AIBU to think I'm having a baby, not opening a charity shop.

[TooManyAnimals94]

Context: I'm 30 wks pregnant with our first baby, have enough clothing bits to get us through the first month or so with LO bearing in mind we don't know how big she will be so just got a few babygros and sleepsuits in various sizes.
However...a friend of mine offered a few bits and I took her up on it, mainly because she offered a baby carrier which I do actually need and I thought its a free bag of clothes...why say no?
We met for breakfast and in the cafe carpark she opens her boot and there are like six bin bags of clothing in there. I start to say that I really don't need/want all of that and she pretty much just shoved it all in my car, laughing about how I'll get through it eventually.
As well as the general inconvenience of having to sort through so many clothes (not arranged in size or anything, just shoved in there) we have a flat with very limited storage space which she knows and I feel like she just couldn't be bothered to go to the charity shop/dump and thought she would try and make it look like she's doing me a favour.
I spoke to my mum about it who said I should just take it all to the dump and not even bother to sort through it...feels awful but probably easier. She also mentioned that all her work friends keep trying to offload stuff on me, all in the name of 'helping' me.
I'm sure I'm not the only one to have experienced this...feeling annoyed that I wasn't more assertive when she just started loading stuff into my car.
As an extra bone of contention, everything is so horrendously pink...when this friend knew I prefer neutral colours.

Ah, how annoying. But please don't dump it all so it ends up in landfill - especially if it's good quality and someone else could benefit from it - think of the planet! You should have been firmer with your friend. You could put it on freecycle or take it to your closest charity shop.

I would ask her if she is expecting any of it back or is happy for you to pass on anything that isn't the correct size season wise or a style that you are not a fan of. Just make sure she isn't expecting it all back. If she isn't you could give it all to the charity shop if you wanted. Personally I would go through and probably keep the vests and sleepsuits and some clothes that could be used for messy play.

How annoying. I think I'd message her and say, thanks for the clothes, as you know our flat is small and I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed by the amount. I have sorted a few things I need and I wondered if you would like the rest returned or if I should donate it to charity.

@thelastgoldeneagle you're right, I won't let it go to landfill. It just pisses me off that as soon as I tick off one job on my list, someone tries to give me another one!

You sound pretty ungrateful, ok, it’s annoying ask if she expects it back, folk don’t have to be kind

As someone seriously struggling with money and unable to buy all the baby items we need, I would genuinely cry happy tears if someone did this for me. Please don’t dump it, it could be much needed for someone struggling. If you don’t want the stuff either return it to her or ask if you can donate the stuff you don’t need / want to charity.

YANBU. You'll probably get loads of replies about how ungrateful you're being, how you're saving money, the planet, blah blah blah, but I'm with you on this. Particularly about the clothes. I didn't want anyone else supplying me with clothes for my ds, second hand or new. Stick the bags on facebook for free, someone will want them. And that's the key word - WANT. Not feel obliged or guilted into them.

I love getting bags of clothes. It doesn't happen much these days. I used to find some bags were at least 70% good stuff, the rest id put straight into a charity bag. Just do it in the living room with the t.v. on.

If you can be bothered at some point, I'd look through and see if there's anything you want, then take the rest to charity shop. If you can't be bothered, I'd take it all to a charity shop or, even better, see if there's a charity shop nearby who will come and collect it. I agree it's annoying and not very helpful of your friend.

Yes you should have been firmer but please don’t take it to the dump, take it somewhere that children who need it can use it.

I got given loads of baby stuff, some we used and some we gave away mainly because they just grow so fast and all DS lived in was baby grows.

On the flip side, we go through clothes at a rate if knotts now DS is in nursery and I’m grateful for all of the second hand clothes we have which he can ruin and it’s matterless so if there is older clothes in there and you do plan nursery it might be worth keeping some of the basics.

It's cheeky. Sort through it. Keep any bits you want. Rest to charity or women's refuge.

No this pisses me off too and I have concluded it’s an easy way for people to offload the stuff they can’t be arsed to eBay or give to the charity shop. I’ve learnt to be really firm and refuse it, after being caught out by going to collect a Moses basket my friend wanted to kindly give me, only to turn up to boxes of breast pumps, a pregnancy pillow the size of my bedroom and bags and bags of random clothes.

I love getting clothes second hand, I'd go through it all, pick out the stuff you like and take the rest to a charity shop.

You could try ebaying it in bulk batches? Just to shift it.

Hermes, Royal Mail and DPD all do parcel collection from home so it wouldn't be that much bother as long as you covered your costs.

Or find a clothes bank? Our local tip has textile recycling points but there are others dotted about.

I think BHF sometimes will collect bags of donations from home too actually so that might also be worth a look. There's a form on their website to request a collection.

God I hated this when I was pregnant. People try to fob off all their old shite on you.

Before you do anything with it, check if she wants it. I didn't realise people wanting baby stuff back was a thing, but judging by Mumsnet it most definitely is!! Just check with her so you don't end up back on here in a year's time with a thread called "friend gave me loads of old baby shite I binned but now wants it back, who is BU?"

@Shmithecat2

YANBU. You'll probably get loads of replies about how ungrateful you're being, how you're saving money, the planet, blah blah blah, but I'm with you on this. Particularly about the clothes. I didn't want anyone else supplying me with clothes for my ds, second hand or new. Stick the bags on facebook for free, someone will want them. And that's the key word - WANT. Not feel obliged or guilted into them.

That is exactly how I feel.

Its because you gather so many clothes etc in the 1st year because they grow so quickly. Its annoying now, but sort them into sizes and I can guarantee that you'll make use of most of it.

I would ask her if she is expecting any of it back or is happy for you to pass on anything that isn't the correct size season wise or a style that you are not a fan of. Just make sure she isn't expecting it all back.

Absolutely THAT!

Then put them on your local facebook marketplace or something, and if someone is interested, leave the bag on your front door.

You sound very ungrateful, she could've had no time to sort it into sizes. If you don't want it give it to someone who will appreciate it.

Next time you will probably feel more confident about saying no because you will have had time to think about how to be assertive and what to say and won't be caught off guard like this time.

Chalk it up to a learning experience and just find the best way you can to rehome it.

God id never think to get it back! Good head up though

I love getting second hand clothes, most people I know love giving or receiving 2nd hand kids stuff. Yes, it saves the planet
And yes it saves a fortune.

And if everything is pink who cares, it is going to be covered in poo and vomit. You only need a few cute outfits for special times.

So I'm sure your friend really did want to do something nice. And yes you are being very ungrateful. Glad you arent my friend
If you don't want the stuff, have the courage and decency to say, "really, no thank you I can't store all of this" at the point she offers it.

I didn’t mind second hand clothes at all so I’m not being a snob. But I like to select what’s get for my baby myself at least, I don’t want to sort through bags of stuff someone has forced onto me.

Some of it smelled of their baby’s sick, even though it had been washed so I can’t imagine why they thought I’d have it.

It’s easy to go through the stuff and pick what you want arrange it in sizes - it really isn’t a terribly difficult job - especially before babs is here

I’ve got a 4 month old and don’t have to buy anything til she’s one at this stage due to generous people giving me their old clothes it’s great !

Not the same but my MIL has recently discovered she can sew. My DD is two and last month she dropped off 40 different items, dresses, shorts, t shirts. A couple of dresses are lovely. The rest is vile. I’ve told her several times politely (and not so politely) that I don’t want anymore. Last time I just told her I didn’t want it. Some people think I’m really ungrateful but I don’t want to have to deal with the consequences of someone else’s boredom project. I’d tell her you’ve been through the bags, does she want the stuff back that you don’t want or can you take to the charity shop.