To hate poems in wedding invites, asking for money?

[payformymarriage]

Just having this discussion with SIL.

You know the type ...
‘All we want at our wedding is your company..BUT.....’
Usually made into a cheesy poem so it doesn’t sound as CF-ish.
I think it’s so tacky. See also John Lewis wish lists etc

AIBU?

Usually, I wouldn’t mind giving the couple some money if I liked them and thought they would do the same for me, but a cringy poem would put me right off giving anything!

I don’t mind a politely phrased acknowledgement that money would be appreciated from people who want to give a gift, I just don’t understand why people think writing anything in rhyme makes it more polite. It’s the exact same thing but with needless extra irritation.

I hate poems full stop. Happy to give £££ as a wedding gift, but just ask me straight please

Agree. Grabby and would make me give nothing.

Cue 100 messages saying if anyone asks for money they won’t get anything cos it’s “greedy and grabby” and then another 100 offended at even being invited to a wedding

In real life, it’s far nicer to give the couple what they actually want and much easier to give money than to search for that perfect engraved cheeseboard that they will end up with 10 of. Poem is cheesy but so what, why do people get worked up about this stuff

So they can’t ask for money or have a gift list, yet everyone who attends a wedding feels obligated to give a gift even though most couples live together and have everything? People only do the cheesy poems because of the Pearl clutching about asking for money.

Ooh I love getting a John Lewis gift list. I think I annoyed one bride though as I could only afford 2 plates out of the massive set they wanted. I hope someone else bought the rest.

I'd much rather give the couple something they actually want - whether that's money or a particular item from a gift list.

It makes life easier for me if they either provide a list or ask for money.

@Whatapalavaa

Agree. Grabby and would make me give nothing.

Wow that’s just rude. I can’t imagine going to someone’s wedding and not giving them a gift, even it it was money they wanted. But to give them nothing, I find unbelievably rude.

YANBU

Neither if you are being U @payformymarriage. You just hold different opinions about a very trivial thing.🤷‍♀️

I think with asking for money you usually feel obliged to give more than you would probably have spent on a present, and would hate to do that to my guests! We once went to a very swanky wedding who had a John Lewis gift list. I had never even heard of it! And if you don’t get there quickly you are left with all the expensive things left (some things were £200!).
Oh and we never got a thank you...

I don’t find it grabby and neither will most people in the real world. People attending weddings expect to give a gift and most of us are happy to do so. And the only reason couples resort to cheesy poems is because they’re embarrassed to ask for money.

Oh a good old- fashioned wedding gift thread! Almost like the olden days (op not making comment about you because it’s a great q)

Contributed to a few of these and they do get heated!
Fwiw I agree with you op.

Right on cue with @ShirleyPhallus

I think a request for anything other than your company is bad manners.

Yes, I have always felt this way.

I think the poems are hideous. They usually have no metre, bad rhymes and are two verses too long. That said, I don't mind a request for money. Most people live together before they get married and don't need any help in setting up their home. I'd rather give people what they actually want than go out of my way to find something they don't.

The olden days? This thread happened just last week.🙄

Maybe it's a cultural difference but where I'm from it's expected to offer a gift to newlyweds. So you can either give a shirty useless gift or actually give something they want. I dont
What's the other options?
Nothing? That would be grabby from you
A toaster? What are the chances that they already have one / want a specific one? (see point below)
A wedding list? someone will always complain the items are too expensive

We got an evening only invite recently and that came with a website link so that we could essentially donate cash to their honeymoon fund.

I wouldn’t have minded if we were paying for some sort of experience that you could choose but it feels off just donating a random amount of cash

Is a request for vouchers (maybe for a choice of two or three different shops that sell homely sort of stuff) viewed as dimly as a request for cold hard cash?

I always think asking for vouchers for birthday/Christmas is better than money but I wonder if it's the same for weddings?

@Whatapalavaa

Agree. Grabby and would make me give nothing.

So rude to turn up to a wedding without a gift! :O

I think the poems are cringey but they dont piss me off. It's pretty common thing to do and at least you dont have to wonder what to get people and know you'll get them something they actually want.

What's wrong with a John Lewis gift list? I don't understand the need to be offended.

@hibbledibble see above.

“As we’ve lived together for a year or two,
We really don’t need anything new.
But if you were thinking of getting us a small wedding gift,
Some money for our future wouldn’t go amiss”

not envy

@payformymarriage

“As we’ve lived together for a year or two, We really don’t need anything new. But if you were thinking of getting us a small wedding gift, Some money for our future wouldn’t go amiss”

not envy

I think this phrasing is quite rude/blunt. So much nicer just to say it politely, in prose, with a please/thank you.