To be annoyed by awkward visitors & guests

[ali444]

I'm a single mum, work part time and don't have a lot of spare cash for luxuries or anything beyond the basics for my DC and myself. We live well but I'm very careful with money.
Dreading the end of lockdown as friends and family will be visiting more often and expecting to be fed (not a problem in itself, as long as they are happy to eat the kind of foods and ingredients I keep in the house).
I keep my food very plain and simple, no fancy ingredients or condiments etc. Don't like mayo (neither do DC so I don't even have it in the house). A friend came once and I made a simple but perfectly find cheese sandwich and she like "have you got any lettuce, cherry tomatoes and mayo to put on it".. No! Someone else asked me for "skimmed milk" (don't buy it, ever!), another one asked for "brown sugar" in their coffee (as opposed to standard white sugar), someone else has asked for "pink rock salt" once when helping me make a salad for a party... The list goes on.
AIBU to find it rude and inconsiderate to be in someone's house and, instead of just gracefully accepting what is offered, start asking for stupid, random and sometimes completely obscure things that they probably knew from the outset I was unlikely to have.
If I'm in somone's house, I never make a nuisance of myself but asking if they've got any this or that... it puts pressure on the host and I find it rude tbh. Anyone else feel the same?

Mayo and salad items (tomatoes and cucumber) are staple ingredients that all people I know would more than likely have in the house at all times.
I would think it very odd indeed to be given a plain cheese sandwich without being asked if I wanted butter or Mayo. I always ask my guests what condiments they would like on their food as I want them to be able to enjoy and eat it rather than have a dry sandwich stuck in their throat. If your going to the trouble of offering them something to eat then I’d want them to actually enjoy eating it!
Don’t think anyone I know would choose to eat a dry cheese sandwich.
In regard to the pink salt, brown sugar and specific milk then yes that’s a bit more unusual but all you needed to say was ‘no sorry would you like x instead ?’ ie normal sea salt, white sugar , semi-skimmed milk.
I drink decaf tea/coffee and prefer non dairy milk so would always ask if offered a hot drink if they have decaf/non dairy milk. If not though I just have the one cup of whatever they do have. Absolutely no harm in asking and these are meant to be friends/ family then you’re meant to want them in the house so want them to enjoy their time with you as much as possible and know what they like to eat/drink. I know what my friends/family like to eat and how they each take their tea/coffee and would go and get some caffeinated in for example if someone was coming round and I didn’t have any in the house. Mayo and salad is hardly exotic and would make a boring cheese sandwich into an edible enjoyable meal.

That's rude and graceless.

I wouldn’t class lettuce as a luxury food 😂 a plain cheese sandwich is a bit of a prison lunch and would be dry as sticks so don’t think your friend was unreasonable to ask for Mayo!

Being a guest in someone's house means graciously accepting the food and drink you are offered. Anything you are offered. With grace and gratitude.

I dont think its weird for people to ask for mayo or salad because ide think most people would have some kind of condiment or extras to chuck on a sandwich.
However just say sorry no we dont buy it. Easy.
I prefer sweetener rather than sugar so if someone is making a drink I'll ask if they have any but also add dont worry if you havent I'll just have sugar instead. I dont specify which sugar though.

still extremely rude to make requests

Only if you're one of those mumsnetters who think everything is extremely rude. In real life, its ruder to tell your friends and family: have a plain cheese sandwich and shut the fuck up.

I've got pink rock salt on the shopping list now.

most ridiculous post in the thread

Good for you if you can afford to present fancier food to unexpected guests. How is that relevant or helpful in any way?

Oh yes, wonderful fantastic me because I can afford half a 5p tomato and some 50p Mayo that last six weeks from Aldi. I’m so fancy and rich. Come off it.

She didn’t say these guests were unexpected. If she can only afford a dry, unappetising cheese between two slices of bread and gets offended when someone asks for something basic and cheap that makes it easier to swallow then she should make it clear they should bring their own food or not expect to be fed.

YANBU to not have those things, but if these are good friends of yours or close family, then I don't really understand what the problem is? They're not trying to make you feel bad, they're just asking?

We don't like it/haven't got any in/pink salt are you daft?! They're all perfectly acceptable answers to perfectly acceptable questions.

I can understand if a stranger dropped by and wasn't happy with the choice of refreshments it would be rude - but why are so many of you offended at perfectly innocuous and normal questions? And if you know they're not innocuous, then you know they're not really your friend so....?

I'd hate to think if my closest friend came round she could ask for a bit of tomato in her sandwich, even if I had to say that sorry, we don't have any in.

I always get extra food and drinks in if I'm hosting or get the guests to bring stuff themselves.

I stopped inviting my really fussy visitors after I had the wrong type of bread, herbal teas and crockery or used too many seasonings and the wrong sausages.

I think you are bring unreasonable. These are not nobody's they are your friends and family, there's no harm done bu asking for a squirt of mayo. Why are you so easily offended. Chill

YANBU OP.
It's rude definitely.
They either accept what you serve gratefully or buy it themselves and bring it with them. I wouldn't dream of going to someone's house and asking for this/that.

Unless you are inviting them over for lunch I don't see why you are feeding them. Offer a coffee and a biscuit. If they suggest lunch offer to meet them in a nearby park for a picnic (each bring your own food).

I keep my food very plain and simple, no fancy ingredients or condiments etc.

Can we hear more about this please? I'm intrigued.

I mean, politely asking for standard stuff like milk, butter, ketchup is ok but asking for something out of the ordinary that the host would likely not have is rude.

OP are you my mother? No condiments in her house other than (yuck) salad cream, sandwiches are white sliced with tasteless mild cheddar.
She lives 150 miles away from me so I visit rarely and when I do I'm obviously there for a few days so expect to be fed but she never gets anything in that's remotely to my tastes. I think I need to start bringing my own condiments - I already bring my own coffee!

It's also acceptable by the way to tell people what you'll be feeding them, or that you won't be feeding them if they drop by. Tell them you're waiting for a food delivery if you want. Most people are not so bull-headed and bastardly that they actually want to cause you stress.

You also won't break the bank by buying cherry tomatoes and mayonnaise!!! 😳

I only buy what we have planned for the week's menu. But I find it odd that you'd expect to serve an adult a plain cheese sandwich, I don't think anyone would describe basic salad as particularly put there! And you must be offering for people to ask for condiments.

Fwiw, I don't have coffee or salt in the house. And to date neither has caused me any such issues. And I've had many friends have snacks, and meals chez moi.

If you think a plain cheese sandwich is decent, what do your other meals look like?

I don't think any of the ingredients are stupid, pink salt is sold in Lidl.

I think you are being very sensitive here. They've asked for quite ordinary things (apart from the Himalayan salt!).That's not rude, it's normal. There's no harm in asking politely for something you prefer. I always ask if people have skimmed milk because semi or whole milk makes me gag so if they don't have skimmed I wouldn't be able to drink anything they gave me. That would be both rude and wasteful. I also avoid caffeine so would ask if they had decaf. I'm not upset or offended if they say no but it saves making me something I won't drink. Similarly if I offer people a drink I will always warn them in advance if I only have skimmed milk/decaf. I don't want to give them something they dislike.

If someone asks for something you don't have, just say so. Not even a millionaire domestic goddess is going to have everything. There is no shame in saying 'no I don't buy that' or 'sorry, I've run out'.

@Umbivalent

You can get pink rock salt in Poundland

Not really the point tho?

@tinkywinkyshandbag

If I was staying with a friend and they gave me a totally plain cheese sandwich with nothing on it I'd be a teeny bit disappointed but I'd happily eat and say thank you. It does sound as if your friends are quite fussy.

I agree with this OP.

Yes it's rude if people ask for all of these things but just cheese in bread sounds like something you'd only give a child.

But then who are all these people eating at your house?

I don’t find it rude and wouldn’t mind at all if someone asked me.

If it’s not something we have then a simple “no sorry we don’t have any” or “oh no we never buy that as none of us eat it” it easy enough to say