To ask if you're married or in a relationship, do you have sex every day?

[ViVi6]

NC for this for obvious reasons.

DP wants sex daily and would love it to be multiple times a day, whereas I'm happy with twice a week or every other day at most.

If a day or two has gone by and we haven't done it I can tell he's becoming frustrated which makes me feel inadequate for not wanting it more.

The obvious answer would be that he "helps himself" on those occasions which I'm sure that he does but that doesn't mean he won't still want sex.

What is your normal?

God no, I can think of nothing worse than to do it every day. Once a week for us on average. Would probably be 2/3 a week if we didn't have shift work and kids.

Once or twice a week normally, but right now hardly ever. I'm pregnant and feel like shit and constantly knackered but he would do it every day, or multiple times a day. I would be happy with once a month even when not pregnant. I just don't have that high a sex drive. Could be due to other things right enough.

Haha everyday no way! We have had lots more during lockdown but now we are back at work and Dh is back on his shift pattern it’s once or twice at weekends.

We also never seems to escape our dc for more than 20 mins 🙄

Oh we have been together 8 years and have 2 kids already.

Define normal.
For some it's twice a day, others twice a week, etc.
There is no ' normal '.

I’m really surprised so many people are having so much sex when their kids are so tiny. Everyone is different etc and all that but when mine were babies and toddlers I could have happily gone without sex for months! Just so tired and touched out, needed my own space etc. It’s interesting to read the replies.

1-3 times a month. Married 9 years, together 12. With two young ish dc. Honestly, at a real push, dh might be happy with 3-4 times a month, but the couple times I’ve asked for it 3 times in the span of about 4 days while TTC the youngest, he about keeled over. Neither of us have energy for that anymore. I’d love it if it was more relaxed and we had more time and energy for sex, but we both have to work in the evenings after dc go to bed, so we really only have Friday and Saturday. And frankly, as we never get to sit down and watch tv during the week either, quite often I’d rather just watch First Dates Hotel and go to bed.

As you can see from this thread theres no normal. I'm 30 been with dh 10 years and 2dc. We have sex 3/4 times a week

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha
No.

Oh my god, every day would kill me. We both work and have two young DC.

Maybe once a week, or once a fortnight?

Married 43 years. Once or twice a week.

Varies each week, Im a SAHM to 4 children( 2 teenagers, 2 under 5) , DP works full time, together 7 yrs.
Some weeks its 3-5x , some times we go once a week or a bit longer.

Together since 2004. We have sex every day usually. Both of us have high sex drives and we both find intimacy via sex so it works for us.

Everyone is different and there is no wrong or right answer to this. Its very individual.

I think every day is a bit of a problem, he’s obsessing a bit. I know politically correctly we are supposed to say, well everyone has a different libido etc etc - but he’s treating sex like a daily wank. Not very sexy.

I think of myself as fairly sexual however every day is just a bit much. You can’t keep it really exciting that way, spontaneous or loving. I do think sex needs ‘space’ and some build up. With busy days, everyday = no build up at all.

Also I do think that we need to sense our partners rhythms too, and unless they are way out, like only wanting it every few weeks when we want it a few times a week, then sex really is about two people. So not just ‘when I”m horny’. It is sensing and and being in tune with ‘when we are both feeling it’. Every day can get very mechanical very quickly.

Well usually once or twice a week but we are living in a small house with a 21 year old and 19 year old back home. The eldest is used to being up early for work so is roaming about the house at 7am, the youngest is awake in the room next to us until the early hours. No time on our own during the day whatsoever. Its a real passion killer for me, DH isnt so bothered which causes a bit of tension.

Will be glad when they are both back to work and Uni!

My ex wanted it every day as well and I completely lost all desire for him. Sex just isn't that good. Also, he wasn't good at sex anyway. But, I am actually in a relationship where I enjoy sex now but I still don't want to do it every day.

Sorry to be the echo though, but it really doesn't matter what's "normal", what matters is that you're compatible, it does sound like your preferred frequencies are quite different. You'd have to work out whether you'd be able to deal with that together or whether it would make one of you unhappy.

FWIW DH is quite an observant type of person, he was talking recently about this, he reckons his ideal frequency would be about once every 2-3 days, but he starts getting antsy and really feeling like he is missing it if it gets up to a week. For myself I have no idea but he reckons I'm generally up for it about once a week, and if it gets to three weeks then I'm starting to miss it and will initiate :o To be fair, I think my sex frequency calibration timing is quite unusually long. And I also think in women it is likely to be much less "Every X days" and much more related to how close you are to ovulation. But I think he is probably about right on average. There are times I wouldn't turn it down on subequent nights (prob when I'm ovulating AND not tired AND feeling happy in general) but generally more requests than twice a week and I start to feel irritated - daily would definitely be too much for me.

I also really like this article on the issue - Emily Nagoski's book was quite eye opening as well.

cupofjo.com/2019/04/how-often-should-you-have-sex/

@Bagelsandbrie

I’m really surprised so many people are having so much sex when their kids are so tiny. Everyone is different etc and all that but when mine were babies and toddlers I could have happily gone without sex for months! Just so tired and touched out, needed my own space etc. It’s interesting to read the replies.

I agree, however I’ve, unfortunately had a few long serious relationships (I wish I’d just had one good one!) - but the upside is that I’ve realized that combinations of people sexually are so different. I’ve had children with two different men. The first one it was awful, he had a very high libido but made me feel so unattractive and wasn’t that good at making me want him sexually either. So we had hardly any sex when we had children. I thought I was just so tired. I thought I’d just gone off it.

Then with second man, he was so good around the house when our child was small, and so easy going, not picky or on my case, and really good at sex too which helped - so when our child was small I still wanted sex all the time!

Moral is - don’t always assume it’s you!

I'm pregnant, we've had sex once this whole pregnancy - it's too uncomfortable. Before that we were TTC so around 6 times a month. We also have a 3 1/2 year old so before TTC it was rare as we were so tired 😂

We've been together 12 years. Before kids we were 2/3 times a week.

We've been together 12 years. Before kids we were 2/3 times a week.

Together 30 years. Not very often but my DH is disabled and has some health problems.
We're fine with this.

I know everyone’s different and all that but I can’t think of a better way to make sex boring than doing it every day.

together 13 years married 3 aged 75 and 55used to be every day at least once usually more down to age and disability it's several times a week What is right for BOTH of you is the important thing

Oh I wish! I was with my husband for 23 years, happy years for the most part but the sex had dwindled. Just due to busy lives, he was a night owl, I’m an early riser, lack of time etc. Then he died. If I could go back I’d have sex with him every day, Id kiss every inch of him, I’d breathe him in and hold him close every chance I had. I won’t have sex again, and I don’t care about that but I grieve every day that I didn’t make more of our sex life when I could have.