To have no sympathy for alcoholics?

[Macrometa]

I'm the adult child of one, my life has been nothing but completely miserable because of it.

Today in my home town the newspaper ran a story about an alcoholic man who trespassed into the cancer department late at night. He stole two bottles of alcohol sanitizer from a fridge and drank them, he vomited sick and blood on the floor, urinated on the floor and then ripped down a cubicle curtain. He was found by a frightened cleaner the next morning.

The comments are full of people feeling sorry for the bloke, yet no concern for the cleaner who had to deal with the aftermath or the hospital who are now down on vital supplies and have to pay for repairs.

AIBU to have no sympathy for alcoholics?

'The principle behind Step One is Honesty, and when we take a closer look at this step, it just makes sense: the first step asks us to take an honest look at our lives and tell the truth. For many practicing addicts and alcoholics, this may be the first time in forever that they have actually done so.'

I know this is a zombie, but agree it's interesting.

The issue imho lies in the fact that all the sympathy usually goes towards the addict. "Oh poor them! They can't help it! Have a heart". My mother was beated by her alcoholic father. So were her mum and her siblings. The effect it had was gigantic and life lasting.
My friend's mum was an alcoholic. The effects will last my friend all lifetime too...

It is infuriating always see "oh, it's out that poor soul's control" type of comments. What about the actual victims... They are usually just told to be supportive etc. It's horrible to watch.

Shit no, my sympathy goes to those that live with me and are affected by this, as a result. They didn't ask for this. Any more than I did with my alcoholic father, and the way alcohol was weaponised against me in the abuse I suffered as a child.

What's stopping me progressing? That's hard. I'm in a place where I would find it really hard to willingly drop that crutch.

What's stopping me progressing? That's hard. I'm in a place where I would find it really hard to willingly drop that crutch.

So without letting go of that crutch right now, perhaps explore the possibility that there's a much stronger, more powerful and longer lasting one out there in recovery. And its full of people who would stand right by your side holding you up.

You can't see it right now and that's fine, but it really is just in your reach, you can read it in your posts.

@mbosnz as a recovered alcoholic, I know that alcohol is a maladaptive coping mechanism. You know that too. That’s why you refer to it as a crutch. But, when you’re using a crutch and your leg is broken, the crutch only takes away some of the pain. It doesn’t help you heal. You’d need a cast to help support your broken leg so you could really, truly heal (key word: support). And then you wouldn’t need the crutch. It’s okay to not be ready to let go of your crutch yet. BUT, you can also do things to help begin the healing so that one day you will be ready.

I’m here for you if you ever want to talk to someone who has been there. There was a time when I couldn’t imagine a day where I wasn’t drinking from sun up until sun down. All I wanted was to drown the pain away in a bottle of wine or a bottle of vodka. But it can get better. I promise.

@lljkk tough love and sympathy are not contradictory though. Apathy is the opposite of sympathy, not tough love. The very nature of tough love implies that there is some sympathy still there. If you didn’t have any sympathy whatsoever, you wouldn’t even bother with tough love.

@scarpa I really like your response. I am one of the minuscule percentage of people who got sober, cold turkey (no, not a good idea, but I did it anyway), first try, and have stayed that way since then. When it comes to addiction, there is no magic pill. No “here, take this, you’re cured.” It is a multi faceted illness and I liken it to making pasta. You just gotta keep cooking it, throwing it at the wall, and waiting for something to stick. What made it stick for me might not work for xy and z person. And what works for them might have never helped me at all. That’s just how it is.

I think how we view addicts is very personal , particularly if you have had the misfortune of being in any kind of relationship with one. I take the view of “ your mental health problem is not your fault but is your responsibility”. There are alcoholics who do not trespass or break the law, alcoholism in itself is not an excuse for criminality. Even alcoholics need to be accountable for their actions.

I'm a long term smoker of cigarettes. I'm very much addicted. Do I deserve sympathy? Absolutely not.

If I develop a smoking related illness then it's my own doing.

Addiction is not a disease, it's a mental health problem.

I am also the adult child of an alcoholic. I hear what you’re saying it just ruins your life in so many ways, it’s relentless and literally soul destroying. But I do think YAB a bit U. They don’t choose to be like they are, it’s an illness even if it was self inflicted, most of the time they are damaged in some way. But I feel like I understand what you’re saying. I see my husbands family and his normal childhood and I can’t really believe it. But I also know my dad does love me and when he’s 2 weeks sober he’s a totally different person. They only thing that really gets me is the sober alcoholic who chooses to have that first drink again. Can I gently suggest some therapy for you? I feel like it really helped me make peace with my life and move on.

I'm a long term smoker of cigarettes. I'm very much addicted. Do I deserve sympathy? Absolutely not. If I develop a smoking related illness then it's my own doing. Addiction is not a disease, it's a mental health problem.

And mental health problems don't deserve sympathy?

I'm a long term smoker of cigarettes. I'm very much addicted. Do I deserve sympathy? Absolutely not. If I develop a smoking related illness then it's my own doing.
You see I would have sympathy for you, you've been a victim of society and hard advertising selling a highly addictive product that causes addiction that kills more people than cancer.
Even ex heroin addicts find smoking an up hill battle.
I smoked and grew up in a house of smokers, anyone willing to kill themselves for their vice deserves sympathy, just like alcoholics, morbidly obese people, drug addicts, smoking addicts they're all leaning on a death sentence.

Meant not related smoking cancers.

I have enormous sympathy for that poor man. I think if you don't have addiction issues it's probably incredibly hard to imagine what it feels like.

It’s way to easy to criticise I have had an in law and a close relative both alcoholics. The in law died despite everyone doing their very best to help, underneath the alcoholism was a lovely kind person who was truely suffering but that didn’t stop him hurting everyone around him. My close relative is a functioning alcoholic and is nasty, aggressive and caused absolute misery, I am now NC I am lucky because I can do that but I know the hell he I said still wreaking on his DW and DS and there is nothing I can do to help them. So yes I am sympathetic to the addicts BUT those that judge have no bloody idea what they are talking about.

@lazylinguist

I'm a long term smoker of cigarettes. I'm very much addicted. Do I deserve sympathy? Absolutely not. If I develop a smoking related illness then it's my own doing. Addiction is not a disease, it's a mental health problem.

And mental health problems don't deserve sympathy?

It is a disease, recognised as such by the WHO...just one of many bits of info...

'Addiction, clinically referred to as a substance use disorder, is a complex disease of the brain and body that involves compulsive use of one or more substances despite serious health and social consequences. Addiction disrupts regions of the brain that are responsible for reward, motivation, learning, judgment and memory.
Like diabetes, cancer and heart disease, addiction is caused by a combination of behavioral, psychological, environmental and biological factors. Genetic risk factors account for about half of the likelihood that an individual will develop addiction.'

There's plenty of reading online if anyone would like to make a distinction.

YANBU, my sympathy too is with the victims of alcoholics.

It wasn't me who said it wasn't a disease, Frazzledd - I was quoting (and disagreeing with) another poster.

@lazylinguist

It wasn't me who said it wasn't a disease, Frazzledd - I was quoting (and disagreeing with) another poster.

My mistake @lazylinguist I quoted your response instead of the original post, I'm also in agreement with you!