AIBU to think I'm having a baby, not opening a charity shop.

[TooManyAnimals94]

Context: I'm 30 wks pregnant with our first baby, have enough clothing bits to get us through the first month or so with LO bearing in mind we don't know how big she will be so just got a few babygros and sleepsuits in various sizes.
However...a friend of mine offered a few bits and I took her up on it, mainly because she offered a baby carrier which I do actually need and I thought its a free bag of clothes...why say no?
We met for breakfast and in the cafe carpark she opens her boot and there are like six bin bags of clothing in there. I start to say that I really don't need/want all of that and she pretty much just shoved it all in my car, laughing about how I'll get through it eventually.
As well as the general inconvenience of having to sort through so many clothes (not arranged in size or anything, just shoved in there) we have a flat with very limited storage space which she knows and I feel like she just couldn't be bothered to go to the charity shop/dump and thought she would try and make it look like she's doing me a favour.
I spoke to my mum about it who said I should just take it all to the dump and not even bother to sort through it...feels awful but probably easier. She also mentioned that all her work friends keep trying to offload stuff on me, all in the name of 'helping' me.
I'm sure I'm not the only one to have experienced this...feeling annoyed that I wasn't more assertive when she just started loading stuff into my car.
As an extra bone of contention, everything is so horrendously pink...when this friend knew I prefer neutral colours.

OP you don't have to be grateful - you don't need or want the stuff. They just don't want it in their house so have dumped it on you. I was exactly the same when I had dd - I lived in a flat up 3 flights of stairs. Every time I got home from MILs I had to somehow carry my baby in her carseat up the stairs and also bags full of crap I did not want. When I got assertive faced with this massive plastic thing she had picked up from a jumble sale and said no thank you she was so offended and said well you need to take it, I have no space for it here!!!
She still brings junk with her when she comes round but it has got better. I'm quite honest, I say things like "oh wow that's a lot of books! There must be 100 there. Kids, pick 2 each and then we'll pop the rest in the porch and take them to the charity shop for nanny when we get time."

And yes, you can just get rid of it, charity shop etc, but like you say it is another job on your list that you didn't ask for. And people telling you you have time to sort through it - of course you could make time but why the hell should you? YANBU at all.

I love a bag of hand me downs as do my kids but this does sound quite excessive!
I’d check she didn’t want anything back, then have a quick sort through and pass the rest onto a charity shop/ fb / one of those recycling bags that come though the door.

@kindaclassy

You can't be bothered to sort through the clothes?

why should she? She's not a charity shop.
I would just bin the lot, who can be arsed to rummage through 6 bags of old clothes?

It takes a couple of hours at most and can be fun. Binning it is ungrateful when there are so many people in need, not to mention not very eco-friendly.

Very ungrateful. They could have taken it to a charity shop but thought about you. Take it there yourself if you dont want to sort through it, but try and see the kindness in others rather than feeling put upon.

YANBU to just take what you don't want to a charity shop!

I think this is all in the eyes of a beholder. In your case, you seem to be rich enough to afford whatever you need.
There are others who would genuinely walk on hot coals if they could forget about buying stuff for their baby for a year, especially as they grow so fast and you need to buy nappies on top of that.
I got lots of stuff from my family and friends and I'm ever so grateful, not that we needed it financially but it saved us lots of hassle because we didn't need to buy lots of stuff and waste time on shopping.

I underestimated how much clothes I would need for first baby. Honestly it’s really helpful to have loads of spares to keep in the buggy/at grandparents house.

She should have asked if you wanted it before she gave it to you but I do think you’ll be glad of it at some point. Sorry if that sounds patronising, just based on my experience.

It takes a couple of hours at most and can be fun. Binning it is ungrateful when there are so many people in need, not to mention not very eco-friendly.

Dusting can be fun for some people too, it doesn't mean we all have to enjoy doing it!

No reason to be grateful when the friend is just getting rid of stuff, couldn't be arsed storing it properly and sorting it, but can be guilt-free because she "gave it" to someone else.

Even charity chops bin donations around here, too much stuff, no one wants baby clothes.

why should she? She's not a charity shop.
I would just bin the lot, who can be arsed to rummage through 6 bags of old clothes?

OP asked for the clothes she just got more than expected, to pick out what she likes. If she didn’t want to sort through them she should just buy her own stuff.

It would help if the OP could ask on a local FB group if a charity or other would like the lot.

Not being able to do that for fear of offending the "friend" is not right!

Check she isn't expecting it back then take it to charity.

"Hi, friend, thanks for all this baby stuff. What do you want me to do with the stuff we don't need? Shall I charity shop it or do you want it back? I'm drowning under baby stuff and no space to store, haha!"

This!! We are very grateful for so
Many kinds offers we have received and some lovely items but some people certainly are unloading their stuff on us for their benefit and not ours!

I do not feel obligated to keep any of it and when sorting it did pass some straight to the clothing banks and charity shops.

@toocold54

*why should she? She's not a charity shop. I would just bin the lot, who can be arsed to rummage through 6 bags of old clothes?*

OP asked for the clothes she just got more than expected, to pick out what she likes. If she didn’t want to sort through them she should just buy her own stuff.

She has bought her own stuff.. read the OP again.

It shouldn't take more than 30 mins to go through the bags, put them on your bed in sizes, go through keep and donate, have two different bags.

Local fb or gumtree are a couple of suggestions, and many charity shops are open now.

I can identify with this, in that at some point I was just drowning in stuff, far more than I could possibly use.
It is a bit annoying but worth checking if she wants it back (I would then just return straight away as it’s such a faff keeping track of who gave you what). If she doesn’t then it is worth sorting through as there could be good useful things in there, then give rest to charity. I would start boxes of 3-6m and 6-12m clothes for when you need them.

MikeWozniaksGloriousTache Where are you? I’m in south Warwickshire and have several bin bags worth of clean smoke free baby clothes if you need them.

Buying new baby clothes instead of accepting donations is wasteful - especially when most baby clothes are going to be covered in gunk most of the time. The only baby things you really need to buy new are a cot mattress, a car seat & dummies (and that's primarily for safety reasons).

You sound very ungrateful. Your friend was giving you free baby clothes and stuff, why should she sort through it all to check it matches your preference for neutral colours?

She could have sold some of it especially the baby carrier. There may be designer pieces in those bags or rare Scandi or useful things like puddlesuits and snowsuits. So horrible to even think of taking it all to landfill without checking through it.

Why don’t you go through it bag by bag, keep the bits you want and drop the rest at a recycling centre or refuge.

You’ll be amazed how many sleep suits and outfits a newborn gets through in one day, they have nappy leaks and throw up milk. Bigger babies ruin lots of clothes weaning and drooling, sun cream stains, knees of trousers wear through crawling. Then potty training! Having lots of clean spares is a godsend especially if they go to nursery.

@Ajl46

Buying new baby clothes instead of accepting donations is wasteful - especially when most baby clothes are going to be covered in gunk most of the time. The only baby things you really need to buy new are a cot mattress, a car seat & dummies (and that's primarily for safety reasons).

So we should be obliged to accept clothes? Really? My sons clothes were never 'covered in gunk'. And as for pp about running out of clothes, we never did that either. Washing machines are a marvellous invention. And if all us ungrateful, wasteful parents didn't buy new, where would the 2nd hand stuff come from?

It really won't take long to skim through it. An hour or two max.

Stick the tv on. One bag at a time abs pop the nice bits into age appropriate piles.

If you've got drawers in the babys room or even storage under the cot you'll find the space I'm sure.

They grow out of things so so quickly abs it's all adds up expense wise. The only push back I'd have is if they were born at different times of the year because then your 0-3 might need winter and her 0-3 may have been a summer baby.

a friend of mine offered a few bits and I took her up on it, mainly because she offered a baby carrier which I do actually need and I thought its a free bag of clothes...why say no?

@kindaclassy see above. OP wanted the free baby carrier and clothes off her friend. She said she just didn’t realise there would be so much. Read OPs posts again.

Depends what condition it’s in... someone gave me a ton of stuff and said oh some of it’s not even been worn. Which was a lie because all the clothes were covered in stains and bobbles - I wouldn’t put my baby in that.I threw it all in the bin it wasn’t even fit for the charity shop. I would keep all the sleepsuits and vests if there in good condition because you’ll be surprised how much you’ll get through they just poo and puke so much. I got given other stuff from another friend which was good condition and it was so helpful when I was seriously ill after birth and couldn’t keep on top of the washing.

I loved getting bags of baby clothes. And maternity clothes. Secondhand is eco friendly and it sounds like she’s given you lots of choice!

Don’t sell the unwanted ones, that’s so rude. Just donate to a refuge or charity shop!

I kept the nice new outfits for when we went out and the second hand ones for at home and overnight 🙈