To be annoyed by awkward visitors & guests

[ali444]

I'm a single mum, work part time and don't have a lot of spare cash for luxuries or anything beyond the basics for my DC and myself. We live well but I'm very careful with money.
Dreading the end of lockdown as friends and family will be visiting more often and expecting to be fed (not a problem in itself, as long as they are happy to eat the kind of foods and ingredients I keep in the house).
I keep my food very plain and simple, no fancy ingredients or condiments etc. Don't like mayo (neither do DC so I don't even have it in the house). A friend came once and I made a simple but perfectly find cheese sandwich and she like "have you got any lettuce, cherry tomatoes and mayo to put on it".. No! Someone else asked me for "skimmed milk" (don't buy it, ever!), another one asked for "brown sugar" in their coffee (as opposed to standard white sugar), someone else has asked for "pink rock salt" once when helping me make a salad for a party... The list goes on.
AIBU to find it rude and inconsiderate to be in someone's house and, instead of just gracefully accepting what is offered, start asking for stupid, random and sometimes completely obscure things that they probably knew from the outset I was unlikely to have.
If I'm in somone's house, I never make a nuisance of myself but asking if they've got any this or that... it puts pressure on the host and I find it rude tbh. Anyone else feel the same?

A cheese sandwich with just butter and cheese between the slices is good, however lettuce, cherry tomatoes, and mayo are hardly haute cuisine!

We buy pink rock salt. In Poundland.

You sound perfect OP. Your friends sound a pain in the neck. What sort of person demands extra food in someone else's home? Can I pop round... nothing I like better than a cuppa tea, cheese sarnie and a good natter and I'll bring my own pink rock salt

My friends eat what they're given and live with it.

How strange. I don't think they're being rude to ask either. They're just asking because that stuff is normal in their house so obviously they prefer it. Do you think you could be overthinking this because you feel guilt or shame at not being able to afford to get these perfectly normal items in for guests coming? I really doubt your visitors even care.

And this is not relevant but pink salt isn't "obscure" or fancy these days. I get mine (with grinder!) in B&M for £1!

I think it's rude, personally I only drink ground coffee and my heart sinks if I am offered instant coffee, but I would drink it out of politeness, or if I was staying longer at someone's house I might take some - together with other food items that I hope they would like so it didn't look as if 'I was trying to make a point' .

Good for you if you can afford to present fancier food to unexpected guests. How is that relevant or helpful in any way?

How are basic salad items, mayo and brown sugar ‘fancy’ food? They’re very cheap in most supermarkets. In a lot of households they’re kitchen staples so not unreasonable for a guest to ask!

Pink rock salt is a bit weird but you say she was making a salad for a party so maybe she wanted to jazz it up a bit for the party guests?

You could ask them to bring their own food or take them to a shop run route, but that comes across as a bit tight.

~I don't understand how a cheese sandwich could be dry. Cheese is quite fatty.

@joystir59

Being a guest in someone's house means graciously accepting the food and drink you are offered. Anything you are offered. With grace and gratitude.

It really doesn't. You sound like a very uptight host.

I wouldn't bat an eye lid if someone asked for simple condiments or different sugar. I don't keep salad cream in and rarely have ketchup, but if someone asked i wouldn't think they were rude for asking. Same for brown sugar or sweetener. A simple "no, we don't keep that in, but we do have.. " is fine.

Asking for additional sandwich ingredients is a bit rude though.

Wouldn’t bother me. I’d assume your guests are just asking if you have fairly basic ingredients (pink salt aside) they’re not passing judgement on whether you have them or not.

Why would anyone buy pink rock salt for an occasional guest/visitor?? I drink decaf tea so I always have a bag with me, milk..I can't drink full fat.. so I take it black! if I stay with anyone I would and do take my own preferences as I only stay with those I know (so we know what each other have/like/dislike)

Pink rock salt is a bit random but I don't think its unreasonable to ask about things like vinegar, mayo or brown sauce, for example. I don't think that's cause for offence! Equally if someone doesnt have those items, it's not a problem.

Sorry but I agree your guests are quite rude. Never in a million years I would dream of asking for brown sugar or pink salt, no matter if I use it at home or how cheap it is.

If you think a plain cheese sandwich is decent, what do your other meals look like?

^I dread to thinks. My 2 year old Nephew eats better than the OP.

Yeah my dad used to ask if the meat is organic or did we have green tea?

I can't cater to that so we meet in a park now... Or his garden. It's just easier.

I find it ruder that people are jumping on the OP's food choices. Some people like plain and simple food. If someone offered me a cheese sandwich and I was hungry I'd gratefully accept and not ask for Mayo/tomatoes/pink salt

You sound perfect OP

Are you high? OP sounds like a negative nightmare! Imagine going around there for a cup of coffee..."can I have sugar?" "no, and how fucking dare you ask me for it, you rude and awkward twat!".
No thank you. I don't know anyone who would have such an appalling attitude.
Anyone in my house can ask for anything, if I have it they are welcome to it and if I don't, I just say so. Like a normal person.

Have people like you never travel and never met different cultures? You are one of these brits who expect to find baked beans and yorkshire wherever you go?

I’ve travelled a lot thanks, and lived in several different countries. The U.K. is the only place I’ve lived where so many people view guests as a nuisance!

Most homes I’ve visited abroad go all out to make guests feel comfortable and welcome, from asking you how you like your tea and coffee, to providing pots of different types of sugar and sweets with the tea tray.

The hospitality in many parts of the world is astonishing (even in homes where the family don’t have much they still offer you a variety of foods and drinks and seem to take pride in this). There’s no need to ask for anything as they offer many choices and urge you to sample different foods and drinks. Not a dry cheese sandwich in sight!

@Honeybobbin

I dunno if it's regional or something, but I'm shocked at all the people who wouldn't eat a cheese sandwich! LOL at the person who said they would struggle to swallow it- you need to see a doctor love! Pretty much all of my family and friends would happily eat or offer a cheese sandwich! (How can it be dry? It's cheese! It's creamy, and obviously there's butter!) There might be a bit of salad on offer, or a slice of ham, but cheese sandwiches are extremely common round here for an impromptu lunch. The only garnish my friends need is a bag of crisps

I have seen a doctor, or rather many doctors, thanks. I physically cannot swallow certain textures and dry foods. I cannot get them down my neck. How odd and rather crass to 'LOL' at people's medical issues. Maybe it's a regional thing; no one I know behaves like this.

Yeah my dad used to ask if the meat is organic or did we have green tea?....I can't cater to that so we meet in a park now... Or his garden. It's just easier

You won't have your own father in your house and you can't be fucked to buy green tea (30p in Aldi)...and you think HE's the problem?

Wow. Seriously, just wow.

@SionnachGlic

I don't recall my friends ever asking for specific things...kids definitely do when visiting mine if they are used to different in their own homes but I just tell them we don't have it. I do have a few friends that are vegetarian or coeliac & I do my best to accommodate their requirements for pre-arranged visits but if they just drop by (pre-covid!) then we just make do with what I have in.

I’m coeliac and veggie and I don’t expect people to buy things specially for me! I think OP has some weird friends.

I don't have sugar in my house because no-one has it in drinks and I don't bake. If anyone ever comes round and I make them a drink I always let them know I have no sugar. Then they either decline or have it without.

I do agree. I don’t find it hard to say I don’t have it but I then feel like I’ve disappointed people.

I do however, keep Ketchup and mayonnaise in the house for the sole use of guests (nobody in my home eats them) because I always get asked for these. I don’t find it rude to asked for a source.

Asking for something more obscure like pink rock salt is a bit odd, but still not rude. In what world is it rude to politely ask if someone has, rather basic, stables available? OK you don't have them just say sorry no, or I don't have y will z work for you?
I despair at the idea of eating a plain, dry cheese sarnie and it instantly throws me back to my childhood!! I don't understand why anyone is saying it isn't dry either?! I like mine with mayo and cherry tomatoes. I would eat it without either but with pickle, I could maybe force down butter and cheese alone, but it would be dry and boring. But dry bread and cheese?! No thank you.
Those saying if they had it surely it would have been offered seems a bit far stretched. If I'm making a cheese, mayo and cherry tomatoes sarnie, I'm not going to go getting out pickle, Cucumber, butter, ham etc etc in case it's preferred by my guest. I'd say do you want tomatoes, mayo etc but go ahead and ask if you want Cucumber instead of tomatoes, I'll likely have if but I don't like it so I wouldn't think to offer it.
I don't drink coffee and I rarely have guests that do so it goes off before it gets used if I buy it. If I offer a cup of tea and you say do you have coffee I'm just going to say sorry no we don't drink it. I'm not going to be offended, just as I doubt you will be by my not having any.

Asking for a blob Mayo is hardly being difficult and demanding is it? If someone is good enough friends with me to be in my house, and me feeding them, I don’t think it’s rude of them to ask if I have Mayo or a skimmed milk. It’s hardly the gas man coming in and asking if he can have some lobster bisque!

Also, just thought, every single one of my friends asks if I need anything from the shop before they come so they tend to check if I have what they’d like then and bring it themselves if not.