To be annoyed by awkward visitors & guests

(469 Posts)
ali444 Wed 14-Apr-21 19:18:53

I'm a single mum, work part time and don't have a lot of spare cash for luxuries or anything beyond the basics for my DC and myself. We live well but I'm very careful with money.
Dreading the end of lockdown as friends and family will be visiting more often and expecting to be fed (not a problem in itself, as long as they are happy to eat the kind of foods and ingredients I keep in the house).
I keep my food very plain and simple, no fancy ingredients or condiments etc. Don't like mayo (neither do DC so I don't even have it in the house). A friend came once and I made a simple but perfectly find cheese sandwich and she like "have you got any lettuce, cherry tomatoes and mayo to put on it".. No! Someone else asked me for "skimmed milk" (don't buy it, ever!), another one asked for "brown sugar" in their coffee (as opposed to standard white sugar), someone else has asked for "pink rock salt" once when helping me make a salad for a party... The list goes on.
AIBU to find it rude and inconsiderate to be in someone's house and, instead of just gracefully accepting what is offered, start asking for stupid, random and sometimes completely obscure things that they probably knew from the outset I was unlikely to have.
If I'm in somone's house, I never make a nuisance of myself but asking if they've got any this or that... it puts pressure on the host and I find it rude tbh. Anyone else feel the same?

OP’s posts: |
MaMaD1990 Wed 14-Apr-21 19:21:16

Who are these people in your life?! That is incredibly rude - they should just be grateful that you're offering them food and beverages. Cheeky bustards.

Umbivalent Wed 14-Apr-21 19:21:43

You can get pink rock salt in Poundland grin

MadMadMadamMim Wed 14-Apr-21 19:22:00

You need better friends.

I don't know anyone who'd do this! Yes, it's rude.

ladygindiva Wed 14-Apr-21 19:23:39

Haha yes ! I'm with you op. My brother used to drive me insane when he came to stay ( I was a young single mum and strapped for cash ) and he would ask if I had rock salt or balsamic vinegar and that sort of shit. Or ground coffee. Fuck off! I love him really. He's just always had more money than me and doesn't get it.

OolieMacdoolie Wed 14-Apr-21 19:24:30

Nobody has ever done this to me shock agree it’s very rude!

TestingTestingWonTooFree Wed 14-Apr-21 19:26:09

Perhaps when these people invite themselves you can tell them you have X and Y available but they’re welcome to call by the shop on their way if they want something else.

Leapyleaffrog Wed 14-Apr-21 19:26:10

Depends how they ask and what it is they want. Pink rock salt is a bit obscure but I would ask a friend if they had mayonnaise (well I wouldn’t cos I hate it, but in principle...). It’s not hard to say “Sorry, afraid not”.

That said, I’m not in a financially difficult position and to my knowledge neither are most of my friends. I do have a couple of friends I know are very careful with money and I just generally don’t eat at theirs.

osbertthesyrianhamster Wed 14-Apr-21 19:27:02

Your so-called friends are very rude! I would not invite these people over.

Or just call them on it, 'Wow, way to make me feel shit. I'm skint and just offered you something fine to eat and you throw it back in my face.'

Bellyundertit Wed 14-Apr-21 19:27:48

That is terrible. I feel for you. Did you tell them you were offended?

user1493413286 Wed 14-Apr-21 19:28:25

I’ve never been asked for any of those things apart from Mayo I would say and it’s perfectly fair enough to then say you don’t eat it so don’t have it

katy1213 Wed 14-Apr-21 19:28:56

Mayonnaise is hardly a fancy condiment. And skimmed milk is hardly exotic. You don't have to make a big deal of it - just say, 'No, I only buy semi-skimmed," or whatever. It seems very sad to be dreading visitors for something so trivial; I prefer skimmed milk if there's a choice - if there isn't I'm happy with whatever's going. And if somebody wanted pink rock salt, I'd laugh!

cardibach Wed 14-Apr-21 19:29:53


Your so-called friends are very rude! I would not invite these people over.

Or just call them on it, 'Wow, way to make me feel shit. I'm skint and just offered you something fine to eat and you throw it back in my face.'

Bit dramatic. There’s no face throwing going on, just (insensitive and a bit rude) question asking.

superking Wed 14-Apr-21 19:30:58

Asking for mayo is not that unreasonable really (not saying you should have some, but it's a pretty standard condiment so I don't think it's rude for a friend to ask). Pink rock salt is just taking the piss!

MaMaD1990 Wed 14-Apr-21 19:31:45

@katy1213 but if you're fine with anything and no choice has been offered, why would you bother asking for anything else? Why not just accept the milk OP has in your tea/coffee? All hypothetical questions BTW! That's what I find strange...

tinkywinkyshandbag Wed 14-Apr-21 19:32:07

If I was staying with a friend and they gave me a totally plain cheese sandwich with nothing on it I'd be a teeny bit disappointed but I'd happily eat and say thank you. It does sound as if your friends are quite fussy.

Bellyundertit Wed 14-Apr-21 19:32:22

Lol,pink rock salt . Delicious...but I've never had it before.

desperate4spring Wed 14-Apr-21 19:32:57

We had some friends round for dinner once and a guy (who we hadn't met before - he was a friend-of-a-friend) actually removed a garlic crusher from my hand as I was crushing the garlic and explained that only amateurs crush garlic. Apparently it needed to be chopped... confused

desperate4spring Wed 14-Apr-21 19:34:15

I realise that my example isn't exactly the same but I just remembered it and am fuming afresh (10 years after the event!)

Beseigedbykillersquirrels Wed 14-Apr-21 19:35:11

I don't think any of the things you've mentioned are obscure and YANBU to not buy things you don't like on the off chance a guest might want it, no.
I wouldn't be annoyed if someone asked for something though. If they're close enough to be visiting me they're close enough to ask and for me to say, 'Oh no sorry, I don't have that'. I don't think I'd be able to swallow down a plain cheese and bread sandwich, I find it sticks in my throat, so I always put pickle and mayo on it so I would have declined your offer of a 'perfectly fine' cheese sandwich. We all like different things. I'd rather my visitors tell me how they like things rather than me guess or make things they don't like.

SionnachGlic Wed 14-Apr-21 19:35:27

I don't recall my friends ever asking for specific definitely do when visiting mine if they are used to different in their own homes but I just tell them we don't have it. I do have a few friends that are vegetarian or coeliac & I do my best to accommodate their requirements for pre-arranged visits but if they just drop by (pre-covid!) then we just make do with what I have in.

MysweetAudrina Wed 14-Apr-21 19:37:42

I use pink rock salt, mayo, and would normally have salad ingredients and other options in the house. When I visit my parents they don't have salt, sugar or butter as they don't use them and go damp or off between visits but they are pretty normal things for someone to ask for.

Neonprint Wed 14-Apr-21 19:38:28

In general I think you should just accept what offered but asking for condiments or a preference in sugar isn't a stretch. Then if you don't have it you can say so.

I think if you need to watch your money closely then your family should be sensitive to this.

We don't drink dairy milk so I'll either buy a pint if I have guests or get them to bring some. I also don't have mayo it makes me feel sick looking at it but we go have it at home because unfortunately I'm the only one who feels like this.

I would eat the sandwich you're talking about but if it was just cheese I'd find it a bit grim.

SusannahSophia Wed 14-Apr-21 19:39:44

Crushed garlic is infinitely superior to chopped. The man’s an idiot!

the80sweregreat Wed 14-Apr-21 19:42:53

I had a plasterer once asked me if I had any oat milk for his tea ! He looked shocked when I said that I did indeed have some in the fridge..
Never heard of pink rock salt ; I have got ' maldon salt ' from Essex ( out of Morrison)

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