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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you're married or in a relationship, do you have sex every day?

312 replies

ViVi6 · 07/07/2020 19:25

NC for this for obvious reasons.

DP wants sex daily and would love it to be multiple times a day, whereas I'm happy with twice a week or every other day at most.

If a day or two has gone by and we haven't done it I can tell he's becoming frustrated which makes me feel inadequate for not wanting it more.

The obvious answer would be that he "helps himself" on those occasions which I'm sure that he does but that doesn't mean he won't still want sex.

What is your normal?

OP posts:
MeadowHay · 07/07/2020 22:02

About once a week with a longer gap when I have a period as my periods are longer than a week. We have a toddler (just turned 2) but this was our normal pre-ttc anyway but we have only resumed sexual activity this often about say 6 months ago, before that it was less.

kikisparks · 07/07/2020 22:03

Ha, no. Once, maybe twice a month around FW as we’re TTC. In theory I’d like a lot more but in practice it’s agonisingly painful for me these days (endometriosis) plus scheduling it for last 3.5 years TTC has been a huge libido killer for both of us.

mynamesmrdiggety · 07/07/2020 22:06

SmileSmileSmile

user1487194234 · 07/07/2020 22:07

I definitely have sex more often than I bleach the loo Blush

Echobelly · 07/07/2020 22:08

Married 13 years, together for 3 before that.

I'd say about 4-5 times a month, has been standardly the case for a while. Sometimes twice a week, sometimes once a fortnight. The only times we've gone more than about 2.5 weeks (and that only happens if one of us is ill/very stressed and sleeping badly) is late pregnancy/a few weeks after birth, where we've maybe gone 8 weeks without. I think we only had it about twice a week early on (I'm not that much of a one for sex) but he seems convinced we were at it like rabbits earlier on

FieldOverFence · 07/07/2020 22:12

Oh christ, sex every day sounds like a nightmare 😂 once a week is a plenty for me.... it would be like eatong that Chinese takeaway that you fancy on a Saturday night, every day of every week... no thanks!!!

MinesAPintOfTea · 07/07/2020 22:14

@user1487194234

I definitely have sex more often than I bleach the loo Blush
It's a close run thing... And I'm in the "every few months" category!
YoBeaches · 07/07/2020 22:18

oh god every day? Jesus no!

Together 14 years, married 3, with a nearly-one year old. I barely get to shave my legs, I can't see my lilyflower anymore to even check the lady garden out and the wet patch is ALWAYS on my side of the bed. Man alive.

We love each other passionately and we would both like to do it more, but too regular and there's not a lot of 'va va voom', Like when we were TTC.

Every couple of weeks, with lots of gusto! I'd probably prefer once or twice a week, and we'll gradually return to that as our new normal settles.

AllNewThings · 07/07/2020 22:23

We're probably about once a fortnight. Been together 20 years, me 42, him 53 and we have 5 DC aged 7-18 at home. I would say the main reasons we don't do it more often are tiredness, the DC being in the house and the fact that neither of us feel great about the way we look at the moment.

AllNewThings · 07/07/2020 22:23

We're probably about once a fortnight. Been together 20 years, me 42, him 53 and we have 5 DC aged 7-18 at home. I would say the main reasons we don't do it more often are tiredness, the DC being in the house and the fact that neither of us feel great about the way we look at the moment.

AllNewThings · 07/07/2020 22:23

We're probably about once a fortnight. Been together 20 years, me 42, him 53 and we have 5 DC aged 7-18 at home. I would say the main reasons we don't do it more often are tiredness, the DC being in the house and the fact that neither of us feel great about the way we look at the moment.

AllNewThings · 07/07/2020 22:24

Oops - sorry about that! Blush

thegreylady · 07/07/2020 22:24

Married 32 years can’t remember last time we had sex love each other very much.
Sex was great when we were younger but now at 76 and 84 we can’t be bothered.

bakereld · 07/07/2020 22:38

Once a fortnight. We are 27 and 29. I have a low libido and this works for us, we are very affectionate otherwise. No kids. Been together 4 years.

Quartz2208 · 07/07/2020 22:45

Oh @ViVi6 no I dont think it is and I am so sorry but his stropping and withholding affection because you arent feeling well enough for sex is good on his part. He is making you feel inadequate but that is not the hallmark of a decent and good husband

Original poster
ViVi6 · 07/07/2020 22:48

Married 32 years can’t remember last time we had sex love each other very much.
Sex was great when we were younger but now at 76 and 84 we can’t be bothered

32 years! How lovely Smile

OP posts:
Swirlyceiling · 07/07/2020 22:50

Together 10 years, have sex about 4 times a week.

TORDEVAN · 07/07/2020 22:55

Once a fortnight, together 6 years, married 4, 3 under 3 (twins!!) Too tired for much more but it does occasionally happen 😁

Downinthedumps99 · 07/07/2020 23:03

Together 10 years and we do the deed every day, wknds usually morn and night

okiedokieme · 07/07/2020 23:03

Quite a lot, 3 times a week at least - but relatively new relationship Grin

puffylovett · 07/07/2020 23:03

Together 15 years, 2 kids 13 and 10 - they don’t go to sleep early so we either have to get up at silly o clock, or wait till silly o clock or just be really quiet.
To be fair neither of us seem to be really bothered and we manage it about 5 times a year :(
Makes me sad reading all these posts of lots of Rumpy Pumpy!

riotlady · 07/07/2020 23:03

About once a week, been together 3 years and have a 2yo.

I would like to want it more often, iyswim, as I had quite a high libido when I was younger but I find I can’t be bothered as much these days.

Gillian1980 · 07/07/2020 23:10

Together 9 years, 2 young kids.
Varies but I’d say once a week is average, sometimes less, rarely more.

We’re both exhausted and desperate for sleep so often prioritise that over sex.

But even if I had the energy, I don’t think
I’d be up for it every day! Don’t think DH would be either.

Motoko · 07/07/2020 23:12

He's gone off to bed now without a kiss that I get on the nights we have sex. It's not a coincidence is it, the grumpy get.

So, he punishes you for not wanting sex, by withholding affection? That's not a sign of a good relationship.

FlashesOfRage · 07/07/2020 23:17

Eh I’ve always thought I had a fairly high drive and I’ve never been in a relationship where the bloke wanted as much as me (3 long term relationships and some flings in between. Even the FWB I once had couldn’t be arsed with as much as I wanted 🤣)...
And I’d find everyday an absolute chore!

My husband and I have been together five years (married 18mths) and before I got pregnant he’d be happy with once per month and I’d have liked a quality session twice per week. We compromised on every 1-2 weeks, but if he was stressed or down for whatever reason I knew it would be longer and wouldn’t try anything on.

I’m 23 weeks pregnant and we managed twice since conception. Neither of us can be arsed at all lol