow lacking.

If you’d brought something that would fit (like I’m serving tea, you brought biscuits) definitely share.
But not if it was clearly a gift (posh chocolates etc) or something like wine which would clash with what I’d have planned already.
Your friends are rude

That is odd and quite rude
As is common on this kind of thread on mumsnet, why don't people communicate with each other?
This kind of thing never happens to me because my friends and I actually talk to each other
Tbh, this is precisely why I have DH, my kids and my dogs and why I make no real attempt whatsoever to have friends/socialise.
I can’t be doing with all these silly secret unwritten rules.

I would assume it was a gift and would be quite upset to find out the person actually thought I was odd and rude.

If I brought wine, chocolates, muffins, whatever, I would intend them as a gift.

If I actually wanted to eat them I’d make it clear; ‘I brought these nice cookies to share, thought they’d go well with our tea’

@CastawayQueen

If you’d brought something that would fit (like I’m serving tea, you brought biscuits) definitely share. But not if it was clearly a gift (posh chocolates etc) or something like wine which would clash with what I’d have planned already. Your friends are rude

Yep I agree with that. Though I might open the chocolates anyway and offer them round or ask if anyone fancied a wine but you're right there is a distinction between snacks to be shared (which I would say the OP definitely bought) and a fancy gift

I always say I've got some cakes/biscuits for us to share/have with our tea. It sounds like you definately need to spell it out to them.

Oops sorry - reread and it wasn’t quite clear what you wanted them to do.
I’d say a miscommunication- but if you were just sat there with a cup of tea and they didn’t offer you anything it would be the height of rudeness!

Do they think it’s a hostess gift so awkwardly put it away for later?

It’s odd they don’t provide cake or biscuits with the tea even if they don’t open yours.

Maybe take two items along, one as a gift the other to share, and open the shared one in front of them?

If I take something, it is as a gift, and I wouldn’t lessen the gift by eating half of it myself

yes, I would open them and offer them even if I was providing cakes/biscuits

They probably thought they were gifts?
Next time keep hold of them and offer them one

Yes if bringing cakes, simply say, “I brought these for us to enjoy with our tea! I’ll open them.”

Yeah rude of them.

Next time keep hold of them and offer them one
I like it

I would share. They are rude friends!

If they didn't have something there already to go with the tea then I'd be fairly annoyed that they didn't offer the stuff I brought along. However if they had something out to go with the tea then I'd accept their stuff. You should just bring your buns to the table next time and then open them when the tea is poured.

My DG had a saying ‘Never visit a house with your two arms the one length’

And she could hear a car turn into the bottom of the lane & have a full spread & the kettle on by the time they pulled into the yard

But I’m glad to read other perspectives because something similar happened to me, on the person’s visit to my place they lifted out their gift & just opened them right away.

So now I know to open the next box of cake I bring over instead of just handing it over!

I think fresh baked items are very obviously to share. Why would anyone be bringing you a personal gift of a whole packet of fresh muffins that need eating the same day?

Just recalling the last time my friend came to visit. I had pastries here and she brought some too - we thoroughly enjoyed making pigs of ourselves eating most of them away from the kids

Definitely open and share, especially if it's just friends/mums meeting for an afternoon cuppa. I usually provide my own but would offer the ones brought too but perhaps not open them if noone specified they wanted them.

I think if you're friends you should be able to say, right, let's get started on the cookies! or whatever even if you can see they have put them out of sight.

It's strange though. I meet friends for coffee and cake often and it's never happened to me. It's pretty clear. It's not like a box of chocolates or wine that keeps and can be saved for a special occasion if they are special.

I would already be offering cake/biscuits so might put them away for later unless they were a lot nicer than what I was offering as host, in which case I would open them instead.

Oh god. This reminds me of a time I moved into a flat with a friend. A girl from the upstairs flat popped by and said 'I brought a few beers to celebrate you moving in' I thanked her and took the bag. We ended up talking for ages and she left, it wasn't until she left I went to put them in the fridge and noticed there we're 3 beers. We (me and friend) felt like proper tits! I never even thought to crack them open. But to be fair she did come round about 2 seconds after we had moved the last box in and stayed way too long so we had barely unpacked anything by bedtime. I don't even think we had unpacked a bottle opener lol. I would always crack open the cakes though.

Were other cakes and biscuits offered?