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To ask if you're married or in a relationship, do you have sex every day?

(313 Posts)
ViVi6 Tue 07-Jul-20 19:25:09

NC for this for obvious reasons.

DP wants sex daily and would love it to be multiple times a day, whereas I'm happy with twice a week or every other day at most.

If a day or two has gone by and we haven't done it I can tell he's becoming frustrated which makes me feel inadequate for not wanting it more.

The obvious answer would be that he "helps himself" on those occasions which I'm sure that he does but that doesn't mean he won't still want sex.

What is your normal?

OP’s posts: |
Scotsmaw Tue 07-Jul-20 19:26:38

In lockdown once a month. Non lockdown twice a month, we would both like it more but with him working full time and a teenager and 10 year old it is hard to get time alone.

Babs709 Tue 07-Jul-20 19:27:29

Together 11 years... Half the time we’ll do it every other day, half the time we’ll go a fortnight or so. We’ll have the odd week where we are at it like rabbits.

Rainallnight Tue 07-Jul-20 19:27:47

We have two small DC so it’s a rare occasion when we have the energy.

It sounds like he’s pestering you?

Shoxfordian Tue 07-Jul-20 19:27:47

Once or twice a week
Is he frustrated or rude to you? Not cool

Ristar Tue 07-Jul-20 19:28:09

I think it depends how old you are, how long you have been together etc. Me and my partner have been together for 10 years and have 2 young kids and it's once a week at most.

Lazypuppy Tue 07-Jul-20 19:28:33

Definitely not! Once a week maybe, normally every other week

winniesanderson Tue 07-Jul-20 19:29:10

No I'd find that exhausting to be honest. We have a two year old who doesn't sleep that well and normally ends up in our bed at some point. So maybe 3/4 times a month over the last few years. But prior to having the youngest, normal was around 3 times a week.

Greenkit Tue 07-Jul-20 19:29:41

Probably 5 times a week at the moment. I want it more than him.

Ohfrigginghellers Tue 07-Jul-20 19:29:46

No not a chance. We both have similar sex drives and probably have sex about 2 to 3 times a month! Suits me. We have been together about 14 years though.

CaptainCabinets Tue 07-Jul-20 19:30:09

We go weeks and weeks due to his low libido! sad

I’d be very happy with every other day blush

26 and 33, no kids.

mistermagpie Tue 07-Jul-20 19:30:08

Every day?! No thanks. We've got three children under five though so, you know, that's a pretty good passion killer right there.

Every relationship is different though and it only matters that the two parties are happy with their sex life. It sounds like neither of you are but compromise is key. If he's pestering you then that's not on.

MatildaTheCat Tue 07-Jul-20 19:30:22

Your post demonstrates that libidos can and do vary greatly. The issue is the mismatch and whether you can, as a couple, bridge that gap. Randoms on the internet telling you how often works for them doesn’t help you (if you are genuine).

Communication is your friend. If you can work together to find a mutually happy compromise then you can make this work. Whatever you do don’t just have daily sex you don’t want to keep your partner happy. The idea is that you are both happy.

ViVi6 Tue 07-Jul-20 19:30:26

He's not rude to me about it and doesn't say anything to make me feel bad, but I can always tell he's disappointed when I say I'm having an early night or going straight to sleep.

OP’s posts: |
Purpleartichoke Tue 07-Jul-20 19:30:31

Every day? 🤣

We have a high needs child. We are lucky to manage every month.

PintOfCoffeePlease Tue 07-Jul-20 19:30:50

Same as @Babs709 really, unless one of us is very stressed with work or something and then it can be a bit longer. I’ve got far more of a sex drive than my partner and while I have times when I’d happily do it several times a day, that’s just not how he is. It works fine if the person with the bigger sex drive is accepting that they can’t always have it when they get the urge, but it sounds as if you’re feeling a bit pressured?

Turnedouttoes Tue 07-Jul-20 19:31:16

Absolutely not. We snuggle in bed every night so have that closeness but sex maybe once or twice a week. Weirdly since lockdown we’ve both been less interested and I do wonder if it’s because we’re always together whereas before I had a very busy social life plus full time work and DP works very long hours so we saw less of each other and it was more exciting when we did.

Hanrora06 Tue 07-Jul-20 19:31:18

There is no 'normal'. There's only what works for you, and whatever that is, is normal. If he makes you feel inadequate, that's a problem. You don't need to want it as much as him, and he doesn't need to want it as much as you, but you do need to talk openly and honestly, come to an understanding and be flexible and respectful. He has a higher sex drive than you, that's fine- could you both compromise, e.g. you could do mutual masturbation, other intimate sexual things, watch porn together etc...whatever it might be that makes you both happy. Or, could he just be happy to do his own thing and be willing to do other intimate things for you like massage, hugs or whatever that make you feel close to him.

madcatladyforever Tue 07-Jul-20 19:31:20

Hell no is he obsessed with his penis?
Doesn't he have any hobbies?
I'm much to knackered for anything like everyday and if anyone tried they would be slung out.
I'm suspicious of anyone who needs sex that much like a bonobo monkey.

Floralnomad Tue 07-Jul-20 19:32:47

I agree with a pp that it depends on how long you’ve been together , whether you have children etc

Sertchgi123 Tue 07-Jul-20 19:33:28

It's nothing to do with what's normal. Everyone is different. My ex wanted sex all the time, that's why he's an ex. He drove me nuts, pestering, sulking and waking me up when I was asleep, for sex.

ViVi6 Tue 07-Jul-20 19:33:30

Sorry forgot to add context, I'm in my 20's and he's in his 30's. We're not married (my choice - I've no desire to wed)

Together 7 years and have DC.

It was exciting to be having so much sex during the first couple of years during the 'honeymoon period' but things died down for me when kids came along but remained the same for him.

OP’s posts: |
MinesAPintOfTea Tue 07-Jul-20 19:35:01

DS is 8. Since he was born, every few months has been the good spells.

Tunnocks34 Tue 07-Jul-20 19:35:41

My sex drive isn’t that high. I’m sure OH would readily agree to sex every day but we’re in a routine really fo sex 2-3 times a week and that works fine for us

Bookaholic73 Tue 07-Jul-20 19:37:30

Together 3 years and we have it every day, sometimes a few times a day.

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