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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I'm having a baby, not opening a charity shop.

317 replies

TooManyAnimals94 · 30/06/2021 13:58

Context: I'm 30 wks pregnant with our first baby, have enough clothing bits to get us through the first month or so with LO bearing in mind we don't know how big she will be so just got a few babygros and sleepsuits in various sizes.
However...a friend of mine offered a few bits and I took her up on it, mainly because she offered a baby carrier which I do actually need and I thought its a free bag of clothes...why say no?
We met for breakfast and in the cafe carpark she opens her boot and there are like six bin bags of clothing in there. I start to say that I really don't need/want all of that and she pretty much just shoved it all in my car, laughing about how I'll get through it eventually.
As well as the general inconvenience of having to sort through so many clothes (not arranged in size or anything, just shoved in there) we have a flat with very limited storage space which she knows and I feel like she just couldn't be bothered to go to the charity shop/dump and thought she would try and make it look like she's doing me a favour.
I spoke to my mum about it who said I should just take it all to the dump and not even bother to sort through it...feels awful but probably easier. She also mentioned that all her work friends keep trying to offload stuff on me, all in the name of 'helping' me.
I'm sure I'm not the only one to have experienced this...feeling annoyed that I wasn't more assertive when she just started loading stuff into my car.
As an extra bone of contention, everything is so horrendously pink...when this friend knew I prefer neutral colours.

OP posts:
RugratMum · 30/06/2021 14:26

Oh, and if you're keeping any, Amazon some vacuum seal bags, stick it in there, label and shrink. They store quite easily and don't take up much room.

DDIJ · 30/06/2021 14:27

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

SmidgenofaPigeon · 30/06/2021 14:28

@ThursdayWeld right, so accepting an offer of charity for an item that is useful to you means you then need to accept any other stuff that person sees fit to offload on you, even if you don’t have the space or time to accommodate it? But just because you were accepting of a kind offer of something you actually wanted, you are obligated to take a load of other random stuff and be eternally grateful?

You’re bonkers.

BlueLobelia · 30/06/2021 14:28

@SmidgenofaPigeon

No this pisses me off too and I have concluded it’s an easy way for people to offload the stuff they can’t be arsed to eBay or give to the charity shop. I’ve learnt to be really firm and refuse it, after being caught out by going to collect a Moses basket my friend wanted to kindly give me, only to turn up to boxes of breast pumps, a pregnancy pillow the size of my bedroom and bags and bags of random clothes.
I had similar. When DS1 was aged 2 and DS2 was about to be born friends of DH's turned up with boxes and boxes of ..... kids cartoons. NOT dvds, which might be useful, but the old VHS tapes. We were literally struck dumb at that. i did stutter out that we did not have a VHS tape thingie to play the stuff on but they cheerfully said you can get them off ebay.
WildBluebell · 30/06/2021 14:29

YANBU
I really enjoy buying clothes for my baby, and dressing him exactly the way I want.
I'd be so annoyed if someone tried to push a ton of used baby clothes on me.

I mean, think of all the photos you're gonna have of your baby, and them being dressed in clothes you don't like in those photos. Angry

AliceW89 · 30/06/2021 14:29

It’s tough OP. I had a similar experience from a lovely, well meaning family member at about the same gestation. DH and I did in fact sort through and keep what we wanted then the rest went mostly to charity with the odd bits to other mum friends. I don’t think they are trying to use you as a rubbish tip/charity shop unless they have form. But it is a little assumptive, I agree x

romdowa · 30/06/2021 14:30

Oh I know this feeling! I'm 21 weeks and people have been offering me all sorts of crap. Today's gem was used soothers🤢🤢🤢 then they get offended when you say no thanks! People just want to offload stuff and feel good about it.

Mum45678 · 30/06/2021 14:31

YABU

I'm sure she meant well even if it feels like a lot of stuff. They do get through lots of clothes in the first year. Say no if you don't want any of it.

I pass on a lot to my friends. Usually I ask them if they want to come round for a coffee and to rummage through the bags of clothes so they can pick what they want now which means they can take as much or as little as they want. The rest I offer on a local FB group with pictures.

Re: clothes for nursery - You obviously didn't have my eldest child. She would bring three changes of clothes and go through all three of them most days as she loved messy play the most and spent most of her time in the nursery garden rolling in mud Grin. She still manages to ruin clothes at first wear even at 9 Shock

InpatientGardener · 30/06/2021 14:32

This exact thing happened to me, 1 bag turned out to be 6 whilst my 'friend' practically ran back to her car before I could protest. She'd given me some old adults clothing and blankets too, how kind! Took virtually all of it to one of those charity clothing bins.

Youdiditanyway · 30/06/2021 14:32

You really shouldn’t have accepted it at the time, you should have been firmer and explained you really don’t need that much stuff. Don’t take it to the tip, take it to a clothes bank or similar. She thought she was helping but you’re right, you aren’t a charity shop.

sparklyblue81 · 30/06/2021 14:33

I love getting gifted bags of stuff! I have a sort through, pass on anything that I don’t need/ isn’t my taste & put away bigger sizes for later - it has saved me an absolute fortune! Babies are expensive. They grow out of clothes every couple of months & I’d rather spend the money on family day trips etc than clothes/ equipment they will use a handful of times. Your friend was trying to help you out so see it from her point of view, thank her & if you don’t want the hassle of sorting in future just politely decline.

LookItsMeAgain · 30/06/2021 14:34

I realise that you're tight on space but if you can work out by contacting this friend to find out if they are expecting any of these clothes back (hopefully for my plan they aren't) and then you can go through one bag a night - decide what you want to keep (if anything) and throw on a wash to put the clothes through. When they are clean and dry, bundle them up and flog them on Facebook or ebay to make a few quid before the baby is born.
Alternatively, don't bother unpacking any of the bags and you could bring them to a women's shelter (what your friend probably should have done) or to a clothes bank where they can be recycled.
Not fair to dump them on you but with one of the suggestions, you could end up making a few quid before your own baby is born.

LittleDidSheKnow · 30/06/2021 14:35

People are saying don’t take them to the dump so they don’t end up as landfill, but surely most dumps (or reclamation and recycling centres as our council would have it 😁) have clothing banks where the stuff is sorted, and reused or recycled somehow? Ours certainly does.

Most dumps I’ve been to try to avoid landfilling as much as possible.

Earwigworries · 30/06/2021 14:36

At this point in time you may not realise how expensive it gets with small kids and how quickly they grow . I’d sort out at least a reasonable amount of things you think are ok and re gift the rest . The reality is once the new baby is on their third set of the day after poop explosions the last thing you’ll care about is whether it’s pink !

Crowsaregreat · 30/06/2021 14:36

YABU

A few babygros in different sizes = possibly only 3 or so in the size your baby is born in. Babies can get through 3-4 changes a day without trying too hard, if you have a sicky one you might need multiples of that.

It's quite good to have clothes you're not too precious about, you'll only use them for a few weeks. Get some vacuum pack bags and they won't take up much space. But really, you could have just said no, instead of taking them then bitching on here about it.

Enterthedragons · 30/06/2021 14:37

There’s a clothes bank in practically every single supermarket car park… are people not aware of this?

If you don’t want them throw them in there, job done. Someone will get good use out of them. Don’t take them to the dump that’s terrible.

BikeRunSki · 30/06/2021 14:38

Plough through it, keep any bits you like, pass the rest onto a Women’s refuge/pregnancy crisis centre/Sally Army etc. Bear in mind that babies leak at both ends pretty much constantly and can get through 5 or 6 changes of clothes a day. 😀

nocturnalcatfreetogoodhome · 30/06/2021 14:39

YANBU. I love charity shops, second hand bits etc but I hate others' cast offs if that makes sense? I wouldn't like all her old junk despite how much money it would save.

Sort through any bits you actually want (if you want any), ask if she wants anything back and if not dump it at the charity shop and never accept second hand bits again unless you know what you're getting.

I vividly remember the poo-nami stained onesies my sister was given by a colleague when she was pregnant with her first. Some people really are something else.

Thevoiceofreason2021 · 30/06/2021 14:41

Put aside 1 hour to sort through the bags - pick out anything that stands out. Send the rest to a charity shop, many will do door step collections. Find out if there are any baby specific charities near you - baby banks or local Facebook groups.

SinkGirl · 30/06/2021 14:43

@Letsallscreamatthesistene if not try Ashley’s birthday bank

Heelsofsteel · 30/06/2021 14:43

Clothes recycling bin on the way home.
It gets recycled.

riotlady · 30/06/2021 14:44

YABU, it was a kind gesture and you’re complaining that you don’t like pink! I was v poor when we had DD and bags of clothes from friends were a lifesaver. Have always tried to “pay it forward” but giving things to other pregnant people

LittleNibbler · 30/06/2021 14:44

I loved being given loads of free clothes for DC, shame people don’t do it when they get older, kids are expensive and they go through things so fast, I hate buying new, expensive and unnecessary.

Give it to someone who needs it if you don’t.

Treehaus · 30/06/2021 14:45

Confused why you didn't say at the time ah thanks very much that's kind, but I really can't store all of this. If you ever sort through it'd be great to have some bits.

Shmithecat2 · 30/06/2021 14:45

@riotlady

YABU, it was a kind gesture and you’re complaining that you don’t like pink! I was v poor when we had DD and bags of clothes from friends were a lifesaver. Have always tried to “pay it forward” but giving things to other pregnant people
Have always tried to “pay it forward” but giving things to other pregnant people

whether they like it or not?

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