To have no sympathy for alcoholics?

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I'm the adult child of one, my life has been nothing but completely miserable because of it.

Today in my home town the newspaper ran a story about an alcoholic man who trespassed into the cancer department late at night. He stole two bottles of alcohol sanitizer from a fridge and drank them, he vomited sick and blood on the floor, urinated on the floor and then ripped down a cubicle curtain. He was found by a frightened cleaner the next morning.

The comments are full of people feeling sorry for the bloke, yet no concern for the cleaner who had to deal with the aftermath or the hospital who are now down on vital supplies and have to pay for repairs.

AIBU to have no sympathy for alcoholics?

www.google.com/amp/s/www.grimsbytelegraph.co.uk/news/grimsby-news/man-breaks-cancer-ward-downs-4130307.amp

Here is the article if anybody wants to read it.

I think it's easier to have sympathy for addicts from afar and a lot more difficult when you are taking the brunt of their negative behaviour.

Why is it one or the other? I have sympathy for both.

Absolutely.

People have endless sympathy for my mother, when they don't have to deal with her.

I imagine the chap in the article has caused his family endless stress aswell.

I'd say (gently) that YABU.

I am also an adult child of an alcoholic. It has left a mark on me that can never be removed. I understand the damage it can do to families and communities and healthcare professionals and everyone else who finds themselves involved.

But I don't have to pick one person to feel bad for. I feel terrible for the man in your article. I feel terrible for the cleaner, too. And the rest of the hospital staff. And everyone else involved. It's a very sad story all round.

He's not just an 'alcoholic', though...

He's also a theif, a tresspasser and a vandal.

No sympathy.

I was friends with an alcoholic for years and now work with one. I have no time for them.

Im sure the cleaner will recover and used to cleaning blood and urine. Yes its unpleasant for them but its in the job and expected unfortunately in that environment.

The bottles he drank is a drop in the ocean in terms of supplies you would be better directing your anger at the government fot pressure and lack of supplies.

I feel sorry for him because he must be in the darkest grips of addiction. How desperate and low must one be to do this? How far down sunk must he be? For his life to spiral to be like this? You know fuck all about his life and what he went through. He sounds very miserable and very ill.

I hope someone shows you the compassion you lack for this man when you need it most.

The stigma around addiction and demonising addicts does more damage than good. It does not motivate. You cannot shame someone into sobriety. Stop with the cruelty.

I think I may be heavily biased as at this moment in time I'm very upset with my mother, seeing this article has just exasperated my anger IRT the damage they cause around them.

YABU. It is an illness. Yes they can cause great harm to their loved ones and make their lives hell but it is an illlness, an addiction. There's no easy fix. I have/had several alcoholics in my extended family and I've seen what they put my family through, but ultimately I think they suffered more than anyone. I hate alcohol and even the smell makes me very anxious because of my experiences but I can still have some sympathy for them. It's no one's ambition in life to become one.

What I will say though is that no one should be expected to stay with them or maintain contact if they are being damaged by the person in question. Addiction, mental illness or not. No one should have to suffer abuse/harm/ or any other form of damage caused by them.

I get where you are coming from. My dad was an alcoholic and died when I was 18. I don't feel much about him now, at the time I was very angry. For years I felt like he chose drink over his family. I've seen various counsellors and the standard line from them and everyone is 'it's an addiction, not a choice'. I'm addicted chocolate, if I get obese does that mean it's not my fault? I don't see people saying that same line about other problems or habits or addictions. It's like the person is absolved of all responsibility. To me, it was a choice. He chose to pick up the bottle. He allowed that to happen knowing what was at stake. How far can 'the addiction made me do it' take a person? Do we say the same about drug addicts if they stab someone while in the throes of addiction? We may feel sympathy yes, but I doubt we'd remove all blame.

Oh it's a terrible, terrible addiction. Surely you must have some sympathy.

I also have experience of alcoholism in my family. It is a terrible thing and I feel angry quite often, but still feel sorry for anyone battling that particular curse.

Someone drinking sanitizer because it contains alcohol sounds pretty ill to me so of course I have sympathy.

I also have sympathy for the cleaner.

I also have no time for alcoholics/addicts having had my life blighted by them. They ruin lives - not just their own, but those of the people around them.

I hope someone shows you the compassion you lack for this man when you need it most

I've been through some deplorable things in my life and never stooped to this level.

CSA. Neglect. Rape. The loss of a child. Domestic abuse. Serious illness. A nervous breakdown. Need I go on?

You didn't see me breaking into hospitals and behaving in this way.

I'll save my sympathy for the cleaner and the hospital.

There is plenty of help available to people at a low ebb. At some point people need to take responsibility for themselves and not use self inflicted addiction as a get out card.

He'll get sober in prison then come out and repeat the cycle which will be a choice.

That man sounds extremely unwell. To have an addiction that drives you to steal and drink medical spirits? I think people are probably expressing pity for him not sympathy.

I feel sympathy for you, OP. I have a problem with alcohol and what has driven me to address it is not wanting my children to grow up with fear and resentment. Have you ever sought any support or therapy to help deal with what you have been through? Is your mum still actively alcoholic?

I understand op. When you've grown up with an alcoholic it becomes very hard to see past their endless selfishness.

I do feel sorry for that man though because he is killing himself in the most painful way possible. He has no dignity, no control and probably nothing good in his life. He is suffering.

However, I don't think you are obliged to feel sorry for him at all. (I won't say it here because I will be lynched, but I have no sympathy for a group of people regarded as victims because of my childhood experiences so I really understand). So sorry for everything you have suffered

People have a lot more sympathy for alcoholics than they do for overweight people it would seem by the responses so far.

Honestly, yes I have more sympathy for the person in the deep grip of a (genetically predisposed) illness that is suffering every day of their life, than a cleaner who had an unpleasant morning (and no doubt often cleans up bodily fluids in a hospital - heck I did it often when I was a mcdonalds cleaner, you get pretty used to it).

My grandmother is an alcoholic, I understand full well the awful things they can do and they shouldn't be excused, but as with many illnesses it isn't helpful to take their circumstances out of the equation and it doesn't help society to wash our hands of these people, they can only get better with our help and understanding.

@AvoidingTheWineAisle Thank you, on behalf of ACOA's. I do respect those who address the issue and get sober for the sake of both themselves and their families.

My mother is an active alcoholic yes, avoidant of all support offered. She has torn this family apart, hurt me immeasurably and put us through sheer hell.

Alcohol hand gel would be painful to drink. Can you imagine finding reality and sobriety so unbearable that you would want to do this?

Addicton is tough on everyone, particularly those that love the addict. But it's a shit life. I have struggled with the alcoholics in my family and have often felt very angry, but I can't feel anything but pity for a poor soul who would drink alcohol hsnd gel.

I am also the adult child of an alcoholic, now thankfully deceased.

I do have sympathy with all addicts, because their primary relationship is with the substance they are addicted to and incapable of normal human relationships. For that reason I pity them.

They are despicable human beings on the whole. My father was also a narcissist and a violent psychopath. Having an alcohol parent had a massive negative influence on my life despite him dying when I was 17 - 40 years ago.

People have a lot more sympathy for alcoholics than they do for overweight people it would seem by the responses so far.

Why do you think it has to be one or the other? It's perfectly possible to have sympathy for both.

You can feel sympathy for an alcoholic but absolutely detest their actions.

I know this hospital well, it is in the affluent area of the town a fair walking distance from the town centre and the area where the homeless/beggars stay.

He will have chosen to target the hospital specifically for the hand sanitizer which I think is appalling.

Imagine arriving for much needed cancer treatment and being met with the sight of a drunken man, vandalised ward and bodily fluids all over the floor.

It's a good job the cleaner got there before any patients did.

You can be an alcoholic and be pleasant, law abiding etc. Or you can be an alcoholic and be an utter fucking arsehole. I've no pity for the latter.