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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I'm having a baby, not opening a charity shop.

317 replies

TooManyAnimals94 · 30/06/2021 13:58

Context: I'm 30 wks pregnant with our first baby, have enough clothing bits to get us through the first month or so with LO bearing in mind we don't know how big she will be so just got a few babygros and sleepsuits in various sizes.
However...a friend of mine offered a few bits and I took her up on it, mainly because she offered a baby carrier which I do actually need and I thought its a free bag of clothes...why say no?
We met for breakfast and in the cafe carpark she opens her boot and there are like six bin bags of clothing in there. I start to say that I really don't need/want all of that and she pretty much just shoved it all in my car, laughing about how I'll get through it eventually.
As well as the general inconvenience of having to sort through so many clothes (not arranged in size or anything, just shoved in there) we have a flat with very limited storage space which she knows and I feel like she just couldn't be bothered to go to the charity shop/dump and thought she would try and make it look like she's doing me a favour.
I spoke to my mum about it who said I should just take it all to the dump and not even bother to sort through it...feels awful but probably easier. She also mentioned that all her work friends keep trying to offload stuff on me, all in the name of 'helping' me.
I'm sure I'm not the only one to have experienced this...feeling annoyed that I wasn't more assertive when she just started loading stuff into my car.
As an extra bone of contention, everything is so horrendously pink...when this friend knew I prefer neutral colours.

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 01/07/2021 22:34

We pass clothes and stuff around our friendship group but dumping 6 bags of mixed age clothing on a heavily pregnant woman is shit. She'd have largely grown out of it one size at a time so if you're keeping it to pass on, you bag it up as you go. I've sat and sorted through clothes to pass them on one or two sizes at a time and when that got too much I stopped passing them on.

Have a sort through. Vests and sleep-suits don't get seen so I'd keep a small number in each size, see if there's any bits that jump out at you regardless of size. Then pass the rest on to a charity shop or 3

Glovesick · 01/07/2021 22:40

Wait till you get huge, ugly, plastic toys given to you!! The worst are the ones that make some dreadfully annoying sound.

ERFFER · 01/07/2021 22:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sue69m · 01/07/2021 22:45

There is an app named OLIO where local people can collect from you. Please pass the stuff on to someone in need

PrincessLeiaInlockdown · 01/07/2021 23:05

Feel for you OP. I remember the time when I was working in large Tech company everyone earning well. This one colleague offering her 2 boys t-shirt for my then one year girl. When I refused she made sure I was spoken to by atleast two other colleagues how dare I refused them. I just looked at them like they were out of their minds Hmm

fatchilli123 · 01/07/2021 23:17

Sell what you don't want and buy something you do want

Alison20 · 01/07/2021 23:24

I had been ripped off by builders and used all the money saved for clothes etc when I had Dd. I was so grateful for lovely bags of clothes that kept coming and saw us through. Yes there were too many and sometimes not to my taste but it would all have cost a fortune and it meant I didn’t have to waddle to shops. I was so exhausted after birth it saved me a lot of time and energy. I still think I was incredibly lucky despite lack of space. If you are being given things for free then a little time sorting through is fine. Also an environmentally friendly approach.

BritMommyAbroad · 02/07/2021 01:40

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. It’s really annoying when people offload their things because they can’t be bothered getting rid of them. But please! Don’t bin them. I used to volunteer in a charity shop and so many people (especially in these covid times) who are struggling, will really appreciate this.

RizzleRazzle · 02/07/2021 04:08

YANBU. I've just had DD and when I was pregnant I bought a small bundle of clothes on FB marketplace in size newborn and 0-3 months.

The man arrived and said he was in the middle of moving house and had found lots more for me. He then unloaded bin bags of stained or smelly "boys" clothes in age 2-3 years, lots of hideous, dirty or mouldy broken toys etc. He was probably trying to be nice but it felt like he was just offloading the crap he didn't want onto me which I then had to sort through and either recycle or give to charity which I really didn't have time to do.

MoreAloneTime · 02/07/2021 05:32

If sorting through piles of clothes in front of the TV is so easy and fun why couldn't this friend have done so?

6 bin bags is a piss take.

Crispyturtle · 02/07/2021 07:17

OP I completely sympathise, when my DD was a week old my SIL turned up, unasked, with six bin bags full of clothes, the bin bags were covered in dust clearly pulled out of her loft, and when I went through it all (which was hard going post-section with a tiny baby) there were a few nice bits but it was mostly stained babygrows and random single socks. I gave up after the third bag, packed it into the car and took it to the clothes recycling bank. It felt very much like my SIL was taking the opportunity to clear out her loft rather than genuinely trying to be helpful. It’s six years now and it still annoys me!

CecilyP · 02/07/2021 08:15

If sorting through piles of clothes in front of the TV is so easy and fun why couldn't this friend have done so?

Because the friend would have to guess what OP would want or like, whereas OP will know what she wants or likes!

OP, I appreciate that you have been given 3 times as much as you asked for and are feeling a little overwhelmed. I would imagine your friend thought she would just give first and second size clothes then thought she give you bigger sizes so you had it all in one go rather than drubs and drabs.

It is well worth sorting and donating anything you absolutely wouldn’t use (too pink and frilly or a snow suit likely to fit next summer) However your baby will probably get through more clothes than you think so it’s always useful to have spares. In addition babies grow very quickly so the bigger sizes will come in useful and time sorting now will save time shopping later.

Regarding storage space, if you haven’t ruled out the possibility of having a second child, you will probably end up storing clothes in different sizes anyway.

Anonapapple · 02/07/2021 08:21

I have received bags and bags of clothes and it has been amazing. Every 6 months or so I top up some essentials such as leggings, pants etc but generally my daughter has a wardrobe full of beautiful clothes and I cant remember where the half of it came from. Designer stuff and gorgeous coats, some hardly worn. I feel really blessed but it does my husbands head in. I live abroad where it's not cheap to buy baby stuff and I'm part of a really great expat community where we all circulate our stuff. If you really dont want any more stuff just firmly say 'no thanks, i have been given loads and I've no room to store it'.

Myrighteyeball · 02/07/2021 09:45

I was grateful for second hand clothes for both children - I don't think I purchased even one new item of clothing for my second child. But I also had a friend who did what your friend has done ie handed over bags and bags of clothes all the way up to size 3 all crumpled and mixed up - as though she just shoved them in bags and couldn't be bothered doing any sorting at all.

It took me bloody ages to sort them into sizes and seasons, then I had to wash and dry them as some were not clean. I ended up giving most of them to charity in the end as most of the were the wrong size for the season - it just created a lot of work I really didn't need to get some clothing that I didn't desperately need.

So YANBU OP.

THisbackwithavengeance · 02/07/2021 09:47

I love sorting out clothes. My dream job would be to work in a charity shop! Unfortunately you dont get paid...

If she doesnt want them back, just take out the nice bits and donate the rest.

readingismycardio · 02/07/2021 09:48

You do seem a tad ungrateful, OP - tbh I'd just sort them (ideally by ages), decide what to keep, wash and iron them, and donate the rest, there are so many people in need.

WaltzForDebbie · 02/07/2021 09:49

We were one of first in our friendship group to have kids so had to buy everything! I would have loved some hand-me-downs. Just keep what you like and donate the rest. X

phoenixrosehere · 02/07/2021 10:24

*But I also had a friend who did what your friend has done ie handed over bags and bags of clothes all the way up to size 3 all crumpled and mixed up - as though she just shoved them in bags and couldn't be bothered doing any sorting at all.

It took me bloody ages to sort them into sizes and seasons, then I had to wash and dry them as some were not clean. I ended up giving most of them to charity in the end as most of the were the wrong size for the season - it just created a lot of work I really didn't need to get some clothing that I didn't desperately need.*

We were given up to age 6 for our first and they were in a similar state as yours and not only that, their sons were 10. It was clothes that they had sitting in their loft for years. Only a handful of clothes made it through and we still have them mostly unworn and our own is 6. This thread reminded me of them. Getting rid of them since by time my oldest son is able to fit them he’ll likely be in secondary. He wears size 3-4 and is a wiry lad and so is his brother who is almost 4 and wears 18 months so someone else could be getting some use out of them now instead of waiting for years for them to hopefully fit and wear them.

I think people that see OP as ungrateful are those who likely struggled to afford their baby clothes which is understandable however it doesn’t make OP ungrateful because she doesn’t have the same circumstances and is annoyed that she was misled by someone who is a friend.

Roxy69 · 02/07/2021 10:44

Sort a few clothes out if you want to and donate the rest. You are lucky to have the opportunity to discard unwanted clothes. Please, for goodness sake don't take them to a tip. The thought of that makes me very cross.

MoreAloneTime · 02/07/2021 10:53

And she couldn't at least do it by size or clothing type?

August1980 · 02/07/2021 10:57

@Nsky

You sound pretty ungrateful, ok, it’s annoying ask if she expects it back, folk don’t have to be kind
I think this too…
RugratMum · 02/07/2021 10:59

@MoreAloneTime

And she couldn't at least do it by size or clothing type?
When I give baby stuff away I tend to just take out stained/ruined clothing and sentimental items and bag up the rest tbh. I don't sort by size.

I do tend to do clear outs pretty frequently though, so my last giveaway was clothes from newborn to 9-12 months, which isn't a vast range.

MoreAloneTime · 02/07/2021 11:02

6 bin bags though? Unless it's 6 bin bags of free money I can't think when anyone would appreciate having that volume of anything dumped on them in a domestic situation.

Cranberrygin · 02/07/2021 13:08

First world problems! When I had my first baby, as a young single mum, I would have been overjoyed to have been given stuff. I really struggled to clothe her and pretty much everything she had came from jumble sales. Lots of people are still in this position. Take all the bits you don’t want to a charity shop and be happy that your baby will have everything he or she needs.

ZingDramaQueenOfSheeba · 02/07/2021 13:12

I can see both sides, but YANBU.

she ignored you and dumped her clutter on you. get rid of it, unopened.
job done

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