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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think I'm having a baby, not opening a charity shop.

317 replies

TooManyAnimals94 · 30/06/2021 13:58

Context: I'm 30 wks pregnant with our first baby, have enough clothing bits to get us through the first month or so with LO bearing in mind we don't know how big she will be so just got a few babygros and sleepsuits in various sizes.
However...a friend of mine offered a few bits and I took her up on it, mainly because she offered a baby carrier which I do actually need and I thought its a free bag of clothes...why say no?
We met for breakfast and in the cafe carpark she opens her boot and there are like six bin bags of clothing in there. I start to say that I really don't need/want all of that and she pretty much just shoved it all in my car, laughing about how I'll get through it eventually.
As well as the general inconvenience of having to sort through so many clothes (not arranged in size or anything, just shoved in there) we have a flat with very limited storage space which she knows and I feel like she just couldn't be bothered to go to the charity shop/dump and thought she would try and make it look like she's doing me a favour.
I spoke to my mum about it who said I should just take it all to the dump and not even bother to sort through it...feels awful but probably easier. She also mentioned that all her work friends keep trying to offload stuff on me, all in the name of 'helping' me.
I'm sure I'm not the only one to have experienced this...feeling annoyed that I wasn't more assertive when she just started loading stuff into my car.
As an extra bone of contention, everything is so horrendously pink...when this friend knew I prefer neutral colours.

OP posts:
Sillawithans · 30/06/2021 15:26

It's really not that hard to go through bags of clothes. You do sound ungrateful. What a rubbish friend you're being to just moan about it here when your friend was trying to be kind.
Keep what you want and charity shop what you don't.
Easy.

cadburyegg · 30/06/2021 15:29

I personally think YABU because she offered you the baby clothes along with something you did want and you agreed. What did you expect? If you’d said no and she turned up anyway with unwanted stuff then you’d be within your rights to be annoyed. You can’t agree to free stuff and be upset because you didn’t like all of it. I’ve had a variety of second hand clothes for my kids over the years, some of it has come in useful and some hasn’t been used, it’s just the way it goes.

TheRebelle · 30/06/2021 15:29

@Ajl46 do you? I’ve never washed anything before putting my kids in it for the first time and they haven’t melted.

I get that some people don’t like shopping or clothes but part of the fun for me was picking out outfits and dressing them up before they’re old enough to start dressing themselves (in awful stuff with cartoon characters on!)

LouLou789 · 30/06/2021 15:30

I know it will be a pain to sort through, but after checking with your friend that she won’t want any back, keep what you want and contact the Health Visitor at your GP surgery, HVs and Social Services (and Women’s Aid) keep an (unofficial) stock of things for parents who have nothing,

Ajl46 · 30/06/2021 15:31

@WildBluebell

YANBU I really enjoy buying clothes for my baby, and dressing him exactly the way I want. I'd be so annoyed if someone tried to push a ton of used baby clothes on me.

I mean, think of all the photos you're gonna have of your baby, and them being dressed in clothes you don't like in those photos. Angry

Why would you be judging your child based on what they are wearing? Seems odd - surely they look lovely regardless of their outfit?
RugratMum · 30/06/2021 15:33

[quote TheRebelle]@Ajl46 do you? I’ve never washed anything before putting my kids in it for the first time and they haven’t melted.

I get that some people don’t like shopping or clothes but part of the fun for me was picking out outfits and dressing them up before they’re old enough to start dressing themselves (in awful stuff with cartoon characters on!)[/quote]
I wash everything before first use. New clothes are sprayed with fungicides to prevent mould in transit.

Growing up, we never washed anything before first and are fine, as far as we know, but I don't like the idea of those chemicals on my kids.

Original poster
TooManyAnimals94 · 30/06/2021 15:35

Thanks everyone, I knew I would get a few responses about me being ungrateful but I really didn't know she was planning on giving me so much, she sent me a pic and it looked like 2 bags for life and the sling/carrier she offered ages ago. I know she doesn't want them back, her last was her last but I would still feel bad if I put them on fb or ebay and she saw! As a few suggested I will message her and say that's my plan for the bits I don't want...

OP posts:
MagnoliaBeige · 30/06/2021 15:35

I’d be cross too if she’s basically used you to get rid of her baby stuff without considering what you actually need or want. I’d sort through it, take the bits you want then message her to say “Thanks for the stuff you gave me but it’s far too much for me to store and much more than I was expecting - I’ve chosen my favourite bits but I cannot keep the rest. Let me know if you want it back or else I’m happy to donate it to charity/local clothes bank on your behalf”

RugratMum · 30/06/2021 15:35

Why would you be judging your child based on what they are wearing? Seems odd - surely they look lovely regardless of their outfit?

I say this without judgement, yet aware that it may sound judgemental. One of the bits many people like best about babies is dressing them up in little outfits, so they can get a bit precious about what they put them in.

Tibtab · 30/06/2021 15:37

Ask if she would be happy for you to donate them to a local Baby Bank (like a Food Bank for baby equipment) once you have sorted out the bits you want to keep?
I agree that it is cheeky behaviour on her part!

kindaclassy · 30/06/2021 15:37

Why would you be judging your child based on what they are wearing? Seems odd - surely they look lovely regardless of their outfit?

it's not about judging but why on earth would you dress your children in clothes you don't actually like? Confused
Who does that?

KateTheEighth · 30/06/2021 15:37

My sister in law used to do this

Every time we saw her (maybe once every 6 month or so) she used to give me a massive bin liner (or 2 or 3) full of clothes, some of which had holes in them and some were covered in stains

I think she couldn't be bothered to sort them herself so just dumped it all on me

Pottedpalm · 30/06/2021 15:38

It’s not such a hard job; get your mum or a friend, make a pot of tea and get sorting. Three piles; stained/ worn to bin, don’t like to charity shop and like/useful togo straight into the machine. Job done. Who knows, there might be a few lovely bits in there.

Flev · 30/06/2021 15:41

I'm another one who loved getting passed on bags of clothes - we barely bought anything new for the first 18 months! Yes, it did take half an hour or so in front of the TV to sort through and weed out anything we disliked, but that's a lot less time than I'd have spent buying it new.

Unfortunately my DD is now an extremely tall 2 yr old so has caught up in size with the people previously giving us clothes. And despite me trying every charity shop around there's virtually nothing in her size - they say it gets bought as soon as its put out. So we're on new clothes now, and I must find time to check out ebay etc to look for bundles before she grows again (currently between age 2-3 and 3-4).

Its clearly something that really divides people - I guess we need people like the OP to spend out buying the clothes new in order to get them into second-hand circulation!

MissLC · 30/06/2021 15:41

We were given quite a lot of clothes from friends and family when I was expecting but I loved going through it and seeing what we liked and would use. We're still getting hand me downs now for bugger sizes and I still really enjoy getting them and going through them. I don't feel guilty for anything I don't like or want, for the good quality stuff I just give it to a local charity who give to expectant mums who are struggling financially

Ajl46 · 30/06/2021 15:42

@kindaclassy

Why would you be judging your child based on what they are wearing? Seems odd - surely they look lovely regardless of their outfit?

it's not about judging but why on earth would you dress your children in clothes you don't actually like? Confused
Who does that?

I dress mine in whatever fits & is clean & nearest usually! 🤣 if it was free (to me), so much the better for me, DD & the planet. Some of the nicest pictures I have of DD are of her wearing a bib & covered in food or paint, because she looks so happy & mischievous. I'd never refuse to put a photo up of her because she was wearing spots rather than stripes etc.
bengalcat · 30/06/2021 15:43

I’m with you OP six bags of stuff is a bit OTT - never mind as others have said check she doesn’t want anything returned then pick out what you want and do an eco job on the rest

kindaclassy · 30/06/2021 15:44

it's weird. I don't buy clothes that I don't like for myself, so I wouldn't choose clothes I don't like for my kids Confused

Mud or paint is irrelevant in the right context, but there's nothing in their wardrobe I actively dislike. Not when they are little at least.

GreenLeafTurnip · 30/06/2021 15:45

Trust me OP it's because she can't be bothered to get rid of it herself so she's dressed it up as being a really good friend. I had someone do it to me and half the clothes were just rags as they'd been through 3 boys. She just couldn't be arsed to do it herself. Most of them went in the rag bins.

Ookkaayy · 30/06/2021 15:46

YABU! You can't be bothered to sort through the clothes? It's an inconvenience for you! First world problems or what. Surely if she's your friend she did this with a good intention and wouldn't have just given you tat. I have offered so many of my childrens clothing to my friends who have appreciated and happily taken them. Admittedly it's not been 6 bags worth but still it's been a fair amount

Howshouldibehave · 30/06/2021 15:49

Just make sure she doesn’t want it all back (in immaculate condition!) before you give it to charity!

kindaclassy · 30/06/2021 15:50

You can't be bothered to sort through the clothes?

why should she? She's not a charity shop.
I would just bin the lot, who can be arsed to rummage through 6 bags of old clothes?

Mytwopennysworth · 30/06/2021 15:52

You sound very ungrateful.

I was given way way way too much which my first 2, I’m talking I was able to dress my first 2 children up till the age of 5 with what I was given, not including prams, high chairs, cots etc.. I was given way more than I needed or could store and most of it I wasn’t consulted other than we have some baby things for you... I was very great-full even if I was overwhelmed, I didn’t need to return anything so I went through it, kept what I wanted and needed then split the rest, I gave some to other friends & relatives in need and the rest went to charity shops or gifted on online gifting sites. It really wasn’t that much hard work.

Kokosrieksts · 30/06/2021 16:08

So unreasonable. Please don’t throw them away. They are good clothes and there are many people in need. Put them on Facebook for free, somebody will pick them up.

shouldistop · 30/06/2021 16:10

@MikeWozniaksGloriousTache if you live in or near Glasgow I have a tonne of stuff to give away that my 7mo is now growing out of including a baby seat / swing thing and a bedside crib.

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