To be annoyed by awkward visitors & guests

[ali444]

I'm a single mum, work part time and don't have a lot of spare cash for luxuries or anything beyond the basics for my DC and myself. We live well but I'm very careful with money.
Dreading the end of lockdown as friends and family will be visiting more often and expecting to be fed (not a problem in itself, as long as they are happy to eat the kind of foods and ingredients I keep in the house).
I keep my food very plain and simple, no fancy ingredients or condiments etc. Don't like mayo (neither do DC so I don't even have it in the house). A friend came once and I made a simple but perfectly find cheese sandwich and she like "have you got any lettuce, cherry tomatoes and mayo to put on it".. No! Someone else asked me for "skimmed milk" (don't buy it, ever!), another one asked for "brown sugar" in their coffee (as opposed to standard white sugar), someone else has asked for "pink rock salt" once when helping me make a salad for a party... The list goes on.
AIBU to find it rude and inconsiderate to be in someone's house and, instead of just gracefully accepting what is offered, start asking for stupid, random and sometimes completely obscure things that they probably knew from the outset I was unlikely to have.
If I'm in somone's house, I never make a nuisance of myself but asking if they've got any this or that... it puts pressure on the host and I find it rude tbh. Anyone else feel the same?

Hmmm....I have a friend who only has skimmed milk (I can’t stand it), that half-sugar shit (I can’t have anything artificial as I get migraines with any artificial sweeteners) and sugar free cordial/fizzy stuff. I bring my own drinks now. In fact I’m encouraged to as she once gave me lemonade with sweetener in and I projectile vomited over her bathroom 🙃. I get sachets of sugar from Costa and the like and to be fair, if I’m staying overnight she will ask if she wants me to get anything specific from the shop, so I get my order in for whole milk 😁.

I don’t think tomato is an outlandish request on a cheese sandwich though. I probably wouldn’t have Mayo in as we don’t eat it either but I’d just say “No, we don’t eat it so I don’t buy it.” I wouldn’t think someone was rude for asking though.

If I was expecting guests I might buy a few extras.
If they'd turned up unexpectedly they'd get what was there.
If I was the guest I'd probably take something with me - nice rolls, drink and cake or something.

OP states she keeps food plain and simple for herself and her family. I think it's a bit much to expect a host to make too many changes to what they prepare normally.

I would find a cheese sandwich a bit plain though. I would enjoy it so much more with pickle or salad, onion, mayonnaise etc rather than just cheese.

@Noideawhatnametotype

I mean, politely asking for standard stuff like milk, butter, ketchup is ok but asking for something out of the ordinary that the host would likely not have is rude.

Ketchup isn't standard in my house. I hate the stuff and I live alone, so I don't buy it. Ditto brown sauce.

I don't always have mayo, either. I eat it so rarely that it tends to go off before it gets used up. I almost always have eggs, olive oil, wine vinegar etc though, so could always knock some up, I suppose.

I find it funny to see all the posters falling over themselves to boast that THEY would offer mayo, lettuce with their sandwiches...

In my culture, no one would offer you a sandwich so if you think you are looking superior with your extras, you really are not.

No one would call mayo these long-life Hellman's junk food jar either. It's grim.

But the difference is that some of us have been raised with basic manners, I wouldn't dream of commenting on being offered a sandwich, with or without your fake "mayo". 😂

Expecting someone with a small budget to keep what you think are basics when they don't eat them, they don't need them, for unexpected visitors is more than ridiculous.

I wouldn't be annoyed, no.

If I don't have something... I don't have it.

Although if I do have visitors I tend to ask them what they'd like to eat.

I wouldn't describe anything you listed as particularly, 'stupid' or 'random' though.

How often do you have to feed other people? I have friends round for coffee and very occasionally lunch in which case I plan what I am going to give them ...usually home made soup and sandwich.
I never go to friends and expect to be fed .

I don’t know I might ask if they had decaf if I was offered a coffee for example and I don’t think it’s unreasonable to ask if you have any mayonnaise or salad as most people do have these. I think you are being a bit sensitive tbh

Expecting someone with a small budget to keep what you think are basics when they don't eat them, they don't need them, for unexpected visitors is more than ridiculous.

People aren't saying it should be kept for guests, but that asking if it's available isn't rude

This thread is hilarious.

I love that posters think what is their staple food should be in everybody's fridge and cupboard, but would find it just as bizarre if someone was asking for what is basic for them .

It IS rude to ask for something that has not been offered to you and it's perfectly normal to find odd requests.. bizarre.

Only on MN would people send a menu request to future guests to serve them when they visit. So many posters fancy themselves as B&B owners by the sound of it.

No wonder the brits have a reputation of being so ridiculous expecting their brit junk food wherever they go!

@Exhausted4ever

Expecting someone with a small budget to keep what you think are basics when they don't eat them, they don't need them, for unexpected visitors is more than ridiculous.

People aren't saying it should be kept for guests, but that asking if it's available isn't rude

it IS rude though.

You are pointing out that the host is doing a mediocre job, you are pointing out that what is offered to you is not suitable. On what planet is that not rude?

If you are so uptight about your food requirements, you should go and be a paying customer in a restaurant.

Unless the question was a very vague "what would you like", I have never met anyone making requests like that.

@winifredwells

This thread is hilarious.

I love that posters think what is their staple food should be in everybody's fridge and cupboard, but would find it just as bizarre if someone was asking for what is basic for them .

It IS rude to ask for something that has not been offered to you and it's perfectly normal to find odd requests.. bizarre.

Only on MN would people send a menu request to future guests to serve them when they visit. So many posters fancy themselves as B&B owners by the sound of it.

No wonder the brits have a reputation of being so ridiculous expecting their brit junk food wherever they go!

You appear to be really invested in this thread and taking it all rather seriously/personally. You're making some rather ridiculous claims your exaggerating has become embarrassing. Also, I can confirm that you certainly have been raised with 'basic' manners. Very basic indeed.

I love that posters think what is their staple food should be in everybody's fridge and cupboard, but would find it just as bizarre if someone was asking for what is basic for them
Alternatively some of us can understand that there's a difference between asking a friend if they have any sugar/sweetener/ketchup/salad cream/mayo/insert any other reasonably basic ingredient and expecting someone to have all things in the cupboard at all times.

I don't keep salad cream in because I don't like it, but it's not exactly a gourmet request if someone said "lola, I don't suppose you've got any salad cream in?" The simple answer is "No I don't buy it". I'd have to be actively searching for offence if that interaction left me thinking "how utterly rude, they expect me to stock their preferred items at all times".

I think it’s terrible people treat your house like that when I go to a friends house

And say they say

“Do you want a drink “

I also say just tape waters great
Unless it’s a friend that lists off about 5 different drinks that they have in the fridge then maybe al pick on of them but I never ever just assume my friends have anything other than tap water

I have a friend that comes round and every time she asks for a fizzy drink (we only drink water or squash in our home not fizzy) and she knows this yet every time she’s still asks it drives me crazy so I totally understand x

I think you might need to get new friends. I would be delighted with a plain cheese sandwich or whatever my friend was offering me up but then again we also have a low income and are very plain and simple with food.
We don't ever have cow's milk in the house either we are dairy free due to the youngest being CMPA and no one else is fussed on milk so if i knew in advance someone was coming I would buy a pint of milk but if pre covid a friend was to text me last minute asking to pop round then I would remind them we had no milk and to bring some!

I mean, the cheese sandwich does sound extremely boring. If I was hosting I would make cheese on toast instead if you don’t have other sandwich ingredients. Much nicer, same ingredients. A sandwich with one ingredient is odd to me, like what you’d put in a fussy kids’ lunchbox but most adults wouldn’t enjoy. That said, she was utterly rude to say that and your guests sound a little demanding — I would always take what I was given at someone’s house even if I privately judged their taste!

I was informed by MN that it was very rude of me to not keep sugar in the house in case I got a visitor who wanted a drink with sugar in.

I am low carb, the kids dont have it in or on anything and if any of us bake then we buy it in for that purpose. But no, I should keep it in in case I have a tradesman or some such who "might" need it. Its basic hosting apparently

We do have mayo (Heinz only as all the others are too bland) pink rock salt (from B&M and lasts ages as you only need a little bit) and sometimes some salad bits for a sandwich.

Dreading the end of lockdown as friends and family will be visiting more often and expecting to be fed

See, I think this is odd. I don’t have any friends and families who would visit and expect to be fed!

They would expect food, if I invited them for dinner, but not otherwise!

Do you visit them expecting to be fed?

I think it’s quite rude, when presented with a sandwich, to ask for salad, and asking specifically for cherry tomatoes as opposed to bog standard tomatoes ia precious and entitled, unless you happen to be in a restaurant. Asking for condiments is OK, I think.

@winifredwells well aren't you charming.

What spread do you put on then that is so vastly superior, and what sort of relationships do you have where asking a simple question is seen as rudeness? It's totally on you if you feel offended, especially if like in the OP the request is for a different sugar or milk .

I have a friend that only eats plain food with little to no seasonings. That is how she is and I accept it.

I know now not to ask for dressing, salad cream, mayonnaise or pepper because she doesn't buy it. Previously I did ask if she had any. Now I know her better I don't anymore.

I think it’s rude. It’s fine to say “no, thank you” to something you are offered, but a bit rude to ask directly for something.

I don't get it.

If you're offered 'a cheese sandwich', that's what you get. Bread, butter (hopefully), cheese.

Otherwise it's a:

Cheese salad sandwich
Cheese and pickle sandwich
Cheese and cucumber sandwich
Cheese and chutney sandwich
Cheese and ham sandwich

etc etc.

The OP is not, as far as I can discern from her posts, running a sandwich bar or cafe, so why should she be expected to keep a range of foodstuffs in her house, when she doesn't eat them herself? That's just weird.

No one should have skimmed milk in their house anyway. Nasty stuff.

@winifredwells

I’m sorry but I do think it’s quite unreasonable to offer a plain cheese sandwich to an adult. It’s very dry and I can understand them asking for a bit of tomato or Mayo. I’d never in a million years serve that to a guest, it’s too dry and plain. Mayo and salad items are not an extravagance.

most ridiculous post in the thread

Good for you if you can afford to present fancier food to unexpected guests. How is that relevant or helpful in any way?

Of course it isn't a ridiculous post. Mayonnsise and tomatoes aren't fancy. They are pretty bog standard in most households TBH.

If anything I think your response is rather silly.

I have a few friends like this. One will always ask for green tea, and if I don't have it "Oh, do you have a lime? And you can grate some fresh ginger in!". Another friend has given up expecting me to have anything, so always turns up with bags of turmeric, pomegranates, tortellini, cacao, kielbasa, and one one occasion gold powder for dusting onto food.

Could they really not be content for a few hours with what I have in?!

When I go to other people's houses I generally just roll with whatever they're having.