To be annoyed by awkward visitors & guests

[ali444]

I'm a single mum, work part time and don't have a lot of spare cash for luxuries or anything beyond the basics for my DC and myself. We live well but I'm very careful with money.
Dreading the end of lockdown as friends and family will be visiting more often and expecting to be fed (not a problem in itself, as long as they are happy to eat the kind of foods and ingredients I keep in the house).
I keep my food very plain and simple, no fancy ingredients or condiments etc. Don't like mayo (neither do DC so I don't even have it in the house). A friend came once and I made a simple but perfectly find cheese sandwich and she like "have you got any lettuce, cherry tomatoes and mayo to put on it".. No! Someone else asked me for "skimmed milk" (don't buy it, ever!), another one asked for "brown sugar" in their coffee (as opposed to standard white sugar), someone else has asked for "pink rock salt" once when helping me make a salad for a party... The list goes on.
AIBU to find it rude and inconsiderate to be in someone's house and, instead of just gracefully accepting what is offered, start asking for stupid, random and sometimes completely obscure things that they probably knew from the outset I was unlikely to have.
If I'm in somone's house, I never make a nuisance of myself but asking if they've got any this or that... it puts pressure on the host and I find it rude tbh. Anyone else feel the same?

Asking for obscure or very expensive ingredients is rude and thoughtless, yes.

Asking for fairly bog standard things is not, as long as the person accepts a simple 'sorry we never use it ourselves so we don't have any' of course.

I don't think sandwich salad ingredients, mayo or semi skimmed milk are particularly awful ingredients for someone to ask for, I agree wtih a PP, you have an issue with saying 'sorry, no' rather than them being rude.

I've got a pink Himalayan rock salt lamp.

@desperate4spring

We had some friends round for dinner once and a guy (who we hadn't met before - he was a friend-of-a-friend) actually removed a garlic crusher from my hand as I was crushing the garlic and explained that only amateurs crush garlic. Apparently it needed to be chopped...

Sorry to detail, but that made me realise how covinstitutionalised I’m become. I read it thinking inside! 2 metres! Op is really graceless of your guests. We don’t have milk in the house, funny teabags etc. so regular guests (when there was such a thing offer to bring by them)

There is so much overthinking on this thread. Somebody asks if you have something, you say no, job done. They're not 'terrible' for asking, just as you're not a bad host for not having it.

Totally agree with this. Lots of my friends drink filter coffee or those pods which I hate. So if they say 'do you want coffee' I say 'only if you have any instant thanks" then I either have coffee, water or tea depending on what's available. The same as when they come to mine, I say 'do you want sugar' so,e will say 'do you have any sweeteners' when I say no they either have sugar or nothing.

It's not about expectations is it? Just normal conversation around food/drink.

@eatsleepread

There is so much overthinking on this thread. Somebody asks if you have something, you say no, job done. They're not 'terrible' for asking, just as you're not a bad host for not having it.

Exactly this! I would hate to made to feel like I'm rude for asking a friend if they have mayo. It's not like they are demanding you to go to the shop and buy it, they are just asking in case you have it at home as it would improve their meal.

I also wouldn't feel like a person is rude if they asked me something similar. I'd rather they enjoyed their food than eat something that is quite plain and boring.

It's reasonable to ask if you have any mayo.

Pink rock salt, not so much ...

I think it is rude to be so demanding. I always assume that if the host or hostess had those things in their cupboards then they would offer. I drink skimmed milk in my tea but if someone put whole or semi-skimmed in my tea, I wouldn't die from it and I wouldn't be so rude as to insult someone's hospitality.

I think it's ok to ask, I want my guests to be happy and if a bit of mayo makes the difference between a boring sandwich and an enjoyable one, I'm more than happy to be asked. If I don't have it I would offer pickle or some thing instead.
However I would be unhappy with people who turn up expecting to be fed all the time and never contribute anything themselves requesting random things.

I think specifying the colour of salt or sugar you want is rather pretentious. I must admit that I would find eating a dry cheese sandwich with no salad, pickle, chutney or mayonnaise rather difficult.
If someone asked me for skimmed milk I might just pour some milk in a jug and add some water to it

If you are having visitors could you avoid meal times, and just offer tea/coffee?

I can't decide if they are weird or rude - probably both!

I am obviously not struggling financially - not boasting, just factual - and no one has ever made similar requests in my house.

I could understand mayo, but who asks for a different kind of milk, or a different kind of salt?
Even starting a list of vegs, let's be honest, if you had them, it's likely you would have got them out...

I'd have no issue saying "no, sorry", but I would find the request really bizarre.

I think it’s pretty normal to have things in your fridge and cupboard that only you like. Unless a pre arranged visit. We don’t drink tea, so I’m not going to store teabags on the off chance that a visitor asks for a tea. We don’t eat biscuits either, or drink fizzy pop/juice. It can be a bit awkward sometimes if people just drop in and you don’t have in what they'd prefer, but it’s not unreasonable to not store stuff that you wouldn’t eat/drink yourself.

Depends on how they ask.
Do you have any mayo? Is fine.
Unless they follow it up with "What! you don't have mayo! How ridiculous, everyone should have it."

Sometimes things you have, you think of as being a standard thing everyone has in the cupboard, so not think of it being an issue to ask. I expect there's things you would always have in, that others wouldn't.

I notice you say brown sugar "as opposed to standard white sugar" which is maybe where you're not seeing differences. I only have brown sugar at home as it's what me and my partner have always used, therefore that is "standard" to us. Wouldn't find it rude if someone asked for white sugar though, I'd just say we don't have any.

Nothing you've mentioned people asking for is particularly out there. Definitely would never have the balls to ask for extras for a sandwich but I can see how some people would if you offered them a plain cheese sandwich! It's not rude, it's not that deep

The rock salt is ridiculous and yes, rude. Brown sugar, I’ve been asked for before - “in future A, I only take brown sugar” and yes thought it was a bit rude.

Skimmed milk, I couldn’t get angry about, only as it’s quite common some people have it for themselves and buy in semi-skimmed for guests or their kids etc. So perfectly reasonable to say, “you don’t have skimmed milk by any chance do you please? No? Ah ok no worries!”

I’m sorry but I do think it’s quite unreasonable to offer a plain cheese sandwich to an adult. It’s very dry and I can understand them asking for a bit of tomato or Mayo. I’d never in a million years serve that to a guest, it’s too dry and plain. Mayo and salad items are not an extravagance.

I had a friend stay a while ago who make themselves very at home as we like them to and she was feeling a bit ill (hungover) when we were all cooking dinner together and she said oh I think I’ll just have some toast with marmite. I remember thinking it strange at the time that she’d just presume we’d have it. So I said sorry afraid we don’t have any. (Not a fan of the stuff).
Doing a clear out a few weeks later and found we did have it after all. So either she was presumptuous or knew my kitchen contents better than I do 🤣

Anyways, point is, I think it’s a certain level of comfort in your home so I’d take it as a good thing!
Unless you don’t consider them that great friends and think they’re intentionally being rude - in which case - ditch them!

Do u not like the white stuff? A shame

I don't think asking in itself is rude, it's their reaction when you say no that can be rude

So asking if you have mayo is fine as long as when you say no they accept that.
If someone asks if you have skimmed milk (assuming for their coffee etc) then if you say no then if they say 'can I have it black' or 'semi skimmed is fine' or even 'actually no coffee for me' they aren't rude - if they say 'how can anyone live like this? it's like being in a third world country' then they are rude

start asking for stupid, random and sometimes completely obscure things that they probably knew from the outset I was unlikely to have

Mayo is stupid and completely obscure? Jaysus OP, you sound like hard work. Anyone close enough to me to making me sandwiches is certainly someone I would ask if they had mayo...its not rude in the slightest! I wouldn't say anything if they didn't have it, of course.

You sound like you hate these people. Anyone who can't ask you for mayo is not someone you should be spending time with. For their sake if not yours!!

When I invite people to stay I want them to feel at home (and not hungry) so I ask in advance what things they like to eat and drink. I don’t subject them to my choices!

For example my sister likes a certain type of cereal and skimmed milk; it’s no problem for me to swap my usual cereal and milk for her choice for a few days! Or I just eat my favourite and she eats hers.

I can’t imagine providing bread and cheese for a sandwich with no mayo, salad or dressing? Wouldn’t it be dry and unappetising? If I hated Mayo I’d still get a very small bottle in for guests and some basic salad ingredients.

I like plain foods too but I make more effort to stock the fridge with interesting ingredients when we have guests. Even if I don’t usually buy them, it seems polite to get extra varieties in?

Imagine staying at someone else’s house and they had no milk, no coffee, no teabags, and only offered you spicy food as this is what they prefer?

I’m sorry but I do think it’s quite unreasonable to offer a plain cheese sandwich to an adult. It’s very dry and I can understand them asking for a bit of tomato or Mayo. I’d never in a million years serve that to a guest, it’s too dry and plain. Mayo and salad items are not an extravagance.

most ridiculous post in the thread

Good for you if you can afford to present fancier food to unexpected guests. How is that relevant or helpful in any way?

I wouldn’t necessarily offer everything I had. I mean, I have like 8 kinds of pickles at any given moment (yes, I have a problem) yet strangely I never put them on cheese sandwiches. If someone wanted some pickle though I would happily break out my stash (and relish the opportunity to show DH I am not the only pickle lover)

@eatsleepread

There is so much overthinking on this thread. Somebody asks if you have something, you say no, job done. They're not 'terrible' for asking, just as you're not a bad host for not having it.

This is also my take. We don’t have sliced bread or salad cream in this house. These are basic foods and wouldn’t be a personal criticism to ask for it. Maybe the people you asked don’t buy white salt and sugar because they think brown sugar and rock salt is better for their health.I doubt if they meant to offend.

Should I take offence if a guest asks me for artificial sweeteners for their coffee if I have any? I just say I don’t and they have sugar.

instead of just gracefully accepting what is offered, start asking for stupid, random and sometimes completely obscure things

Since when have skimmed milk, cherry tomatoes, lettuce and Mayo been consistently stupid, random and obscure? They’re staples in many fridges!

Imagine staying at someone else’s house and they had no milk, no coffee, no teabags, and only offered you spicy food as this is what they prefer?

welcome to the real world, yes it does happen.

Have people like you never travel and never met different cultures? You are one of these brits who expect to find baked beans and yorkshire wherever you go?

You might as well stay in your little home, in your little town and never go anywhere.

@HikeForward

instead of just gracefully accepting what is offered, start asking for stupid, random and sometimes completely obscure things

Since when have skimmed milk, cherry tomatoes, lettuce and Mayo been consistently stupid, random and obscure? They’re staples in many fridges!

still extremely rude to make requests.

The polite thing is to accept what is offered. If you have genuine allergies, you tell the host in advance or your bring your own. No one wants you to collapse.