Cross posted from the Nannies thread as no response there although ready with my hard hat here in AIBU. Eek
We have a live in nanny/housekeeper (not as grand as it sounds. My husband and I both work full time and we have a spare bedroom so it was cheaper than live out help)
She is our fourth nanny over the years - we have always had great relationships with previous nannies and remain in close touch with all of them. When we interviewed her we explained that our nannies have always cooked and eaten with the kids. We explained we were happy to provide all ingredients required. She is a slightly older lady - not a young aupair.
I like to cook and somehow during lockdown she slightly inveigled herself on us making clear she'd like to eat the food I was making (albeit in her room) so I've found myself cooking every night and then sending her a message to say that dinner is ready at which she comes down and picks it up. Not once has she ever offered to cook for us and some evenings I feel the pressure of getting a meal ready at a consistent time when I maybe would have just made a snack for us. It's obviously not a huge difference most days to make an extra portion but on special
occasions when we splash out on a steak or something similar I'm starting to resent the cost and expectation that I will cater for her and when I order takeaway I feel it's even more of an imposition. In the past I've shown her a menu and she's ordered the most expensive item (more than we would spend on ourselves).
She wants to go and visit her family in her home country for a few months at the start of the year. She positioned it as wanting to return to us after but at that point we will almost certainly call it quits.
So what do I do in the meantime? Do I need to offer her a takeaway menu when we order for ourselves? My husband is going away for a few weeks and I don't want to feel like I have to cook every night. Should I just tell her to cater for herself whilst he's away? What about when he's back? I want to be able to be spontaneous and not be worrying about whether my nanny is sitting waiting for a meal!
I'm not the shy and retiring type but somehow this has got a bit out of hand and I'm struggling to respectfully work out the right way to get things back on track.
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AIBU?
Am I over-catering for our nanny?
209 replies
sushigate · 01/12/2020 20:11
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